"You cannot go in there. The Maharani wishes to be alone", one of the queen's handmaiden's retorted sharply, blocking my way to the closed doors of her chambers. 

"Please tell her that Yadavkumari Subhadra is asking permission to enter", I asked politely as the girl's eyes circled into globes and she looked me up and down once, before starting to stutter frenetically. 

"Uh uh.. I.. I am sorry my princess.. I.. I thought.. many apologies.."

"It is quite alright. Please pass my message to her highness", I stifled my amusement for the poor girl's sake as she quickly bowed and went inside, no doubt relieved to have left my presence. 

I could not fault her. No one who hasn't seen me yet could have recognized me. I had opened my heavy lehenga and worn the simplest cotton saree I could find, from my maid and childhood companion, Trisha's trousseau, much to that poor girl's massive embarrassment. She has been my faithful friend and helper since we were mere chits of girls jumping around in Dwarka. 

It was a faded blue colour and the choli was a mere slip of cloth nearly modest enough to hold my breasts in. 

All my cumbersome, heavy bejewelled ornaments have gone and I only wore the chudamani, which was nestled at the crease of my hastily redone, simple bun. I have opened the gajra and the nath and washed my face off any traces of kohl and lip stains. 

The only piece of adornment I couldn't remove was the silver payals from around my ankles. It had little bells hanging from a light chain and was probably costlier than my entire drawer of jewellery put together. 

It was Arjun's wedding gift and I was loathed to remove it, even when I went for my baths. 

I still remember the night he suddenly produced it from, seemingly thin air. 

****

I was cleaning the porch of our cottage when I heard him come up from behind me. It had been three months since our wedding. Arjun decided to stay in Pushkar for the rest of his exile and I was only too happy to follow my husband wherever he went. 

Our cottage was one of my personal projects. It was a simple one storied mud house with a straw roof and we had hay and a few rough fabric pieces to spare for a cover and a blanket for our makeshift bed. 

But I adored my new house. 

Arjun had been expectedly worried that I wouldn't be able to live in such frugal conditions after having lived my entire life in palaces. 

It wasn't an unwarranted thought but I had been reminded of my fourth sister in law, Kalindi. How she did rigorous penance to get my brother's love. Of Satya Bhabi and how she went to war with him. Of the righteous princess Sukanya who married a sage and renounced all materialistic pleasures for him. 

I had never quite understood why they would go through such inconvenience and suffering, before this. 

But when Arjun  had asked me to stay back at Dwarka after our marriage till his exile gets over, I had understood them all, all too well. 

"How can you think that? Do you think so lowly of me?"

I had enquired sulkily, tracing patterns on his muscled chest as we rested entangled in each other after a rather vigorous round of love making. 

"Hush! Not at all. I was just thinking of your comfort my dear", my husband had murmured in my hair. My fingers had stilled and with much effort, I had lifted my head from his chest to look him in the eye. 

It had been a Sisyphean task but I had needed him to see my eyes while I had said it. 

While I had hammered it home.

"My comfort is where you are. Whether in Indraloka aur Yamaloka. Or anywhere in between for that matter. Don't ask me such stupid questions, again."

I had dropped back on his chest, satisfied with completing my tiny mission and enjoyed the feel of Dhananjaya's wiry arms wrap around my naked waist tightly. 

"As my Yadavi wishes", he had sealed it with a kiss on top of my head. 

I smiled getting the fragrance of my husband's familiar dusky saffron and clean sandalwood scent. He lifted me up from where I had bent to dust the floor with a single arm around my waist and pushed me inside himself in a smooth practised move. 

"Arya! What are you doing? I have so much work to.."

My words remained unspoken as a pretty silver anklet dangled in front of my face. 

"It is so beautiful? Where did you get it?", I asked awestruck, taking it from his hand. The silver work on the light chain was marvellously intricate. 

"Sachi Devi had gifted me these on my apparent valorous defeat of her husband. It was a golden nath and silver anklets. I gave the nath to Panchali but I kept the anklets. She looks better in gold. I didn't know why I had not given the anklets away too but now... I am glad I didn't."

I felt happiness blossom bountiful in my heart and eagerly turned around in his arms to meet his twinkling gaze. I impatiently gestured for him to give me the other one which he dangled right in front of me, but out of my reach. 

I pouted at him rather pointlessly. 

"What childishness is this Arya? Give them to me. I want to wear it."

"Sit down, I will make you wear it."

