Year 2017…

JARED SAT AT SIDE OF THE BED. Naked. With his head hung down and slightly parted legs, he rubbed his knees while catching his breath. Pag-angat ng ulo sinapo agad ng isa niyang kamay ang gilid niyon. He could feel hard clumped strands of his hair against his sweaty forehead.

He froze the moment her felt a pair of hands stroking him from the waists, then separating. One hand went up to his chest, the other between his thighs. Jared released a soft groan when Lily’s hand began fondling his limped cock.

“Lily…” mapupugto ang hininga na saway niya rito.

He heard her tired yet delicious hoarse chuckle. Lily decided to press her palm close to the base part of his retracted cock. From a massive 10 inches down to 5 inches when worn out. Mas lumapit ang dalaga sa kanyang likuran, naramdaman niya ang pagyakap nito bago ipatong ang baba sa kanyang balikat.

“Kapag naka-recover ka na, let’s do it again,” she purred, facing his ear.

Nahigit niya ang paghinga.

Damn. Her offer was tempting.

“No.”

“Why?” simangot agad nito.

“May pupuntahan ako mamaya.”

“Saan?”

“May bibilhin lang ako.”

Dama niya ang mabigat na titig ng babae. He could feel her doubt him but couldn’t blame her. Kasi, kahit si Jared, alam sa sarili niyang nagsisinungaling siya rito.

He was planning to buy something for Lily. At ayaw niyang magbigay ng kahit anong spoilers sa dalaga na may kinalaman doon.

“Okay,” bawi ng dalaga sa babang nakapatong sa kanyang balikat. Her arms wrapped his waists as she hugged him tighter, the side of her face pressed just below his nape.

Jared felt her warmth against his skin that used to be cooled by a film of sweat. All of a sudden, he completely forgot that winter is approaching. He felt an Indian summer kissing him everytime his body touches Lily’s.

They remained like that in the silence of the room.

Natatanaw ni Jared ang madilim na kalangitan mula sa bukas na bintana. Huling linggo na ng Oktubre. Malapit nang mag-isang buwan ang ganitong set-up nila ni Lily.

“Jared,” she murmured, “I am happy we’re together. I always knew that I can’t make it in this life just alone. That I will need someone by me whether I like it or not.”

Nanatili siyang tahimik, nakikinig.

“You’ll be… always on my side?” tanong nito.

“Of course,” he answered softly, placing a hand on top of one of her hands while she was still hugging his waists.

“You’ll take my side no matter what?”

“Take your side? Why ask? Is there any other options?”

“If you were asked to choose…”

“I don’t need to choose. You’re the only choice I have… You’re the only option that I’ll always consider. I don’t even think you’re a choice or an option at all. You are the only answer, Lily,” tingala niya para sandalan ng likod ng kanyang ulo ang tuktok ng ulo ni Lily. He did that because in their position, that’s the only way Jared could embrace her too. His hands rubbed her arms before holding her hands.

“I am taking a risk here, Lily,” he admitted, afraid.

“Me too,” she replied softly.

“I already told you my story. Since my family always make me feel alone, iniwanan ko na lang ang Pilipinas. Lumayo na lang ako sa kanila.”

“Mmhmm,” Lily planted a soft kiss on his shoulder blade before resting her cheek against his skin.

“They never took my side. Especially my mother. Siya na imbes ipaglaban ang kaligayahan ko, kinukunsinti pa ang unrealistic expectations ng aking ama na maging doktor ako.” He scoffed. “Now look what happened to me. I am fired. I am jobless. I am a failure now.” He sighed heavily. “Pagkarating na pagkarating ko rito, I swore to myself, uubusin ko lahat ng pera ko rito sa Belgium tapos—”

He stopped abruptly upon realizing something.

Hindi umiimik si Lily. Lingid sa kanya na nakapikit lang ito at nakikinig.

“Sorry,” he squeezed her hands gently, watching their fingers touch. “Nakwento ko na ‘to pero—” Jared winced. “We both know my problem is not as big as yours.”

“Anong hindi?” mahina nitong tawa. “No problem is small. Kung para sa ibang tao, ang liit lang ng problema mo, para s’yo, hindi, kasi ikaw ‘yong apektado. Kaya kung may nagsabi man sa’yo that your problem’s not a big deal at all? That it’s not that serious? Fuck them.”

