16
glass

Raindrops crashed against the roof and windows, pounding indignantly. They were invisible killers, only caught red handed when lightning emerged from the clouds, embracing every living, breathing thing with the hope that the sun had returned. But it was momentary, and we were soon encompassed by darkness once again.

"You've been staring out there for quite some time. Afraid of what'll happen if you look away?" Julia asked quietly.

"More like afraid of what'll happen if I don't." I mumbled. At my words, a lightning strike appeared in the sky, and I heard Julia sigh behind me.

"Come over and sit down, will you. I made us some tea."

There was a tenseness in her voice that hadn't been there earlier. Perhaps it was because we were alone now, that a heaviness found it a fitting time to hover in the atmosphere. Either way, I didn't want to have this discussion, or any discussion for that matter right now, but it was clear that Julia had other plans.

Reluctantly, I drew myself away from the night sky and joined Julia on the sofa. She'd placed the steaming mugs on top of the glass coffee table, and was curled up with her legs crossed and a blanket around her shoulders. It looked like we were teens having a sleepover, which was laughable since the reality was a very different story.

She reached for her mug immediately and began drinking, cursing when she burned her tongue. I felt no desire, no strength to even reach for mine, and so I stared at the mug uselessly as mind wandered.

"How long do you plan to stay?"

I didn't answer as I'd barely heard her words. Nothing was making sense to me right now. I could barely get past the fact that I'd ended up here seeking refuge, and that my children were asleep upstairs, wondering why. The adrenaline was gone, and things were finally starting to sink in.

"Lily."

"I don't know. A while." I replied automatically, shaking my head. My eyes still rested on the mug.

Her hand grabbed my shoulder, shaking it vigorously. Had I been holding the mug, it would've been knocked to the ground by the sheer force of it. "Snap out of it."

I pulled back from my thoughts, but I remained quiet. There were no words I could grasp from the threads of my mind, or at least nothing within reach.

"He did quite a number on you." She remarked as she observed me.

I think that was about the most insensitive thing Julia could've said right then, and a little bit of anger began to flare, transcending my current fragility. It was fire against glass. At  midnight, after a hell of a day, and listening to her irritating words, I decided that I had had enough, and moved to leave before I shattered.

"Lily — "

"I'm really tired, Julia, maybe we should just finish up this conversation tomorrow, yeah?" I said moodily, starting to walk towards the stairs.

"No." The sharpness of her voice shocked me. "If there's one thing you're good at, it's avoiding conversations that need to happen. That shit might work on Nate but not on me, not anymore."

Her words sliced me open, and that was the tipping point. I stopped in my tracks, my hands forming tight fists, and my heart tying itself in knots. My eyes released bitter, uncontrollable tears, and my mind looked on with a ruthless smile. You're pathetic.

Julia's hand found my back, and started rubbing reassuringly. It didn't get far before I pulled away and gave her a hard look. She was unfazed, and looked me head on with a clenched jaw and eyes blazing.

Despite everything, I didn't want to fight right now. I just wanted to go to bed. So I sighed, letting some of my anger dissipate, though tear tracks were still visible on my face. "Why can't we just end this now and call it a night? I'm mad, you're mad, we're not going to solve anything like this." My tone bordered on desperation.

"Well the reason I'm mad is because Nate's been treating you like absolute shit. What I said was meant for him, not you." She shifted on her feet, softening as well. "And I'm also upset that you think I would actually direct that towards you. That's low."

She looked hurt. "Fair enough." I said quietly.

"And I'm sorry about going off on you, but we can't just dance around this. This is serious." She gave me a grave look.

"I know." I said defeatedly. "And I'm trying, but I'm tired, and this isn't as easy as you think it is."

"I never said it was easy." Her voice was soft.

"Then why do you act like it is?" I was starting to grow upset again. "In case you didn't notice, I just left my husband. Do you even realize what that means? I'm a single mother now, and who's to say that my kids won't hate me when they find out why they don't live with their father anymore?" My lower lip wobbled. "So sorry for not being able to stay focused after my family just fell apart. My bad."

She stared at me for a long time, sadness crossing her features. "I just don't want to see you get hurt again."

"Well that makes two of us." I said, undertones of sarcasm in my voice. "Although I don't see what the hell you're so worried about now."

She sighed. "Come on, Lily, you're not that naïve."

"Well apparently I am. Care to spill?"

"Do you honestly think that Nate's going to leave you alone, just like that?" She looked me head on, eyes boring into mine as she spoke quietly. "That he won't come back for you, Celia and Joseph?"

There was no humor in her words.

I shrugged, trying to dispel the dismay that began to cloud my chest. "Why on earth he ever would is beyond me. He's made it clear that he doesn't love or care about us."

She didn't look convinced. "This is Nate we're talking about. I'm willing to bet money that he'll show up here tomorrow morning, begging you to take him back."

The dismay thickened. "Well even if he did, it's not like I would say yes and go willingly back into his arms. I'm not that stupid."

