MAMA 2015

Hong Kong AsiaWorld-Expo

For the Red Show portion of the night, we were one of the Pre-Show Performers, along with Monsta X, GOT7 and Vivian Koo. Of course, our stylists dressed us up in snazzy red suits.

"I still can't control it," I waited for Dino's "please don't play with me" before continuing with "why are you keeping a front? I don't know, I don't know what will happen".

"Is it because I like how you smile at me or do I just seem light to you?" I continued a minute or so later.

After S Coups hyeong and I finished our final verse, I focused all of my attention on the choreography.

"That was a great performance," one of our managers said once we were off the stage. He didn't have to add that we had to carry the same steam over to the actual showpiece.

2 hours later

"And now performing Mansae, I present Seventeen," the MC announced our presence.

The spotlights switched off but it would be okay since the audience had their lightsticks. As our leader started his lines, darkness continued to envelope us like tar. I bit down my fear of the darkness- even the ocean floor of the Yellow Sea was not petrifying as this. When we were trainees, Seungkwan once accidentally switched the lights off in the room I was meditating in- and I cried. I would not do the same here so I launched into my lines.

"Your gestures hit right at my heart. You make me say mansae a hundred times but after I wake up, I always say I'm so stupid," the audience continued to show their displeasure at us.

"Vernon, let's go," I woke up from my musing to rap, "Uh if I aimed for her, if I pick one. Yeah I gotta slamdunk. If you become my female star, this will become a classic."

I had slipped the converter onto my earpiece earlier, letting it absorb the excitement I had felt at performing on this magnificent stage in front of millions of spectators; trepidation I felt wondering if I was indeed a good performer or if the Billboard debut was merely a fluke; the anger I felt at being disrespected like this; the hope I cultivated that we would at least get a standing ovation; and the determination that we could rise above this, just like BTS did not too long ago. This was an unforgettable moment- I felt like a little boat lost at sea, battered by the waves and sinking...

The performance wasn't over soon enough. It would have been a truly mansae moment to have won either of the categories we were nominated for, but we settled with the knowledge that we were at least nominated. TWICE, who had also received a black ocean, won Best New Female Artist, and we applauded them as we resolved that we would make the audience regret their inaction as the girl group had done to their anti's.