Natahimik siya. Paano kasi, napangiti roon si Jared. Lahat kasi ng mga nakausap niya noon tungkol sa problema— mula sa kapatid na si Clint, hanggang sa ilang malalapit na kaibigan— lahat sila, isa lang ang sinasabi. Na mas mabigat ang problema ng ibang tao kaysa sa problema niya. That he could easily just say no to what his parents wanted him to be professionally. But Lily… she’s different. She doesn’t just understand him, but tries to understand him in times when it’s hard to do so.

“It’s okay,” basag ni Lily sa katahimikan. She spoke to him with a comforting reassurance. “Ulit-ulitin mo man ang kwento mo sa akin, wala akong mas gustong gawin kundi ang palaging makinig sa’yo, Jared.”

And this made him so sure that she’s the woman he wanted to be with. If not forever, if not until the end, then for at least, a very long time from here on.

“Kahit ‘yong parteng nandito lang ako sa Belgium para sirain ang sarili kong buhay?”

Mahina itong tumawa. “It’s okay. I wounded up here in Antwerp for the same reason too. But look at you… and look at me.” Pinatong ni Lily ang mga kamay aa kanyang mga kamay. She held his hands which completely stunned him. “We found each other. We save each other.”

“And we released all of our pent up pain and frustrations through sex,” nalungkot siya. “Which is not healthy.”

Pero tinuloy ko pa rin, amin ni Jared kahit wala siyang anumang pagsisisi. All just because… I think I’ve already fallen way too deep for you. Too sudden and too inexplicably.

“Not healthy? Let’s just say, this makes us feel better. This makes us feel not alone anymore,” nagnakaw ito ng halik sa likod ng kanyang balikat bago nilapatan ng pisngi nito. “How could this be not healthy, if it’s helping us stay sane? If it’s lessening our pain… our worries.”

“I know what I am saying. Na-pressure lang ako ng mga magulang ko mag-psychology pero hindi ibig sabihin n’on wala akong natutunan.”

Ayaw pa niyang pakawalan nung una si Lily, pero nagpumilit ito kaya hinayaan din niyang makahiwalay ito mula sa pagkakayakap sa kanya.

“Let’s freshen up,” alog ng kama sa pagkilos ni Lily paalis doon. “ Let’s cuddle. Let’s sleep.”

“You use the bathroom first,” lingon niya rito. Nang matanaw ang pawisang katawan ng babae, nabuhayan na naman siya ng dugo… ng ispirito, ng libido. Everything spiked up, making his body forget its weariness when he saw her naked.

Her back turned from his direction, giving him a full view of those big, soft, bouncing buttcheeks. Jared immediately associated memories he had connected with those. Naalala niya ang paghagod sa puwitang iyon… Ang pagpalo. Ang pagpisil. Ang pagpiga. Ang halos pagbaon doon ng mga daliri niya kanina habang walang-humpay iyong tumataas-baba kasabay ng balakang ng dalagang sinasakyan siya nang puno ng pwersa.

Use the bathroom first, Lily. Kapag sumabay pa ako baka makaapat na tayong round.

Lily looked at him over her shoulder and smiled. She lifted a hand to brush up her gorgeous mess of a red-orange hair. The peak of her swollen breasts peeping on that side view she did.

Her smile is so otherworldly. So Aphrodite for its mix of gentleness and playfulness.  In her nakedness, Jared saw that Venus painting again, this time it was Lily at the back of his mind, standing inside an open clam shell.

“You sure you don’t want to… come?” she teased.

He sexily pulled a lopsided grin.

“I always want to come, but you’re already sore.”

Magaan itong tumawa. “I can still take it, Jared. Ang sabihin mo, nanlalambot pa ‘yang ano mo.” She bit her lower lip before turning away. Her butt bounced as she catwalked toward the open bathroom door.

And the tease left the door open. Narinig niya ang pagbuhos ng tubig mula sa shower.

“Ah!” tili nito. Pigil ni Jared ang matawa. Ilang beses na kasing ganoon si Lily. Lagi nitong nakakalimutang i-set sa warm ang tubig ng shower. Malamig tuloy na tubig ang laging unang bumubuhoa dito.

And she also always leave the door open.

Jared left the bed to check on her. Pumuwesto siya sa tabi ng pinto at pinanood ang dalaga.

