"Can you let me stay in your room tonight?"

When I walk into class, Ryder's plea is still ringing inside my head. I'm not one who dwells on the past, and I certainly am not the type of person who can remember miniscule details from previous conversations, but somehow I can remember everything that happened yesterday.

Ryder's eyes were darker than usual, and there's a slight slope on his shoulders that usually weren't there. He has always have good posture that my mom never fails to praise. But not last night.

Last night, Ryder looked every bit broken.

And I couldn't look away. Firstly, because I'm a heterosexual girl and it's impossible for any heterosexual girl to not be enticed by Ryder's looks. It's just nature. Secondly, it's the first time I've ever seen the manifestation of the word 'despondent' in the form of a man. It was actually quite a whole new experience for me.

I was busy thinking about all the actors on screen trying to portray despondent and failing miserably when Ryder coughed.

"So?"

And then I was reminded by his request. To let him sleep in my room. Now, that was another problem that I wasn't ready to get into.

1. Where would he sleep?

2. Where would I sleep?

3. (And the most important) Will Quentin kill us if he finds out?

My chest felt torn with the two directions I could take. Both of them pull at me right at the heartstrings. I looked down and stared at Ryder's Snoopy shoes. I wanted to help him and wipe that sad sad look on his face. But I didn't know if I wanted to share my room with someone else.

Before I reached my decision, the Snoopy shoes pivoted wordlessly.

And then I watched as Ryder walked away from me.

The view of Ryder's back is still with me even the day after, which is today, and that is not a good way to start this morning. This is an advanced Film class; one of my favorite classes. I'm determined to take the most comprehensive of notes.

Also...

"Nice to see you coming here so early," Alex Malifeci smiles at me, like he usually does when we're the first two people who get into this class.

I try to smile back at him, but I don't think I'm making the right kind of smile, because he responds with a small chuckle that ends way too soon. He sits next to me, because it's required for him to do so.

"So, anything good this weekend?"

Alex is my designated partner for this new program called United For All. UFA takes a person on the spectrum (like me!) and partners them with a neurotypical person (like him!) so that we can help each other. I think the creator of this program was being too unnecessarily kind on their wording; it's more like the NT is helping the one on the spectrum to not screw up their studies and social life.

Advanced Film is the only class that my NT and I share together, so it's the perfect time for him to get his weekly quota for guiding me on how to behave like a normal person. Or preferably, behave like him. In other words: poised, elegant, extraordinarily smart, and incredibly perceptive. He's the most admirable human being on the planet and I do feel strongly about him.

"Eyes up here, April," he chastises me. I look up to meet his clear green eyes and immediately my skin becomes hot. I take one big gulp and try my best to hold my gaze towards him. He smiles. My head goes blank. "Remember to look at the person you're talking to."

"I usually do," I say, because that's one of the first rule that was drilled into my head when I was younger. Look at people in the eyes, no matter how uncomfortable it makes me. For 75% of the time, I succeed, but Alex is a special case because looking at him makes my brain stops working.

I try to trick him by looking at his golden eyebrows instead. "I went out for junk food with someone yesterday. I ordered hash brown and ice-cream and combined it and it tasted great."

"That's great. You always have the best ideas for new food combination."

That's another thing about Alex. He thinks everything that I do is 'great'. I don't know if it's required for him to do so, or if he really does think as such, but I don't have the ability to detect insincerity so I just nod and allow myself to be happy.

"Thank you," I say, because I don't want him to remind me to say it. "Anyway, my next-door neighbor also thought that my food combination wasn't so bad."

I rarely see Alex looking visibly shocked, but at this revelation, his eyes widen. "Oh. Your next door neighbor?"

I nod. "Yes. He's the person I went out with for junk food last night."

"The guy who has already had three different girlfriends in one semester? The one who always fights with them right before you go to sleep?"

"I think their relationship ended last night, too. So now he's probably on his way to girlfriend number four."

"You went out with that guy last night?"

I nod. "Yes."

Alex frowns. "Okay."

We sit in silence for about two minutes before I realize that Alex is probably waiting for me to ask about his weekend too. "What about you?"

"Oh. Same old same old. I had a nice brunch with my parents and played some tennis."

Alex comes from a wealthy family that also funded this university and that's why he throws around words like 'tennis' and 'brunch' so casually. I don't think I've ever known anyone who have casual weekly tennis with a dedicated coach and need to make reservations with their own parents to eat in a time after breakfast and before lunch.

