Class is uneventful, but an unexpected sadness and defeated feeling is weighing me down. I can't shake it. Not even my list of 99 coping skills can provide relief from the depression, so I turn to the one option that will always be there. I duck into the bathroom to cut. I can't stand the sadness any longer. I'm sorry for breaking, I tell myself. I told myself not to cut anymore today, but I failed my goal. And such a simple goal it was! Oh, well. What does one more thing I failed at make a difference?

As I'm getting my things for English, Tristan approaches. Oh my god, is he going to come and talk to me? But no, he walks right past me without a second glance. I can't help but be disappointed. Then again, what did I expect?

***

In Science, we get to read, because Mrs. Shelton had to finish work. I'm reading The Fault In Our Stars when somebody sits down next to me. I don't look up to see who it is. Then I hear a painfully familiar voice say, "Aren't you even going to look at me?" I still don't raise my head, but I don't need to to know who it is. I picture his appearance in my mind. The cocky grin. The signature hoodie and converse. The intense, beautiful sky-blue eyes. It's Tristan.

I have half a mind to not look at him. Don't acknowledge him and he'll leave you alone. But that doesn't work. He pokes me in the shoulder. I huff out a sigh, but still don't look at him. "What do you want?" I ask. "For you to look at me," his sexy voice says. "Not going to happen," I reply snottily. "Come on, princess. I'll read with you," he says in a persuasive tone of voice.

Now that's tempting. I doubt he's even heard of The Fault In Our Stars. "How do you mean you'll read with me?" I ask warily. "I'll scoot closer to you and I'll read your book out loud to you." I give a sigh. I really don't want to give in and give him the satisfaction of winning our little argument, but reading with him would be a dream come true. Literally. Still...............

I know if I look up at him, I'll end up staring, and I'll look weird or he'll make some cocky remark that makes me angry. But I really do want to read with him. I huff a sigh and look up into Tristan's gorgeous face.

"You finally looked up at me," he says with some surprise. I give him my best fake smile and say, "How could I miss an opportunity to show you what a good book this is?" He gives a low chuckle that sends shivers down my spine. "What are you reading?" "The Fault In Our Stars,"  I reply, showing him the cover. "Oh, I've read that," he comments. "You've read this?" He must have sensed my surprise, because he leaned down close to my ear and whispered, "Yeah, it's a good book." I can hardly keep from laughing at how worried he sounds. As if liking a book is going to ruin his "ladies man" title. Instead of cracking up, I smile at him. Which is good, because my laugh sounds like a hyperventilating walrus with asthma.

***

For the rest of the hour, Tristan and I sit and read my book, stopping to discuss the scenes every once in a while. I swear, I feel like I'm floating. On cloud nine. At my wedding with Tristan. This is the best hour of my life! But, of course, all good things have to end, and the Claires of the world have to ruin our magical times.

At the end of Science, we're still discussing The Fault In Our Stars as we walk out the door. "So I really like the scene where Hazel...." my voice trails off as I spot Claire heading towards us. Tristan sees her, too. He immediately stops talking to me and slings an arm around her. I hear Claire ask, "Who was that you were talking to, baby?" "Oh," Tristan says, walking off a bit. He gestures vaguely. "Just some girl." And those words, they cut me deeper than my razor ever has.

***

Tristan's p.o.v

Okay, I know I've got a girlfriend. Don't go all lecture-y on me. But that doesn't mean I can't build up my player/badboy attitude. Which was what I was doing when I started bothering that girl, Alex. She's pretty, but nerdy. She'd fall for me so hard, I thought. But then I saw she was reading The Fault In Our Stars, which I actually have read. I liked it, too. I saw no reason to tell Alex that I read it because of an English assignment.

Some kind of bell went off in my head then, and I knew I wasn't going to flirt with her or anything. I simply wanted to learn more about her. I could tell that there's something different about her. She looked so...broken. She's intriguing. The walls are up around her, I can tell. She's shutting people out. I know because I have those walls too, just in a different way.

I want to find out what it is that she hides from people. I want to learn her secrets. I want her to trust me. But, obviously, that'll take time. So I decided, why not start today? And I started to pressure her to look at me, and when she finally did, I saw that she's actually quite beautiful when she smiles. Even if the smile was fake. Yes, I could tell. Now I have a goal for this year: To make her smile, a genuine smile, at me.

***

Alex's p.o.v

"I'm home!" I call as I fling open the door to my house. I'm still upset and angry over what Tristan said about me. So I run upstairs to my bathroom, not even bothering to grab bandages. Today, I'll just let the blood flow and stop naturally. No Band-Aids. I'm mad at Tristan, but I'm mostly mad at myself for getting the stupid notion inside my head that Tristan could ever like me in the way I like him. So I open my bathroom drawer and pull out my blood-stained razor.

I begin by making a tiny criss-cross slice on my wrist. Blood oozes from the wound. I stare at it for a second, before I cut again. The self-hate is overwhelming me, and I cut deeper and deeper. My tears make a puddle on the bathroom floor. Finally, I stop. I put away my razor, now soaked in blood, and turn to the one thing that can always make me feel better: Music.

***

"Oh em gee, this is my JAM!" I yell out as What Makes You Beautiful by One Direction comes on. Don't judge me okay I'm geeky. I get up on my bed and start singing and dancing terribly.

You're insecure

Don't know what for

You're turning heads as you walk through the do-o-o-o-r

Don't need makeup

To cover up

Being the way that you are is eno-o-o-ough

Eeveryone else in the room can seeee it

Everyone else but you

Baby you light up my world like nobody else

The way that you flip your  hair gets me overwhelmed

But when you smile at the ground it ain't hard to tell

You don't know o-o-h you don't know you're beautiful

If only you saw what I can see

You'll understand why I want you so desperately

Right now I'm looking at you and I can't believe

You don't know o-o-h you don't know you're beautiful

O-o-h

"THAT'S WHAT MAKES YOU BEAUTFUL!" I scream into the night.