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Twenty-Four

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Despite the promise she made to her brother, April couldn't bring herself to step out of her room for the next few hours. There was something about shame that hurt more when you should've seen it coming.

She sat on her bed upstairs, looking out the window as the others loaded up a silver RV, pending the adults' departure the following day, alongside with Malia and Javier.

She sighed. Speak of the devil.

He walked up to the truck with two suitcases, one in each hand. Instead of setting them in normally, though, he merely gave each a toss and left it at that. He grabbed the hood of the trunk and slammed it shut, rubbing his palms together afterward.

As if sensing her eyes on him, his eyes drifted up and caught hers, but only for the second before she pulled the blinds shut.

"You know you can just walk outside and talk to him, right?" Amanda asked from her own bed, crossing her legs in front of her.

April heaved a sigh. "I know."

"Then why aren't you?"

This was exactly why April couldn't: the pain. The swelling pain involved with everything that has to do with that four letter word, 'love'.

"Manda, I'm tired," she said. "It's hard."

Amanda smiled affectionately. "Can I come over there now?"

April nodded. "Yes, please."

Prior to now, she had ordered Amanda to stay on her own bed but right then, her friend's shoulder was all she wanted to lean on. Amanda slipped into bed beside her, and April gladly took the support she offered.

Amanda stroked her hair. "It'll be okay, it's only a matter of—"

"Start saying cheesy, basic stuff and I swear I'll never talk to you again," April said, making Amanda chuckle and pat her shoulder.

April bit her lip and opened the blinds again, looking outside. Javier was still standing by the trunk with both hands on it, as though for support. The only thing she could remember in that moment was the last thing he had said to her.

"So that's it?" Amanda asked.

She swallowed. "Yeah, pretty much."

"Lies."

April smiled but it didn't reach her eyes. "No, I'm serious, Manda you needed to hear what he said to me. I may not be over him, but he sure as hell is over me," she sat up, "And there's nothing that can change that."

"And you being you will probably push that to back of your mind now, won't you?"

She nodded and shrugged. What else could she do? "I'll be fine, don't worry about me."

Amanda's phone beeped with a text, which she ignored as she continued to comfort April. It would've been good, had the phone not beeped twice again within the next two minutes.

"You should get that."

"No, it's fine."

"I said I'm okay, Mands. Just get it, they might need you."

Resigning, she walked across the room to retrieve the gadget, smiling sheepishly at the screen once it lit up.

"Who is it?"

"Nate."

"Why is he—oh." April sighed. "I'm still not used to this, but then again I'm pretty sure this whole process is new to me as well."

"It gets easier...both ways." Amanda chuckled, before leaning over to kiss her temple. "I'll tell him I can't stay long."

"Whatever," April waved her off.

"I love you."

"Go love my brother," she mumbled back, grabbing the huge pillow beside her and burying her face into it.

When the door clicked closed, April spared herself another glance out the window. This time, her gaze fell, not on Javier, but on Patrick and Hannah leant against the RV, both occupied with laughter. Hannah said something amidst breaths which made Patrick shake his head quickly, laughing as well.

She forced a smile. It was nice seeing them.
Nice, yet her chest ached at the sight. Not because she opposed their union, but they reminded her of a life she'd just lost all hope for, one she would never have.

Suddenly, it became hard to breathe right. She swallowed, but it was as difficult as trying to swallow a heart while it was still beating. Her bottom lip quivered, and she shut her eyes tight, turning away from the window.

This couldn't be happening.

She let out a huge breath through her mouth, blinking rapidly as the wall behind her eyes built itself up. She clutched the sheets, clamping her teeth shut. She couldn't cry because of a guy, it wasn't April.

She curled into a ball, hugging her knees in front of her, and finally gave permission for the pent up emotions to gush forth through her eyes.

××|××|××

[Javier]

"Javi," he heard from the other side of the door. "You ready?"

He took one last eye sweep of the room before drawing the blinds shut, leaving sunlight peeking through the tiny gaps in between each blind.

He turned to the pile of notepads on his desk and sighed. He knew what he was doing, but at this point, not much mattered anymore, not even the years of lyrics and poetry he was leaving behind. His notes were never going to be used, he had known that for a long time, but at least back then, they'd had use to him, and maybe to her, too. But now she thought he was a failure. She was probably right, seeing as that one word from her was all it took for him to abandon everything.

"Javier?"

"Coming, mom," he called back, leaving the room.

"Thought you weren't coming out," his mother chuckled on seeing him.

"I was just making sure I didn't forget anything," he lied. He'd been doing the opposite.

"What's wrong?" She grabbed his hand. "I thought this was your idea?"

"Where'd you hear that?"

"Your dad said so. Seems he took my advice to reconnect with you," the small, blonde, bony woman chuckled, reaching up to ruffle his hair. Marianna Klein was the definition of a complete softie —quite the contrast to her hard headed husband. She was dressed in jeans and a peach button up sweater that complimented her hair.

He forced a smile and shook her hand off his hair. "More or less."

"Javi, you got accepted to do a double major," she reminded him. "You should be happy. Less than five percent of applicants get that privilege at Harvard. Do you know how lucky that is?"

He shrugged. He'd also been lucky enough to get in in the first place. "Yeah."

She smiled. "Personally, I never thought you'd find something you liked more than songwriting, but you seem to have outgrown that."

He frowned. "How'd you know?"

"Well, you haven't written in ages. I can't remember the last time you played me a song." She offered a small smile that pronounced her high cheek bones. "You know, I hate it when your dad's right but Maybe you're meant for the suit and tie after all."

He pursed his lips and nodded, opening the door for her.

The air in the car was stuffy despite the windows at the front being all the way down. He slouched in the backseat with his windows up, resisting the urge to look at the gathering outside as people said their goodbyes. He couldn't risk meeting her eyes again, if she was even out there.

He gave in as turned his head.

Hannah was chirping excitedly, talking to Paige and Shawn when Nathan and Amanda joined them. If Javier had remembered that the glass was not tinted, he would have hidden, to avoid the look he got from Nathan when their eyes met.

Javier's chest stiffened as his best friend made his way over to him. Nathan tapped the glass once and gestured for him to bring it down. He knew it was a bad idea but there was no way he'd avoid this conversation.

"I'm gonna fucking kill you," were Nathan's first words.

"Is she okay?"

"She's April... Of course she's fine."

Javier sighed and nodded. Conversations about his sister had always been stiff between them.

"You're still doing the triple majors?"

He nodded. "Double, and yeah. He's not gonna hear of me passing on it."

"Look, man, I want to get into the business world as bad as possible, but I would never double or triple major...and I'm me. There's other things I want to focus on. Knowing you, you're signing yourself up to perish."

He clenched his jaw. "Thanks, I'll remember that."

"I'm serious... You'll have to speak up soon."

He forced another nod, when what he really wanted to do was shout his heart out, hurry back in there to grab his notes, then head to the other house as fast as possible.
It didn't even have to be in that order, he just needed an out.

"Catch you later. I'll drag the girls home at least two weeks to resumption. You keep till then, alright?"

He nodded again. "I will."

"And man, I've never said this before but...you should try again with April. She's fine doesn't mean she's happy without you."

When they both heard April's name from behind them, Nathan turned around while Javier looked away to avoid eye contact. When he eventually peaked, she was hugging Hannah goodbye, then her father, who said something to get a small laugh past her lips.

He kept his eyes on her, watching her nod and reply to little things here and there. Hannah asked a question, pointing her thumb over her shoulder at him. Javier's heart skipped as April merely shook her head, not even glancing in his direction before turning around to talk to someone else.

If that didn't mean it was over, he didn't know what would.