9
turmoil

I was struggling to stay afloat in a pit of my own turmoil.

Several words called out to me after confronting Nate: stupid, dumb, idiotic — and other variations on an idea that undeniably applied. He'd met another woman and fallen for her, yet I was still here and so was he. I was sure that anyone who looked at our situation would feel the same way.

I had to remind myself every minute, it seemed, that I was staying to protect Celia and Joseph. I didn't want them to see Mommy and Daddy yelling at each other. I didn't want them to see barrages of papers and lawyers. I didn't want them to ask why they only saw one of their parents on the weekends, while they spent the rest of their lives with the other. I didn't want them to have two versions of every passing holiday. I didn't want them to ask what happened between us.

When the alarm went off the next morning I debated skipping work. I would call in sick — Mr. Irving would probably hassle me again about Carter but would ultimately give in — and then I'd have a day to myself without the kids and Nate around. A day to really think about what our lives were turning into.

I'd already called Julia by the time I was having this inner debate, and I'd already made an appointment with Angela Reeves, the — according to Julia — best marriage counselor in the state. She was the reason that Julia and Mark were still together, or so Julia claimed. That instilled some very high hopes, but I forced myself to shoot them down. Nobody said that therapy was guaranteed to work, and I knew that my situation was way worse than anything Julia and Mark had gone through.

I sighed, checking the time. 7:26. If I left now, I could make it to work on time. And I was already up...

An hour and a half later, I was walking through the front door of the office. Carter was in his usual place, offering a smile as I approached him. With everything weighing on my mind, the only thing I could do without completely losing it was returning his smile — with a thin-lipped nod.

His smile faded a little. "I missed you yesterday; Mr. Irving doesn't have much for us to do when we're not working with people."

"I bet he doesn't." I muttered. "He was never big on Plan B's. It's like he never expects anything to go awry."

Carter looked at me curiously, probably wondering why I was badmouthing my employer within earshot of plenty potential witnesses. If only he knew.

I yanked out the designs for the Florida house and immediately set to work, effectively ignoring Carter. He didn't take the hint, though, and asked plenty of questions as I tried to work. With each one, I felt my fingers wrap more and more tightly around my pencil, until
— rip.

An inch sized tear formed from the roof of the house to the end of the paper, cutting straight through the chimney. "Fuck." I said exasperatedly, tossing my pencil onto the desk. It was ruined.

"Oh, shit, I distracted you, didn't I?" Carter stated guiltily. "I'm so—"

"It's fine." I snapped. Fuck, why didn't I stay home? I thought to myself as I leaned forward and put my head in my hands.

An extremely cheerful voice (which didn't belong to Carter) called out to me. "How are things coming along Mrs. Adams?"

I looked up, staring into the smiling, unbothered face of Mr. Irving, who was leaning over my desk.

"Just great." I said sarcastically, forgetting he was my boss, and sitting back so he could see the damage. He frowned.

"It's not that bad and besides, you have time to redo it don't you? It's not due for at least another week."

"I know," I mumbled. "Just thought that I could be spending time working on other projects instead of redoing something that I fucked up — "

"Calm down, Lily." Mr. Irving used his authoritative voice, the one he almost never had to use on employees unless they forgot their place — one he'd almost never used on me until today. "It is your job to get these projects done and you will, won't you?"

"Yes." I gritted my teeth.

"Gran — M-Mr. Irving, it's my fault. If I had distracted her, she wouldn't have messed up her design. She has a right to irritated, with all due respect." Carter stepped in shyly.

Mr. Irving gave him a look that was full of something I couldn't place. "Well, then please do not distract Mrs. Adams in the future. She has a lot to do and the whole point of having you interns watch this process was so you could learn, not slow my employees down. Understand?"

His language seemed forced, a little off. He refused to look in my direction, totally focused on the shrinking form of Carter, who still looked a little too bold for someone who was unfamiliar with Mr. Irving's ways, as interns were supposed to be. Carter nodded, swallowing hard. "Yes, uh, sir."

"Good." With that, Mr. Irving turned and sharply walked away.

Carter immediately collapsed into his seat, but lines from their interaction ran rampantly through my mind. Despite being brief, it was a little too intimate... And what had he uttered before correctly addressing Mr. Irving...

I looked over at him. "What did you mean to say?"

"Huh?" He looked confused. "When?"

"Before you said 'Mr. Irving', you said 'Gran-something'. What were you going to say?"

He froze up, a chilling look coming over his brown eyes. "Nothing."

He didn't fool me. In the past, I'd remembered Mr. Irving briefly bringing up his family: how he had two children and one grandson who seemed to be taking a liking to art...

"Is he your grandfather?" I asked quietly.

His breath hitched, and he looked around wildly to make sure that no one was listening — which they weren't — before nodding slightly. Red stained his cheeks.

"Please don't tell anyone." He said weakly. "He'll kill me if people find out."

The good nature in me accepted this without question — it wasn't my place to tell anyone, and I had to respect that. But what I didn't have to respect, and overwhelmingly didn't respect, was that Mr. Irving — my boss of more than six years — lied to me.

Thus, venom coated my heart as I chuckled, shaking my head. "Everything works out perfectly, right? He gives you a free internship, and then all of the sudden he just comes up with this brilliant idea to have interns work directly with employees to 'try something new'."

You are one of my best, he'd said that day. It wasn't a meaningless praise. It was why he'd paired Carter with me in the first place. Why would he pick anyone less than "the best" for his grandson to learn from? He'd used me.

Embarrassment washed over me in waves. I was so stupid.

"Mrs. Adams — Lily — I swear I didn't know anything about that." Carter insisted. "I-I'll admit that he did pull some strings for me to work here, but I thought I was going to be doing the stuff that interns normally do."

I couldn't trust anything he said.

"Mrs. Adams, please, I swear — "

"Shut up, just shut up." I muttered.

I looked up at him, and instead of seeing the drive, curiosity, and sincerity that had made me like him in the first place, I saw a spoiled brat who took advantage of what he had. The kind of person who'd never had to work for themselves and never had to struggle. Someone who didn't care who they stepped on and undercut on their way to the top.

I closed my eyes. "Please leave."

He sighed, but didn't argue. He gathered his things, and before he left he took a look back. "I'm sorry." He whispered.

That made just about everything in my life that was hanging by a thread. But now, I only felt numb.

* * *

Hey guys!

This was a short but necessary chapter. I'm curious about you guys feel: did you think that Lily overreacted? Or was she justified after everything on top of being lied to and used? I'd love to hear your thoughts!

I hope that those of you who celebrated Thanksgiving had an awesome Thanksgiving and I hope you guys enjoyed! Love you all!

xoxo,
twyla