I was carrying a crying Ellie back to our car after watching Scott's plane take off.

I squeezed her tight and whispered in her ear, "Ellie baby, it's just you and me for a while. We have to be strong for Papa."

But deep down, I wasn't sure that I could be strong for him either.

I woke up to Ellie crying, again. At this point it was becoming a nightly routine for us.

"Ellie sweetie, what's wrong?"

"I want Papa daddy. Papa scared away the monsters."

Every night she wanted Scott, and every night it broke my heart a little more, having to explain each time that Scott won't be home for a long time.

"Baby, remember how I said we have to be strong for Papa?" She nodded yes as I wiped away her little tears and sat down next to her.

"We have to do that now."

"But daddy, I hear you crying at night too."

With that I scooped her up and brought her into my room for the night. I laid there trying to be as quiet as I could with my sobbing. Ellie curled up into me and I couldn't have been more grateful, she was the closest thing I had to Scott and to comfort.

When Scott's birthday came around Ellie insisted we still celebrate. So we baked him a cake, colored him some pictures and cards to mail him, and even bought him presents to open for when he came home. Same for Christmas, which was the hardest holiday for us to go through without him. Scott will be a spoiled man when he comes home. If he comes home. Not a day goes by that the thought doesn't cross my mind. I mean, we had to get his will settled before he left. It's a very real possibility. I didn't want to think about it, but I also knew that I would have to somehow prepare myself for if it did.

It took three months. Three very long months of only receiving one letter in the mail from him. I cried tears of joy when we got that first Skype call from him. There was my baby, in one piece. He looked just as good as ever, with a little bit of a burn; his poor, pale, skin. Sure, I couldn't touch him or hold him, but I got to see him. Those deep blue eyes, his smile, and hear his voice I love and miss hearing so much.

"Papa Papa! I've missed you!"

This was the happiest I've seen Ellie since he left, and it made my heart swell, seeing both of my babies look so overjoyed.

"Oh baby doll, Papa misses you so much. Are you being good for daddy? Are you taking care of him for me?"

"I cuddle with him when he cries for you Papa."

I saw Scott's face drop and eyes soften, even getting a little misty, as I turned my head away. I didn't want him to see me crying anymore, or know how weak I am without him. I don't know where he got the idea that I was so strong. He made me strong, he made me confident. Ellie hopped off my lap, came quickly back with a box of tissues and climbed back into my lap. I gave her a quick squeeze. She is her Papa's child. So in tune with what others need, with what I need. I seriously think she's been stronger than me through out this sometimes. She and Kirstie were the only things keeping me sane right now.

"Mitchie."

I turned my head back to look at him.

"Scottie."

He put his hand up to the screen, I did the same, wishing I could actually hold his hand, even for a second.

"I wish I could wipe those tears away."

"I just wish you were home."

I heard someone yell his name in the background.

"I have to go guys."

"No. Scott. Please."

"But papa!"

"I'm so sorry. I love you two more than anything. Always remember that. I'll see you soon."

Then the screen went black.

I had to regain my composure before I spoke to a now crying Ellie.

"Ell Bell aren't you happy we got to see Papa? I think he was very happy to see us."

"But I want Papa to come home! Why can't he come home?"

I cradled her in my arms as I tried my hardest not to let anymore tears fall.

"Papa has to do this. He's helping lots of people, and we're going to be there for him every step of the way because that's what families do."

After the second call from him at the six month mark, we no longer heard from him. Every day passed by so slow. Each holiday, birthday, or anniversary that passed, that Scott missed, got harder and harder. My phone stayed glued to my hand with the volume as high as it could go, hoping for a call, anything. Not even a letter came. The unknown was killing me. Was he okay? Was he left for dead somewhere? Was he taken? What's happening to him? Will I ever see him again, or hold him again, or love him again? Ellie kept asking about him. I always told her he'd be back soon and show her the date he was supposed to return on next years calendar, but I wasn't even believing the words I was telling her anymore.