Sneaking out in the middle of the night hadn’t been very difficult for me to do. All but a few of the Vehicons who were supposed to be keeping watch were deep in recharge. Besides, I thought as I traversed past the guards, keeping to the shadows with grace, there isn’t any protocol to follow at the moment, and there aren’t any rules, except for during a time of crisis. The worst Ultra Magnus can do is give me a reprimand.

            I was zooming down the flat metal path that, since being on Earth, reminded me of what humans called a “highway”, leading to Darkmount. In my alt. form, I could reach breakneck speeds, faster than nearly any Cybertronian I knew of that used a land-based alt. form. I didn’t have the physical strength that most mechs had, due to my size and the plain disadvantages of being a femme, but my agility and shooting precision made up for it.

            Now that I’m back home, I don’t have to worry about a human seeing a motorcycle flying down the road without anyone driving it, I thought, attempting to humor myself. I would have laughed if the form I was in had vents and an intake. Having adapted to Earth in order to stay hidden from the majority of the planet’s population, I’d had to make a hologram of a human on my alt. form’s seat when I was somewhere humans could see me. Ever since meeting Jack Darby, though, I hadn’t had to use the hologram much at all. I’d taken Jack for rides as much as I could, for both his and my own enjoyment and, more importantly, to ensure his safety. Associating with the Autobots had put him in constant danger of Decepticon attack.

            A pang of grief washed over me as I thought of him. I never would have thought that I’d miss any humans as much as I did now, even if they had gotten under my skin a lot: Jack, Rafael, even the troublesome little Miko. They were more than just allies to me… they’d become family. Sometime soon, I wanted to go back to their planet and check up on them.

            The sky was black, except for the endless number of stars that twinkled and shined down at me. Ahead, but still a ways away was Darkmount, towering and foreboding, and so murky that it blended in with the sky’s infinite darkness. The stronghold was so tall that I couldn’t even see its top. The place was also defended by huge protrusions of spiked metal surrounding its walls that came out of the ground at all sorts of angles.

            Ugh, that place gives me the creeps. Glad that’s not where I’m going. As I continued to drive, I heard the faint but nearby sound of a running engine coming from somewhere behind me. It sounded like an Earth-based vehicle to my suspicion. Making a sharp U-turn that resulted in an unpleasant screeching noise, I hit my brakes. Creeping forward a few inches, I turned my sole headlight on to its high beam setting and checked the surroundings. There wasn’t much to hide behind besides a few giant metal boulders, and those were all within my range of fire. Projecting my voice, I said, “Who’s there?”

            A few moments of silence passed, except for the steady idling of my engine. Then, as I was about to repeat myself again, and this time threaten to attack, a sleek sports car veered out from behind one of the boulders and transformed. It was a red Aston Martin, to be exact.

            I changed my form as well and groaned in irritation. “What do you want, Knock Out?”

            “Your sweet adulation, my dear,” he teased, moving towards me as if to touch me. I tensed, readying my fist in case I’d need to use it to ensure Knock Out of my feelings towards him. If he’d still been on the Decepticon side, I’d have already knocked him halfway across Cybertron. The urge to do so despite his alliance to the Autobots was overwhelming in that moment. How dare he follow me? Instead of making any moves, however, he walked right past me. Trying not to let my confusion show, I swiveled on my heels and kept my optics on him.

            “What are you doing?” I demanded. I didn’t care if Knock Out reported me to Ultra Magnus, which I was doubtless that he would in an “I’m-not-trying-to-spread-any-rumors, but…” fashion, but I still couldn’t help feeling a slight sense of guilt for sneaking out.

            He looked around as if searching for something, a servo on his hip. “I could ask you the same thing.” He paused, studying me. When I didn’t respond he continued, unaffected by my detachment to him. “I saw you pass by the base and thought it unusual for you to be out and about this late. So, I followed you, obviously… those Vehicons have always performed rather inadequately when it comes to being on guard duty.” Knock Out sighed. I was silent, my gaze on Darkmount. I didn’t know where the energon cave was without the coordinates, but I knew that it was around this area somewhere, and I was determined to find it.

Exasperated from my silence, Knock Out asked, “Why are you going alone?”

            I still wasn’t paying much attention to him. “Cliff came to me in a dream. He -” I stopped myself, pain and realization of what I’d blurted out making my face heat up. I hadn’t meant to reveal that to Knock Out, and he was the last mech I wanted to share my dreams with. Besides that, I would sound crazy if I said that I was heading to a dangerous and unexplored location with my only reason being that Cliffjumper, who was dead, had appeared in my dreams and told me to go there. And that he was waiting for me there…

            I composed myself within a nano-cycle, hoping Knock Out hadn’t noticed what I was feeling. But he had, and as he pieced together what little he knew of my past, his expression turned to one of pity. Before he could speak, however, I interrupted him.

            “I don’t need your sympathy,” I said, averting my gaze from him. “So you can stop pretending you care.”

