For almost three weeks it went on like this. Every Friday and Saturday Louis would go out to a club, dance with someone and end up in the bathroom fucking them or taking them to their place because like this it was easier to leave after it was done. On Saturdays, he went out with Evan and Josh. Both picked up on Louis' behaviour and tried to reason with him but they were ignored. He was beyond salvation. On Fridays, Louis would go alone and most likely end up in a strangers bed and would be walking home in the darkness of the night. 

His friends had picked up on Louis' changed behaviour in school too. He was acting way too cool and unbothered and indifferent and like he was completely okay but they knew he wasn't. How could he be okay with seeing Harry with Max, now as boyfriends, every day at school, snogging like crazy? Well, they knew how. They had spotted those Hickey's on his neck every Monday and on Sunday's. Louis had stopped shutting them out and spent more time with his friends again after school or on Sunday's. Just the clubbing was something they didn't know much about. Louis never talked about his reasoning for it to anyone. 

Well, and there was another thing nobody knew about. Every time after the act Louis would feel deadly sick and would throw up everything he ate that day until there was nothing left. That mixed with alcohol afterwards and some days fucking more than one guy a night and going into bars during weekdays to pull someone, was definitely not healthy anymore. Louis knew that but he thought he deserved nothing else. That was his worth. 

Right now he was getting ready with Josh and Evan for a night out and unusual on a Friday because tomorrow was the party at the Grimshaw's house. When Louis went out he had developed a pretty edgy and cool style, all black and tight and according to Josh kinda intimidating but in a good and very hot way. He thought that was bullshit but the guys at the club fell to his feet and begged him to fuck them so maybe Josh was right. The thought left Louis unbothered. 

"Tommo, which shirt looks better on me? Red or black?" asked Evan and showed Louis two shirts.

"How should I know from just looking at them? Put them on" replied Louis sassily. 

"Yes, Evan. Get naked" wolve-whistled Josh. 

"You horny bastards" laughed Evan but took off his hoodie.

Suddenly the doorbell rang. Confused because he wasn't expecting anyone, Louis walked over to the door and opened it, not caring about how he looked right now. He did not expect Harry to stand in front of the door though. 

"Louis, I need...." started Harry but trailed off and stared at Louis' chest. "Why are you shirtless?". 

"Why are you at my door?" shot Louis back, not giving a single fuck that he had scratches on his chest from yesterday.

"Well, um... I wanted to... um..." stuttered Harry. 

"Ey Tommo, who's at the door? We're missing you" appeared Josh behind Louis, also shirtless. 

"What is he doing here?" cocked Harry an eyebrow at the two of them. "And who is 'we'?". 

"It's my house. I can invite over whoever I want and I can't remember inviting you, Harold. Josh here is my friend and we're having some fun" put Louis an arm around Josh loosely. 

"Fun, huh?" huffed Harry. 

"Guys, what's taking you so long? I need a helping hand" whined Evan and came into view. 

"I'll give you a hand in a second, Babe. Just need to finish this here" smirked Louis at him jokingly. 

"Don't take too long. I'm impatient" pouted Evan playfully. 

"Don't tell me what to do, Baby" warned Louis him in a deep voice.

"Gosh, Louis, hurry up. Need you here". 

"Definitely after this" agreed Josh with a wink. 

"You two don't deserve my attention" shook Louis his head with a chuckle. 

"But I want it" wailed Josh needy. 

"Or do you want me?" wiggled Louis his eyebrows at Josh. 

"Yes, Dad...". 

"God, just stop. Looks like your busy. Guess I have to ask someone else" interrupted Harry them disturbed. 

"Oh sorry, are we bothering you in my house?" sassed Louis back. 

"Damn, the Sass is strong today" sounded Zayn's voice out of nowhere. 

"Zayn?" asked Louis confused. 

"The one and only" grinned Zayn and stopped next to Harry. "What are you doing here?". 

"Nothing really. Gonna leave now. Have fun but don't bother him. He's quite busy" answered Harry and with that, he was gone. 

"Damn, what's wrong with him?" wondered Josh. "Can't he take a joke?".

"Not sure he knew we were joking" mused Louis. 

"And why should that bother him? He's the one acting like a jerk". 

"Josh, it's okay. Leave it alone. Just go in and get ready" stopped Louis him from getting too much into it. 

"Fine, but just because you're hot as hell" gave Josh in.

"You're quite comfortable with each other, I see" commented Zayn on it. By now, Liam and Niall were standing next to him. 

"You already knew that" let Louis them in.

"But I haven't seen it yet. Looks like fun. I'm glad you get along so well and Harry kinda deserved that. Even though I don't understand why he reacted like this" sat Zayn down on the couch. 

"Zayn, please don't bring him up again. We're okay. I'm over it" pleaded Louis annoyed. 

"Fine". 

