Chapter Thirty-Three

❝The cure for anything is salt water —

sweat, tears, or the sea.❞

The ocean was an odd little thing.

     One moment it could be soft and welcoming, tickling your toes as it reached ashore. It could bring you gifts, showering you with endless trinkets and seashells and rest of the their treasures.

     But it could be harsh and cruel the next. Merciless, as it swallowed everything that came in its way. It could drown men and swallow islands when given just the right wind and tide.

     The ocean sang a hymn — that life was a perpetual cycle of light and darkness. That anything good could happen as much as anything bad. That there was as much creation as there was destruction.

     Maybe that was why she could feel it calling out to her, itching in her bones and as clear as the blood running through her veins...

     Despite being the one thing she feared.

    "El?"

     She blinked. "Did you say something?"

     Theo's lips lifted in amusement. "I was asking if you ever want to go back, just say the word," he insisted, squeezing her hand briefly.

     They were on the way to Bond Beach, crossing the rocky pavements crowded with families, tourists and locals out in the afternoon sun. Theo's doubt was reasonable — she hadn't stepped out of the house for so long, and it was her who'd made the suggestion in the first place.

     But El couldn't take it anymore. She missed the beach; missed what home felt like. And she wanted to be close to the sea again instead of staring at it from faraway through the window.

     She smiled fondly at him. "Duly noted."

     They found Jeff and Daisy in Anchor's, the boy handling shifts per usual and the latter chewing a cherry from a strawberry milkshake. The noise of cheers, static voices through megaphones, and roaring waves hit her full force; she almost forgot that the world was carrying on without her. How crowded Bond Beach had been getting lately. 

     Because the championships were still on.

     Travis was here —

    "Theo," she let out, tugging his hand back, realising she didn't think this clearly, "what if he's — "

    "Len!" Daisy spotted them, waving frantically.

     She still didn't move.

    "El?" Theo frowned, and followed her gaze to the surfers at the edge of the coastline. "El, breathe. It's going to be fine. I'll be right next to you," he cupped her cheek with his other hand, gently forcing her to look at him. "We won't even leave the shack, okay? We're not going to see that bastard." His nostrils flared. "I won't let him near you."

     Her fear-ridden eyes flickered to his face. To his clenched jaw and the stern look in his expression. To the absolute certainty of his words.

     He dropped his hand when he felt her relax, lingering softly down her arm as he let it fall back to his side. His thumb from his other hand traced slow circles on her skin, making her breathe properly again. His touch was calming her down like the sound of waves in the ocean.

     And with that, she trusted him, wholeheartedly.

    "Welcome back, boss," Jeff teased as they arrived, flipping a towel over his shoulder.

    "And looking good, McKinney," Daisy quipped. "Still a bit pale though, which is why you and I have to go sunbathing soon." Then her eyes locked on their joined hands. "Holy shit. Is that for real?"

     El's cheeks heated. The touching, butterfly kisses, hand-holding — it all happened quite naturally, and she didn't know how to explain it other than it felt right. 

     But she wasn't ready to say anything official. Not yet, at least.

    "None of your business, Clementine," he deadpanned, but his hand didn't let go of hers.

    "Mhmm. Alright." She slurped more of her drink before finishing it to the brim, slamming it down on the counter. "Well, you arrived just in time. It's almost Zach's semi-finals round. Jeff and I were going to root for him."

    "We are?" Jeff asked blankly.

    "Yes, honey, we've talked about this."

     As if on cue, a familiar voice blared through one of the speakers, someone she recognised as Coach Banks's. He was announcing the upcoming line of surfers. And one name in particular stood out.

    "...and you all know it, Travis Porter!"

     Stars. The mere sound of his name made her heart clench.

     They all turned to her in concern, but it was Jeff who hesitated to go. She forced a smile for him. "It's fine, go ahead. Everything's good here."

    "If you say so, boss." He shared a look with Daisy, who reached out and squeezed El's hand. Then they both headed for the waves.

    "You can go, too, you know," she muttered, letting go of Theo's hand to tuck a strand behind her ear. He frowned in its absence.

    "I'd rather stay here with you."

    "I don't need you to babysit me."

     Immediately, she cringed at herself. It came out harsher than she'd intended, and it wasn't like her to spit out these kinds of remarks.

