MAY 16

MAUD

I'd attended plenty of parties at Cape Blue's cove, but none were as extravagant as the one that was currently underway. Orange sparks and smoke emanated from the bonfire roaring at the center of the beach. The bonfire was intimidating, but so was the sea of bodies pulsing around it. The island's gossip shark must've succeeded in spreading the news that Dakota Black might be making an appearance.

I felt a shiver run down my spine and chose to ignore it.

Unfortunately, I'd made the mistake of leaving Nicki to chat with one of his fellow tennis pros at Providence Point Country Club, and now he was missing in action. Huffing, I swiped at a strand of hair sticking to my forehead; I'd been at the beach for less than thirty minutes, and I knew my clothes already reeked of smoke and alcohol. It was suffocating.

I took a deep breath and shimmied through the wriggling mass of sweaty bodies until I reached the edge of the water. The three shots of vodka I'd downed earlier eroded my initial nerves, and now that familiar warm fuzziness was creeping through my bloodstream.

I slipped off my sandals and sighed at the feeling of the cold, wet sand beneath my feet. The tide rushed up to lick my ankles, and I tilted my head up at the sky. A crescent moon illuminated the few boats that silently coasted atop the waves. I squinted into the inky darkness, identifying two sailboats and an impressive yacht.

"So it seems we're both dodging our exes."

I tried not to roll my eyes as Hadley Eagan appeared beside me.

I hadn't seen her since our graduation ceremony, and I would've been content to keep it that way. She was nice enough, but she wasn't my friend. Her perfect brown curls fell loosely over her shoulders, and I wondered how she wasn't freezing in that flimsy sundress.

"I'm not avoiding anyone," I answered, wrangling my hair into a high ponytail, and the cool breeze tickled the back of my neck. "I didn't know that you and Allix had bad blood."

Hadley clicked her tongue. "We don't, but that doesn't mean it's not stupidly awkward."

I nodded in a show of understanding but chose not to comment. I assumed things between Dakota and I were also going to be stupidly awkward, but discussing my breakup was not appealing - especially when it was with my friend's ex-girlfriend.

Allix and Hadley had dated for approximately four months. They'd split up near the end of our junior year when Allix abruptly left school for a month. There wasn't an explosive fight or any collateral damage. It was what I classified as a civilized breakup.

"So how is Allix?" Hadley asked after a beat, kicking sand with the toe of her Converse. "She kind of dropped off the grid in January, and she was looking really-"

"No," I interrupted with a sharp look. I knew where that sentence was going, and I wasn't about to hear it. "I'm not going to let you body shame her. If you genuinely care about Allix's wellbeing, then you wouldn't be talking about her behind her back."

"That's not what I was trying to say," she argued, lowering her voice to a whisper. Even though it was dark, I could tell her cheeks were burning. "Anyway, I came over here to invite you to play truth or dare. Your wolf pack hasn't arrived yet, and, honestly, you look a little out of place."

I glared, my fingernails digging into the skin of my palm. As much as I'd love to issue a witty comeback, I liked to hold myself to a higher standard.

"Sure, I'd love to," I said with my best fake smile. "I'm just going to need another drink."

"Me too," Hadley replied, her shoulders relaxing.

When I started back up the beach, Hadley fell in line beside me. Shadows played across the sand, and I attempted to pick out the silhouettes of my friends from the crowd. Syd was usually the easiest to locate because he had the voice of a boombox and was the most extroverted. Between the dancing shadowy figures, I caught glimpses of familiar faces; Rowena McGovern trailing her hands up Bryce Shay's toned arms and two girls from my old sailing team, who waved enthusiastically.

After thoroughly scanning the beach, I concluded that my friends had yet to arrive. I pulled my phone out from the back pocket of my jeans, and read through the string of texts from Syd.

SYD ATWOOD, 9:25 PM: We're on our way.

SYD ATWOOD, 9:25 PM: Your ex-boyfriend and Brenna fucking Quinn are in the backseat of Allix's car.

SYD ATWOOD, 9:26 PM: We're all going to get along tonight!

SYD ATWOOD, 9:50 PM: Parking now. See you soon :D!

For whatever reason, Syd preferred to send a slew of texts instead of just one big one. It was annoying yet mildly entertaining and summed up his abundance of chaotic energy.

I chewed on the inside of my cheek as my eyes lingered on the words ex-boyfriend. It was unnerving because while I'd emotionally processed the breakup, my brain was failing to adapt to using specific terminology.

Dakota Black was my ex-boyfriend.

My ex-boyfriend was Dakota Black.

I hated acting like stupid teenage girl with oh so many feelings.

Anyway.

I wanted to believe that I'd convinced myself that it wasn't a big deal that Allix and Syd were arriving with Dakota. He was their friend, and it would be entirely unfair of me to ask them to excommunicate him. I wasn't that selfish.

"Enjoy," Hadley said, handing me a red solo cup. The liquid was almost entirely clear, suggesting it contained a high concentration of hard alcohol. "I'm going to go grab us seats by the fire."

"Okay, perfect," I answered and took a sip of my drink. The liquid scorched my throat and simultaneously cleared my nasal passages. Clearing my head was an entirely different story.

"Who's ready for a friendly game of truth or dare?" Bryce Shay announced into a red megaphone. He was standing on top of a keg with his golden hair shining like a crown. The answer to his question arrived in the form of excited shouts as people gravitated over to the ring of chairs encircling the bonfire.

