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02 | safari

MAY 15

MAUD

If there was one person I could always count on, that person was myself.

It wasn't that I was a lone wolf or had read Ralph Waldo Emerson's Self Reliance one too many times. It wasn't even because I was the epitome of a Leo Sun: ambitious, loyal, and uncompromising. Counting on myself was a matter of acknowledging that I was the only constant in my life, and having faith in my sixth sense was a survival mechanism.

Therefore, as I leaned against the railing at the starboard bow of a boat named Sea La Vie, I tried not to have a change of heart. In my mad rush to arrive at the docks on time, I invited Nicki Watson to join me for work at the Pacific King Whale Watching Company. My family had owned the Pacific King for almost fifty years. The company's anniversary was on July 10th.

Friday Island's culture was deeply rooted in its love for the orca population. I suspected that most island locals would partake in the celebrations that my grandfather was planning. There were other whale-watching companies on the island and in the archipelago, but Pacific King was the best. I wasn't biased, just honest.

Sighing, I watched the tourists chatter excitedly amongst themselves as they boarded our converted U.S. Navy search and rescue vessel with fancy cameras. Almost all of them were wearing the red rain ponchos that we sold at the souvenir shop, but I doubted that they would be necessary today. The early morning fog would lift soon and unveil crystal blue skies and rolling evergreen mountains.

Though despite the radiant presence of the sun, the morning temperatures would likely stay in the high forties. It was this weather that ensured that Patagonia fleeces and other trendy outerwear were never out of season in the northwest corner of Washington State.

As if on cue, a cold breeze rolled across the harbor. I curled my hands up into the knit sleeves of the oversized fisherman sweater that I'd never had the heart to burn when I terminated my relationship with its former owner.

But back to my pending change of heart. It begged me to preserve the casual nature of my relationship with Nicki Watson and call off our impromptu morning plans before anyone got hurt. It wasn't that I didn't like Nicki - the truth was the exact opposite - but now that he was here on the boat, there was no escaping my grandfather.

As the captain of Sea La Vie and the self-proclaimed Chief Justice of my life choices, my grandfather would expect me to introduce him to Nicki. Life cheated me out of the whole 'meet the parents' social construct, and the story constantly prompted people to do a double-take.

My parents were field biologists. When they were working in Kenya ten years ago, they were gunned down by poachers as they tried to protect an African elephant and her calf. African elephants were the largest animals walking on the Earth, and yet they still needed protection. People still died trying to protect them. 

It was all so tragically heroic and the kind of formidable backstory you'd expect an environmental heroine to have. I was still working on that part.

As the last of the tourists boarded Sea La Vie, I saw him. With dimpled cheeks and an air of casual confidence, I suspected that Nicki Watson had never made a bad first impression in his life.

Nicki ran a hand through his golden hair, his gaze sweeping across the deck before landing on me. I counted ten steps before he was standing beside me at the railing. The sliver of air between us buzzed with electricity.

"Last chance to back out," I said, reminding myself as much as I was Nicki.

Nicki adjusted his Ray-Ban aviators to sit on the crown of his head and his blue eyes crinkled in amusement. The small vertical scar on his left eyebrow was the only imperfection on his face. "It's a damn shame you think I'm a quitter, Maud."

"Your words, not mine," I pointed out.

"And so the chase continues."

"I'm standing right here."

Nicki went silent for a beat, but then he smirked. He didn't need to say anything else because there was nothing else that needed to be said. Besides, this conversation wasn't a new one. We'd been testing the waters for three months now.

"Though commonly known as killer whales, orcas are a species of oceanic dolphin," Grandfather began, commencing his captain's monologue. He instantly captivated everyone on board with his gentle yet authoritative tone. In the bright morning light, his gray hair shined silver. "Their Latin name and genus, Orcinus orca, reflects the observations made by ancient sailors of orca pods preying on larger species of whale."

Sea La Vie departed the dock, with Grandfather's lifelong friend Albert behind the wheel. He'd given me a comical look when I'd rushed on board, but he'd refrained from making his usual quip about my tardiness. Punctuality wasn't my strong suit.

"He'd give David Attenborough a run for his money," Nicki said, his mouth hinting at a smile. 

