[ (n.) Butterflies in one's stomach.]

Raavi woke up feeling warmer than usual, she opened her eyes slowly, taking her own sweet time to get accustomed to the light streaming in through the windows' as her eyes adjusted to the light she looked at Shiva, whose head was nestled in the crook of her neck, his arms tight around her waist. She lifted her right hand and let it rest on his hair, ruffling it slightly, her other arm came up to caress his bare back as he burrowed deeper into her. She watched as the morning sunshine danced across his broad back, light from the bright rays giving a beautiful sheen to his bronzed skin, as her fingertips ran up and down his back she thought back to their relationship, where they were right now was not an easy journey, for Raavi, Shiva had always been her person, her go-to, in a way she relied on him the most.

Growing up and especially after all that her Maasi had done to those around her, Raavi taught herself not to expect from others. To the world Raavi seemed to be a very innocent and gullible, but she knew that there was a part of her that was anything but. She had seen the consequences of greed and faced the repercussions of betrayal. Her adolescent years were anything but happy, she was at an age where she constantly felt misunderstood, by everyone around her. Raavi had constantly been giving herself whiplashes with the own thoughts and behaviour, she felt selfish, ungrateful and materialistic. Surrounded by people who were selfish and vindictive, Raavi prayed day and night simply because she didn't want to become like them. When Shiva had broken off their friendship, she projected to people as if she had taken it with a pinch of salt, but only she knew how much it had hurt, she had spent sleepless nights pining for her best friend, the one person she knew understood her better than herself. It hurt her to fight with him day in and day out, she could see the pain and hurt flash through his eyes for a millisecond before he disguised it with anger and hatred. The anger and hate that was in eyes for her broke her into pieces, yet she chose to fight, her anger at him was for a different reason. Shiva was angry at the Maami ki Behen ki beti, but Raavi? Raavi was angry at her Shiva, the very same Shiva whom she knew could keep a good grip on his anger, she had expected Shiva to see Raavi and not Maami ki behen ki beti, and when he didn't she lost it. The torrent of emotions that struck her threatened to overwhelm her, yet she could not bring herself to hate him, she tried so hard, every time she fought with him she had hoped her eyes had reflected the same hatred his did, yet she knew it was a lost cause to hope for that. His hatred towards her family was justified, but his hatred towards his Raavi was not, he out of everyone should have known that Raavi was not his Maami. Her anger was towards the fact that her Shiva who knew her so well was the first one to doubt her. She hated that about him, but then again she could never bring herself to actually hate him, she loved him too much.

Initially a part of her had wondered whether their relationship would turn toxic, they fought everyday and sometimes they could have very easily crossed a line, especially when they were so blurred. The early years of her teenage were a confusing time for Raavi, She hadn't just lost a best friend but also gained an enemy, she knew Shiva in and out and so did he know her, but when they fought, so powered by anger and misplaced hatred it didn't take much to cross certain boundaries. In the heat of the moment Raavi sometimes found herself wanting to hurt him deliberately, to give back all the hate and anger he endured with a smile, she wanted to see him as hurt as she was, she wanted him to break exactly the way she broke. Most times she had managed to being herself back to her senses and she had simply walked away her eyes smarting with the effort of holding back her tears and a lump in her throat. Subconsciously she knew that it did hurt him as well, to behave so indifferently with her, to pretend to hate her day in and day out, to behave indifferently to her tears and as much as he tried he could not be indifferent to her tears, especially the tears caused by others. Raavi never understood why Shiva hated it when other people managed to reduce her to tears, when he himself was the person to do so many times.

Raavi had often wondered what to call their relationship during those years, she had always prided herself in knowing Shiva in and out, but those disastrous years? Shiva was a complete enigma for her, he hated her, fought with her, yelled at her, taunted her, pushed her around and in his own way tried to make life living hell for her, but the minute he would cross a line and Raavi couldn't take it anymore, he would retreat, one tear drop in her eyes because of him and he would not face her for days altogether, and then would do something so sweet that she wouldn't have the heart to yell at him. There were times where she wanted to smack him senseless, but there were also times where she simply wanted to kiss him senseless. Raavi thought back to the first time she had subconsciously started feeling for Shiva in way that was much more than what people would call friendship, it was the day when they had reconciled, Shiva and her were still in her room and they both had just finished crying to each other, she remembered the day clear as yesterday, even though it happened well over 6 years ago.