Through the crowd, I spotted Rowena McGovern smiling adoringly up at Byrce. It was the kind of look that proved Rowena's heart hadn't sustained any damage. She would still fall for the boy with the prettiest smile.

"You look stunning," Nicki said, seemingly materializing beside me. The flames danced as a reflection in his blue eyes.

"I know," I smirked. "There's someone I want to impress."

The smile on Nicki's face momentarily faltered. "I hope that someone is me."

"What do you think?" I threw my arms around his neck, and swayed to the beat of whatever indie song was playing. "Anyway, I hope he wants to leave early. Bonfires and party games are overrated."

"We can leave whenever you want."

"That's the kind of answer I like to hear."

Nicki was smiling with perfect white teeth, and the shadows sent disconcerting shapes across his face like an old screen projector. The music overlapped with the sound of the wave lapping at the shore, and the conversations surrounding us swirled together until it was just indistinguishable human noise.

When he leaned in so that his nose brushed against mine, I inhaled his sandalwood cologne, and the noise faded away as if we were underwater. I stood still, and he followed suit. My gaze flicked down to his mouth before returning to his eyes.

And then, without wasting another second, I kissed him.

I heard someone nearby wolf whistle, likely drawing attention to our sudden public display of affection, but also to the fact that Maud Hamilton was kissing someone who wasn't Dakota Black. It shouldn't be a big deal. It shouldn't be a big deal because I broke up with Dakota over five months ago. It shouldn't be a big deal, but now everyone in our social orbit was witnessing it firsthand.

I knotted my fingers in Nicki's hair to deepen the kiss, and I felt myself smile. I didn't mind having an audience. I pulled him closer, and the hand he had on my hip tightened when I slipped my tongue into his mouth. He tasted like cinnamon and beer, and I couldn't seem to concentrate long enough to think of anything else.

When I pulled back, I didn't look anywhere other than at Nicki. Both of his hands cradled the side of my face, and his thumb brushed across the line of my jaw. The corners of his mouth tilted up in what I thought was an almost-smile, but then my chest tightened when he pulled away from me entirely.

"Do you really want to leave, Maud?" Nicki asked, his eyes searching mine.

"Sooner rather than later," I said, uncertain of where this was going. "Why?"

He shook his head, running a hand through his hair. "It's a convincing act. I'll give you that."

Despite already being warm from the bonfire, I felt heat rush into my cheeks. "What?"

"That wasn't you," he stated, lowering his voice. His eyes were portraits of hurt and disappointment. "That stunt you just pulled, that wasn't you."

I felt like someone had just injected ice water into my bloodstream. I was at a loss for words, standing frozen in the sand.

"Maud!"

Nicki looked away first as he turned towards the sweet voice that I knew belonged to Rowena McGovern. Despite being Allix's younger sister, we'd never gotten along.

"I hope I'm not interrupting anything," Rowena said, her eyes darting over Nicki before returning to me.

"You're not," Nicki replied, offering Rowena a thin smile.

Why was he always so damn polite? It made me wish I was a better person.

Shoving my insecurity aside, I pursed my lips. "What's up, Rowena?"

"We're about to start the game." Rowena tilted her head to the side, and the glossiness of her eyes informed me that she wasn't sober. "It's going to be super fun, especially since my sister and her friends have finally shown up."

Her friends.

Rowena's attempt to bait me into an argument was almost comical. Clearly, she hadn't learned from Allix and her silvertongue. 

"Great," I smiled.

"Great," Rowena echoed. The playfulness in her tone could almost pass as cruel. "It's time to break the ice."

I knew I could walk away. I could call Grandfather and save myself the trouble of playing a game that never ended well. But I could feel the intensity of Nicki's gaze, and knew that I needed to do this. It had nothing to do with owing him because I didn't owe anything to anyone. I needed to do this to myself. I had to prove to myself that I'd moved on.

Alcohol-induced bravery compelled me to take Nicki's hand and march over to the ring of chairs. The music was considerably lower now, and the distinct smell of pot invaded my lungs. Ahead, I saw Allix and Syd settle into two of the open chairs.

When we approached the outside of the ring of chairs, Nicki tightened his hold on my hand. "Maud."

I stopped walking. "What? Did you change your mind?"

"No," Nicki shook his head. "This is just a game. I just...I don't want you to feel like you have to ignore the elephant in the room. It doesn't need to be complicated."

"We're outside."

"Touché," he sighed and gently tilted my chin up to brush his lips against mine. It was soft, delicate, and far too quick. "I'm sorry for what I said."

I smoothed back my flyways. "Thanks, but you really shouldn't be sorry for being honest."

Nicki looked at me as if I'd just said something incredibly profound, which I hadn't. Honesty was simply the oxygen that kept people healthy and happy. Without it, sparks of attraction die. You could have a million matches to spare, but a fire wouldn't burn without oxygen.

I realized that Nicki was no longer looking at me. His gaze had shifted to something over my shoulder, and suddenly I knew that something was actually someone.

The bonfire crackled and hissed as someone added another log, and the flames stretched up in orange tendrils towards the sky. Maybe fires needed to burn out, even if the embers still glowed.

I inhaled a deep breath, and turned around. I shouldn't have been surprised when my heart launched into overdrive.