With a heavy heart, Ichimatsu walked home very slowly, his head hung low as he stared at nothing but the ground.

"I failed..." Ichimatsu thought, his eyes growing cloudy, the emptiness of his loss beginning to finally kick in. "I'm trash..I'm useless...I'm not going to ever be a better person. I'm only brining pain to others. If I just killed myself, then everything would be better, right...? If I just left this world, everyone would be happier. I don't belong here. I don't belong anywhere. Who the heck do I think I am...? I'm not a hero. I always knew I could never be the hero like Jyushimatsu was to me..."

Ichimatsu stopped walking and wrapped his hands around his neck, trying to suffocate himself. He tightened them with each breath he attempted to make, but when he finally began to feel like he couldn't breathe, he let go of himself.

"Still too weak..." Ichimatsu thought bitterly, kicking a rock angrily into the street. "I can't let my brothers still think I'm still a terrible human being, can I? If I tell them Claude..killed himself, they wouldn't believe me. They'd think I'm just trying to lie to them. When did I lose all of their trust? What did I do to deserve any of this...? I know I've done lots of things to myself in the past, but I never tried to actually hurt anyone else..."

Ichimatsu sighed as he stopped walking, standing in front of his home.

"I could go inside..." Ichimatsu thought, reaching for the door. "I could lie and just say I couldn't find him..."

Ichimatsu pulled his hand back and tugged on his hair anxiously. He wanted to feel pain so badly at that very moment.

"If I feel pain, then the emptiness I feel won't be so bad, right..?" he thought, almost beginning to laugh.

Like someone had just punched him in the stomach, Ichimatsu stumbled back, falling onto the ground.

Wincing a little, Ichimatsu rubbed his butt then stood back up, brushing off his pants. A burning sensation overcame his hands at that moment, and when Ichimatsu turned them over to see his palms, they were covered in blood.

"Great..." Ichimatsu thought, "I got the pain I wanted...but now they'll just think I killed someone. I have blood on my hands. In fact, they're covered in it..."

Grunting, Ichimatsu looked both ways before he crossed the street. He knew he most likely wouldn't be seen at the park, so it seemed like a safe option.

His hands began to bleed even more, some drops of it rolling down his hands, hitting the pavement below him.

"Stop stop stop..." Ichimatsu thought, looking around frantically for a water fountain. "Where the heck are the water fountains?!"

Ichimatsu ran, holding his hands up near his chest, but not close enough to him that his shirt would get blood on it.

He felt so incredibly stupid for having stumbled down for no reason. It didn't help the fact that he had skinned his hands so badly that they looked like raw meat.

A sigh of relief escaped Ichimatsu's lips when his spotted one of the glorious silver water fountains, shining in the early morning sunlight.

Quickly, Ichimatsu ran up to the fountain, pressing the button on the side with his hip, hoping enough water would come out to clean his bloody hands.

"Come on..." Ichimatsu thought, waiting for the water to come out. But, of course, since the world was against him, no water came out.

Only a few seconds later did he notice a tiny "out of order" sign on the other side of the fountain.

"Screw the world," Ichimatsu thought, spitting on the ground, drops of blood falling with his saliva. "Surely there's another fountain around here somewhere..."

At that moment, he saw Kanola walking through the park casually, staring up at the sky.

"Kanola..." he thought, thinking of how kind she always says to him when he had amnesia. "She'll definitely help me, won't she? I know she wouldn't say no. She's too kind. I'm pretty sure injured people are her weakness. She was always giving free things to people at the Cat Cafe, even if they just had their fingers broken."

"K-Kano!" Ichimatsu tried to call, but his voice faded out when she turned around on the path, walking straight towards him. She didn't look very aware of what was going on, but she still wore a pleasant smile on her face.

"I can't freaking bother her..." Ichimatsu thought, wanting to slap himself for even thinking she could possibly help him. "She's too hurt to be bothered with idiots like me..."

Ichimatsu sighed quietly and sat down on one of the park benches, staring at his hands as the dark red blood seeped through the cracks between each finger.

"Ichimatsu?" Kanola said, her shadow towering over the boy as he sat on the bench. "What's gotten into you? Your hands are a mess! Are you okay, son?"

"Son..?" Ichimatsu thought, shaking his head a little. "She's just like a second mother to me, isn't she? She probably knows I think that way about her too."

"Come here," Kanola sighed, shaking her head as well as she firmly gripped onto on of his shoulders. "Let's go back to my house and clean you up. You're going to be late for school if you don't hurry."

Ichimatsu slid off of the bench, hunching over as he walked, following Kanola.

"So tell me, Ichimatsu," Kanola began, "how did your hands get like that?"

"I-I..." Ichimatsu muttered. "I don't want to really say why..."

"If you want me to help you, you've got to tell me at least what your hands were touching. I won't know how to treat them properly if you don't," Kanola replied, slowing her pace a little to allow Ichimatsu to catch up with her.

"I was about to go back inside my house...because I had gone for a morning walk..." Ichimatsu mumbled.

"And?" Kanola pressed, her voice sounding like she really was speaking to an oblivious child.

"I just fell down. I don't know why," Ichimatsu said in one breath.

