20 December 2014

Seoul

"Thank you for having me accepted as an artist for Source Entertainment," I silently prayed that my two months of training would be enough to withstand the pressures of debut, "but most importantly, please heal and tend to my mother."

"The six of you are now part of GFriend," I looked at the four other girls, besides the one I had come here with.

"I spoke to the rest of management and decided that Hwang Eunbi will be called 'SinB' while Jung Eunbi will be 'Eunha'. What do you think?" our manager asked.

My stage name meant 'Galaxy' and I believed that my future would be just as dazzling and limitless. I nodded my approval and my best friend did too. "That's all, you may begin rehearsing GLASS BEAD."

"Don't be nervous, does it seem like a dream?

I am shining for you"

"Your pounding heart tells me how you feel"

I wondered if I would ever feel that way in real life as I let the words flow over me as I danced. 

"All the best on your debut, our Eunhannie," Haneul eonnie and Eunhyuk oppa ended the video call as the manager shouted that the shower was now free. I would call Appa later, scheduling an appointment to see Eomma. I feared that she might have an adverse reaction if she was not warned of my debut ahead of time. Deep down, I wanted her support the most.

I wanted my mum to see the daughter she had given life to, on stage, bringing joy to others. I wanted her to wave a lightstick when GFriend was singing and dancing. I wanted her to be proud of me when she heard my voice and saw my body move in time to music reminiscent of romance. I wanted Eomma to calm me down when nerves got the better of me before awards ceremonies. I wanted her lap to cradle tears that would fall when people bullied me or the group. I just wanted her to be there for me as a lady because mental illness had robbed me of her mothering touch as a girl.

"Eunhannie," I got home to a text from Jeongguk. "Can you believe we're graduating in a few months?"

"Yes," I wondered why he was feeling sentimental, "but you still don't show up to class most days so I understand why it seems so close to you."

"Aish," I imagined him pouting at the screen. "We won't be seeing each other as often afterwards."

"Yes so we should make the best of these last six months," I smiled.

"Right as always," ever since trainee days, the bunny would get depressed or stressed out easily but lifting him out of a bad mood was just as easy.