Wren

I don't see Ollie on Thursday, but I still have a good day at school. I mean, as good as I can have. I interact with Joey a bit in one of our classes and Kyla shows up half way through the day, in the middle of lunch.

  "I had a stupid dentist appointment this morning," she says, dropping her back pack by our feet.

  We're in the courtyard at a table, and I have half a sandwich with me. I know I need to ration the food I bought yesterday, and it's better than having nothing.

  "I'd miss half a day of school for the dentist any day," Joey laughs and picks up his slices of pizza. His curly hair is in his eyes like usual and his smile remains even when he's done laughing.

  I bite into my sandwich and realize I haven't been to the dentist since before my mom died. I remember that day clearly all of a sudden - my grandma took me and waited in the waiting room. I was only six. I'm sure my mom was working that day - she worked a lot. The dentist was nice and cleaned my teeth and I got to take home a new pink toothbrush.

  I haven't been to the dentist in over eight years.

  "What are you doing after school?" Joey asks, but he's talking to Kyla, not me.

  She looks uncomfortable for a second - her green eyes glancing between Joey and I - but then smiles. "I'm picking up my dress for the dance."

  The dance. I haven't even told them that Ollie asked me to go with him. Should I tell them now? They'll find out eventually, right? I don't have anything to wear, but I'll figure something out. I have to.

  "I'm actually going to the dance," I say quietly, then bite my bottom lip.

  Both of them stare at me, like they aren't sure they heard me correctly. "You are?" Joey asks, and I notice there's some pizza sauce on his cheek.

  "We would have invited you to come with us, but we didn't think-" Kyla starts, but I interrupt.

  "Yeah, I wasn't going to go. But... someone asked me to go with him... Ollie? He's a Sophomore."

  "Ollie Wright?" Joey asks, too loudly.

  "What? When did this happen?" Kyla wants to know.

  I can't tell if they are shocked because they are impressed or because they don't believe that he would ask me out.

  "Yesterday... he was at my locker and he asked me to go with him," I answer plainly.

  "Do you... have something to wear?" Kyla asks carefully.

  It's not a secret that I don't have nice clothes. I wear the same jeans most days to school, and the same few t-shirts. I have one sweater that I wear when it's cold. She's not wrong, I don't have any nice dresses.

  "Um... I mean... not really," I tell her, embarrassed.

  "I can bring you something tomorrow," she says quickly. "We're like the same size."

  "Um... are you sure?"

  "Yeah. Like, maybe a dress I wore last year or something?" She seems embarrassed to be asking me that, but she has no idea how much I appreciate it.

  "That would be great. Really. Thank you."

  "No problem. I'm glad you are coming to the dance," she goes on, then looks at Joey.

  "Yeah, it's going to be sick," he adds, then goes back tp eating his pizza.

*  

 After school, I walk home and I don't have the dreaded feeling of emptiness when I find the apartment still empty. Even though I know it's not okay that my father hasn't been here in weeks, today I won't let it get me down. I go in and lock the door behind me, like I always do. I take a shower because I woke up late and didn't have time that morning. Thankfully we still have hot water. I eat a banana and then decide to take out the garbage.

  When I walk past apartment 308 to get to the stairs, to go down to the garbage bins, I pause at the door and listen. There's loud music playing inside. Julianna never played loud music. Somehow I keep forgetting that she's gone and this guy is there, living in her place.

  I wish I could forget that fact.

  I really do miss Julianna. 

  I sleep soundly that night and get up early to make my lunch. It's a peanut butter sandwich again, but I don't really care. I'm looking forward to going to school and that rarely happens, so I'm just trying to be positive.

  The guy in apartment 308 is coming out of his apartment the same time I am, and I have to pass him in the hallway to get to the staircase. I can feel his eyes on me as I move faster, but as I push open the door to the staircase, he's right behind me.

  "Hi," he says, then holds the door open.

  "Hi," I repeat and then toss on my back pack and practically run down the stairs, not giving him a chance to say anything else.

  I've worried a few times that he might catch on to the fact that I basically live on my own. The few times I've seen him now, I've been alone. Knocking on his door and asking about Julianna was a low point. I don't want anyone in this apartment building to know about my father being gone. I don't want some curious neighbour asking questions.

 I almost can't breathe when I turn down the hallway towards my locker before my first class and see that Ollie is there, standing right near my locker.