Raavi and Shiva were locked in a tight embrace, savouring the feeling of being with each other after a very long time, both of them had thought that they had lost the other for good, and now when they sat in each others arms they simply did not want to let go. Shiva's head was still in the crook of her neck and Raavi leaned back further burrowing into him, her head coming to rest on his shoulder and her hands holding onto his arms that were tight around her waist. From where she rested she could hear his faint heartbeat, the thumping of which calmed her down.

A while later she felt his arms tighten around her, holding her closer to himself, she freed her hand from his and reached behind her to hold onto his hair, her nails scratching at his scalp in a soothing motion, he let out a content sigh, loving the way she held him close to her, she fit perfectly against him, the curve of her spine moulding beautifully against his chest. Raavi's hand left his hair and Shiva immediately felt bereft of the warm and comfort she gave him through that single action, she moved in his hold, slightly pushing against his arms, silently asking him to release her. He tightened his hold, not wanting to let go of her just yet.

His actions may have come off as unusual and clingy, holding onto her and not letting go. For Shiva it was anything but so, for him physical touch had been his love language, especially when it came to Raavi, as a child and as a pre-teen he always loved having her in his arms, he loved the way her hugs would bring him comfort and love. The way she held him didn't just convey how much she loved and cared for him, but it was also the way she leaned into him completely, her body went lax against his, her entire body weight on his, she leaned on him heavily, completely unbothered about herself, as if trusting him to hold onto her and provide her with his protection. The way she hung off his body sometimes made him feel proud and wanted, proud because he was the person she relied on to comfort her and wanted because he knew that sometimes she needed him to be strong for her when she herself could not be there. Even when they used to fight like cats and dogs they were not really physically apart, both of them were all up in each others faces trying desperately to be the one to have the last word, there were instances when Shiva would scare her on purpose using a toy lizard because he knew that she would clutch him tightly begging him to get rid of the lizard, and when she hugged him , he felt like he was on top of the world for a few seconds, it took everything in him to not hug her back and push her away from him, even though every cell in his body begged not to distance himself from her like that. He also knew that most people would not understand his need to constantly hold Raavi close, but he could not help himself, he needed that reassurance, that his Raavi was there. A part of him knew that whatever he was doing was slightly toxic, the push and pull pattern that he had established with her was dangerous, arbitrary lines of hate, love and anger were constantly blurred when it came to what they shared.

Shiva had spent a lot of time trying to hate the one person who meant the world to him, but as hard as he tried he simply could not do it, a part of him knew that Raavi was not the catalyst for whatever had happened with both their families, she wasn't the one who had instigated his Mama and Maami to do what they had done. She was simply a child just like him, but then again she was also the strongest thread that connected him to Maami and he hated her for that, he hated her identity, hated that it was Maami that had brought such an angel into his life. As he thought about this, Shiva decided that he really needed to apologise once again to Raavi, for all that he had put her through, she needed to know why he did what he did, even if he was not right in his methods she needed whatever justification he could provide to her. Shiva was not unknown to the pain he put her through, simply because he himself went through that pain, but he had chosen to impose that pain on himself, Shiva was simply facing the repercussions of his decision, his sole decision that he imposed on the friendship that both of them had collectively shared, it was not fair to Raavi, because he knew that if he needed space then Raavi would back off and let him be for as long as he wanted to, but he chose the easy way out, he didn't want to deal with the complexity of what their friendship had led to, as a child he had felt that he had to stay on Gaumbi's side, after all Gaumbi had been hurt immensely by Anita and Prafulla, he hadn't thought about Raavi for once and as they grew up and he saw how his family still loved Raavi like before his guilt, regret and anger multiplied tenfold, Guilt because he knew what he did was wrong, somewhat acceptable but wrong nonetheless, regret because of the way he pushed Raavi away from himself and anger because she didn't come to him like before, his Raavi would have calmed him down first and would have tried to understand him, but the girl he had fought with day in and day out? She didn't calm him down, in fact she riled him up even more, to the point where all he could see would be a fiery red, somewhere down the line he knew that it was his fault to a large extent, he was the one who pulled away first and every time she tried to come back he pushed her away brutally, the worst part amongst all this was that when she came to him and he pushed her away breaking her heart, he still wanted her to comeback to him, even in the midst of such turbulent emotions and situations he wanted her with him and he realised how toxic that was, to push someone away for no fault of theirs and to still continue to expect that they will stay despite the hurt and pain they were caused.