She was already having her shower, tossing her red hair up then shoving them to the back of her head neatly. Malinaw niya itong nakikita dahil ni hindi nito sinara frosted glass door ng shower enclosure.

He watched Lily lift her head. Sinalubong ng mukha nito ang mainit na tubig mula sa parisukat na rainfall shower head. With eyes closed, she smiled and enjoyed the warmth of water. Umunat ang braso nito para kapain sa pader ang hanging rack na kinalalagyan ng shampoo at liquid body soap.

“Need help?” Jared asked, bouncing off the side of the doorway.

Her hand was still on the wall, blindly fumbling around when she felt the bottle of shampoo touch her arm. Gulat na pumihit ito at pinunasan agad ang basang mukha. She opened her eyes and met Jared’s gaze. Sa dibdib lang niya umabot ang tilamsik ng tubig mula sa shower head.

Napangiti si Lily, dahan-dahang lumapit sa kanya. Hindi na nito pinansin ang bote ng shampoo.

Her fingers lightly tiptoed against his check, trailing south.

And her other hand? Damn. She was already caressing his bare cock.

Fondling. Stroking.

Nang basang-basa na iyon ng tubig mula sa shower, doon na iyon pinaikutan ng mga daliri ng babae.

Jared staggered a sigh, playing tough when he was already stirred like melted wax deep inside.

“Itong bote ng shampoo ang dapat mong pinipiga, Lily…” mainit niyang salo sa mga mata nito.

She pulled him by the cock, making Jared step closer to her. His chest barely brushing against her sweet, perked up breasts. With a tension like this so palpable and the heat of the water, anyone could feel the room fog up with steam so heavily.

“I can pretend all I want, Jared. But I just can’t,” she said softly, gazing with a beg in her eyes. “I am starting to feel scared.”

“Scared of what, Lily?” he worried. “Just tell me, at ako ang bahalang alisin anuman iyang kinatatakot mo.”

“Nagsasawa ka na yata… Hindi ka na yata nagagalingan sa… sa mga ginagawa ko sa katawan mo…” her hand continued jacking him slowly while the other cradled his jaw, fingers reaching the side of his torrid-kiss-swollen lips. “Sa mga ginagawa ko sa mga labi mo… Sa ti—”

Mahina siyang natawa. “Gawin mong imortal ‘tong katawang lupa ko. At walang tigil kitang titirahin.”

Lumapad ang ngiti nito. “Oh, stop that, Jared!”

She tried her best, but her hearty, relieved chuckle still escaped from those luscious lips.

“Halos araw-arawin na natin ang isa’t isa, Lily,” paliwanag niya bago napasinghap. Naninigas na kasi siya sa kaka-handjob ng dalaga. “Fuck, Lily… The body needs some rest too… Even yours.”

“Eh, gusto ko pa, eh…” lambing nito sa kanya, pinagkikiskisan ang malusog na mga dibdib sa kanyang matigas na dibdib.

Napapalatak siya ng mura bago marahas na hinapit ang babae sa bewang. Now that their bodies were against each others, he gave her a soldering gaze then lunged for her lips. Tuluyan nang bumagsak sa sahig ang bote ng shampoo. Sinukat niya ito ng tingin at matapang na tinapatan iyon ng dalaga. Doon pa lang, ramdam na ni Jared na hinding-hindi siya nito aatrasan.

He gave her a shove, pinned her against the tiled wall before giving her a boost. In Lily’s elevated position, Jared greedily sucked on her breasts while one had fitted itself between her thigh, slippery thighs. Mabilis at walang tigil niyang hinimas at dinaliri ang dalaga hanggang sa maramdaman ang malagkit nitong pamamasa. Jared heaved in a glorified breath with his head sunken on her breasts that trailed on the side of her neck where he kissed and sucked and licked.

Unti-unti na niyang binaba si Lily, inasinta ang nakatirik niyang pag-aari.

Jared got his tip in before striking her with a slow upward thrust that impaled her deeply.

It just feels so good, it made him groan long and loud.

“Ahhh!” tingala ni Lily, halos bumaon ang mga daliri sa pagkakahawak sa kanyang mga balikat at braso.

Now that their bodies were combined again, that feeling swept all over him again.

That he’s not alone. He's not alone anymore.

.

.

MEET ME in front of Nello and Patrasche’s statue. On November 21, 2017.

