Sya Mu had a secret. It was one she indulged in on the days she had off from duty, usually once every ten days or so. She had a tub filled with hot water, poured in sandalwood and other oils, and soaked her skin, roughened from days in the saddle. Patrolling, guarding her Chieftain everywhere he went; her duties kept her focused each day on the heavy, and physical, militaristic demands of her chosen profession.

But that once every week or so, that day to herself, was dedicated to a reminder that she was a woman first, and that inner part of her needed attention. She used a scrub first, standing in a shallow basin and slowly and luxuriously scrubbed off the roughened and work-worn outer layer, concentrating on her feet, elbows, knees, and hands, rinsed, then applied a deep lotion on every inch before submerging herself into the water, so hot she could barely stand it. Her hair was next, the inky blue-black that the Lans were known for was dulled after exposure to the elements, and she washed it several times and ended with argan oil combed through it. As she air-dried it, she sipped a fermented milk brew as she relaxed. She changed into a dry shift and finally approached her table to play a secret game.

Spreading a brocade drop over the table she opened a box and applied a cream to her face in deep, circular motions, letting it soften the skin, dry from the constant sun. It penetrated the dermis, bringing a soft glow to the tanned skin. Then she picked up a large brush and dusted her face with a luminescent powder that made her shimmer in the firelight, She accented her eyes with a dusty rose and lined them with a hint of kohl, She darkened the lashes and applied a rose-colored rouge to her full lips. Then she pulled out a beautiful long tunics in dark green, embroidered in a rich gold. It had a fuller skirt that fell to the calf, Leggings, skin-tight leggings covered her to the ankles and flowered slippers adorned her feet. Usually, she stayed indoors, sitting in a pile of pillows, her thoughts back at Cloud Recesses, visiting her parents and joining them in song and music. But tonight, with one too many drinks under her belt, Sya decided to take a chance and leave her tent. The midnight moon had risen, and she pinned a veil in place. Only sentries were posted at key points. Scouts had seen no hints of others in the area. Anshi's men were at attention around his yurt. The desire to be solitary, free to feel feminine and one with the moon, was an irresistible pull.

She slipped out, as silent as fog, a little giddy from drinking the Airag. Lightly alcoholic, made from mare's milk, it had hit her hard. She had eaten little that night and the truth was, she liked the sense of 'Don't give a damn' that had come from it. It was heady, and she felt good for the first time in a long time. Leaving Qian was devastating for Anshi, but it eased the heavy load of anxiety she had felt the entire time there. Now that they were on their way from that oppressive place, Anshi had begun to recover his footings, and despite his sore heart, he had re-assumed his mantle of leadership. Equilibrium was being restored.

Mother Yue was rising high tonight and the moon was so full, she almost looked pregnant with promise. Sya laughed lightly. "Fool! The Airag is hitting hard tonight. The promise of what? The next stop is the Monastery, seeking Anshi's brother. Who knows what hurt that could bring him." Her war horse sensed her presence and approached her with a gentle nicker, and she slipped him a carrot. He crushed it immediately and nuzzled for more.

"Wudi. Enough is enough." She reached out to pet his white nose. "Too many sweets and you will get as fat as a pig. And it is not wise to wish for more than the gods decide to give you."

A voice spoke behind her."This is Captain Lan's horse. He allows few to handle him. He only likes women, and he seems to know you. What is a woman out wandering alone this time of night?"It was the unmistakable voice of Anshi.

She froze, hoping he did not recognize her in a woman's attire. Gods! If he recognized her like this, the ribbing would never stop. She cursed herself for this breach of judgment. Lan Sya Mu and her pathetic attempts to be a lady...

She cleared her throat and spoke lightly, softly."I could not sleep." She steadied her breathing and turn to face him.

She widened her eyes innocently. "Why is our Chieftain out and not sleeping?"

"Old habits. I wake and make rounds throughout the night."

"I like looking at the horses. He has gotten used to a midnight carrot occasionally. I visit here and then sleep soundly. If Our Chieftain pardons me, I will return to my yurt." She turned to leave.

"Stop." She froze.

"A lighter voice and a beautiful garment do nothing to hide the sandalwood, Sya Mu." He walked around and stood in front of her. "Remove the veil. Let's see the rest of this disguise. "

She reluctantly obeyed, and took a deep breath, waiting for the laughter sure to follow.

"Raise your head." She jerked it up and glared at him.

"Go on. Laugh. I know you want to." He studied her face, but only smiled."It is nice, seeing you like this. I never imagined. I have only seen the soldier."

"I..well...I..."

"It is nice to walk in another skin occasionally; one that is a long-hidden secret, is it not?"

"Yes."

"Then do it more often. You can be both, you know. Lan Sya Mu, a long time ago, when I saw you depressed, I asked why you were down at the mouth. Lan Ge Ban was discreet, but he told me a man had not returned your love. That your heart was broken. I remember, your eyes were shining with tears. Like now. Sort of. Right now they are tears of embarrassment. What I am saying is, don't devalue this part of yourself. All I see right now is a lovely woman who deserves a relationship if she chooses. Do not suppress it in favor of your service to me. If you find it, wrest it from the universe. Unlike me, do not turn away."

"No, my Chieftain."

He looked at the light of the moon on her face. "I see you came out without your sword. Your actions tonight put you in danger. That affects my safety. From now on, I will join you if I see you. You may speak to me as an old friend. After all, we have a lot in common, you and I. Comrades in arms, people whose hearts ache for lost love. It might bring us peace, to be able to talk about these things. Clear our heads for the next day on the road."

As he turned to leave, she heard him laugh. "It is nice knowing your secret. It is safe with me...Maybe!.\ Oh! This is fun, having something to hold over your head, Captain!" He sauntered off, laughter in the air.

'We shall see, Chieftain.' She thought to herself. 'We shall see who has the last laugh!' And she stomped to her yurt to toss and turn the night away.