When I was in college, I had a crush on a guy named Max Levavi with a strong sexy lisp. An anomaly, I know.

Once, on the way back from the dining hall, I walked a creepy-close three feet behind him while he ranted to a friend about Canada. "I mean," his tongue getting ready to thrash the top of his mouth, "has Canada ever even sthtarted a war? What a bunch of pustthieths (pussies)."

Don't kill the messenger. As I said, he had his charms. Little did I know, ten+ years later I'd be stalking him on Facebook (jk I knew I'd be doing that) and living in the fine country he'd so flippantly denigrated. It was like a premonition that years later, I'd be defending Canada to dumb Americans... in an entire book.

Canada has always boasted a pacifist reputation. And as of late, it has been trending for many more reasons, one of which is its new(ish) Prime Minister, Justin Trudeau. As Obama joked at the White House Correspondents Dinner recently: there's a new young, hot, meme-worthy leader of the free world.

"Somebody recently said to me, 'Mr. President, you are so yesterday. Justin Trudeau has completely replaced you. He's so handsome, he's so charming. He's the future,' " Obama said.

Obama then delivered the presidential punchline: "I said, 'Justin, just give it a rest.' "

How hot? How charming? Feast your eyes on this "charity" boxing spread:

Who needs open carry laws when you've got guns like those in Ottawa.

And like Obama, Trudeau isn't just a pretty face. Shortly after the election, when asked why half his cabinet are women, he answered simply, "Because it's 2016." He also has cabinet members who wear turbans, like Harjit Sajjan Minister of National Defence and Navdeep Bains, Minister of Innovation, Science and Economic Development and some who actually represent the diversity of this country. And he  says he'll legalize marijuana, which you know Obama believes but won't fully come out to say.

I mean:

All of which makes watching an incendiary American election from afar even that more bizarre. You almost expect Trump to start threatening a Canadian wall as well. At the rate he's going, Canada might actually pay for it to avoid Trump from entering.

Like Clinton and Bush, Trudeau is also a household name here in Canada, part of a long line in a kind of political dynasty. But Pierre Trudeau puts Bill's saxophone playing to shame. He took office as a bachelor, dated Barbara Streisand and was rumoured to be bisexual, and while in office his wife frequented Studio 54 and may have had an affair with one of the Rolling Stones. Ah, Ottawa in the '70s.

Now before the Canadian PC police remind me: I know Margaret Trudeau had her share of mental problems. Still, that's a badass move for a First Lady. It's Scandal meets Almost Famous, with a dash of Degrassi.

In comparison to his parents, Justin seems wholesome and demure. That is until I heard my favorite Trudeau story a couple weeks ago. Over a recent long Canadian holiday weekend, one lucky family hiked into a gorgeous Quebec cave only to run into a SHIRTLESS PRIME MINISTER on his way out.

And then, this week, a young couple in BC getting married on the beach in Tofino had good fortune of catching the prime minister, post-surfing, wetsuit pulled halfway down his delicious torso, happily photobombing the young couple's wedding.

Basically Trudeau is Canada's goofy leading man, he's Matthew Mcconaughey with a Canadian accent, and he knows he's definitely gonna get the girl, aka me, aka America.

The only thing that could possibly make this any better is if there was slow motion video of him emerging from the ocean, tossing his hair back, his beautiful sex crease generously on display.

But don't worry, he's still got most of his term left. 💦💦💦