"Sorry Raavi"

"Waapas sorry kyun bol raha hai tu? Maaf kardiya maine, itne baar sorry mat bol na"

"Nahi, you deserve this, I am so sorry I put you through so much, I am sorry that I imposed my decision on our friendship and I am sorry that I wasn't there for you all this time, I know what did is probably not justifiable, I really shouldn't have behaved that way with you, pretending to hate you because of Maami was probably the stupidest thing I have done till date, I can't believe that I tried hating you over someone so inconsequential to me. I know I can't really promise that we won't fight again or that one of us won't get angry at the other, but I promise I won't ever impose my decision on you Raavi, jhagda hua bhi toh we will talk it out."

"I don't know what to say to that Shiva, a part of me is delighted that you're back and that we're back, but then again a part of me is just waiting for you to snap or for Maasi to do something again and you leaving me alone again. I really want to trust you Shiva, but mujhse nahi ho raha hai to give it my hundred percent, I mean until a while ago I was ready to pack up and leave, I simply could not take it at all."

"Leave? Are you still gonna leave, please don't"

"Shiva I am not going to leave, all I am saying is that I need a bit more time to be able to trust you without the lingering fear and apprehension, I trust that you will fulfil your promises, you haven't broken a single promise that you've made to me, but at the same time I don't trust whatever situation may crop up, after what happened with Maasi, I simply can not trust my future, I can't believe that things won't get worse, whatever happened with us happened because of our situation and beliefs, Shiva you were not wrong for hating Maasi and MausaPaa but at the same time I believe that I need to stand my them, I can't pick between both of you, Maasi took me in and raised me no matter how she was with everyone she never let me feel the loss of my mother, she tried to hard that I don't miss them and it is because of a lot fo her efforts that their absence doesn't sting as much, but at the same time I understand that Maasi isn't essentially a good human being, I am not unknown to the kind of things she has said and done, neither am I unknown to the kind of things she can do, all I am saying is god only knows what is in store for us ahead Shiva, it is going to take the both of time, to heal from all the time we've spent apart, and as much as I love saying that I know my Shiva, somewhere along this entire mess I feel so disconnected to you, we've both changed, I don't know if we've become better humans or worse humans, all I know is that we need to start over."

Shiva nodded and kissed her forehead, letting his lips linger for longer than usual, her heart skipped beat, she held him tighter savouring the feel of his warm arms cradling her to him.

"We need to start over Raavi, and we might not know each other as well as we'd known each other before but I still know that when you're sad you want a mug full of warm chocolate milk or loads of chocolate, I know that when you're sad all you want are hugs and that when you've played a prank you can't stop smiling to yourself like a lunatic on crack, I know that when you're nervous you scratch at your thumb using your index finger, I know that your favourite movie is Mulan and that your favourite song is Ajeeb Daastan, I know that you love listening to sad music because you find certain verses of those songs beyond beautiful, I know that you like saying that you don't like romance novels that much but you still have a collection of romance novels hidden underneath your bed."

She looks at him like he had brought down the stars and moon for her, the love in her eyes feeling like she could lay waste to him and his love of her eyes increases and he welcomes it for his own peace of mind, welcome it to be rid of the inexplicable warmth of looking into her now teary eyes.

Raavi could not hold herself back from crying anymore, Shiva had already made her believe his promises with a a sentences, even if they may seem like simple words to Raavi they meant the world, Shiva with a few sentences had shattered the fear that he would forget her, Raavi was always afraid of the fact that one day Shiva would become indifferent to her, one of the reasons why she kept coming back to him, even if all that he had to offer was anger and hate she took it, because it was better than not having any bit of Shiva, even if it was toxic, Raavi needed him and her need for him terrified her, especially when she didn't know if he needed her in his life the way she needed him in hers. Shiva held her close to him and leaned back against the wall of they bay window they were seated on, one of his hands ran up and down her back in a comforting and soothing motion, his other hadn't was wrapped around her waist and he slowly let the tips of his fingers make circular motions on her waist, he held her and let her cry it out, and just like that she fell asleep on his arms, letting out small little snores once in a while, he didn't know when he fell asleep staring at her.