     He only smiled at her mortification. "I'm not babysitting you," he chuckled. "You're not the only one who's avoiding Travis, you know. If I ever see him..." he shook his head. "I'm afraid of what I'm going to do."

     She bit her lip. El had always sensed the animosity between them, even before the break-up. Even when she was too afraid to acknowledge it. Now, it was crystal clear and much, much worse.

    "Lenny!" Wanda appeared from inside the shack. El was so relieved at the sight of her that she reached over the counter and pulled the woman into a tight hug. Wanda let out a strangled noise. "Didn't know you missed me that much," she laughed. "How are you feeling?"

    "Okay." Not great, but baby steps. "Wanda, I can't thank you enough for taking care of Anchor's... it's more time than you asked for — "

    "Hey." Wanda put her hands on her shoulders, a soft look in her eyes. "You know fully well that you don't have to thank me. I owe you one."

     El ducked her head down, past memories replaying in her head. She squeezed Wanda's hand on her shoulder before the woman left.

     When she turned back to Theo, he was already staring at her with a thoughtful look on his face. She blushed and nudged his elbow. "Don't look at me like that."

    "Like what?" His lips twitched.

    "Like... like you're seeing me for the first time."

    "What can I say?" He gave her a mischievous grin. "You are a sight for sore eyes, Eleanor McKinney."

     Her heart fluttered at his words. "You never used to say things like that," she said quietly.

    "I couldn't then, could I?" he murmured. "Would've made things a lot harder for you."

     El's chest burst with affection at the thought of him considering her feelings before his own. She couldn't imagine the slightest of pain that he had to go through — seeing them together, bottling up these emotions. And yet, she'd done nothing to stop it.

     How did she ever choose Travis over him, time and time again?

     Excited shouts and applause suddenly erupted from the shore, and just like that, her mood changed to a hundred-and-eighty. She felt the familiar throb of pain in her chest, pulling her downwards like it was anchoring her to the ground.

     She wanted to support Zach, with her friends who cheered for him endlessly. But it wasn't just the prospect of seeing Travis that made her prone to her seat. Being near was never easy, but getting too close...

     The water, the waves.

     It made her sad that her fears came in the way of her trying to live life.

     He noticed her looking longingly at the ocean.

    "Hey," he nudged her elbow. "I have a plan."

     She frowned as he stood up. It was rare that she saw the playful glint in his eyes just then, so she was wary. "A plan?"

    "Not just a plan," he smirked. "The plan. The brilliant plan."

     El almost choked out a laugh. Those were the exact same words she'd told him so long ago, and he'd thrown her them right back at her.

    "I'm not up for it," she mumbled, feeling suddenly drained.

     They held a staring contest for a while. If this was any other person, they'd let her go easy. But this wasn't just any person.

     He started tickling her.

    "Theo!" she shrieked, trying to swat his hands away but failing miserably. He seemed to be able to know her weak spots, because her eyes started brimming with tears and she almost fell off the stool because she was laughing too hard.

    "I'll stop if you come with me," he smirked, clearly enjoying this.

     She slapped his hand away one last time. "And where is that?" she asked out of breath, but her mood had brightened, whether she admitted it or not.

     He smiled, offering his hand. "Let me show you."

***

     She knew where he was taking her even before she opened her eyes.

     But when he told her to open her eyes, she was surprised that there was barely anyone there. They were still at the beach, that was for sure, but they might as well not be — it was so secluded and empty, with only the sounds of seagulls and crashing waves in the distance.

     They were somewhere else, where no one could touch them.

    "Theo," she whispered. "What are we doing here?"

    "I think you know." He kicked off his sandals and turned around so he was facing her. His gaze was earnest as he skimmed over her features, from those deep brown eyes to the slope of her nose to her slightly parted lips. The last in which he lingered.

     She, in return, looked up at him in admiration. The brightness almost made her squint, but her eyes were glued to the view that was Theo Samuels. With the sun shining behind him, the light had casted a halo effect around his frame. Amplifying the ocean blue in his eyes.

     He almost looked like an angel.

    "Do you trust me?" he murmured.

     El nodded.

     And with his hand still in hers, he started walking backwards.