"You've been watching too much Planet Earth," I replied, fiddling with the lens of the camera that hung from around my neck.

"You only have yourself to blame," he teased, and I bit back a smile. Despite my best efforts, it was becoming increasingly difficult to keep him at arms-length. "Care to enlighten me with the translation?"

"Of the kingdom of the dead," I said automatically and Grandfather simultaneously provided the audience with the same translation. The secondary translation was 'bringers of death', but that was problematic on so many levels.

"Spooky."

A breathless laugh slipped through my lips, and we both returned our attention to Grandfather.

In the following hour, Sea La Vie passed by a cluster of jagged rocks where a dozen harbor seals sunbathed, and soon after, Grandfather pointed out two porpoises swimming alongside the boat.

Now coasting along the rocky western shore of the island, the appearance of the iconic lighthouse at Cape Blue elicited a sudden shuttering of cameras.

I stole a glance at Nicki just as he elbowed me softly in the side.

I'd convinced a friend who worked as a ranger at the state park to lend me the key to the lighthouse. It wasn't my first time inside the lighthouse, but it was my first time there with Nicki. We didn't leave until morning, hence my near tardiness.

"You still have the key," Nicki said casually, inching closer to me with a mischievous glint in his eyes.

If we weren't in a public space - not to mention in the presence of Grandfather - I would've closed the space between us. But instead, I simply lifted an indignant eyebrow.

"I'm stating a compelling fact," he shrugged. "That's all."

I hummed, and allowed my hand to brush against his.

"The waters off the coast of Cape Blue are considered one of the best whale-watching spots on the planet," Grandfather stated as the tourists continued to gawk at the lighthouse. "The porpoises and harbor seals that we had the privilege of seeing earlier are a slightly less rare sighting than the orcas."

But then it happened.

Seven black dorsal fins sliced upward through the water. The tourists produced a collective gasp, nearly muffling the bursts of vapor expelled through the orcas' blowholes.

Grandfather softly commanded for silence, and everyone obeyed. It was impossible to not be capitulated by the fins weaving above and below the water's surface as they traveled.

I knew this was J pod, the second largest of the three southern resident populations in the Salish Sea.

I reached for my camera, preparing myself for the perfect shot, but found myself distracted by Nicki. He looked wonderstruck with his radiant smile and both dimples on display, making my heart effectively melt. I reached up to run a finger over the stubble on his jawline, and when he tore his gaze away from the orcas, he shook his head.

"Maud," Nicki exhaled, but stopped short. He stopped because we both saw  the movement out on the water. He stopped because if we didn't look now, we'd miss it.

I saw it through the lens of my camera. An orca fully breached the surface of the water, rotating onto its side as it soared through the air, and crashed back into the water with a splash. My breath caught in my throat, knowing I captured the shot. I was also in awe because seeing this - seeing something so distinctively wild - never lost its magic,

Grandfather started talking again, explaining how orcas were social creatures and used echolocation as they hunted.

"That was amazing," Nicki whispered, still looking out at the orcas. "They're amazing."

"Orcas are apex predators," I said, smiling as another orca breached over the blue landscape. "They're an alpha species, inherently unmatched in their ecosystem."

Nicki's eyes cut back to me. "I take it back. It's you who'd give Attenborough a run for his money."

"Careful," I warned with a sly grin. "I already have a big ego."

When the Sea La Vie returned to the dock, unloading the tourists who applauded their captain for being amazing, Nicki and I lingered on board.

I knew there was no way out now. Even though I was determined to follow-through, my brain generated excuses. None of which were remotely plausible, including the Hail Mary jump overboard plan. I despise that this is so damn hard.

As if sensing my trepidation, Nicki stepped in front of me and placed his hands on my shoulders. "It doesn't need to be today."

The sincerity etched into his features encouraged me to smile. I wouldn't back down. "It's happening," I assured, giving his hand a soft squeeze, "I've already made up my mind." 

Nicki's smile rivaled the sun sparkling on the water.

He's one of the good ones, I realized.

When the last tourist bid Grandfather farewell, he turned to face us with a mildly amused expression occupying his features. At sixty-six years old, Grandfather was in excellent form. He was lean yet visibly strong. His dark eyes were intelligent and warm with enduring compassion. I was convinced that there wasn't a dishonest bone in his body. It was a trait I liked to believe I'd inherited.