When Raavi woke up an hour later, she found herself in Shiva's arms and smiled at the way he held her close to himself, she slowly got out of his arms and stood up, stretching luxuriously savouring the way the muscles in her body flexed after a long time of being in a stationary position, she looked around her room and frowned, it looked beyond bare, everything she had painstakingly put up on her walls were now sorted into boxes and suitcases, she hated that her room looked so bare, but before she re-decorated she had to set up her bed with the sheets again, Shiva was asleep in a very uncomfortable position and if he continued to sleep like that any longer then he would give himself a stiff neck and a sore back and then wake up all grumpy because of the pain. She quickly got to work and made her bed, reaching for the AC remote she switched it on and set it to the lowest temperature she could tolerate knowing that Shiva almost always felt warm and needed the AC to be on at all times, it was beyond her comprehension as to how he never got cold, shaking herself out of her thoughts she went to wake him up.

"Shiva utt na"

"Mmhmm, sone de bohot neend aarahi hai"

"Arrey utt tu agar aise hee soyana tujhe kal subha peeth main dard hoga, utt na please"

"Haan"

Shiva got up sleepily looking adorable as ever leaning on Raavi who guided him to her bed, she sat against the head board, one of her legs folded and the other stretched out, Shiva lay his head against her folded leg, one of his arms wrapped around her waist while the other wrapped around the thigh of her stretched out leg, his palm coming to rest on the inside of her thigh. One of her arms came to rest on his back, patting him ever so lightly while her other hand rested on his head, her fingertips scratching at his scalp, she slowly patted him to sleep and watched as his face relaxed into a peaceful slumber once again, after making sure that he was completely asleep Raavi reached for her phone and texted Dhara Di to let her know of Shiva's whereabouts and that he would probably end up sleeping there itself, Dhara Di sounded elated when she found out that Raavi and Shiva had resolved their differences and immediately agreed for Shiva to spend the night there, hanging up Raavi continued to be on her phone until she felt Shiva shift in his sleep his head burrowing further into her lap and his palm digging into her thigh, the heat coming off of his palm was unsettling Raavi, she was never uncomfortable with Shiva but the way he held onto her right now set off tingles all over her body, she had never experienced such a feeling before, she decided not to ponder on it too much, they had just gone back to being friends and Raavi didn't want to mess anything up by getting her hopes up high, so she lets him cuddle into her and falls asleep herself.

Shiva wakes up to the sound of her alarm going off softly, reaching for her phone he shuts the alarm off and takes look at the time, it was just 7:30 pm, he could spend a few more hours with Raavi, smiling happily he shoves his face into her stomach, a little to hard because she wakes up immediately, he freezes and looks up at her hoping she wasn't mad at him or uncomfortable because of him, instead she smiles at him brightly, she does not move him, does not stop looking at him like she is looking at the ocean past the cliffs, does not stop smiling like he has brought the sunrise with him and her smile makes his heart pound heavily in his chest, he wants to say something, wants to cut the silence but he sent able to so instead he stares into her sleep ridden eyes that still managed to twinkle and brighten up everything around their vicinity, forcing himself to look away he rests his face against her stomach and waits for her to speak, instead she just starts scratching at his scalp once again.

Some time later they both get up and Raavi starts to organise her room once again, but this time Shiva is there to lift her up when she can't reach anything or to hand things to her, Shiva is there by her side, and they both put up a picture of them both as kids next to Raavi's nightstand. With apprehension she tells him that Dhara Di was fine with Shiva spending the night here, he was happy about that and effectively put her fears to rest.

Later at night when Raavi was done with her nighttime she joined Shiva on the bed they slept with a little bit of distance but faced each other as they slept, Raavi watches him fall asleep, and waits until she is sure to raise her hand, running her thumb down the side of his face gently, watching him breathe. he is so peaceful here she thinks she would watch him like this for the rest of her life, with no problem, his face glowing in the pale light streaming in through the windows

Shiva moves closer to her, just a little bit, and Raavi does not know how—how she went without him next to her for so long. The years where she fought with him and held him at arm's length, years that he kept her out of his life, and now she is woven into every aspect of it.