     Her body seized up and her heart raced in an instant. "Theo — "

    "I'm not forcing you," he said softly, the distance between them growing, but their hands still attached. "You can let go if you want to."

     He was clearly talking about his hand, but the thoughtful look in his eyes told her something else. You can let go if you want to.

     You can let go.

     Behind him, in the silence of her thoughts, the sea roared louder.

     El swallowed the lump in her throat. She wanted so badly to run away and go back, where she could hide in safety and forget the day her parents died. Died at the hands of the one thing they'd love the most. And the conviction in his gaze proved that he'd go with her without a blink of an eye. She could leave right then and there.

     But something else was in that look was holding her in place — faith. Confidence. Not a single shadow of doubt.

     In her.

     And if he believed she could this, then stars, she fucking could.

     El took off her sandals, slowly, leisurely. The soft, sugary sand was a welcoming touch as it swallowed her feet, but she couldn't get rid of the tight knot in her stomach. He was watching her the entire time, eyes guarded and attentive.

     Then he started walking.

     And with every step he took backwards, she took one forward. Sometimes, a sudden gust of summer air would flow past them, brushing her skin like a whisper. Blowing strands of her dark hair. Drifting her loose top. And the birds, sounding so close yet so far away. It was like everything was happening in slow motion.

     All the time, she never took her eyes off of him. And he at hers.

     When Theo finally touched the water, her entire body froze. The ankles of his feet was submerged at this point, and she trembled as if somehow feeling the sensation through the mere hold of his hand. The crease on her forehead deepened.

     But she nodded, and he slowly pulled her with him.

     A splash of it on her bare toes made her jolt.

    "Hey," he breathed, "you're okay."

     You're okay. You're okay.

     He didn't drag her any further, letting her take the time to settle her pounding heart. He traced slow, affectionate circles on her hand again, reminding her that he was here and she wasn't alone and —

     — he was here, right there, with her.

     Inhaling a deep breath, she made contact with the waves again. The water was so cold, and the familiar, yet triggering smell of sea salt was starting to get too strong. But he squeezed her hand and she shut her eyes, trusting him. Letting him guide her.

     Until half of her calves were submerged in water, too.

     She was shaking with alarm, but he still gripped her tight, holding her at arms' length. Giving her space to roam and move around. And for a moment, she did it — she'd made it. She was in the waters.

     Then her heart started pounding so fast and she couldn't stop staring at the water around her and it felt claustrophobic and she thought oh god those deep waters they looked so dark and she was scared she was going to sink and drown and never see the light —

     She snatched her hand away and retreated backwards, far from those waves and back to the dry sand and trying desperately to breathe —

    "I'm sorry," she cried, "I can't — "

    "El," he ran after her, but careful not to make a splash as he gathered her in his arms. "It's fine, you're fine. Don't ever apologise. You're safe, okay? You're safe with me," he whispered against her hair, kissing her temple, stroking her shivering body. "You're safe with me."

     But the girl didn't want to give up.

     And so for the rest of the week, the boy and the girl came by to the ocean, at the same spot, over and over again. To feel the cool waters. The sand beneath their feet. And slowly, yet surely, the girl let the boy teach her how to let go.

     She was not fearless, because the dread still lingered. But she was brave, and that was more than enough.

     And on one particular afternoon, not so much different as the others, she found herself standing in the water, completely up until her thighs. But instead of sinking ships and cold bodies, she thought of her mother's warm laughter, her father's crinkly eyes; the gleeful shriek of El's young voice as he chased her and she'd run to her mother's arms.

     She thought of Jeff and Daisy splashing each other, of Chase picking up seashells by the shore, of Zach's cocky grin on his surfboard.

     She thought of Theo, right in front of her.

     The girl must've worn her emotions on her sleeve because, as if he couldn't stand her being too far from him, he pulled her arm to firmly wrap her body with his. She embraced his warmth, inhaled his scent, found safety in the steady beat of his heart. They stayed like that for a very long time, until she pulled back.

     She drowned in the oceans of his eyes.

     And he sunk in the earthy depths of her own.

     Together, whether they knew it or not — they found where home was.

A/N:

Billie Eilish's Ocean Eyes was one of the inspirations for this chapter. I don't even like the song.