in case anyone is wondering, i unpublished and republished this with changes according to Trekkiehood's feedback. thank you so much, you're amazing... let me know if it's better or if there are still things that need to change because i appreciate it so much. :)

*this is rated PG-13+ for triggering themes

"Guards!" Thor choked out desperately. "Guards, help! Help him!"

Shaking, he gathered his brother in his arms and rose, not waiting for the Asgardians to respond to his call.

He sprinted down the hallway, back towards the stairs. He just had to make it to infirmary. They could fix this. They had to be able to fix this.

The guards he'd yelled for met him there, running to answer their prince.

"Your highness, what happened?" their leader gasped as his eyes landed on Loki's ashen face and bloody clothing.

Thor didn't take the time to answer with anything more than a desperate order. "Go get my mother."

And he kept running, down two flights of stairs and another hallway before bursting into the infirmary.

"Your highness," the nurse there gasped. "What..."

"He's dying!" Thor cut her off. "You need... you need to stop the bleeding! Please!"

She paled when her eyes returned to Loki and the true gravity of his condition sank into her mind. Thor gently lay the younger prince down on the operation bed, and she yelled desperately for the real doctor while jumping into action herself.

Thor stepped back to allow them room to work, but he wasn't planning on leaving. He couldn't. He had to know that Loki would be alright.

Because he would be alright... it wasn't an option for him not to be. Thor needed him. And he needed to see the joy return to his eyes... to see him rise above their father's betrayal. He had to see him grow into the man Thor had always known he would.

Frigga was almost as pale as Loki when she burst into the room.

Her eyes landed on her younger son, and her lips parted in a silent outcry. Then, she jumped into action alongside the doctors, skillfully aiding them in every way she could.

Thor just continued to watch, his heart pounding in his ears, a silent plea repeated at every thud.

Please be alright. Please be alright. Please be alright.

After what seemed like both days and mere minutes at the same time, the people swarmed around the young prince stepped back, their faces grave.

Thor could feel his hands shaking, but he didn't care.

He had to be alright. He had to be alright.

Frigga's eyes were locked on the head doctor. "Will he be alright?" she asked, her voice calm but with a desperate note written behind it.

His slight hesitation seemed to Thor to take eternity. But he nodded slowly.

"He is fortunate he was found when he was. A few minutes later, and he would have lost too much blood."

Thor could feel a little of the weight lift from his shoulders at the news.

"How long until he recovers from the blood loss?" the queen pressed.

"He should be back to normal other than this gash within two days," the man told her. "I suggest you let us keep him sedated until we believe he is ready to be released. It will give him a smoother and faster recovery, and it will avoid any complications that might ensue if he was to get bored."

A fond smile touched Frigga's lips at the reference to Loki's mischief. "Of course. I agree."

"Would you like me to fetch you a chair, Your Highness?" one of the nurses asked.

Frigga hesitated, regret on her face. "I'm afraid not. My husband has need of me." She turned to Thor. "My son..."

"I'll stay with him, Mother," Thor agreed quietly.

She smiled, blinking back a few tears, and reached up to brush his hair back from his face. "I love you, Thor. You're a hero today."

He managed to return her smile, shaky though his was. "Thanks, Mother. I love you too."

She took his hand and squeezed it, then turned back to the ashen face of her younger son. She bent down, kissing his forehead softly and murmuring something no one in the room could hear. Then, she turned and left the room, casting one last regretful glance over her shoulder as she did.

Thor's eyes returned to Loki. He vaguely registered one of the nurses asking if he wanted a chair, and he nodded and thanked her dully. He looked back at the carefully bandaged gash on his brother's arm, feeling his heart start to ache all over again.

And then, something under the bandage, on Loki's wrist, caught his eye. Something he was sure he should have noticed before. It was a sliver of red, a thread of it, sewn across Loki's skin. Another was just barely visible, on the bottom edge of the bandage. Above it, two more stitched Loki's pale canvas.

There was one nurse still remaining, cleaning the tools they'd used and putting everything back into place. Thor pointed a hand that was almost trembling at one of the red slits.

"What... what are..." He cleared his throat and tried again. "Are those..."

She raised an eyebrow. "I'm sorry, Your Highness, but I don't understand."

When Thor was finally able to force the words from his mouth, they came out a whisper. "Did he do that to himself?"

She simply nodded. "Your Highness, there's no other explanation." 

Thor struggled to keep the emotion off of his face. "Alright. Thank you."

"Of course, Your Highness." She finished putting away the last of their supplies, then curtsied briefly. "Unless you have any further need of me, Your Highness, I'll be going."

He shook his head quickly. "No, no... thank you, you can go."

She nodded to him, then turned and left the room.

The door shut behind her, and Thor was left alone with the steady breathing of his brother.

And at last, the tears fought their way out.

His mind screamed that he was better than this, stronger than this, but it did no good. He'd been strong since he found Loki and now he couldn't do it any longer.

How could he have left the younger boy alone?

Yes, Loki had pushed him away. Yes, he had tried. But he hadn't tried hard enough. He'd known this was killing Loki, but he'd had no idea of the extent.

And that was that he thought he would be better dead than living in the pain he'd been feeling. That he'd been cutting himself just to catch a little relief from it.

How could he have been so blind?

Loki could have died that day. If he hadn't finally woken up and knocked on that door, no matter how hard his brother had closed it, the boy would have died. And it would have been Thor's fault... Thor's and Frigga's and most of all Odin's, but that didn't change the fact that some of the blame for this was on Thor's shoulders.

It didn't matter if Loki was shutting them all out. It was their duty as his family, as people who loved him, to keep knocking anyway.

Anymore, though, Thor wasn't even sure Odin did really love Loki... not for who he was. Not as a son.

They'd all let him down so badly, and now Thor had absolutely no idea how to make it right.

that was short, but there will be another part