-Lily

Tulad ng paalam ni Jared sa babae, umalis siya para mamili. He returned to his flat carrying some groceries to cover up the expensive jewelry he bought for Lily.

Pero imbes ang babae, isang sticky note na nasa dining table ang sumalubong sa kanya.

Napangisi siya habang hawak pa rin ang sticky note. Pinasya niyang iwanan muna roon ang pinamili at puntahan sa kwarto ang babae.

“Nahihiya ka bang yayain ako ng date sa personal? Kaya may pa-sticky note ka pang nalalaman?” ngiti niya na kumupas din agad nang makitang walang katao-tao sa kwarto.

Tinungo niya ang banyo. Bukas ang pinto niyon at wala rin doon si Lily.

All of a sudden, his fears came back. That is, being alone. Not just physically, but alone in every aspect— mentally, emotionally…

Tiningnan niya ulit ang iniwang note ng dalaga.

“You had me worried!” he blurted once Lily answered his phone call.

Nang tawagan ang dalaga, naabutan pa niyang nasa Antwerp International Airport pa ito.

“Kanina pa ako tawag ng tawag sa’yo!” patuloy niya habang tarantang naghahagilap ng susuotin at dadalhin. Hinding-hindi siya mag-aaksaya ng oras. Kailangan niyang maabutan ang babae sa airport.

I know. Kaya nga kahit ayaw kong sagutin ang tawag, lungkot ang nasa boses ni Lily, hindi rin ako nakatiis.

“How did you do this without me knowing? Kailan mo pa binalak na umalis ng Antwerp?”

Tourist visa lang ang mayroon ako, Jared. At some point, I will have to go back to the Philippines.

Natigilan siya. He forgot. He got too happy with Lily that he almost completely forgot reality.

“Dapat… sinabi mo pa rin sa akin.”

Mahina itong tumawa sa kabilang-linya. Pero walang buhay iyon.

“And you’re really terrible at making notes! Akala ko talaga, hindi ka na magpapakita sa akin!”

Sorry. Ayoko lang kasing pigilan mo ako. Kaya… ganito… kaya nauwi sa ganito.

“Why would I stop you? I understand if it’s about your visa. I can wait. Or maybe, sa Pilipinas na lang tayo magkita.”

Mahina na naman itong tumawa. Jared didn’t like that, because it was unnatural of Lily to do so. It made him feel like she was trying to cover up something by doing that. But he refused to see the signs… the red flags. Mas nangibabaw sa kanya ang pag-aalala para sa dalaga.

Ewan ko ba, Jared. I just feel like… if you’re here right now, baka hindi ko kayaning umalis ng Antwerp. Baka kahit wala kang sabihin, mapigilan mo pa rin akong umalis sa oras na… sa oras na, magkatitigan ang mga mata natin at…

He held his breath as Lily began trailing off toward speechlessness.

He already wanted to ask her if it was already love. If she was already starting to love him…

We can still chat on messenger, Jared.

“Sige,” nakahinga na siya ng maluwag. “Video call din tayo…” Then a playful smile appeared on his lips. “Video calls. No clothes.”

Lily would usually chuckle at ideas like that. Malalakipan ng pilyang pananabik ang boses nito.

Pero hindi, sa naging pagtugon ng babae, nangibabaw ang lungkot nito.

Let’s do that… Jared, pagpayag nito.

During Lily’s stay in the Philippines, they had a consistent exchange of messages and video chats. Strangely, pabawas nang pabawas ang sexual content ng mga pag-uusap nila.

“I can’t wait to be with you,” ngiti ni Jared kay Lily nang minsang maka-video chat ito. Nakaupo siya noon sa isa sa mga kinakainang restaurants sa Antwerp.

Bakit? Tired of being alone again?

“Not tired,” sagot niya, nakatitig lang sa maganda nitong mukha. He missed touching her sweet face, caressing those cheeks with his hands… his fingers… “Hindi na ako sanay mag-isa simula nung nakasama kita. That’s all.”

You know, Jared, malumanay ang ngiti sa mapula nitong mga labi. With her face bare from make-up, her natural beauty made her look a bit worn down and stressed. It made him desire more to be with her soon. He just wanted to bring the glow back on her face…

“Yes?” he prodded.

Lily’s background showed that she was inside her car.