She sighs and closes her eyes, melting into the sheets. Being with Shiva has always been her safe place, the one space where she feels, really, that she can be herself. With Shiva, everything she was trying to be, all of the people she wanted desperately to be like, fell away, and she was just herself not "Somnath's sabse khoobsurat ladki" she was just Raavi, Shiva's Raavi. And the thing about that was that somehow, in some way, he saw nothing wrong with the way she was and she felt happy, truly happy.

Raavi was just about to fall asleep when she felt something land on her stomach, startling her awake. She blearily opened her eyes and looks down to see Shiva's arm there, and then he pulls her closer.

She barely stifled a startled yelp before Shiva tucks his face into her shoulder and sighs, warm breath brushing her skin, and his hand on her waist tightens, fingers brushing her bare skin due to het top which had ridden up. She freezes, wondering if she should try to free herself from his grasp, but she doesn't want to wake him up and have him discover the awkward position they were in. Shiva yawns, lips brushing her neck, and shivers of pleasure shoot down her spine at his touch on her body. Has he always been able to make her feel this way? She wonders nevertheless his touch brings with it a dizzying, pleasurable and wondrous sensation that ran across her entire body.

"Oh God," she mutters. She's pretty firmly stuck here, and there's no real point in trying to extricate herself from his grasp. He makes the already warm bed so much warmer, and she can already feel herself falling back into sleep, peaceful and easy and thick. So Raavi presses herself closer to him and closes her eyes, yawning and feeling sleep overtake her. His hand on her waist is hot, like a brand, pulling her even closer, and she relishes it. The feeling of nearness, of safety that he brings her.

She feels like she can never be close enough to him, and this, here, right now, is the closest she is going to get to that. And so she savours it, savours the feeling that being with him gives her, securer and warmer than any blanket on the planet, even as she falls asleep, tucked into his side.

They wake up, and they go about their day, more like they spend the whole day being attached at the hip, whatever awkwardness that Raavi expected to be present simply not being there at all, and then soon enough its becomes an unshakable habit, to sleep by each other, with Shiva usually sneaking into her room, with Raavi not having the heart to push him away or stop him, because she knew that she had much more restful sleep when she was curled around his warmth anyway.

One of those nights, Raavi wakes up in the middle of the night, Raavi pulls her face out of his neck and looks up at him, his face so impossibly close to her that she can see the individual lashes that frame his eyes, thick and long and beautiful. She reaches up and brushes her hand over his cheekbone and jawline tracing the light stubble that was forming there, her thumb rubbing underneath his eye, and then running her hand through his hair—ridiculously soft and adorably tousled from sleep—before she moves her hand down his face.

Realisation hits her like a freight train, She wants to burn him into her fingers, burn him into her hands and body and into the marrow of her bones. He is already burnt into her soul, burnt into every part of her that matters.

Then her eyes trail down to his lips, slightly parted, and she wonders what it would be like to kiss him, this was not the first time she had thought of doing so, sometimes she wants to kiss him so bad she aches with it. Sometimes she wishes she were able to show him how she loves him. But this isn't some story. She cannot simply skip through time until it becomes less painful to love him from afar.

There is no hand of god, no deus ex machina to give her a reprieve. Raavi figures that she just has to learn to live with it. As she presses her nose against the hollow of his collarbone, she wonders if she will ever be brave enough to tell him. Wonders if she will ever be able to work up the courage to place herself on the altar, to lay her heart bare and splayed at his feet.

She is not brave enough now, though. Raavi knows that. So she just keeps her face tucked into his neck and lets the sound of his breathing lull her to sleep.

Raavi is brought out of her thoughts when she feels Shiva clutch her tighter, she smiles hugging him tighter as her mind takes her back to another sweet memory of when they had finally gotten together.