"Nicki, this is Sofu," I began, exuding confidence. If you wanted to be a shark, then you must act every inch like a shark. "He's the captain of the Pacific King and the Nakamura household."

"Nice to meet you, sir," Nicki said, initiating the handshake like the charming conversationalist he was. 

The handshake was visibly firm, and Grandfather's eyes were less warm that I'd anticipated. I knew he knew this was a big moment. Nicki was only the second boy to have made it this far.

"How generous of Maud to finally formally introduce you," Grandfather said.

"Sofu," I warned with my jaw clenched. "There's no need to go all killer whale on him."

"Not yet," Grandfather replied, but he shot Nicki a quick wink that signaled his initial approval. I exhaled a breath.

We skated through small talk. Grandfather predictably asked Nicki about his academic interests and barely concealed a smile when he said he was also a student at the University of British Columbia.

While Nicki and I had known each other for roughly five years, we didn't select UBC for reasons that had anything to do with each other. I certainly wasn't co-dependent, and I was still very much involved with someone else at the time that I'd committed to the school.

"Do you cook?" Grandfather asked Nicki after I'd conveniently mentioned that I needed to go meet Sydney Atwood for coffee.

The question seemed to catch me more off guard than Nicki, but it was because I was aware that Grandfather was comparing him to my ex-boyfriend. It wasn't malicious because he wasn't like that, but he'd just sprinkled salt in the wound.

"Not well," Nicki admitted and flashed me a quick smile. I struggled to reciprocate it.

"I can fix that," Grandfather assured him as we stepped down onto the dock. "We'll have you over for dinner, and I'll fix that."

Nicki beamed. "I'm looking forward to it."

"See you later, Sofu," I said, softly pushing Nicki forward with a hand placed between his shoulder blades.

"When you see Sydney, tell him to stop eating all of the marshmallows from the Lucky Charms," Grandfather called out.

I nodded and nearly smiled, but I was done. I didn't regret introducing Nicki, but this was too much. It was still too soon for there to be invisible strings attached to every interaction.

We unlocked our bikes from the rack at the nearest street corner, cobblestones beneath our feet.

"I'll catch up with you later," I told Nicki, pressing a quick kiss to his cheek.

Nicki sighed, relaxing his shoulders. His blue eyes hid behind the dark tint of his sunglasses, preventing me from getting a good read on him. "Later," he echoed with a ghost of a smile.

Before he could put on his helmet, I instinctively reached out and caught his hand.

"Wait," I blurted out, my chest tightening because he's standing right here. I tucked a dark wave of hair behind my ear. "Thank you for that."

I chose not to elaborate on what that actually meant. I wanted to leave it to Nicki to decipher, and even if it got lost in translation, maybe it would still be enough.

Nicki offered me a noncommittal shrug. "I'm not a quitter."

*

"I'm not hosting another rave."

Sydney Atwood's declaration turned several heads in the cramped seaside café where we'd claimed a corner booth. Late afternoon sunlight streamed through the large screen windows and danced off the wind chimes hanging from the exposed beams on the ceiling.

I ignored the stares and pouted. "Why not?"

The golden light cut directly across the sharp angles of Syd's face, giving his brown skin an added warm glow as he pinned me with an unamused look. "I'm immune to your temptress mode, so do us both a favor and drop the act." I kicked him in the shin, which earned me a devious grin. "I'm serious, Maud. No rave."

"Humor me, then. Why not?"

"Three words," Syd deadpanned. He held up three fingers for emphasis and individually lowered each one as he said, "New Year's Eve."

I cupped my cappuccino in both hands, sinking lower in my seat. "It wasn't that bad."

"Someone yaked in the alpacas' enclosure, you shattered Dakota's heart, and Allix disappeared into thin air." Syd lifted an indignant eyebrow, and I cleared my throat. "So, yeah. It really was that bad."

"Fine," I conceded, threading my fingers through my dark hair and expelling a sigh. "No rave, but you're the one who wants to play happy family, and that won't happen unless there's a social function with alcoholic beverages to take off the edge."