Napabuntong-hininga ito. She probably feel tortured by their distance too…

You know, lakas-loob nitong patuloy, it’s your choice to be alone or not. Makipag-ayos ka na sa parents mo. It’ll make you feel less alone when you have your family by your side.

Hindi niya maintindihan. “But you’re my family now.”

Sabihin na nating oo. Pero hindi sa lahat ng oras, makakasama mo ako. So, maganda pa rin na… may iba ka pang balikat na masasandalan.

“I get it, you’re just feeling sad. You miss me and look at you. Mas may concern ka pa sa kapakanan ko,” his insides melt, admiring Lily so intensely at the thought of that. “But I am fine, Lily. Naranasan ko na ang mag-isa. Tanda mo pa naman siguro kung bakit pinasya kong lumayo-layo sa pamilya ko. Kaya sana maintindihan mo.”

Malungkot itong ngumiti. Tumango-tango. Of course, I understand. I just… I was just hoping that you get to patch things up with your family.

Parang mas nauunawaan na niya. Binigyan niya si Lily ng nanunuksong ngisi.

“Ah, alam ko na. Gusto mo ako makipag-ayos sa pamilya ko, para pumunta na ako riyan sa Pilipinas.”

Napatitig si Lily sa imahe niya sa video chat. Then her face brightened.

Despite her sweet smile, the liveliness did not reach her eyes.

Shit. You got me, Jared. Psychologist ka nga talaga.

“Excuse me, Miss Marlon,” pabirong paniningkit ng mga mata niya rito, “hindi por que Psychologist ang isang tao, eh, mind-reader na. It actually takes a series of therapy sessions for a Psychologist to assess a client properly.”

Opo, opo, may pagod sa walang buhay nitong pagtawa. Ikaw naman, oh. Nanenermon ka kaagad, eh!

Hindi na siya nakaimik. Lalo kasi siya nalungkot dahil halatang-halata naman niya ang lungkot ni Lily. She was missing him too much already. And he felt the same thing too.

“I’ll see you on November 21. Sa Nello and Patrasche statue. Make it 8 in the evening. By that time, tapos na ang schedule ng training ko.”

Ang tinutukoy niyang training ay may kinalaman sa propesyon niya bilang Psychologist. Iyon talaga ang pinaka-dahilan kaya walang oras pumunta ng Pilipinas si Jared.

Okay, Lily smiled weakly, staring at his face too sadly for too long.

That conversation was followed by an awkward silence. Jared should have seen the signs already, but he only thought it was the torture caused by distance that they were trying to hide. Kaya binalewala niya.

Binalewala niya ang posibilidad na may ibang plano si Lily.

Na nagbago na ang tingin ng babae sa kanya.

At exactly, 8 in the evening of November 21, Jared already stood in front of the white Nello and Patrasche statue. Balot siya ng makapal na panlamig na kulay itim, nakatalikod sa simbahan at malamlam na mga ilaw ng Our Lady. With his gloved hands shoved in the front pockets of his winter coat, Jared’s eyes looked around.

Maraming tao na ang dumaan sa harapan niya, sa likuran, sa paligid. Ilan na rin ang mga turistang huminto at pinaalis siya saglit sa pagkakatayo malapit sa estatwa para kumuha ng mga litrato.

He stood there. First, excited, then nervous. Panay pa ang padala niya ng chat noon kay Lily. Wala sa mga video calls niya ang sinasagot nito. Next, he dealt with worries that became soon frustrations. Until he was already staring at nowhere. Everyone around him began to look like a blur of light and colors passing by while he was bottling up with anger. Literal na nakatanga siya sa kawalan, blangko ang mukha.

His thoughts were running fast at the back of his mind.

Panay ang tanong niya sa sarili kung bakit nangyayari ito. Saan siya nagkamali? Ano ang dapat niyang gawin? Tama ba itong nararamdaman niya? Katangahan na ba ito?

He felt like a lost, helpless child in the midst of people walking to and fro around him. In front of that cathedral. In front of the statue of a little boy and a dog that never left each other no matter what.

Naalala niyang may isa pang estatwa nila Nello at Patrasche sa Antwerp. Kabadong nagmadali siya papunta roon.

Pero wala. Walang nagpakitang Lily Celeste Marlon sa kanya.

At sa sumunod pang mga araw, blocked na siya sa messenger nito.