"I never said you were." She said carefully. "I'm just saying that he's an extremely manipulative person, and with your kids involved there's no telling what he'll do."

My heart sunk to the pit of my stomach. Possibilities ran rampant through my mind, but I squashed them down as I swallowed hard and replied, "Then I'll be on guard."

"Good." She nodded approvingly. "At least until you get your hands on some divorce papers, and hopefully it'll be smooth sailing from there."

"That's right, I have to get a lawyer, draw up paperwork...I...." In the moment of passion when I'd screamed in Nate's face that I wanted a divorce, none of that had crossed my mind. The thought was somewhat shocking, and I grasped my head in my hands as a headache began to form.

"I know a guy who can help you out. I'll give you his phone number later on and you can set up a time to meet him and see if you want to work with him."

"That'd be great Julia." I said softly. "Thanks. Sorry for being such a nuisance."

"You're my favorite nuisance," She chuckled. Her hands replaced mine as she lifted my head to meet her gaze, her smile falling. "Hey, you're going to get through this, you know? Fuck Nate and his lying, cheating, no-good ass. He doesn't deserve you."

We hugged it out for a long time: just me and Julia holding each other tightly while I sniffled on her shoulder and whispered empowering things into my ear. When we drew back, she looked at me with a bittersweet expression.

"Before I let you get some sleep, just know that you can always talk to me, okay?"

"You only remind me of that all the time." I joked, smiling slightly.

"No, really." Her eyes were shiny and sincere, but also contained a quality that gave me chills. "I care, Lily. We all do."

Her words left me slightly confused, even after I bid her goodnight and headed up to the guest bedroom she provided for me. I briefly checked in on Celia and Joseph — both were fast asleep, completely oblivious to everything.

The temporary, slightly good mood I'd had earlier disappeared entirely upon entering the bedroom. I flopped onto the bed, staring up at the while ceiling which darkened every so slightly as lightning continued to strike incessantly. My thoughts reverted back to my conversation with Julia, mulling over everything she'd said.

I briefly glanced over at my phone screen, which was completely dark. On a whim, I pressed on it and watched as it buzzed to life, waiting for black letters to arise to the surface. No such letters came.

I took a deep breath. Nate didn't want me, just as I didn't want him. We were perfect for each other, if only in the fact that we had a kindred dislike for one another. Julia was wrong. He would never come after me.

With that knowledge floating through my mind, I fell into a deep slumber in the moonlight as my fingernails dug into my wrists. After all, the pain of that was just enough to override all else.

* * *

The last thing I wanted to do was go to work the following morning, but Mr. Irving had made it abundantly clear that he would be expecting me, in order to make up for at least a few of many lost days. I strolled in with purple wrists and a frown, looking like the epitome of the person who absolutely hated their life.

That was somewhat accurate.

No contact had been made that morning by Nate, so that was the one bright side: I guessed he figured that he would do the courteous thing and let me move on, so that was something to celebrate.

My frown deepened slightly when I caught a glimpse of Carted by my desk — except he was standing up, looking equally unhappy himself. He tapped his foot incessantly against the floor, and when he met my eyes his frown only deepened.

I was not in the mood for whatever his problem entailed, yet I still decided to go for a pleasant approach. "Everything alright, Carter?"

He spoke in a soft tone, contrary to his demeanor. "No, actually, I wanted to talk to you for a minute, if that's okay."

I had no clue what he wanted to talk about but nonetheless I nodded my head. "Okay, shoot."

"I just wanted to tell you that I will no longer be your trainee." He said formally.

What?

"What do you mean?" I asked. "Why?"

He shifted a little, losing his calm and collected persona. "I thought it'd be for the best. Mr. Irving and I talked, and he agreed that you shouldn't be forced to train me if you really don't want to, especially given your views about me being here in the first place. So, now you don't have to."

I couldn't help it — I burst out laughing.

His dark brown eyes appeared wounded by my laughter, and he turned to leave but I pulled him back by the arm. He didn't fight me, just lowered his head and waited for me to stop laughing.

Meanwhile, all I could think was how funny it seemed now that just a few days ago, I was angry about Mr. Irving ensuring that his grandkid got a head start in his career. With the shit storm that had come afterward, what Mr. Irving chose to do in regard to Carter's success was the least of my concerns.

"Contrary to popular belief," I chuckled. "I think you should stay."

Carter couldn't hide the way he lit up at my words, though he tried to look unconvinced. "Are you sure? You don't have to, you know, if you don't want to — "

"I insist."

"But...why?" He bit his lip. I smiled wryly.

"Let's just say I had a change of heart."

* * *

Hey guys!

Another incredibly difficult chapter to write, though I'm not sure why. Did you guys catch anything about Lily's conversation with Julia that seemed...odd? *winks* Let me know what you think in the comments!

Also, do you guys think that the divorce will go without a hitch? And what do you think will happen to Nate in the end? Love you all and hope you enjoyed the chapter!

xoxo,
twyla