"If you have a twin flame, you are fated to meet this person at some point in your life journey. The two of you will be pulled together like magnets! You will know when you've connected with this person because you'll immediately experience a sense of recognition. Many people describe an uncanny sense of having known their twin flame all their lives. When you encounter the person who carries the other half of your energy, it can create a profound and life-altering sense of wholeness."

***

Brooklyn Noelle Brankovich

Chapter Seventy-six: "Can we talk"

There was a knock on the door. I stopped struggling to open the pickle jar and grunted in disappointment. Me- 0. Groceries- 1.

"I'll be back for you," I said, eyeing the sandwich I was in the middle of making.

As I neared the door to my apartment, I reminded myself to breathe. Just breathe.

It's just Noah, I thought in my head. It's not like you're meeting him for the first time.

My lips went tight in an 'o' as I let air through them and finally put my hand to the doorknob.

When I opened the door, there was Noah. I had texted him to come over and talk about things yet his presence seemed unexpected. Probably because I didn't think he'd bother to show up.
It's been, like, a week, he was probably over me at this point.

"Hey," he said, walking inside.

I shut the door and waited three seconds before replying. "Hey."

The hard part is over, getting him there, now for the harder part: the talk.

Noah took a seat on my couch in the living room area and I sat in the white chair to the left.

"I really don't want to argue, I've had enough of the yelling and fussing," I stated clearly, my voice low and almost timid.

"How have you been?" Noah asked me.

"Good. You?"

He hunched his shoulders. "Good. Your family?"

"They're okay," I made up. My father is alright, but his wife, I don't know about her.

"Good, I'm glad. Rick and Emereigh asked for you."

I nodded. "I miss them."

Now, enough of the chit-chat. We both know he didn't come over to endure awkward small talk.

"Okay," I gulped. "I'll get right into it, I'm sorry."

He looked at me like he was waiting for something. "Normally when people apologize, they say what they're apologizing for."

"For whatever you're mad about," I squeaked.

"Fuck. If that's your apology, then keep it. That's bullshit, you know exactly what I'm mad about."

I shrunk in my seat, feeling meek. "About my mother? Noah, I can't control her. I already apologized for this, I get it."

"You think I'm still on that?" He roared.

I threw my arms up. "Then what's this about?"

He quickly wet his lips and yelled, "I said I loved you, Brooklyn, and you looked at me like I was fucking crazy-"

"I said I don't want to argue and yell," I repeated. "If you're going to talk to me like this then go, I'm not doing this."

"I'm not arguing. You're the one who wanted to talk, you told me to come over here. We're having a conversation so man up and stop acting like I'm fucking screaming at you."

"Can you just say what you have to say without being an asshole?"

"I am an asshole, Brooklyn! Remember? You told me I'm so damn mean."

"Well glad to see you haven't changed, it's very charming," I sassed back.

Noah scoffed, standing to pace. His hands tensed around the hard structure of the couch and he clenched his jaw.

"What have you been doing since we... broke up?"

"Broke up? You think we were together?" he questioned rudely.

"Well," I shrugged. "Were we?"

"No," he answered quickly.

I swallowed, my mind wandering. So I asked him, "Is that because you did something?"

"What?" He asked me angrily.

"You probably hooked up with someone else, huh?"

"No," Noah huffed and pushed off the couch, walking around it to sit back down. "I didn't. How 'bout you?"
His tone was very sharp. He was pissed I even asked him that, I shouldn't have, but the thought was on my mind. He could've, though, since we weren't together.

"Of course not," I answered shyly, tucking my hair behind an ear.

He looked at me like he didn't believe me and it would've set me off if I had the energy to give such a reaction.

"Can you just," I flicked my wrist, gesturing him to get on with it. "spit it out, say whatever you have to say."

"I don't like Will, I don't like how your parents came in here and messed everything we had up-"

"Noah, you let them mess things up, okay? We would've been fine if you didn't make it such a big deal. So what, they didn't like you at first? They don't like anyone, they're parents-"

"No, your mother's different, she's a fuckin-"

The face I gave him made him stop his sentence short before saying something he'd regret.

