17 September 2015

Source Studio, Seoul

"We were the only girl group to be nominated for the Best Korean Act category of the MTV Europe Music Awards," Sowon eonnie said in a flat, hollow voice. Did such a thing matter? I wondered as I caught a glimpse of Yuju's broken finger.

It was no longer only I who was depressed- all of us hated waking up to the nightmare that was the idol life. We would face repercussions if we spoke out about the abuse we accepted so we continued to be living radios for our fans, pushing aside concerns over our own wellbeing so we could see their smiles. Hidden trysts with my knight in an advanced red-black belt were the only reprieve I had to this tedious existence I called my "life".

"How's Namjoon doing?" it was his birthday a few days ago.

"Great, he's already discussing ideas for the next comeback," Jeongguk's eyes lit up when he discussed his idol.

"Any spoilers, Mr Jeon?" I pretended to be a reporter, holding out my closed fist like a mic.

"Jackets and Mint Yoongi," he gave me cryptic clues, enjoying this RP game we played. I kept my thoughts about the double entendre those two letters held. "Eunhannie?"

"Sorry, I was thinking about what you just said too much," I smiled.

"Me removing my jacket?" my boyfriend smirked.

"Well, Ms Yoonji said she liked your shirt," I laughed, the emotion infecting him too.

"Aish, that man stole my underwear during trainee days so I wouldn't put it past him," he mumbled.

"I kinda miss those confession shows," I mused.