Ivy: Would you date me if you weren't gay?

Garroth: Who cares? I am.

~

Zane: "Me and my brother are two years apart."
Travis: "Don't you two have the same birthday?"
Zane: "We would have if he didn't hang around in my mom's stomach for two extra days like a little bitch."

~

Aphmau: "Why are you mad?"
Aaron: "You STABBED me."

{too soon lizzy too soon}

~

Garroth: "Hold on, are you left handed or right handed?"
Laurance: "...I'm a soccer player."

~

Zane: "What I do is I push emotions deep deep down until they turn into a mental illness."

~

Zane: "I buy my tables pre-flipped so my enemies have nowhere to turn when I beat them."

~

Michi: "It's a good day to be a hoe!" {I'm sorry}

~

Vylad: "Life is like a coffee filter, only the good beans get through."

~

Zane: "Maybe you should just be on time like a normal person."
Travis: "It's harder than it looks, Zane, I had to go get 6 redbulls before school today."

~

Zane: "I don't know if I can handle this one without murder."

~

Dante: "I don't want to go to work tomorrow."
Vylad: "Just... Walk south... And don't stop."

~

Aaron (about aphmau):"I want her to look at me the way she looks at that churro."

~

Garroth: "I wanna read a riddle!"
Laurance: "I don't think they're riddles..."
Garroth: "I wanna read a riddle!"
Laurance: "They're not-"
Garroth: "Riddle me this!: 'Lemon warning!'"
Laurance: "..."

~

Garroth: "I don't think I'm a dog, but then again, do dogs think they're dogs?"

~

Zane: "Emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo."
Travis: "...I love you too."

~

Travis: "How was your day?"
Dante: "I just ate enough corn dogs to fuel an army and make even the most accepting vegan cry."

~

"Do you ever feel recyclable but know that you're straight trash?"

~

Aaron to Aphmau: "Does your cat have their own Tinder or do you run one together?"

~

Gene: "I used to be afraid of spiders until I realized I could fucking -WRECK- them in a Colosseum fight."

~

Aph about Ivy in PDH: "Her face is almost as fake as my social life."

~

Aph about Ivy in PDH: "Her eyebrows are as non existent as my father's love for me." {eeEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE}

~

Garroth: "Throw him out the window!"
Laurance: "These windows don't open."
Garroth: "Any window opens if you apply enough force."

~

Travis to anyone: "You've never showered until you've showered with me."

~

Travis: "Hey, why are we going to the dump?"
Gene: "It's cuz you're trash."

~

Garroth: "I'm pretty sure my dad's in the illuminati."
Laurance: "No."
Garroth: "No, you have to hear me out."

~

Aphmau: "Are we full qualified women, or are we young ladies?"
Katelyn: "We're failures."

~

Laurance: "Can I get just one pancake?"
KC: "What? You can get a short order or a whole order, a short order is two pancakes."
Laurance: "I just want one pancake."
KC: "You can't get just one pancake."
Garroth: "I'll eat the other one."
KC: "He'll eat the other one."
Laurance: "Okay I'll get the short one."

~

Garroth: "That's all I really want."
Laurance: "What, food and attention?"
Garroth: "Yeah!"
Laurance: Well, I can supply both

~

Aphmau: "I just had to stop breaking up a fight to break up a fight about the fight that the first fight was fighting about. Welcome to our fair city."

~

Pretty much anyone: "Want to take the most gayest selfie with me?" 

~

Dante: "Bro, you got hot! Tell us your secret!"
Vylad: "Nahh..."
Travis: "Yeah, come on, tell us! Are you vegan?"

~

Zane: "Do as I say, not as I do."
Vylad: "Why?"
Zane: "Because I do some really stupid shit."

~

Laurance: "Hey, don't turn the oven off, I'm cooking chicken."
Garroth: "I do what I want mom."
Laurance: "Have fun with salmonella."
Garroth: "I'm an adult."

~

Aphmau: "-I'm- your emergency contact!?"
Aaron: "Yeah. I stopped loving my mom like, two and a half years ago and my dad just laughs when I'm in trouble."

~

Zane: "It is incredible how I can go through every day without killing a single human."

~

Dante: "I dip my fries in ketchup because that's what GOD INTENDED."

~

Aphmau: "WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU'RE NOT HUNGRY? SIT YOUR ASS DOWN AND EAT YOUR FOOD OR GOD SO HELP ME..."
Aaron: " ..."
Aph: "..."
Aph: "Shit... I'm the mum friend aren't I?"

~

Travis to Dante about Vylad: "He's the only exception to your straightness."

~

Aphmau: "You can't bribe me with cat."

~

Garroth: "Snuggles is like cuddles v2. It's like when cuddles level up they become snuggles."

~

Dante: "Text me if you get mugged."
Gene: "I'll also text you if -I- mug anyone."
Dante: "Are you prepared to mug anyone?"
Gene: "I'm always up for trying new things."

~

Kawaii~Chan: "Giving birth to cookies, that's my job."

~

Zane: "Oh yeah? Well I care less than either of you guys put together!"
Aphmau: "I don't think that's how it works."

~

Travis (after reading a particularly bad fanfic): "Wattpad is a dangerous place full of cult leaders and other unsavory types." {sweats}

~

Travis: "I fucking hate maths... I was ready to sell my soul to the devil for triangles."

~

Zane: I am extremely hot.
Travis: Yes, yes you are.
Zane: I meant in the temperature sense, but... okay.

~

"FUCK THIS. FUCK YOU. FUCK THE HORSE YOU RODE IN ON." {I don't even know who this goes to I just like it}

~

Laurance: "I've realized being dumb at the right time is better than being smart at the right time."
Garroth: "That's why I'm dumb all the time, just in case."

~

Katelyn: "Aw sweet."
Aphmau: "You're sweet."
Kateln: "Are you hitting on me because okay."

~

Here take this trash love ya'ĺl