Chapter 16: Irrational

"We say stuff and forget we ever said them, they turn into words said by someone else. Someone who once listened to the words we said. Then we are the ones who listen to the words we think are not ours. But the words we say to ourselves are the words stolen by only us again and again."

~~~

Sungyeol

I am frustrated, and very confused. That's a good place to start when nothing is making sense, I don't know what to think. We both fell and her fall was even worse, but she turns to me and helps me up asking if I am okay. I am sure I am never that nice to her so why is she being such a pushover?

I could see her knee and elbow bleeding but she doesn't see it and quickly takes out tissues and water to clean my wounds. Even when she sees her sleeve stained with blood she ignores it. When she gets up, she ignores her knee as well. It pissed me off.

"Does it still hurt?" She asked me and I wanted to speak up, but my pride stopped me. She is the only pushover in the room-- I catch myself bullying her inside my head and stop.

"Okay then."

Aah. Dammit.

She leaves like that and I regret not replying. When she is out of sight, I notice that she left the first aid kit here. I know Sungyeon doesn't have another one.

Just when I am about to go give her the kit to take care of her wounds, the door bell rings. I sigh and turn around to open the door.

Daeyeol.
My sweet brother.

The way he goes to her and liftes her up, her calling him by his name in every sentence while I get nothing but short stiff replies. And to add on my nuisance, he blames me. And what she does? She smiles at him sadly, her eyes reflecting nothing but gratefulness, compassion, and apology.  I realize this is what it's all about, she always makes sure I feel like I'm the bad guy.

I fist my hands, ignoring the shredding at my knuckles and turn around to storm out of the apartment and forcefully shut the door.

I didn't hurt her, I won't.
I'm just angry that Sungyeon is being too busy with her, that nothing went as I thought it would. It's all messed up. There is no one to blame other than her, or maybe me.

But I refused to blame myself.

The day passes by, Daeyeol doesn't come back and I overhear Sungyeon calling mom and telling her that he's staying over and will be dropped at school with Jihye tomorrow.

I felt left out.

But it is me who asked for this, me pushing her away and treating her badly meant this. It is the only thing I could do, the only way I could react. The next day I walk to school alone and by the time I'm entering, I hear loud familiar voices, chattering.

"No, that wasn't funny." Jihye tells Daeyeol as they walk side by side ahead of me, oblivious to my presence.

"What? How? Of course it was! My jokes are invincible." Unbearable you mean. I scoff quietly and shake my head at him.

But Jihye laughs happily, smacking his shoulder playfully. I see this side of her for the first time. "You are funny Daeyeol, I won't keep that from you." again her soft laughter radiates in the air and I watch from behind as her black hair hugs her shoulders when she moves.

"Yah Sungyeol!" Woohyun calls for me, standing at the door and I curse when they look at me in surprise.

"Oh! It's Jihye too!" Only that is what took Woohyun to come all the way to us, he greets her and Daeyeol.

"I need to bounce or I'll be late." Daeyeol smiles at Jihye and removes his arms from around her shoulders. Odd relief takes over me but that all crashes down when he hugs her. It's okay, I don't even care. "See you Noona!" He bids in her ear before letting go and waving to both Woohyun and I. While Woohyun waves back I fight the urge to punch him and just nod.

"Noona? You seem close." Woohyun tells her as they walk side by side, I casually walk on her otherside sneaking glances at her without her noticing.

"Yeah, he is cute and sweet." Cute and sweet, am I missing something? Is that my brother she's talking about? He's an annoying priçk.

"Stop right there! What about me?!" Woohyun fakes shock with his hands posing dramatically on his chest.

"You too, I guess-" he cuts her off with his fit of laughter as he bends to clutch his stomach.

"Just kidding," He stops laughing suddenly, "What's that?" He points at her knee after he gets a chance to see it.

"Oh, it's nothing. I just fell." She lies. We share brief eye contact till she breaks, making me feel like she snatched something away from me.

