🐻 TRIGGER WARNING: 🐻
ᴍᴇɴᴛɪᴏɴ ᴏғ ᴅᴇᴘʀᴇssɪᴏɴ

"Thank you for coming in so early to see me, Gretchen. It's lovely to speak with you again."

"Hi Dr. Jung," The nerdy but sweet looking girl tucks a hair behind her ear, letting the sleeves of her knit coffee cardigan form sweater paws.

"I wanted to thank you for being so open during our last session. You've given a clear picture of what's going on for you right now which is helpful for us to develop an affective treatment plan. Though I would like to know more about you. How are you feeling this week?"

"Um... Quite low, actually." She chuckles, "I couldn't tell you why. I just feel so unmotivated to do things lately, like visiting friends. Or leaving the house for that matter."

"I see. And it's to my understanding that you haven't expressed these emotions to your friends. Any particular reason?"

"They wouldn't get it. I mean they're lovely, I get along really well with them, but they all moved on to become leading roles of their own stories, whereas I was sort of left in the shadows to find my own. It's not entirely they're fault since I didn't actively check up on them. I just know that I've burnt that emotionally bridge with them by isolating myself for so long, so saying anything now would seem... S-sorta random."

It's important to hold eye contact with a patient when they're opening up to you, showing gentle nods along the way so the notes that you're writing doesn't appear intimidating.

"What about university? You described your isolation to start when you moved away from the job you were working at in order to pursue your studies."

"Yeah, I figured a degree was more important than working in some park cafe with my friends but that's when things started to dwindle. I mean I made new friends but..."

"...But you don't feel you can speak openly with them."

"Exactly. The way I've been feeling... It's just easier to hide it than to try explaining to people who won't understand. I'm used to falling back anyway...Nobody wants to know what's wrong with the side character."

"That mindset is extremely common and understandable, though suppression can be a dangerous habit. I like to think of suppression as a beachball. You can push, and push, and holddd it down until it's bubbling... But the effort that you're going through to hold down this ball is more than it would take to just catch and toss it. And what happens when your hand slips? That beach ball erupts the deeper you held it underwater... Going back to university for a moment, I know you're currently still attending lectures. How has that been going?"

"I want to drop out. I've always gotten straight A's until my last module. It was my first ever fail and now I have to retake a year. I see these other students doing so well and getting better a-and wanting to be there for their future whereas I'm just... Questioning why I'm even here. I'm struggling to see the point in putting myself in this environment everyday when it's causing me so much stress."

I lower my notepad and show Gretchen a sincere smile.

"Thank you for being so open with me yet again. I was hoping to give you a summary of the infortmation you've given me so I could deliver my hypothesis based on your symptoms. This is what we call a formulation. It sort of acts as a working model for how we base our therapy. Is that alright?"

Gretchen shows a timid nod.

"Please join in if you feel like any of this isn't quite on the mark. From what I've gathered, you've been feeling quite isolated and forgotten ever since the cafe that you were working at closed down. Because it acted as a home to you. You believed university was the next step but the dramatic change in environment made you miss your old friends who you feel, went on their own adventures without you. They reached out but by that point, you felt too down. And now being so deep into your academic years, university is feeling like a mere expectation of presence. You feel stressed, like it's more effort than it's worth, and it's making you question your existence altogether. Is that accurate?"

"Yes. You understood perfectly," The young lady laughs self deprecatingly, letting tears line her eyes.

"What's the matter?"

"N-nothing I'm just... Embarrassed."

"Dear, don't be. These sessions are all about getting to know you and understanding whatever you're feeling. The more I know about you, the more affective this will be. After these past few sessions, you seem to be expressing signs of melancholic depression. It basicallly just means there's a chemical alteration and shrinkage caused by the biologically changes in your basal ganglia, a structure in the brain. But it's important to understand that these things aren't your fault. I want to help, and we can help. That is, if you want to help yourself."

