Brooklyn Noelle Brankovich

Chapter Thirty-nine: "No good in goodbye"

10:23 PM My fist almost went numb from all the knocking I was doing at Noah's door. His phone was off, I learned, after trying endless times to call and text him. I figure it's dead, but what if he purposely turned it off to ignore me?

"Knock it off, lady, he's not there!" A random apartment-owner yelled at me from a few doors down.

"Piss off," I yelled back, matching her energy. She flipped me off and waddled back inside where she should exercise minding her own fucking business.
I huffed and shook that interaction off, continuing to knock until my fists gave out. I pressed my forehead to the door and groaned out my frustrations.

"Noah, please," I croaked, sniffling.

I knew he's probably pissed for my irresponsible behavior on the job, I don't blame him. He warned me and only tried to protect me like a good friend, but I took it as something else and didn't listen. I should've, now look.

Zane really shook me to my core. I didn't expect him to be so scary, but his message got through. Never before had anyone talked to me like that, not even my mother who I swore my whole life was, well, a bitch. I know it sounds childish, but that interaction with my boss scared me enough to make me miss my parents and sheltered home life.

And Noah, he saved me from getting hit. I couldn't believe Zane raised his hand to hit me! Who the Hell does he think he is? I'm hoping it was all a misunderstanding because no professional employee should ever resort to violence. Though, something told me he wasn't like most employers. . .

I whipped out my phone to send another text but it stayed on delivered.

My arms flailed. I stood at his door after dark dressed in an oversized basic grey jacket over my underwear, and a pair of chocolate Uggs. Once I got home after the meeting, I didn't do anything but mope. I called Venus to make sure she was alright after the whole ordeal. She told me she had more than enough money saved so I shouldn't worry, but she also said it wasn't safe for us to be friends which did worry me. I tried asking her why she said that but she told me this was all a mistake and apologized profusely. Before letting me say what I had to say - that she shouldn't have came onto me and I was just too drunk to function - she hung up. And I'm pretty sure she blocked my number and Snapchat.

A sudden snarl straightened me up. I sniffled and quickly rotated on my heels to see Noah limping towards me from the elevator. Oh, he looked beat. The clothes he had on didn't look like his own, and the grin he usually wore wasn't there.

Relief washed over me, seeing how he was alive after not responding to me all day.

"Noah! Are you okay?" I asked a dumb question, obviously he wasn't.

"Do I look-" he stopped himself and fixed his tone. "Yeah, Brooklyn, I'm fine. You care now?"

I watched him unlock the door and walk inside. Noah tried shutting the door on my face but I pushed it open and let myself in. He scoffed and limped to the living room where he fell on the couch in the dark and threw his bulky arm over both tired eyes.

When I tried speaking, my voice cracked so I swallowed and tried again. "I was worried about you," I spoke timidly.

He laughed obviously sarcastically, like one good "HA" in my face. "You seemed more worried about Danielle earlier," he barked, not bothering to sit up and face me.

I stomped my foot, feeling emotions coming up that I didn't want to express. "It's not like that, I just felt bad and wanted to make she was okay. You know how Zane is, I was scared-"

"Yeah, I saw. Did you also see when I got my ass beat, huh? You feel bad for that?"

"I didn't, but I'm sorry, Noah."

"You fucking should be," he roared and finally sat up. I jumped back and looked at him, fearful.

He walked to the kitchen and snatched an ice pack from the freezer, applying it under his shirt to his rib cage.

"Noah, please!" I cried, following him to his bedroom. He didn't bother turning on any lights or the tv, he only emptied his pockets, removed his shoes and shirt, and plopped down on the bed, stomach first.

"Can you just tell me why you're so pissed at me? If this is because of Venus, I'm sorry, but I'm not interested in her. I was just drunk, okay? And... if it's about me drinking, I get it, I'll stop. But you should've just let me take the heat, I didn't need you to step in for me."

"You're right," his voice was muffled by the pillow until he sat up and said, "I should have let him hit you."

My jaw dropped to the floor, I couldn't believe he said that to me. However, I know angry people don't always mean the things they say in the moment and hoped this was one of those times.

"Okay," I nodded, "I deserved that. I swear to God I'm sorry, I wanna fix this. He scared me, too."

"Brooklyn, get out." he fumed.

My head shook at his harsh tone. "Noah-"

"No, I'm serious. This isn't cute and it's not something I'm just gonna wake up and shake off tomorrow, you fucked up."

"But I apologized," I whimpered, "and I'm trying to fix this. Can't you just talk to me?"

"I'm tired of talking! I tried talking to you when I warned you, but did you fucking listen? No! Now look where we are, I got my ass beat, Venus got fired, and you're here - crying."

I quickly wiped the tears away as if he didn't already know they were streaming down my red face.

The way he talked to me, like my mother used to at her worst. I shut down and checked out of the conversation, letting him rip into me.

"Can you please just not yell at me," I sniffled quietly, looking down at the floor because I couldn't bring myself to see the angered expression on his face.

"Don't do that, don't play victim. I'm the one who got fucking STOMPED for you - for reasons you can't understand."

I reached out for his hand and begged, "Then tell me so I can understand, Noah, I'm new to this! I made a mistake, I didn't think it would be this bad-"

He snatched his hand from my hold and shook his head. "That's the problem: you didn't think! Brooklyn I need you to leave, I'm sorry but I can't do this anymore - me and you. You're irresponsible and childish, and I'm pretty turned off by it."

The words came at me like bullets and stuck because that's what Will, my ex, said; that I'm childish. Silly me to think Noah thought any differently. And even sillier of me to think I've changed since then. The only thing different about me was my address.

I fell onto my bed and exhaled deeply. The tears stopped flowing but I was far from okay. What Noah said really hurt me but his feelings are valid. I suppose all I can do is give him time, but as angry as he was, there's no telling if he'll come around. For stopping Zane from slapping me, I owed Noah a lot. I just couldn't help but think the only thing he was really upset about was me hooking up with Venus and then getting beat up on account of standing up to Zane for me, I guess.

What I thought was just a minor, forgivable mistake blew up in my face and not only put me on thin ice at work, but rocky terms with Noah - the main person who I thought wouldn't judge or turn on me.
This is what real life is like, I suppose. But does it have to be so rough?

*

"-Hello?" I answered the phone call with a sniffle as I curled up in bed.

"Lynn, darling," my mother's voice rang.

"Mom, it's like one o'clock at home, what are you doing up?" I brought up the two hour difference because she's never up so late.

"Something told me to call you," she said and I could hear her smile. "a mother's intuition, I guess. How are you?"

I pulled the phone away to sniffle again, sucking up my tears. "Yeah, I'm fine, Mommy."
It's like talking to her again brought me back to how it was before the move; calling her Mommy again, complaining like a child, and her referring to me as Lynn despite me asking her not to. Getting confronted how I did - both times today - took me back to my little girl mentality.

"You sound like you've been crying, Lynn," she observed.

I used the sleeve of my jacket to rid my face of tears and thought of a lie. "I wasn't- I mean - I was. Titanic came on, you know it gets me every time." I threw in a chuckle at the end so she'd believe me.

"Oh, darling, it's just a movie," she said, "none of it matters."

I took her words literally and applied them to my current situation. None of it matters.

"You're right," I nodded, sucking my lips in my mouth.

"I always am," Mother said before a big yawn. "Excuse me. Well, I'm going to get some sleep. Your fathers sends his love, and Sutton and Melinda say hi. We'll have to all visit soon! Talk later, darling. Love you. So much."

"Love you," I whispered back, waiting for her to hang up first and she eventually did.