What? I did not think that about her eyes on mine did I. I'd be damned. I was just relieved, I don't want Woohyun to think the same way Daeyeol did.

"Oh, got to go. Nice seeing you." Jihye tells Woohyun in a rush, "Janna!" She calls someone across the hall, a girl going into our class. I know her, she's her seat mate. Isn't it nice to see me too? She turns to me and bows briefly before running away. Guess not.

"What's wrong with you, feeling jealous?" Woohyun nudges me. Jealous? Of course not.

"Shut up, a whipped man can never make fun of a single lord like myself. When you walk around the room like a madman because you just knew your girlfriend is on a school assignment with another guy, that's jealous."

I ignore him when he stops on his tracks and furrows his eyebrows, I leave him behind as he takes out his phone and most likely texts her again.

Why fall for a girl who lives in another city? That's just too irrational, what if he suddenly wants to see her, hold her. I don't know, but that would never work for me. I like what's mine to be right beside me.

"Sungyeol oppa!"

All plans of glory with my imaginary girlfriend crumble down when I hear Yeron calling me. After all the attempts she managed to make in a span of a month, I could recognize her squeaky voice instantly.

"Why didn't you reply to my texts?" She asks as she clings onto my arm, I used to have many girls come after me. But around a week after she came, it was like they all flew away. What did she do?

It's not too hard to believe that she scared them off, the girl doesn't know the word no. Only if she puts that passion into school work, I'm sure she would've been smarter than Einstein by now.

"I was busy." Yeah, I was busy checking the time every half an hour because Daeyeol was alone with Jihye at Sungyeon's apartment. The thought just felt wrong.

"Oh, no problem. I forgive you oppa. I missed you, didn't you miss me?" This is not how I imagine forgiveness to be earned, she makes everything so easy and boring. Over all that, she can't get it through her head that I'm not interested.

I wish that I would need to be rude but she leaves me no choice, it's not like if I nod she would leave me alone. That would just make her stick onto me more. I tried everything. No dignity whatsoever, I sigh.

I don't reply and walk into class, from the corner of my eyes I see Yeron staring at Jihye with anger and incredulity. Jihye is talking to whom I assume is Janna and I almost take so long staring at her when she starts laughing.

What was that? That as in the smile I just got lost in or the pulse of protectiveness I felt when I saw Yeron glaring at Jihye, I don't know. I shake my head and walk to my seat not caring less for the clingy girl who stood beside me.

Please, get the message already.

Classes go by and I couldn't help my head as it turns to the right against my accord. It's scary how my eyes move and look at her. Even more scary when it makes no sense to me why I enjoy doing that.

The bells for lunch break go off and I stay rooted in my seat for a while watching over Jihye, "come on! What're you waiting for? It's freedom!" I dismiss Woohyun and the rest who are calling for me at the door.

Isn't Jihye getting up?

I remember even yesterday she didn't make an appearance at the cafeteria, is something wrong I don't know of? I don't know anything about her to begin with anyway. Got to change that.

I get up and pass by Jihye, purposely slowing down as she animatedly chats with Janna, "... I couldn't find the lockers and he helped me out, he was the definition of sweetness..."

That is all I hear but it is enough to make my hands sweat, a feeling of nuisance seeps into me and that's how my lunch break goes. I tried distracting myself a couple of times by looking around, Sungkyu wasn't here yet. Where was he?

I couldn't get myself to eat and it's already halfway through lunch break, my head snaps up when I hear the familiar laughter despite my mates' loud chitchat. Jihye walks into the cafeteria with Janna and... Sungkyu hyung?

~~~~

I bet Sungyeol realized who is the definition of sweetness by now lol. Anyway if you're interested in giving ideas for this book talk to me, I already have a fixed storyline but I want to add a lot of stuff so drop your ideas anywhere.
I'd be the happiest to listen!
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