"It's not even about that. You can call her a bitch or whatever you want because she is, I'll admit it; she wasn't the nicest to you. My problem is just how you left me and ended things like what I did was so fucking horrible, I even apologized."

He sat back dramatically and swiped his hands down his face.

"I left you?! You left me!" His shouting scared me.

I shook my head. "No, Noah, you left me when you went out that night and kicked me out of your apartment."

"Give me a break. You didn't literally leave me to go have dinner with William Vanderbilt of the Texas Vanderbilts?"

My eyes rolled. "I went to have dinner with my family who I hadn't seen in months, Will just happened to be there!" I explained through gritted teeth.

"And you went to the park with him for what?"

My eyebrows furrowed. "Because I wanted to, I'm single, and I'm grown. If I told you I don't care about him and nothing happened then why does it matter? The point is, you weren't happy because Brooklyn wasn't giving you attention anymore so you blew shit out of proportion. I begged and begged for you to just drop it, forgive me, and move on, and now look. Noah, you told me all sorts of things like, I should've stayed in Texas-"

He swallowed, dropping his arms from his chest. "I didn't mean it, okay? Sorry."

I nodded like it was okay but that "sorry" was stale and I wasn't buying it.

The both of us remained quiet for a few minutes.

Noah finally broke the ice. "You know what I'm really mad about, Brooklyn?"

"No, what?"

He looked away, a fist in his other palm. "About what I said - I loved you - and you just looked at me like I was retarded."

"Noah," I breathed out. "What did you want me to say?"

"Dumb fucking question," he roared, standing up. He paced behind my seat and I didn't bother to adjust so I could look at him. "I wanted you to be honest and say it back."

"Be honest? Noah, I wasn't ready to say it."

"I don't believe that."

"Well believe it, honey," I sniffled, forcing out a sarcastic laugh.

Noah grabbed hold of the back of my chair and lowered himself to speak. "So I'm just delusional?"

I swallowed the lump in my throat.

On the cruise, I ran into a boy - no, a man. Or, he ran into me, rather. I looked into his eyes, he looked in mine. I hadn't seen a finer man outside of my imagination before, he did something to me. Every time I stepped out of my suite after that, I hoped I'd see him again. And when I did, I felt these butterflies. When we talked, we clicked. All seemed okay in the world, it still feels that way with him.
On our first meeting, and every one after, it felt like I'd known him forever, or maybe just in another life.
Then, he touched me. First, the hand holding, then the making out, and then the way he pleasured me. I still don't feel bad for being so easy with a stranger because, it felt so right. Nothing that feels that good could be bad.

The Beach Plaza, one August day, I saw him again. I questioned the odds but believed it was fate. He had been in my thoughts since I left the ship, and seeing him again only reignited feelings I developed onboard. The feelings were childish and really girly, I didn't think it'd be more than a crush or a regular hook-up type of thing until one of us grew bored of the other. Only, I haven't grown bored. How could I? He keeps me on my toes. Every day I wonder if something will happen to us though; if he'll find another girl or I just fuck something up. But then he holds me and makes me laugh until I have to pee and I throw all of those negative thoughts out of the window. Everything he says and does brings a smile to my face. Even when I get annoyed with him, I remember how he calls me "girl" or the way his thumb brushes the back of my hand when we hold each other's. How he squeezes my thigh when we're in the car or at a table. The way he looks at me and thinks I'm flawless. And the support he constantly provides, like when he's at my games being my number one fan.

After seeing what Zane's capable of, I worry about him.
I'd seen Noah get in trouble a few times and it makes me sick - the thought that anything can happen to him at any time. And I'll cry myself to sleep thinking about it because one of those times, it was my fault.
Noah's goofy and loving and sometimes sensitive but he's still angry and unpredictable and I don't want to be the reason he ends up hurt, or worse.