"Oh, were you having a-"

"I'm sorry to interrupt, but this is just bugging me. So you went out with Ryder Black for junk food last night? Just the two of you?"

I'm actually surprised that Alex remembers the name of my next dorm neighbor. "Yes, I did."

"And that's the end of your camaraderie with him?"

"Actually, no. He asked me to let him sleep in my room last night, but I took too long to answer so he left me to sleep on my own."

Alex is opening his mouth, but no words are coming out. Unfortunately, before I can find out what he's trying to say, the lecturer comes in announces the class starting. He seems to lose interest in the matter and smile at me. "We can continue later."

But we don't continue later. Maybe he forgets about it. Maybe he doesn't want to. Because right after the class ends, he gets up, gives me another nod, and then quickly goes to his next class.

I stand right in front of the room, wondering if I should chase him so that we can talk more. But I decide against it when I see other people, most of them girls, approach him. Alex is very popular with girls, especially his juniors. I don't want him to be obligated to answer me when he could be talking to people whom he can actually converse.

"Oh, shit!" a girl's voice booms from behind me. "Shit shit, fffuuuucck. I'm late!"

I turn around and find Bella panting. She notices me and gestures towards Alex. "You're here for your queue, too?"

"What queue?"

"The queue for Alex, dummy. Damn it. It's so hard to get some alone time with him, what with all those girls trying to talk to him." She grits her teeth so hard I'm afraid she'll be losing some. "Fuck it, I'll try next time. Damn Ryder for making me sleep so late."

"Oh. What did Ryder do?"

"He came to me at midnight and asked me to let me sleep on my roommate's bed! He's lucky my roommate's away because she went to her parent's house. Then, he fucked up my sleeping schedule because he can't stop whining about his crazy ex-girlfriend who peed on his bed!"

"Oh, I saw that. I still remember that shade of yellow."

"Crazy, right?" she rolls her eyes. "Wait, you saw it?"

"Yes, I was with-" I can't seem to finish my sentence because all of a sudden, there's a hand over my mouth.

The cedar and milk combo of smell is familiar. Even his warm breath on my neck feels familiar. Ryder is standing behind me, and he has his arm around me. Suddenly, I turn catatonic. "What are you guys talking about?" whenever he speaks, I can feel his breath hitting my skin and goosebumps follow.

No males aside from Family has ever touched me before, but now comes a guy who has no idea that Personal Space is a real concept. Fortunately, sensing my temporary muteness, Ryder removes his hand away from my mouth.

"Whatever, it's nothing important because I missed my chance to talk to Alex!" the last half of Bella's sentence rings in higher octave. "And that's all your fault, you manslut. I'm not letting you sleep in my room tonight if you're going to whine nonstop about your horrendous choices of girlfriends."

"I let you whine about your jackasses of boyfriends all the time!" he protests.

"Not at 2 AM!" Bella shrieks even louder.

I feel dizzy with the overload of stimulus around me. Bella is talking too loud. Ryder is standing too close. And my heart is beating too fast. Bella starts a tirade about how Ryder abused his position as her childhood friend by asking her unreasonable favours and I don't think she realises that Ryder has stopped listening to her.

How do I know this? Because he's leaning close to my ear and whispering to me.

"You're such a meanie last night."

Also.

"Nobody should know that I ate that silly ice cream burger of yours. So don't tell her anything."

At that moment, I immediately realize how Ryder gets replacement girlfriends easily. His set of demeanours are designed to make girls feel like they're going to have a heart attack. While Alex feels like a walking gold statue that's slightly out of reach for everyone, Ryder is the modern art that's screaming for people to look at him. I don't know how I get into the state of comparing people to art pieces and that's a testament on how bedraggled my mind has become.

I close my eyes in an attempt to regain a little bit of composure, but when I open my eyes again, both Ryder and Bella have already been gone.

----

i feel proud of myself for updating twice in a week. let's hope that this sticks into a habit. i really want to submit this to the watty awards and to do that , i need to finish this story. woot. in hindsight, that's probably one of the best thing this covid-19 has brought to my life. now i have so much time i don't have any excuse to not update my wattpad stories!

i dont have a fancy banner -yet- but if you want to follow me on instagram: (i post update progress and stuff!) demonicblackcatwrites