Syd, a lover of dramatics, flipped up his sweatshirt's hood and yanked at the strings to obscure most of his face. "Damn. Not to make this about me, but my life would be infinitely easier if you weren't such an alpha."

I scoffed. "Excuse me?"

"Our wolf pack of friendship lost its alpha because you're too proud and too stubborn to make amends. Both Allix and Dakota have been back for, like, five days now."

"You've seen them?" I dismissed the flicker of jealousy in my chest as I considered Syd's choice of words. "Also, the pack leader isn't always the alpha, so don't pin this on me."

"Alright, I get it. You know your stuff," Syd said with a dismissive wave of his hand, and the silver hoop in his left ear caught the light. He always complained about having to remove it for soccer games. "And no, I haven't seen them yet, but apparently Allix was in Ireland this whole time. I guess she got restless at NYU."

I brought my cup up to my lips and sipped quietly, trying not to overthink the emotions that Syd's comment resurrected. Allix had left Syd's New Year's Eve party without saying a word to anyone and proceeded to ignore my texts for five months. I was furious and worried sick. For someone who was already effortlessly beautiful and intelligent, the pressure Allix put on herself to fit her definition of perfect was enough to snap her in two. There was a cruel voice in the back of my head that wondered if that pressure had finally done just that.

And then, unfortunately, there was the Dakota dilemma. His smile floated across my mind like the afterimage of a camera flash, perfectly captured after two years spent on its receiving end.

A shiver shot up my spine, and I set down my cup with a little too much force. "If you text Allix, I'll text her too."

"Deal." Syd lifted his iced-vanilla latte in a toast to his diplomatic efforts and threw me a triumphant grin.

I attempted to return his smile. I watched Syd's thumbs dance across his phone's screen before he pushed the device across the table for me to see the text.

SYD ATWOOD, 4:20 PM: If you're not too jet-lagged, please Lord hang out with me.

I snorted. "If Allix got back from Ireland five days ago, she's definitely not still jet-lagged."

Syd rolled his eyes and removed his hood. "I'm trying to be nice because maybe she's too cool for us now."

"Or maybe you're inclined to give her the benefit of the doubt. Who told you she was in Ireland?"

"My mom. She's Friday Island's unofficial queen of petty gossip. But Allix has family in Galway, you know that."

Syd's phone vibrated, and we both stiffened. Allix was a notoriously poor texter, often not responding for hours at a time (and for months too). Seeing her name pop up on his screen so quickly after months of silence was a shock.

ALLIX MCGOVERN, 4:21 PM: I'm not. Time and place, I'll be there.

Syd began to respond, a grin tugging at his lips. He showed me the text after he hit send.

SYD ATWOOD, 4:22 PM: Saturday night at Cape Blue's cove. It's bonfire season.

"The cove?" I asked, suddenly skeptical. "It doesn't belong to us anymore, Syd."

Syd shrugged. "We're not that washed up. I'll text Bryce and have him rally his crew. Class of 2019 and 2020 can rave together."

"I thought you said no rave."

"Since it's not at my house, I'm game."

I laughed, and Syd eventually redirected our conversation to my morning spent on what he called the 'ocean safari'. He asked about Nicki and joked that my temptress mode was about to claim yet another innocent victim. He was the only person who was allowed to make jokes like that. That was his prerogative as my best friend since we were toddlers playing in the sand.

Another incoming text vibrated the table, except the notification popped up on my phone this time.

ALLIX MCGOVERN, 4:40 PM: I won't make any excuses, I'm just sorry. Can we talk later?

I showed Syd the text, and he pulled his best pleading puppy dog face. "Please hear Allix out. If we want a shot at being a happy family, we should start by forgiving each other."

Exhaling a long breath, I looked out the window. I squinted into the sunlight and watched the boats glide across the harbor. I thought about all of the happy memories I had with Allix while out on her family's sailboat. I thought about holding Allix's hair back when I found her coughing into a toilet bowl at a sleepover party in middle school. I thought about how desperately I needed her when I broke up with Dakota on New Year's Eve. 

MAUD HAMILTON, 4:42 PM: If you talk, I'll listen.

When Syd read my text, he beamed. "Wolf pack forever."

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