Talking a deep breath, Gretchen finally nods.
"I... I do. I want the help."

Her response fuels me to smile proudly.

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➽──MEANWHILE──➤
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A sunny horizon shines over Adelaide this morning despite it being the peak of autumn. In a preppy tan trench coat and matching beret, April approaches the Jung household and knocks the residential with one fist, keeping the other concealed behind her back.

Her face practically lights up when an unexpected face answers the door.

"Oh, Hoseok! Hi!"

Hoseok leans against the door frame in another long-sleeved camel shirt, tucked into some pants and paired with luxuriously leathered loafers. The way he checks his watch, leaves a button undone and lets his belt secure his waist creates an unintentional sex appeal that distracts April immensely.

"Good morning April. Lucky timing because I do need to leave in 5 minutes—"

"I know, I'm so sorry. I should've been here ten minutes ago but I wanted to pick you guys up something to make up for yesterday. You know, allergy-free this time."

Rather than last night's colorful collage of flowers, April hands Hoseok a beautiful bouquet of romantic red roses, each stem being secured in a shiny gold cone and rouge ribbon.

"Oh, why thank you. Mayana's not here so I'll have to let her know you left these. And April... Just so you know, we were never mad at you for last night. I apologize if we made you feel unwelcomed."

"No no, it was unprofessional of me to knock during evening hours all emotional like that. So please, take these roses as an apology." April pushes the bouquet onto Hoseok's chest and overlaps her hands across it.

Hoseok looks down and chuckles nervously whilst removing her hands from his chest.

"Well just know that as Jiho's nanny, Mayana and I are here for you. No judgment."

April's cheeks tint softly as she smiles. Soon enough, Jiho approaches the door with his tiny hands clutching his backpack and his feet drowned in the cutest welly boots. Hoseok zips up his son's raincoat before April smiles and extends her palm to the boy.

"I guess we should get going then, huh Jiho?"

"—Wait."

A flustered heat shoots through April's stomach when Hoseok touches her arm to stop her. He then leans in with knitted brows, causing April's body to burn hotter from both nerves and excitement as he sniffs near her.

"You smell... Lovely."

"...Thank you, it's—"

"Coconut and Sapodilla bliss."

April leans back with an impressed beam. "...Wow. You must have a really good sense of smell."

"Actually my wife wears that exact perfume all the time. It's how she smelt when we met."

"Well judging by your home, and other things, May has always had great taste."

Time seems to slow down as April focuses intensely on his eyes. Hoseok does the same back, trying to figure out the mysterious woman before breaking into a chuckle.

"I should probably get going. I'll see you later Jiho. Be good for April, okay?" After kissing his son, Hoseok waves April goodbye with a smile that could light up the entire neighborhood. April beams and waves back as the married father enters his metallically chocolate Mercedez.

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➽──LUNCH TIME──➤
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It's lunchtime, and despite having the freedom to relax after finishing my last session... I can't help but feel both worried and guilty about April.

I rest my phone between my ear and shoulder when filling my mug with a frown.

"What's up honey?"

"Hoseok, I feel really bad about April. I didn't realize she was so sensitive... I hope we didn't make her feel like a burden or anything."

"Mayana, I spoke to her earlier and she seemed in much better spirits. But if you still feel guilty, why not call her?"

"...You're right. I'm gonna call her now."

My thumb ends the call screen in search of April's number. It doesn't take more than a few seconds for her to answer.

"Hi May, what's up?"

"Hey April. I know you spoke to Hoseok this morning and all seemed fine, but I just wanted to call you myself and apologize for offending you last night. I don't want it to seem like we were rejecting your gift with any malice. I hope you can understand."

"Aw well thank you, I appreciate that. I know you meant no harm. I guess I just got really sensitive and unfairly presented that in front of you. I apologize, it'll never happen again."

"So everything's good?"

April grins, "Everything's perfect."

