Book: In Case You Missed It

Author: Purrfectly_1220

Genre: Teen Fic: Romance

TITLE

I really loved the title! I know it was previously just, 'ICYMI' so I like how you've changed it. I absolutely adored how it fits with the book.

COVER

I was not a fan of this. The colours clashed and it seemed pretty crowded. I don't mean to sound too harsh but the cover is what lures a reader in. Your work is stunning, and your cover might be the reason it's not getting as many reads as you would like/ it deserves.

BLURB

Your blurb was very intriguing! However, judging the book from the blurb itself, the plot seemed pretty cliche. I was preparing to come across a book with a plot I have seen countless times, featuring the cheerleader and her polar opposite that suddenly fall in love. One thing I really loved in the blurb was the last sentence. If that sentence was a person, I would be a simp for them. The figurative language in that line was stunning and I think it showcases your ability as a writer. This made me excited to see language like this used in the book itself!

GRAMMAR

On the whole, this was very good. However, I did notice a few mistakes:

Original: 'there's only one guy whose worth watching.'

Edited: 'there's only one guy who's worth watching.'

Whose is the possessive form of 'who', whereas who's is the contraction form of 'who is' or 'who has' (in this context, who is)

Original: 'and I wouldn't take no for answer'

Edited: 'and I won't take no for an answer.'

In some contexts, the original would work. However, for the particular phrasing, it should be changed to 'won't'

I also noticed that you used 'fishes.' At first, I thought this was just part of Whitney's character to say that. However, you used it in narrative paragraphs too. Please note that the plural of fish is fish.' You also did this for seaweed. Generally, the plural for seaweed is the same, 'seaweed.'

There were also a few issues with the tense used;

Original: 'Shean intervened, grabbing Jay's angry fist as Malachi hold onto his chest from behind to stop him.'

Edited: Shean intervened, grabbing Jay's angry fist as Malachi held onto his chest from behind to stop him.'

There's also one other sentence regarding tense.

Original: 'So you're telling me, you've never went on a date with Whitney.'

Edited: 'So you're telling me, you've never been/gone on a date with Whitney.'

As you can see, the tense is slightly off in the original version. Another error I picked up on was the misuse of prepositions.

Original: 'I tucked my hands on my pockets.'

Edited: 'I tucked my hands into my pockets.' - Chapter 6

Original: 'She swallowed a lump on her throat.'

Edited: 'She swallowed a lump in her throat.'

Another mistake is:

Original: 'Speaking of Whitney whose by the way, you're not interested in...'

Edited: 'Speaking of Whitney who, by the way, you're not interested in...'

'whose' is a possessive phrase so is not suitable in this sentence. Next;

Original: 'I forgot were kinda racing to school'

Edited: 'I forgot we're kinda racing to school.'

As you probably know, 'we're' is the contraction of 'we are.' A final mistake that I will point out is:

Original: 'Whitney said none as she...'

Edited: 'Whitney said nothing as she..'

There were a few more errors like missing punctuation but I won't go into depth about that.

CHARACTERS

So I loved how you portrayed them but I have one little note. You have written

"Hey Rick, go long!" Andrew, my ex-boyfriend's best friend yelled across the field...

I appreciate the expansion of character relationships. However, to improve I would recommend not telling the reader this directly, but inferring this. This can be presented through dialogue or scenes. For example, a reader can infer this relationship if the two characters hang out with each other.

WORDINESS

Although this wasn't exactly a problem. I do think some wording could be edited out. I think this would greatly improve the story's flow. For example:

Original: 'I saw a guy with about 6'4 in height walking towards the area.'

Edited: 'I saw a guy around 6'4, walking towards the area'

Original: 'paying no certain attention to my tale.'

Edited: 'paying no attention to my tale'

PLOT + SCENES

The scenes were extremely enjoyable. However, they were pretty cliche. I loved the humorous dialogue in Chapter 2 but it is common to see similar in movies. The overall plot was cliche and it was apparent how the book would progress/end. Despite this, I still thoroughly enjoyed it. Sometimes a good cliche book is all I need!

Although it was cliche, I did like how Whitney, stood out from your typical 'blonde cheerleader.' She was educated, which isn't often portrayed in a stereotypical pov.

HUMOUR

This added so much enjoyment to the read! I really love the way you subtly present humour. You have found the right balance.

START + CHAPTER

I loved this! I think it was extremely creative and showcased character development from the start till the end. I was so sad when it ended because your book was THAT good.

OVERALL
This was an extremely enjoyable read! It is short and sweet! I think this piece of work is truly undiscovered! I had a fab time reading this and hope you continue to make more novels <33