27 October 2016

KBS Studio

Now that Hansol and I were texting, we kept our interactions at the studio at a minimal. If we caught each other's gaze, it was a smile and wave. I now spent lunch getting to know Yugyeom better- he provided me with news of Jeongguk now that we hardly texted.

"He misses you just as much as you miss him," I had to put my noodles down when I heard that. "I wonder if everyone who knows can also see it," this included the 97 Liners and my friends.

"It is unfair that two amazing people like you cannot be free to date each other, what with our fans being so possessive of us," the idol sipped his tea.

"What's the creepiest thing a fan did to you?" I wondered who could be the worst sasaengs, girls who stanned boy bands or boys who stanned girl groups.

As he regaled me with an anecdote, I could feel the merboy's eyes on me and my shoulders relaxed, letting him know that I'd be okay for our day training tomorrow.

"I feel sorry for you since you have a Halloween choreo to shoot with Seventeen tomorrow," I stepped at the end of the pier.

"Don't be- you and the other groups also have to do it," Hansol smiled at me. When we got to our dorms, we had a short break before practicing with our members. He assured me that our training for today wouldn't be intense. "Chew this," the rapper dropped a pill in my hand.

"Sweet!" the flavour gushed in my mouth.

"It's the greatest secret of the ocean- sea berries," my trainer smiled at my enthusiasm. "We give this to scientists who want to heal the ocean. You can swim without an oxygen tank for a day."

"Will it be okay for me to use it?" I gulped nervously.

"My mum filled in a permit after telling them the Poseidon about your mum," he looked like he was about to reach for my head to pat it and I leaned in. But he then pointed at the beach as he informed me, "we'll be playing in the shallows today."

It was beyond my wildest dreams- I didn't need to swim the way I usually did. Hansol and I did some basic warm up exercises but my lungs weren't caving in on themselves to get oxygen.

"Next week, I'll take you to one of our training pools, it's not far from here," his voice was as clear underwater as above the waves. I nodded and we only left at 3PM, going to our families to cement our alibis.

By the time I had reached the hospice, my bob had already dried. My family were already there, telling my mum that I had cut my hair really short.

"Eomma," I hugged her, still not used to the fact that her arms wouldn't curl around me.

While she chattered on about life here to my father in a lucid moment later, my siblings asked me if I was doing okay after the breakup. Besides my fellow members, only they knew. They didn't really believe that I was okay and instead gave me advice about how to grieve this loss before moving on. I nodded, before asking about their work and lovers.

As we were about to leave, my dad took me aside.

"The doctors say that her condition is now worsening," he broke my already-fractured heart with that news.

"But she was making progress a while back!" I couldn't keep the panic out of my voice.

"Eunbinnie, I wish I were smarter than Doctor Chris Barnard so I could cure your mother," the exhaustion in his voice was evident.

"Appa, we are doing the best we can," he had worked endless nights at home to draft proposals that had ended up promoting him to senior management positions. Haneul and Eunhyuk had worked part-time while studying and now had good jobs to contribute to the hospice fees. Most of my salary as an idol also went to my mother's treatment. "Just hang in there a little longer- I know things will improve," I couldn't tell him about the leviathan as he would forbid me from going due to safety.

"They say you're beautiful as the moon now and I agree, you optimism infects me like sunlight warming my bones," he cupped my face affectionately. "I hope your mum walks out of the shadow someday to experience this for herself. Don't stop shining, I will be here to reflect and refract gazes as needed."

We met my brother and sister outside the hospice. They waited for my manager to pick me up before driving home. I waved goodbye as I regally entered the car and only when the tinted window closed fully, did I let my tears stain the leather seats. They slid down to the floor with my happiness.

(A/N: If you have fanart/edits of EUNHA as a siren, please send them to my DM's on Twitter (@JJudisu or https://twitter.com/JJudisu).I would like to showcase it at the end, and will credit you for your hard work :)).