Knock Out moved closer to me and touched my wrist with an irritating tenderness. Anger surged within me, and I yanked my arm away. “Just leave me alone. Can’t you see I’m better off that way?”

            Knock Out met my gaze, optics burning like fire in the dusky gloom. “Eh… no. I really can’t see how you’re better off alone. I can see… that you hurt when you don’t have someone to… how should I put it? Someone to confide in.”

            At first I was stunned. Where was Knock Out getting all this from? It didn’t sound like anything he would ever say. It was too caring, coming from him. I could feel my emotional guard that I’d slammed up like an impenetrable brick wall quavering, threatening to fall apart piece by piece. Ever since Tailgate’s death, negativity and emptiness gnawed at me in endless torture. It took control of me, made me bitter and pessimistic. I pushed away anyone who tried to earn a place in my spark. There was a small, small piece of me that was desperate for a partner, but I didn’t want to go through what I saw as spark-breaking, pointless hope a third time around.

            “Look,” I said, keeping my voice firm. “All the partners I’ve ever had have been killed. Don’t you get it? I will never -”

            “Jack didn’t die, did he?”

            I hadn’t expected to hear that. But then again, I hadn’t been expecting Knock Out to follow me, either. The two of us stared at each other for a long stretch of time, each trying to read the other’s processor. I don’t know what triggered it, but something in me snapped, and my walls came crashing down. As Knock Out put his arms around me with slow caution, I fell into him, wrapping my arms around his chassis as I broke down.

The last time I had lost my cool like this had been with Cliffjumper over Tailgate. I hadn’t meant to. It had just happened like it was happening again now, but this time instead of Cliff holding me, it was a mech who I was sure I despised for all of his frustrating nerve and unappealing narcissism. What in Primus is wrong with me? I thought, trembling as my vents sucked in air I didn’t need.

            I could feel Knock Out’s body stiffen as he tried to think of how to react. It was clear that he wasn’t used to comforting others, let alone a femme. Soon he relaxed, letting me hold onto him. He didn’t complain of how a part of my arm guard was jabbing his lower chassis area, or get angry because I had put a scratch in his paint job, and by the AllSpark, that was saying something, because a scratch on Knock Out’s paint job meant absolute hell for everyone else. Instead he rocked with me from side to side, handling me with a sweet gentleness that was considered exclusive to matrimonial purposes. “Shh. It’s okay.” He gazed up into the night sky as he whispered words of comfort, showing a strange sense of affection and protectiveness towards me.

            After some time, when my energy felt depleted and my emotions satisfied, I pulled myself away from him. Without saying another word, I followed him back into Iacon, both of us remaining in our humanoid forms the entire width of the trip. Knock Out hadn’t needed to convince me not to go to the energon cave. My processor had cleared enough for me to realize that it would have been a foolish thing to do. To both of our reliefs, the Vehicons guarding the city let us pass by without questioning us of where we’d been. They’d been trained not to question Bots of higher ranking, anyway.

            We were walking at an inert pace as we passed by the numerous buildings, all under standby construction. It was still dark out, but Knock Out could tell by where the two moons were in the sky that most of the Autobots would be waking from recharge in a little while. He chanced a look at me. I was walking close beside him, and my whole body sagged with exhaustion. My optics were lowered so that I was seeing little of where I was going. Overall, I radiated melancholy.

            Our walk drew on in silence. I’d already made it apparent that I didn’t want anything to do with Knock Out, but after what had happened earlier that night, he would believe that my feelings had changed. We were too different, him and I. He would never understand me. Why was he trying so hard to earn my affection?

He waited until we had reached the small building that I was using as my private resting quarters. I walked right by the place, and Knock Out was the one to stop at the door, clearing his vents.

            I looked up as if snapping out of a daze. “Oh. Uh… sorry.” I started for the automatic door, acting as if Knock Out wasn’t there.

            Knock Out laid his servo on my shoulder guard. I turned towards him. I was too worn out and embarrassed to show any signs of fury towards him, and I could tell that he was surprised at this.

            “It’s… pretty late. I could tell Ultra Mags you’ve come down with a virus and you need a day to recharge,” Knock Out let go of me with reluctance, then chuckled. “Make myself sound like the skilled doctor I am.”

            I laughed somewhat, meeting his optics with my own for a brief nano-cycle before looking away again. “I’ll be alright.” As if to prove so, I straightened my posture and smiled at Knock Out. It was the first time I had ever given him a genuine smile. “Thank you. For tonight…”

            Knock Out blinked, dazzled by something. “My pleasure, dearest.” He lifted one of my servos to his intake and kissed it without breaking optic contact. “Shall we do something like it again sometime? Except with more… fun?”

            There was a moment of quiet as I thought through what my next decision would bring for me. My tiredness was slowing my train of thought and altering my judgment. I squeezed his servo, grinning with mischief. “I don’t see why not.”