"Great! Well Hoseok's working until late today so I'll be catching you after work. I'll see you later."

"Later, bye."

After a quick beep, April places her phone down on her desk before sipping on a steamy vanilla latte. Her eyeliner creases as she calmly traces two fingers down her laptop's mouse pad and squints with intrigue, letting its screen illuminate her features within the dark room. Face by face, the social media accounts of women who once posted 'date night' pictures reflect in April's glasses as she studies their faces and qualities...

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➽───────❥───────➤
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After a long day at work, my court heels clack along the pavement of my driveway as I draw out my house key and reach to enter it—

Before the metals can even touch however, April answers the door with a huge smile. This time, with tinted hair that almost appears... Auburn.

"April! Hi, you look... Different."

"Yeah, being blonde got quite boring. I found some dye at the store today and figured why not switch things up, you know? Sooo what do you think?"

The dramatically warm pigment coating her hair is like looking at my reflection, only hers is longer and shinier than my own. Even her sporty attire has softened lately with a sleeveless umber high neck top and tennis skirt. It's hard to blend sporty with preppy, yet somehow she pulls it off.

I can do nothing more than mirror April's smile.

"Wow, look at you! Anything um... Anything inspire you?"

April's lip pouts as she tilts her head.

"Nope, not that I can think."

"...Oh." I lean my head back, airing the word at a high pitch. "Well you look amazing."

"Thanks! Come in, come in."

My brows furrow awkwardly as I'm welcomed into my own home, though all that unease drops from my features the moment I spot Jiho playing with his plushies by the TV. I instantly beam in his direction with open arms, "Hi baby!"

"Hi mamma."

"Mwah mwah mwah, I missed you so much." I tuck a hair behind my ear when crouching down and bombarding his cheek with kisses.

"Here, I made your favorite coffee." April extends a steamy mug. I look up with pleasant surprise.

"Aw, you didn't have to."

"I insist." She chuckles, "Drink up. I'm gonna get ready to go."

I lift the latte to my lips and gulp, letting the sweetest vanilla taste river along my tongue. I then turn back to face Jiho as he obliviously rattles his plastic figurines.

"So what are you playing, sweety?"

"Dinosaurs. Mamma play."

"Of course I'll play with you. I'm a dinosaur, grrr—!"

"No mamma! Nice dinosaur."

"...Oh." I answer in embarrassment, causing April to laugh from across the room. After a few minutes of playing however, I feel a sudden lightheadedness... Followed by nausea.

Woah... I feel weird all of a sudden.

"Mamma, dinosaur party. Om nom nom."

"Yeah yeah, one minute baby." I can't help but turn away. April immediately notices my sickly expression and lowers her purse before quickly holding my elbows when I stand.

"Woah May, what's wrong?"

"I-I'm okay. I just feel woozy all of a sudden..."

"God May, you're burning up." She presses the back of her hand against my forehead. "You should go lie down. I can watch Jiho—"

"No no, I'm fine. You've done your job, it's only fair that you go home."

"Mamma okay?"

"I'm fine baby. I just need some water."

"May, your face is turning pale. I'm taking you to lay down."

With hazy eyes and a suddenly heavy dome, my hands latch onto April as she guides my upstairs. I lower my coffee mug onto my bedside before tucking myself in and resting my head with a sigh.

"Fine... But you really don't have to do this. Hoseok will be home in a few hours—"

"May, I'm not just here for Jiho you know. I'm here for all three of you, just like you guys said you are for me. I don't mind watching Jiho while you get some rest, honestly. I'll fetch you some water, medicine and an extra blanket, okay? Now rest up."

A gentle smile barely moves my cheeks once she exits the room. It's nice to know I've left Jiho in the hands of someone so maternal and protective...

I reach over for my coffee cup and drink some more until the mug's empty. My weakness in energy however fails to have me acknloedge the clumpy residue that lines the bottom of the porcelain...