15 March 2012

Gangnam Avenue

In the month that had passed since my fateful trip to Busan, a lot changed- both bad and good.

A scout from Pledis Entertainment had street-cast me by the subway station outside my school. My life finally had direction. At the tender age of 14, I had left my family home and was now sharing a small dorm in Yeoseodo with a few guys my age, some older or younger than me. SeventeenTV was a show that aired regularly and determined our fate. Immediately after school, we trained late into the night and I completed my homework during the wee hours of the morning.

Contrary to popular belief, the agency didn't ban me from dating. It was in fact recommended so I could let my emotions flow. However, there was simply no time- I'd have to cut down on sleep. Breaking up with my girlfriend was hard-tbreaking but it wouldn't be as difficult as juggling everything at once. I didn't want to drop the ball when I had so many things begging for my attention up in the air. Joo-yeon's tears stained the shirt of my uniform and I allowed her this last hug, guilt at the fact that I had broken her heart tearing me up like a sail drifting in the wind. Now that I could no longer be with her, I dropped out of Changcheon.

At first, my parents were angry at the students who bullied me and disappointed that they were not punished adequately by the school. They understood the pain I felt at the racial slurs of "halfie", the least offensive, being thrown my way. My parents were concerned that I had thrown my youth away if Seventeen disbanded, whether voluntary or coerced. They only came to terms with my decision to drop out of school  once they realised that there wasn't anything that I wanted to study. Night school wasn't an option as the life of a trainee was dance, rap, sing, repeat. We reached a compromise eventually- I would be home-schooled.

My thoughts, uplifting and depressing alike, sank swiftly or floated buoyantly, after swirling around in the undercurrent that was my loneliness. On weekends, I went to the pool for relaxation time. I splashed in the synthetic waves created by my body, only letting the first layer of scales appear underneath my swimsuit. Keeping my emotions under control meant I wouldn't undertake a complete transformation. As much as I trusted my new brothers, I had no idea how they would react to seeing me in a tail.

"Who are they, hyeong?"

"The Pledis Girlz," Seungcheol answered.

One of the ten girls stopped to tie the lace on her Converse, which had loosened while another waited. We caught each other's gaze- she was half white and half Caucasian, just like me. I bobbed my head in greeting and she did the same before the two left.

"She's been a trainee for two years," he picked up the thread of conversation once more. "Our managers allow us to hang out during breaks. You should talk to her then."

I had spent the breaks getting to know the guys better, even off-camera. Maybe I should hang out with them and foster friendships, for the sake of the company.

"Hi there," I left the guys and made my way to the girls. They greeted me warmly and introduced themselves and we got to know each other better. We were joined by more Seventeen trainees and it felt more like break time at school, as we talked and snacked. Kyla, Sungyeon, Samuel, Joshua hyeong and I gravitated toward each other, telling the others of what it was like to live in the various states of America.