He tugged me to sit on a rock and kneeled in front of me eagerly, his handsome features serene yet mischievous at the same time. But I was alarmed when he tried catching my ankle. I grabbed his wrist at the right moment, internally thanking my stars profusely.

"My God! What are you doing Arya? Don't touch my feet. I'll get cursed, otherwise. Give them to me, I will wear them."

Arjun raised an eyebrow at me and crossed his arms across his chest still kneeling on the ground. 

"You are saying this Subhadra? You, whose brother has been celebrated for washing the feet of his lover? Whom I have seen pressing his wife's feet in many an occasion?"

I coloured slightly and looked away pensively. He is right. I have seen my brother make no qualms about it at all and he rather enjoyed doing things like that to his beloved ashtabharya. 

But... it still felt so monumentally wrong. 

I wrung my hands. 

"I know.. but bhabishree and Devi Radha... they are not like us. Not mere mortals. I don't think the rules of society apply to them."

Arjun sighed and uncrossed his arms. 

"Far be it me to follow the so called rules of society. And it has nothing to do with mortals and Gods. It is what we feel for each other as husband and wife. You touch my feet all the time. Is it because I demean you or want to belittle you?"

I tsked and glowered at him knowing fully well he is about to trap me in my own words. I internally berated my brother for teaching the craft of wordsmithery to my once rather innocent husband. 

"Of course not Arya. You are my husband. I am expected to.."

"So you do it because it is expected of you?"

"No! Because I respect you. It is a mark of my devotion to you."

"Exactly my love. Which is exactly the same for me. I have pressed Panchali's feet and trust me, it didn't get her cursed."

I stuck my tongue out at him like an immature filly and he grinned before taking a hold of my ankle and putting on the silver anklets over them lovingly. My eyes stung a little but I forced the waterworks down and instead pulled Arjun up to his feet so that I could snuggle inside his chest. 

Our height difference made it perfect for me to rest my cheek against his heart and hear it beat with dull thumps. 

"There you go? Now I can hear you coming every time when you would to try to sneak up from behind me and scare ten years off my life", his teasing words rumbled against my ears and I slapped his bicep swiftly. 

"I knew there was an ulterior motive to all this supposed romance."

I realised then, ignoring the small outraged voice of my naughty flute playing brother, that my husband's laugh was probably the world's most beautiful music. 

****

The talk of Maharaja Drupad's mystical daughter, borne from the same fire of the yagna, which he had conducted for getting a son who had been prophesied to be able to defeat Dronacharya, the revered master of both the Pandavas and the Kauravas and kill him, had spread far and wide. 

I had sat wide eyed with rapt attention when the bards from Kampilya had graced Dwarka and brought with them, the astonishing tale of their beloved Princess. 

I had been suitably impressed hearing about her much celebrated countenance and more famously admired beauty. 

But only now, I realised that no one's words, not even Krishna or Arjun's could even scratch the surface of how enchanting Draupadi truly is in person. 

The maid had come back a few minutes later, gesturing me with trembling hands, to enter and I had breathed a sigh of relief. At least I hadn't been turned away. It took me some time to get my bearing when I entered first. All the lamps in her chamber had been extinguished and darkness having fallen already, I thought it would be tough to see anything. 

But how wrong was I. 

For it seemed Yagyasaini needed no external flame to be visible. Her swarthy skin glowed with an inner fire which could easily blind anyone who dared to look at her for too long. 

She was.. for the lack of a better word, bewitching. 

I could see why the reputedly composed Pandavas had fallen all over themselves for marrying her. 

Her hair was open and seemed to be the colour of a moonless night sky. The strands seemed to glimmer blue when the light of the moon hit them so. Her eyes were luminous, lashed and fish shaped on an oval face. The colour of those pupils, an arresting amber brown. 

I could sense she was taller than me, even if at present, she was half lying on the divan. 

Her chudamani and bangles sparkled gold and complemented the blood red saree which was draped over that alluring frame. 

And for the first time in my life, I felt acutely inadequate in front of another woman. 

I felt like the washed out pallor of a sickly moon in front of such vivaciousness. Such vibrancy. Such vigour. 

Why had Arjun even glanced at my direction when he had... her?

Her eyes met mine and I could feel my tongue become heavy in my mouth. All those lofty words I have been rehearsing in my mind since my wedding, for a whole year, evaporated into the air. I could not move, could not speak. 

I could hardly breathe. 