Shiva and Raavi were in their first year of college, away from their families back who were back in Somnath, they shared an apartment in Mumbai, that both their families had pitched in and brought for them both to live comfortably during their years of schooling, time had been a blessing to them and their families had only prospered, thus they were able to afford the luxury that they deserved, even if Raavi's Maasi tried to put up a fight she knew that there was no once better than Shiva when it came to keeping Raavi safe, and for now Prafulla was content with that.

Even though Raavi was used to being around Shiva a lot, it was different being around him all the time, to share a space with him all the time, well Krish used to visit them during every other weekend and his teasing, poking and prodding made it slightly weird, but they had gelled into a perfect routine Raavi would make breakfast, Shiva would take the trash out, they would have Shiva's favourite daal-chawal for lunch everyday and they used to go out for dinners, and when Shiva was being a good boy and not the Bhootnath that he usually was he would cook dinner a few days of the weeks, they worked well as a team, getting things done quickly, they easily fell into a domesticated routine.

But since the past few days, Raavi could not stop thinking about him, during the oddest times of the day he raided her thoughts and rid her of peace, not that she had any problem, she was happy being lost in his thoughts, a pretty blush almost always adorning her face when she thought of him. He was the best person to stay with, he knew Raavi like no one did and always cared for her, putting her above himself as well.

Every thing was pleasant and happy with Shiva and Raavi, even if one of them had bad days the other knew how to deal with it, in fact the reason for them getting together in the first place was because Raavi was having a terrible day, she was bombarded with work, a fresh intern at an architecture firm all her work resulted in her having sleepless nights, she was devolving a stubborn migraine as well.

She was in their living room, spreadsheets and stationary covering every visible inch fo the coffee table, Shiva was still out at his own internship and Raavi needed him back home, she was feeling beyond overwhelmed, the stress from the past couple of days finally getting to her and breaking her resolve, just as she was about to hurl all the materials away from herself she heard the door click and Shiva walked into the house, she looked up at him tearfully and ran to hug him.

He doesn't say anything her sudden hug, just draws her closer, almost crushing her against his chest as he grips her tightly. She would protest, would beg for air, but it already feels like her whole world has been swept out from underneath her and right now Shiva holding her like this, tight and almost harsh, in a way, is the only thing that is keeping her upright, he guides her to his bedroom and lays down with her on the bed and she cuddles into his side like aways, sniffling ever so lightly, he holds her tight and comforts her by patting her back.

He doesn't say anything, and she loves him all the more for it. Shiva knows that empty platitudes and reassurances do nothing, and after all these years— years where he has fcuked up and said the wrong thing and years when he has managed to comfort her when no one else has—he knows what to say, and when to say it. He knows how to read her heart. Shiva can read her like her favourite book, and she has been softened by the number of times he has cracked her open and thumbed through her chapters, traced his fingers over her lines and made annotations in the margins of her pages. he has read her worst moments, and instead of turning her into persona non grata, instead of sticking her on the shelf and letting her crumble into pieces he has kept her, weaving himself into her story. she will never understand why, not really, but she will forever be grateful to him for it.

He has scarred himself into her soul—but not all scars are bad.

She smiles, and closes her eyes, letting sleep overcome her.

Raavi wakes up slowly, entering wakefulness gradually, and she honestly wants nothing else to do but to fall back asleep, but now that she is awake she can't, so she presses her hand to her mouth and yawns, opening her eyes.

Her face is pressed against Shiva 's hip, and his fingers are skimming up and down her back soothingly, and she turns her head to find him sitting up in bed, reading his textbook.

She groans as the migraine starts to sink in, pressing her hand against her forehead. "Oh, ow," she whispers, blinking.

Shiva turns to her, immediately bookmarking his book and placing it back on the nightstand. "Raavi," he whispers. "Theek hai tu?"

Raavi presses her hand to her forehead a little harder, as if that will alleviate her headache, and turns to look at him. Her other arm is loosely wrapped around his waist and she knows her hair probably looks like a mess but he still lets her dig into his side and latch onto him, like her nickname sake, Chipkali.

"Abhi aayi," she says.

Raavi pushes herself up, padding out of the bed and into the bathroom next door. She grabs her toothbrush and brushes her teeth, wincing at the headache that's pounding away at her skull.

Looking at herself in the mirror, she winces again at the rat's nest her hair has become, tangled and a mess, hanging loosely around her face.

