HEUUERDRRRRR I GOT AN AWESOME IDEAR JUST YOU WATCH ME WRITE THIS AND KNOCK MY OWN SOCKS OFF OH GEE
And yes, 'tis I, Mai. Thee PastelMai
I KNOW I JUST UPDATED ON THIS ACC BUT I WANT TO WRITE SOMETHING HERE BECAUSE IVE ONLY WRITTEN ONE THING OOPS–
Anywasyyysys you get to enjoy this hehehhuheur (but tbh I'm probably going to write this all in one setting when I need to work on my history speech (kill me please) Oo ps)

Also slight trigger warning oops I'll tell you when that is

«My Street»

~»★«~

к α т є ℓ у и ||

So, legend has it (which one I'm not completely sure) that when your soulmate is in pain, roses begin sprouting on your body where the pain is or where they got hurt. There is also something else. It also just so happens that when you and your soulmate are in the presence of one another, your chests are to glow. Supposedly, it is your heart glowing from being in such close proximity to the one you are to end up with.

Now, I'm not really one to believe this kind of stuff. But from what I've seen, it is no legend. My own friend, Nicole, has had this experience. She would have these pains in her leg or arm every now and then. And then a couple hours later, full bloomed roses would be growing from her limb. I remember her exact words when she had roses grow from her right ankle the third time.

"Man, this person who is apparently my 'soulmate' must be an idiot to break their ankle 3 times."

Not only has it been the roses, but Nicole actually found her soulmate. Wasn't anybody special, though. Just Dante. We were at a swimming pool, and Dante just so happened to have his shirt off, and Nicole was wearing a bikini. As a result, when they were near each other, their chests started glowing. Great and all, but I don't trust Dante that much... or it's just me not wanting my friend dating a dork such as him. It doesn't really matter much.

I've tried finding my soulmate too. For example, Jeffory. In high school we tried dating. Even though nothing would glow, we wouldn't get roses from each other, we still tried to make it work. But, as you know, it didn't work out in the end.

MmMM TRIGGER WARNING

I can't say that I was okay with not getting roses at all. Or even my chest glowing around somebody. But it was making me doubt if I even had a soulmate. I wouldn't even imagine that I would be this sad about it, that I can take a blade to my own skin. Watching the red seep out of my skin. Red liquid. Blood. Instead of solid red flowers blooming.

If I really am to have a soulmate, and they just don't get hurt, they must be really sorry for me. Or not. Whatever they choose to feel.

So, now I'm sat in my room, doing the same thing I do nearly every night. Purposely cutting myself, feeling like nobody cares all that much about me or the things I do. Thinking that I will die alone, nobody with me for my last breaths. Nobody knows I do this to myself. I'm afraid if anybody knew, they would waste perfectly good time that shouldn't be wasted on me. Merely a helpless and a 'will-probably-end-up-alone' girl in this world.

I had the cold blade in my hand, the lights dimmed, tears staining my cheeks. I had already made multiple slits on my arm, each one slowly bleeding out. I brought the sharp edge closer to my skin again, shakily cutting through my pale skin. This time I just so happened to cut a little too deep, dropping the blade immediately. The blood oozed out of the wound quickly, some of it spurting onto my face and shirt.

I was panicking, things were moving quickly, I couldn't think straight. The only other times I've cut too deep I ended up in the emergency room. But when everybody asked about it, I ended up telling them that 'oh, it was a sudden.. slip. I hit my head kinda hard. Don't worry, I'll be fine'. I knew Aphmau and Nicole were doubting me. But I just said that to prevent the others from worrying about me. I'm not worth it.

MmMmm NO MORE TRIGGER WARNING

I grabbed a tissue from my bedside table, wiping up the other blood before before firmly holding it against the last slit that I made. I grabbed a few more, holding them against my inner forearm, then held my arm close to me. I crossed my arms over my torso in an attempt to hide the wounds and blood and tissue. I-it's fine Kate. Just go downstairs to get a t-towel and wrap your arm in it. Everyth-thing is going t-to be f-f-fine.

With my arms still crossed, I used my top arm to slide the blade under my bed and open the door after turning on the light. I walked out of my room, starting down the stairs. As long as you don't run into anybody, you should be fine.

That would be the case. If halfway down the stairs Aphmau wasn't trying to come up the stairs at the same time.

She had a smile, before seeing me. Her eyes went wide, her chest tightened up, her skin flushed. Her eyes went from my fear-filled ones, to the blood on my shirt and the ends of tissue poking out from under my arms.

"Katelyn, what are..." her voice trailed off, she took a couple steps closer to me. She grabbed my wrists and forced me to hold my arms out in front of her and I. The tissues floated to the floor, blood stained.

I looked at Aph's face. Worried, concerned.. I couldn't help but let the tears out. Multiple heavy and hot tears made their way across the curves of my face. Eventually landing on the wood of the stairs. Through the blurriness of my eyes, I could see her starting to tear up as well.