The fragrance of blue lotuses wafted in the air soothingly but it didn't calm my heart. 

The queen had her startlingly large eyes fixed on mine like she was mentally sizing me up. Or maybe she was thinking how to roast me slowly with that swirling mass of flames which seemed to dance beneath her skin. 

I am sure, my expression would have been like a frightened doe for she suddenly seemed to deflate and her gaze flitted away to get fixed on the opposite wall. Maybe she has taken mercy on me. 

I would not kick a gift horse on the mouth. 

And with that my strength returned in spades. 

I went and kneeled in front of her steadily and joined my hands feeling a surprisingly innate reverence emerge from my heart. I did not feel humiliated by whatever I was doing. It wasn't even a ploy to get her to tolerate me, like I had initially planned. 

'Listen to your heart Subhadrae. Even if your mind rebels. The heart doesn't lead one astray.'

For some reason, on seeing Draupadi, I truly wanted her to like me. I wanted her to accept me. I wanted a bond with her. 

It seemed like an unpardonable slight to cause any sort of grief to this Goddess of a woman. I would marvel about this decision after many years. The decision to be a sister to the Princess of Panchal, to strive for a relationship of our own, irrespective of our husband. 

And consecutively be infinitely grateful for my brother's wise words, a million times over. 

"Please accept me, Maharani. I have come looking for shelter", I uttered almost whisper soft. 

Draupadi's fiery eyes turned towards me sharply and the fire in them threatened to swallow me whole, yet I refused to lower my gaze. I will gladly kneel for her but I won't look down. I had to make that clear. 

There seemed to be a hint of admiration in her strikingly mesmerising face. 

"Why does the wife of Arjun, need shelter from anyone, let alone me?" Panchali broke her frosty silence finally. Her voice was just as regal as I had imagined. Mellifluous but steely. 

"Your Parth might be a master of warcraft my lady but he is woefully inept where familial polity is concerned. No, I neither desire nor need his protection. I want an elder sister."

I see my clever choice of words had done the trick as her features softened immeasurably and joy spread beneath my breast. Yet the severe turn of those silken red lips hadn't lessened. I had to make my position completely clear. 

"And in return, I will serve you for the rest of my life."

The tempestuous Agnisutaa finally lifted herself from the divan and caught my slim shoulders in a gentle yet firm grip.

"You are Vijaya's wife, Subhadra and Vasudeva Krishna's sister. Subserviency doesn't become of you", her words were strong yet soft and I got reminded of Satya bhabi's lavish praises of her dear friend. 

The queen of the Pandavas lifted my face up with a finger beneath my chin and finally a soft smile lit her own. 

"I can see why Phalgun fell for you, my dear sister. The bards singing your praises do no justice to your beauty."

I coloured darkly at that, feeling my cheeks heat up in tandem and a musical chuckle broke out of the now amused Panchali. 

"There is no comparison with you jiji. You are unbelievable. Otherworldly. Bhrata Krishna was right when he said that you are the most beautiful woman of this generation."

Draupadi chuckled mirthfully. 

"There is no winning at words with the sister of Govind, is there?"

She did the universal sign of removing evil eye with her hands and I grinned sheepishly at her. 

"May your husband remain ever prosperous and undefeated."

She said softly as grief overtook her stunning eyes once more before stilling like a calming lake. I could no longer bear it and in a move which surprised both of us, threw my arms around her neck and hugged her like my life depended on it. 

She took a minute to respond and I almost cried when her hands ran over my quivering back gently. 

Oh, I am trembling. 

I hadn't noticed it. 

"Oh forgive me jiji! Causing you pain was the last thing any of us wanted", I pleaded in the crook of her fragrant neck. She patted me reassuringly. 

"I know Subhadra. You are not to blame. I can hardly fault you for falling in love with my Savyasachi. That man has a penchant for making everyone fall all around and over him. But yes, my anger at him and your darling brother still has a long way to go to subside."

I sniffed a little and removed myself from her embrace finally, a tad embarrassed at the sudden and unwarranted display of emotion. To my surprise, Draupadi had a very maternal expression on her face as she wiped my tears oh so softly. 

"That is justified as well. All I wanted was for you to accept me. Go right ahead and make both Arya and Bhrata Krishna, grovel at your feet. Both their egos, need a nice roughhousing."

And with my hands clasped in that of Maharani Krishnaa, I heard the latter burst into laughter, which was probably the loveliest thing I have ever seen, since coming to Indraprasth. 

To be continued