Raavi runs a brush through her hair, taming it slightly, before tossing her brush back and walking back into Shiva 's room.

She comes around the side of the bed to settle back into her warm spot. Shiva 's arm raises up to make room for her as she tucks back into the sheets, instinctively, his thumb skimming the small of her back over and over again.

Raavi looks up at him, but he is not even consciously doing it, still engrossed in his textbook.

"Ghoor kya rahi hai? Kahayegi kya?" he murmurs.

She doesn't answer, her heart in his throat, and she thinks—late nights and countless sunrises and crooked smiles and a million more things she cannot begin to cover that describe him—every moment of their friendship, years and years built into the foundation of them.

Shiva glances at her when she doesn't answer. "Raavi," he says, again. "Kya hua, tabiyat theek nahi hai teri? Doctor ke paas jaana hai"

Raavi opens and closes her mouth, just staring at him.

"I love you."

The words spill out before she can take them back, and they hang there, heavy in the air, like the moment before a thunderstorm cracks the sky open.

Shiva blinks at her almost owlishly, and she would laugh at the stricken, shocked look on his face if her heart wasn't hammering in her chest, waiting for him to say something.

"Toh, uhh tujhe doctor he paas nahi jaana?" he gets out, haltingly.

"Shiva !" She kicks him in the shin, and then, before she knows what she is doing, Raavi pushes herself up on her hands from the bed and cups his face in her palms, and then she is kissing him. Shiva groans against her mouth, lips parting like the sea, and his hand reaches up and cradles her head in his palm, gentle and strong all at the same time, his beard scratching against her lips. She kisses him like she has always wanted to kiss him, deep and sweet and carefully, with care and caution and every single emotion he has made her feel all these years sweeping through her, smoothing out her rough edges.

He presses his other hand against her back, but he's forgotten his book is still in his hand, and the hard edge of the cover digs into her back. Raavi winces, pulling away from him to gasp. "Aahh."

"Sorry, sorry," Shiva mutters, a blush blooming high on his cheeks as he drops the book—carelessly on the floor—and looks up at her through lashes with eyes that look like they would eat her alive with the intensity that he holds in them.

She tries to bite back a smile, but she can't. "Main inti acchi kiss karti hoon ki you forgot that a book was in your hand?"

Shiva scowls at her, running a hand through his hair trying to figure out what to say. "Aye khud ki inti tareef mat kar, Chipkali."

Raavi leans forward, a huge smile on her face. "Arrey arrey, bolti kyun band hogayi."

"Tu agar aise bomb mere saar ke upar phodegi toh yahi hogana, you're crazy Raavi."

She smirks. "Tell yourself what you want to, Shiva but we both know it was my kissing that—"

The end of her sentence is muffled when Shiva kisses her again, harder this time, and she kisses him back, pressing herself closer, impossibly closer to him.

He pulls away to whisper. "Are you sure about that?"

Raavi laughs. "We both know I'm better than you."

"Maybe I can persuade you to change your mind," he murmurs, and then he is kissing her again.

She gasps, raising her hands to curl around his neck, fingers brushing the nape of his neck, thumbs stroking his jaw just between his ears, and kisses him back harder.

Warmth pools in her stomach, hot and thick and almost sluggish, and she sighs against his mouth. Shiva deepens the kiss, slanting his mouth and sweeping his tongue into her mouth, and his hands on her tighten, pulling her closer, closer, closer.

Raavi is sure she cannot get any closer to him, no matter how much he tries, but then Shiva 's hand slides down her back and pushes her up, his hands digging into her hip, and she blindly moves forward, letting his hands guide her, and she settles herself into his lap, sliding her arms around his neck, determined to kiss him for as long as she can.

His hand slips under her shirt, warm fingers stroking the skin of her back, and she gasps when his nails scrape against her waist bluntly.

Shiva pulls away, looking up at her with worried eyes. "Did I—"

She cuts him off with a shake of her head and pulls his mouth back to hers. "You're good," she whispers, and then presses her lips to his.