He said he loves me but I knew it before he said it because how can you not love someone you've shared a bed with almost every night for months on end? How can you not love someone you've taken the time to learn about what makes them them or what makes them tick as well as what makes them happy so you can be and do that for them always? It's more than just the sex, too, but there's no way you fuck someone like that if you don't love them.
I think we've gotten passed the physical and the way he makes me feel, it's like a spiritual feeling, too. Like, I feel connected to him. Well, it's not like he's my soul mate - maybe he is, but what I feel is different from that.

There's a reason we were brought together, there's a reason things keep testing him and me, and us.
Never before has anyone made me feel so wanted, so seen. So whole. I'm myself with him - my true self. He lets me be this annoying, sometimes looney, animated, curious, sensitive, girl with him who's love language is now touch, when before, I couldn't stand any sort of PDA or affection (with Will.)
Noah Silas Anderson has turned my life upside down and I'm not complaining.

"Okay." I let out, ready to be honest. "Truth is, my mother's been like this my whole life. I wanted to stand up for you - for us- but I didn't feel right. Why would I stand up to her after twenty-two years for someone I've known for two seconds? Now that I think about it, I should've, because the answer is: I think I fucking love you. But, I was scared. Not scared of this, of what we have, but scared to make that change in my relationship with her, for you. Because... that would make this real, and also make me feel like a coward because I had to wait until you came along to make me finally tell her how much of a fucking bad person she is." I started to cry and blinked the tears away, my voice cracking.

"Why did it take me so long to tell her?" I wept. "I'm sorry, I should've defended you. I shouldn't have gone out with William. And I should've told you I loved you back when you said it. I'm sorry, I know that must've made you feel pretty bad, or dumb. The last thing I want to make you feel, Noah, is like I'm not here for you. All I do is care for you. Seriously. My daily to-do list is like: wake up, eat, care about Noah, go to practice, care about Noah more, go to work, care about Noah again, come home," my voice trailed off and turned into laughter.

Noah finally smiled, I saw when I looked up at him towering over my body that took up the chair.

He finally sat back down and took my hand in his.

"I don't know what to say, Brooklyn, I feel like a fucking asshole. I don't even like hearing you apologize right now. I should be the one saying sorry," Noah said.

I shook my head with a soft smile. "No, don't. I'll bite this one, I need to stop being so childish sometimes; it's just, that's how she makes me. But don't worry, I said some pretty fucked up shit to her, I doubt she'll even claim me as a daughter anymore."

"What happened?" he asked me with sincerity.

I blinked. "I picked you over her. Over ballet, over a social status. I told her about herself and we got into this fight, it was horrible. But it's over now."

"Brooklyn, I didn't want that to happen. Now I feel like it's my fault."

"Well, kind of, but it's okay," I laughed at him and shrugged.

"Ugh," I grunted, laughing my tears away. "I gotta stop crying so much!"

"So, what do we do now?" asked Noah.

I didn't know what to say so I didn't say anything.

"Give each other space, take it slow?" He suggested, asking for my opinion.

My face curled and I stood with him. "Take it slow, are you kidding me? No! I want things to go back to normal," I exclaimed, wrapping my arms around his body.

"Me too, I just didn't want to say it and get rejected," he chuckled.

He never has to worry about facing rejection from me, that's one thing.

I love you, I love you, I love you, I screamed internally. As he consumed me in his arms, I felt something I'd been missing for the past week.

"So," Noah's deep voice traveled through my ears. "does this mean I got my girl back?"

A wide smile came across my lips, I couldn't help it.
'My girl,' I like the sound of that.

"I think so," I played coy, knowing damn well I really wanted to shout yes and jump his bones.

"Good," he said lowly.

Then, I remembered. Damn it.

"I have to tell you something," I blurted, almost scared.

Noah pushed me back, squaring my shoulders. He looked at my funny, kind of worried for what I was about to tell him.

"This is gonna be good..."

***