  Be cool, Wren.

  But I'm not cool, I'm nervous and excited and I'm likely smiling like a fool as I approach him. But I quickly realize that he's not smiling. He doesn't look happy to see me.

  "Hey, Wren..." he says, letting his voice trail off.

  "Hey!" I answer, trying to sound cheerful.

  As I start to open my locker, he backs away a bit. I swallow hard, something doesn't feel right.

  "So, um, I have to..." he starts, but again he doesn't go on.

  I just stare at him, waiting.

  "Alright, I'm sorry. My buddy sort of already set me up with a date for the dance, and I just found out yesterday." He says this all at once, then barely waits for my reaction.

  "Uh..."

  "I can't take you. Um, yeah, sorry," he finally spits out and then backs away even more.

  It feels like a joke. Or maybe the invite was a joke in the first place.

  I turn away so he doesn't see the tears in my eyes and then he's gone, anyway. I'm left there staring into my locker, alone.

  I stand there long after the bell rings to start first period, then I finally decide that I can't face anyone today, especially Kyla, who quite likely brought a dress to school for me to borrow. Just having to tell her that I was uninvited makes me want to throw up.

*

  I put my key in the lock of the apartment door twenty minutes later, but it's not locked. This is not normal, I know I locked it when I left that morning. It's been almost two weeks and I've gotten used to being on my own, but this is the worst possible time my father could show up randomly. I'm holding my breath as I push open the door, then wipe my eyes when I see him standing there, in the kitchen. His girlfriend is on the couch, a few feet away from him.

  "What are you doing here?" he asks sharply, looking me up and down. "It's the middle of the afternoon."

  "It was a half day," I lie, not knowing how he'll react if I tell him the truth.

  I cried most of the walk home, so I'm wondering if he can even tell I'm upset. He wouldn't notice because he wouldn't care. I want to ask him what he is doing here, and why he was gone for so long. I wish I could stand up to him, but I can barely look at him. I haven't seen him in so long and yet I didn't miss him. I know he sure didn't miss me.

  "Where did this bread come from?" he yells, a moment later.

  I'm still just standing near the door with my shoes on, in shock that he and his girlfriend are even there. I want to pinch myself to see if it's real.

  "I... I bought it across the street," I say slowly, avoiding his eyes.

  "You spent my money?" He's getting more and more angry as the minutes pass.

  "It was, like, seven dollars-"

  "Was it mine?" he shouts, getting angrier.

  "Well, yeah, but-"

  "Did I say you could go into my bedroom?" He takes a few steps closer to me and I back up instinctively.

  "I needed to get food," I say loudly now. "I hadn't eaten in days."

  The girlfriend, Mandy, gasps. My father shoots her a look and she covers her mouth. She's a lot younger than him, and she usually doesn't care about me at all, but this obviously surprised her. I guess it would surprised anyone to hear a child hadn't eaten in days.

  "You're old enough to take care of yourself, that doesn't mean going through my stuff and taking my money," my father says, still coming in my direction.

  "I'm fourteen," I say, then look away. "I was literally starving."

  "You were not."

  "You were gone for almost two weeks," I spit out, backing up so I'm almost against the door.

  "It wasn't that long," he argues.

  He's a manipulative asshole and I hate him, I realize in that moment. I've always hated him, but I never would have admitted that he was abusive. I would have said it wasn't that bad. I would have said he was just busy. Even after what he allowed to happen to me, not that long ago, I would have stuck up for him.

  "I don't know what you expected me to do," I tell him, and then start to turn away.

  He grabs my arm and squeezes it. "Don't walk away while I'm talking to you."

  I just stare at him, in shock.

  "Brad-" The girlfriend tries.

  "No, this is my house, you are my kid. You do what I say."

  "Okay-"

  I can't even finish the word because he's reached out and hit me across the face. It stings and throbs but I don't move. He lets go of my arm but I am frozen there, in shock. He's staring at me like he doesn't know what happened, and then finally he turns away.

  I want to leave the apartment but I bolt down the hallway to the bedroom. I don't even feel safe there, with the door closed and locked. I fall onto my bed, crying, but I feel horrible and terrible and sad. He left me alone for two weeks and then freaked out about me buying food. He hit me. The only person I want to talk to, Julianna, is gone.

  I got uninvited to the dance.

  I don't even want to be alive anymore.