Raavi kisses him over and over again, breaking away only when her lungs burn for air, and Shiva seems just as desperate as she is, just as hungry to kiss her. She has been deprived of this for almost ten years, and now she cannot bring herself to stop. Shiva pulls away from her and presses a kiss to her cheek, fingers skimming over the spot his lips had touched, and then he presses a kiss to her jaw, and then down her neck, soft and gentle, like a feather skimmed across her skin, she is incredibly sensitive though and her fingers dig into his shoulders as he nips at her throat, teeth scraping at her neck, and she sighs, melting into him.

"I love you," she says.

Shiva grins against her skin, tilting his head up. "I love you too."

Raavi swallows roughly, looking into his eyes, and finds nothing but affection and adoration and love shining in them.

She reaches up and brushes her thumb over his eyebrow. "Sacchi?"

He nods, pulling her closer to him, hands skimming up her back, fingers brushing her shoulder blades. "Haan."

She bites her lip, resisting the urge to kiss him again. "Tu— tu sure hai na?"

It is a strange question to ask, but she needs to know. She loves him. She is sure of it. And she wants to make sure he is.

Shiva smirks, fingers skimming up and down her back in a distracting pattern, tracing shapes into her skin. "Main sure hoon ki main tujhse pyaar karta hoon?"

Raavi flushes, well aware of how foolish it sounds, but she shoves him in the shoulder gently. "Come on, Shivaaa," she snorts. "Jawaab de"

"Raavi," he murmurs, softly. "jabse pyaar ko samjha hai sabse tujhe pyaar karta hoon."

Now it is her turn to blink at him, mouth dropping open. "Tu — kya ?"

He reaches up and brushes a strand of hair back from her face. "Haan, tujhe pata nahi chala?"

"Nahii, no Shiva there was no indication!" she insists.

"I thought I was kind of obvious about it," Shiva says. He smiles, rather sheepishly. "Maybe I could have been a little more obvious about that."

Raavi smacks him on the head. "Uh, yeah, maybe!"

"Oh, come on, Chipkali," Shiva says, wincing. He moves his hand from her back to rub at his head, but she rolls her eyes and drops her hand to his head, rubbing at it gently, and he resettles his hand at her back. "You didn't say anything either."

She rolls her eyes. "Cause I thought you didn't like me like that!"

"I was SO obvious about it!"

"Maybe you could have been a little more obvious about it!"

"What about you? You didn't say anything either!"

"Maybe I would have if I knew how you felt!"

Shiva opens his mouth to say something else, before closing it and shaking his head. "You know what?" he huffs.

"It doesn't matter."

Raavi stares at him, lips parting in shock. "What? Are—are you seriously giving up on arguing with me?"

He leans down and presses his lips to her collarbone, skimming his lips up her neck. "Yeah," he says, nipping at the underside of her jaw. Her nails dig into his skin, and she whimpers when he scrapes his teeth over her skin, before soothing it by pressing his lips there. "I don't really think it matters much," he mumbles. "Tu mil hi gayi muhje."

"Shiva main—"

He cuts her off again by kissing her, and she forgets whatever she was going to say at that, sighing into his mouth.

"Theek hai," she murmurs. "But we do agree ki pehle maine bola."

"Jaisa tu bole Raavi" he agrees, and kisses her harder. He kisses her like he has been waiting to do this for years—which, she supposes, is true. She has been waiting to do this for years as well. Shiva does not kiss her like she is an oasis in a desert, but like she is the first break of sunlight after being trapped in the dark for weeks. he savours it, enjoys it, and she feels her body melt into his slowly, like eons unfolding onto one another. Raavi shifts in his lap, and smiles against his mouth, losing herself in his touch.

Much later when they were about to sleep Raavi looks at him, pressing her hands to his face, thumb rubbing over his stubble.

"I love you," she whispers.

When Shiva smiles at her it is like the sun is breaking over the horizon, growing brighter by the second, and she can't bear to look away from it, from the way his smile warms her from the inside out, warms every inch of her, warms parts of her she didn't think were cold and dark until he shone a light upon them. "I love you too."

She snaps out of her thoughts as she feels him press kisses onto the skin of her neck, she smiles contently and holds him tighter, encouraging him further by wrapping her legs around his waist and bringing his face up, kissing him hard on his lips.

A.N/ I am so sorry for making y'all wait so much! I hope you like the update, considering that this chapter is mostly just flashbacks!