"Katelyn... why.. why do you do this to yourself! You have people that care for you, Kate! You can get help.. we care about you, everybody... I can't.. believe this... that you would do this to yourself! Do you have any idea how heartbroken I am right now!? How Nicole would feel.. How Jeffory... How Travis would feel..." by now she was crying almost as much as I was, choking on her words. "Just... why?"

We sat in silence for a few minutes. I know how I wanted to respond, I just couldn't get the words out of my throat.

"I-I... I-I'm lonely, A-Aphmau.."

т я α ν ι ѕ ||

I was here again. My room, isolated. Door closed, locked, by myself. Bright lights, silence, and the stabbing pain in my right wrist that comes back every night to haunt me. Then when I wake up, red roses have bloomed, and I'm forced to cut them off every day. I have to hide them. I can't live anymore with the fact that my soulmate, the one I am supposed to meet someday, is this hurt that they can cut themselves every night. Everyday for the past couple years. The same thing. Pain, having to sleep through this and not being able to do anything about it. Being helpless. And then waking up to see roses from my wrists.

Everyday I just cut them as close I can to my skin and wear long-sleeves. Every now and again I might not wear long sleeves, but I'm careful to keep the cut ends out of sight from everybody.

I break down in my room from thinking too much. About how I'm helpless towards this situation, I just have to watch from my own point of view, experience this pain second hand.

I tell nobody about this. I don't need people telling me, though I know, that my soulmate is a cutter. I don't need to be reminded of it. It drives me to the edge of insanity just this feeling alone after such a long time. I'm surprised I haven't grown used to it by now.

"Not again.. no no no no... I can't take it anymore!" I use my left hand to grab my right wrist tightly, trying to stop the pain. A few warm tears rush down my face and hit my arm.

I hear a knock at my door. I jump slightly, releasing my grip on my wrist and stay facing away from the door.

"What is it?" I yell to whoever is on the other side.

"Hey, uh, Aph is trying to get us to go to a pool today. You up to go?" By the voice, I can tell it's Garroth. Trying to clear my voice best I can, I respond.

"Uhm, sure! I'll be ready in a few minutes," waiting for a response I stand and adjust my sleeves to go over my whole arm.

"Alright, we're just going to be upstairs. We're gonna leave in about 15 minutes."

"Okay," I respond, hearing the footsteps retreating back up the stairs.

To get ready, I just throw on my swim shorts, and I already have my white t shirt and green sweater on. I grab my phone, mess with my hair a bit, and start heading up the stairs.

When I make my way upstairs, Aaron, KC, Aph, and Kate are sitting in the living room. (By now her cuts aren't bleeding anymore. And the one she cut too deep on has a bit of bandage around it but nothing too big so people won't be like " wh o a she cutted her wrist :00") They're just talking casually. Something about pineapple on pizza. I walk in and sit on the couch next to KC.

"Henlo guys," I wave and lean forwards on my elbows.

(oH MY GOD MAI ~Phil)

"Hey Travis," Aphmau waves at me, smiling quickly.

"So are we all ready to go?" Laurance asks the group, and we all nod.

And so we're off

~»★«~

When we got to the pool, we all got ready to just do our thing. Some were changing into swimsuits, others were just getting ready to sleep under the sun. I myself was just going to kick back and watch everybody else.

I got ready to just sit in some shade, but also took of my sweater and t shirt in case I wanted to get in the water.

Everybody was ready to do whatever after a few minutes. Some people already were in the water and a couple were sleeping. Already. Dang. I crossed my arms as I sat on a reclined pool chair, trying to his the inside of my wrists. Katelyn was going around and handing waters to people, and then she made it to me.

She slowly walked up to me with a few bottles in her arms.

"You want one?" She asked in a melancholy tone. I nodded and stood up to take one from her. When I went to grab one I saw a red tint from behind her light blue top. I ignored it until I also saw a red tint coming from below my head.

I just looked in her lifeless eyes that looked grey in the shade. My heart sunk and I was frozen in place. I quickly set the water behind me then put my hands on her shoulders.

"Hey–what are-" I cut her off by putting my arms around her, surprising her (HOLD THE FRICK UP THE MOST PERFECT SAD SONG CAME ON OFGMM IM GOING GO CRY HOLY THIS SONG ALWAYS MAKES ME CRY HHNGNNG–). She was most likely clueless about what I was doing.

"Katelyn you- I can't believe you- do you realize what just happened?" I was on the verge of tears myself, my arms around her tight as if she would disappear if I let her go.

"No- let go of me-"

"I'm not going to let you go. And I'm going to show you why," I backed away but kept my hands on her shoulders. Red was illuminating from both of us so intensely it was nearly blood red. "That's not all," I took my right arm and showed her my wrist, the cut rose stems barely showing. "This-... you do this to yourself.. I'm not going to tolerate it anymore Kate."

"OhmyIrene..." her voice was raspy and low, barely audible. I saw a tear go down her cheek and fall on the concrete. "I'm so sorry- I..."

"I don't care, as long as you promise me never to do it again." I put my arms around her shoulders again tightly.

"... I promise."