I apologize in advance for this...

To My One And Only

If there's anything I've learned from all of this, it's to cherish the time you're given with the people you love. I was blessed and honored to be your husband for 36 wonderful, trying, crazy, beautiful years. I know when we got married, we said till death do us part, but I didn't realize it would be so soon. I imagined us like everyone imagines themselves when they get older, in rocking chairs at some stinky nursing home, holding hands and laughing together.

When you were diagnosed last year, more than anything I wanted it to be me, for you to not have to go through that. I was angry, I wanted things to go back to normal. The days where you weren't yourself, I would cry. I would cry because physically, yes, you were here, but mentally, you weren't my Mitch. It hurt more than I could say. But it also taught me to appreciate the days where you were lucid. You were always in good spirits those days, even with knowing the end was near for you. We would lay in the bed together, talking about old times, when things were better. Like how we met at CATS, winning the sing off, winning a Grammy, getting married, adopting our daughter Julia and watching her grow up. We'd even talk about the bad times, the things that in the end brought us closer, like your parents dying, those excruciating months when we lived separately, and our daughter starting to date. You kept trying to talk to me about what would happen after you were gone, and I wouldn't have any of it until you grabbed my face and forced me to look at you, which was such a Mitch thing to do. I didn't want to believe that you'd be leaving me soon, and you were so strong and wise about it all.

I know you want me to be happy, I know you wouldn't want to see me so broken and lost, and I'm trying, I really am, but Mitchie, it's so hard. I haven't had to live without you since I was 8. I don't know how to do that, but I'll learn, only because that's what you wanted. I miss you so much. I miss the little things the most, like arguing about where to eat, when you'd wear your favorite sweater of mine, when we would walk down the street and you would just grab my hand, or when you would tell me I was your forever. The little things.

I will always cherish those, and you. Thank you for the lifetime of love you've given me, for the lifetime of happiness you've given me. I will always love you. Even though physically, you won't be here, you'll always be with me. I will carry your love and your memories with me every where I go, and in everything I do.

Love,

Your Forever

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Daddy,

You and papa will always be the first men I ever loved. I wish I would've told you I loved you more often. But I know you know. And more than that, I know how much you loved me. Despite the long hours you worked, or how busy you were, you always put papa and I first. Family was everything to you. You were at every sports practice, every game, every recital, even that one time I got too nervous to perform and wanted to walk out, you were there... Believing in me even when I didn't believe in myself. You taught me so much daddy. You taught me to push through, even when the odds were against me. You taught me that it was okay to be myself, and that I could do anything I wanted too. You taught me to be kind to others, but not to take shit from anyone.

You made me promise before you passed to take care of papa, and I will. Growing up, I might have been made fun of for having two dads, but I have never in my 16 years of life seen anyone more in love than you and papa. That's another thing you taught me. You taught me how to love, what its like to be in love, what a beautiful, loving relationship should be like. I hope one day to find someone who treats me as well as you treated papa, someone who's eyes light up like yours always did when you looked at him. You also promised me to not be sad when you won't be there for important events in my life, like graduating, or my wedding day when you won't be able to walk me down the aisle, or to be able to hold your grandchildren. I'm sorry I couldn't promise you that. You will always be missed daddy, especially on those days. There won't be a day that goes by where I won't think of you and miss you.

I tried calling you the other day. I needed advice, and you always gave the best. I forgot you were gone. Papa doesn't know it, well, by now he probably does, but I took some of your shirts to keep for myself. I don't know what I'll do without you daddy.

I hope I continue to make you proud daddy. I love you more than I can say. I miss you.

Love,

Your Baby Girl