"You fell down right outside your house?" Kanola said, laughing lightheartedly. "You're a silly boy, not wanting your mother to worry about your wounds. I understand that. And I won't tell her your hands were bleeding either."

Kanola stopped in front of her house and whipped her keys out of her pants pocket, unlocking the front door.

"Come inside," she said, holding open the door for Ichimatsu.

"I didn't care if my mother saw," Ichimatsu said as he walked inside. "It was my brothers. If they saw me, they might question where I've been."

"And why do you think that?" Kanola asked, shutting the front door, leading the boy to her bathroom.

"They don't trust me," Ichimatsu sighed.

"What ever gave your brothers a reason to not trust you?" Kanola asked. "Hold on just a minute, I'm going to go get some rubbing alcohol from my second bathroom. Apparently it's not in here anymore."

Ichimatsu sighed, staring at himself in Kanola's big bathroom mirror.

His eyes had dark circles under them, and he looked like he could burst into tears at any moment.

Ichimatsu stared at his hair for a minute, noticing how much messier it looked than normal. He had almost gotten used to not keeping it as messy as he had done in the future. At least he didn't look too homeless.

Kanola rushed back into the bathroom with a small, clear plastic bottle of rubbing alcohol.

Turning on the skin, Kanola pulled Ichimatsu's hands into the ice cold water.

"Don't turn the water off," she ordered, yanking a pure white bath towel off of one of shelves in the bathroom linen closet. "I'll have to put the rubbing alcohol on it after they look somewhat clean."

Ichimatsu sighed, just staring at the water rushing over his hands. Brownish colored water went down the sink's drain after it had gone over his hands, and Ichimatsu honestly found it disgusting.

Kanola's eyes filled with tears for a split second as she was painfully reminded of Tsubaki, but she quickly turned her attention back to Ichimatsu. She could cry when she had the time.

"Now, hold out your hands," Kanola ordered, turning to faucet off. She laid the white towel on top of the marble countertop and tapped it. "Put your palms on top of this."

Ichimatsu did as she instructed, wanting to scream in pain as he felt his raw hands growing dry from the towel. Though they weren't bleeding anymore, it hurt worse than he had expected it to.

"Why am I not enjoying this pain?" Ichimatsu thought, almost angry with himself as he watched Kanola pour the rest of the rubbing alcohol into a small glass bowl that was about the size of her hand.

Opening up the cabinets beneath the sink, Kanola pulled out a package of gauze, a bag of cotton balls, and a roll of bandages.

Kanola ripped open the bag of cotton balls and grabbed one, dipping it in the alcohol for several seconds. After she lifted it out, she picked up Ichimatsu's left hand and examined his palm.

"That looks worse than I thought it would," Kanola murmured, gently rubbing to cotton ball on his hand, the alcohol going into the raw spots.

Ichimatsu grunted in pain and squinted his eyes shut, trying to focus on something else. But for some reason, his mind would only think about more pain or his brothers. And those were the last things he wanted to think about.

"Jyushimatsu will notice my hands immediately," Ichimatsu thought as Kanola threw the cotton ball away and started on his other hand, doing the same thing. "And then Karamatsu will notice. Then Choromatsu will get all concerned. And I honestly have no idea what Todomatsu or Osomatsu will do..."

"You never answered my question," Kanola said, breaking Ichimatsu's thoughts. "I don't blame you for not wanting to answer though. I still haven't answered several questions people have asked me. Sometimes it's just for the best."

"Yeah..." Ichimatsu mumbled, hoping that Kanola wouldn't ask him again. "Please don't ask me...please don't. Don't do it..." he thought.

"Why wouldn't your brothers trust you?" Kanola asked.

Ichimatsu inhaled irritatedly, not knowing how to answer.

"If I told her that they got their memories back, she wouldn't understand. She would just laugh and shake her head, telling me what a child I still am. I have the mind of a twenty-three year old though. Not some foolish thirteen year old kid who has no sense...I'm not mad..." Ichimatsu thought.

Kanola rubbed some healing cream on Ichimatsu's hands then placed several gauze on each of them. She then proceeded to wrap up his hands in the medical bandages with great care.

"Is this a question you do not wish to answer?" Kanola asked kindly, resting her hand on his shoulder as she smiled proudly at her work.

"I would answer, but I don't think you'd understand..." Ichimatsu mumbled.

Kanola just laughed then pet him on the back. "Be safe then. Tell me when you think I'll understand. I'm great at keeping secrets, you know. I won't tell your mother about this"

Ichimatsu smiled a little then nodded his head. "Thanks..." he mumbled, the words tumbling out of his mouth.

"It's my pleasure," Kanola said kindly, walking with him to the door. "Now be careful on your way to school. I'll see you later!"

Ichimatsu shuffled his feet then waved goodbye to Kanola with his bandaged up hands.

"I still need to get my schoolbooks..." Ichimatsu thought, beginning to pick up his pace as he walked down the familiar street. "But has school already started...? It probably has. There's no point in me going then. I highly doubt the teachers will even notice that I'm gone. That's the one good thing about being a sextuplet as well as being a loner."