have I ever told you how much I hate those smartPHOWNED things?  Hint: it's a lot.

Anyway
texting fails

Laurence: and then the fucking lady had the godamm nerve to say "oh my. I didn't realize you served THOSE kind of people" MAAM. YOUR SERVER IS THOSE KIND OF PEOPLE.
Garroth: clam down
Laurence: I assume you mean calm down?
Garroth: no. Pedro is dead. War is hell.

—-

Garroth: what the Becky is going on here?
Garroth: *heck

—-

Garroth: I know this is really hard for you, especially since it's your favorite cafe and the lady is an ass, but you've got to machete your way through this
Garroth: *make
Garroth: please do not machete your way through a homophobic lady
Laurence: too late

—-

Laurence: I'm like 94% sass
Garroth: and the other 6%?
Laurence: hang gliders
Laurence: *how about glitter
Laurence: I swear I'm not 6% sorta flying machine