"What are you doing here by the way?" asked Louis curiously. 

"We thought we take on that offer from weeks ago and join you guys to have some fun," told Niall him. 

"Gladly. We wanna head out in a few minutes. Is a club okay with you?" was Louis not sure if they knew what kind of fun they had signed up to. 

"Otherwise we wouldn't be here" answered Niall. 

"How could you know we wanted to go clubbing tonight?" knitted Louis his eyebrows together.

"We're not that stupid.  Just because you don't tell us anything doesn't mean we don't what you're up to these last few weeks" revealed Niall to him. 

"I didn't mean to keep that from you. I just didn't want to...". 

"Hear our worries and explain yourself, we know. We're not here for that. We just wanna have some fun with our best friend" cut Liam him off and smiled at him. Louis smiled back at him and then at Zayn and Niall and this time it was a genuine smile. 

"Tommo! Josh is mean to me" came Evan running over to them. 

"Josh, we talked about this" looked Louis sternly at him. 

"I didn't do anything" claimed Josh. 

"I know you and I know you did. Be nice or we're gonna leave you here" admonished Louis him. 

"I hate you when you switch into Daddy Mode" grumbled Josh.

"I'm not so sure you do" winked Louis at him. 

"Wanker" poked Josh his tongue out at him. 

"Fuck off and take care of that tongue or I'm gonna bite it" shot Louis back. 

"Stop grinning so ugly, Walkers. This is your fault" glared Josh playfully at Evan. 

"I wasn't mean to me for no reason" grinned Evan amused. 

"You two are so married" chuckled Louis. 

"We're not" exclaimed both of them at the same time. 

"This is gonna be fun" shook Niall his head at them. 

---

Arriving at the club the boys ordered three rounds of shots to start with. Afterwards, they ordered some heavier drinks and Liam tried to keep them from getting too drunk but it was in vain. Josh and Evan were already on the dancefloor together while Liam and Niall talked at the bar. Louis watched his friends dance and let his eyes drift over the people to find his new boy for tonight.

"Is that how it normally goes?" asked Zayn into his ear, making him turn around. "The two of them leave to dance and you sit here and watch until...?". 

"Pretty much, yeah" cut Louis him off. "I personally think they like each other. No idea why they don't talk about it but maybe that's better. Relationships are stupid anyway, most of the time". 

"Louis, what...?". 

"Zayn, your boyfriend is asking for you" interrupted Niall him unintentionally. 

"Go, Z. I'm good" assured Louis him. 

As Zayn left and before Niall could talk to him, Louis headed for the dancefloor. He had spotted a guy dancing alone and looking kinda decent. The way he was moving told Louis he was exactly what he was looking for. Seductively Louis started dancing next to him and moved closer with every move. The boy reacted to it by grinding against Louis. Like always he could feel Evan and Josh watching him worriedly but this time he knew his other friends could see him too. 

To shield himself from the curious and worried eyes of his friends, he moved farther into the crowded room with the boy attached to him. They danced hotly for a while until Louis could feel the boy getting riled up and he knew it was time for the next step. He was way too used to this by now. While making out already, they stumbled into the last stall in the bathroom and locked the door. Louis crashed the unnamed boy into the wall and pushed his tongue down his throat. In some kind of a tipsy trance, he got rid of their pants and started fucking that boy against the wall. Every boy he had hooked up with had either some kind of pain kink or was just very needy. They always were okay with getting fucked dry without prep and that was cruel to Louis but it made it easier not to get attached because it was over sooner. 

When they were done the boy left and Louis locked the door again. He knelt down to the toilet and started throwing up. This time though he even started silently crying until nothing came out anymore. He felt empty and dirty and just disgusted by himself. 

"Louis?". 

The sound of Zayn's voice made Louis almost choke on his own sobs. He tried to be as silent as he could but then he spotted Zayn's shoes in front of the stall he was in and knew Zayn had found him. With a shaking hand, Louis unlocked the door and waited. Slowly the door opened and revealed the sight of Zayn, who was looking down at Louis with so much sadness and understanding in his eyes, that it made Louis start to cry again. 

"Oh, Louis" sighed Zayn and picked him up from the floor. Louis wrapped himself around Zayn like a koala and like this, they left the club and walked over to the nearby park. There Zayn put Louis down on a bench and sat down next to him. He pulled him into his arms and just stroked his back gently until Louis had stopped crying so much. 

"Liam. He's probably worried about you. You should...". 

"He's okay. He knows I'm with you" tried Zayn to calm him down.

"How did you know where I was?" Louis wanted to know.

"After I lost sight of you I talked to Josh and he told me you're probably in the bathroom by now. I understood and went to look for you" told Zayn him calmly. 

"Did you... hear... ?" gulped Louis ashamed.

"Most of it" answered Zayn honestly. 

"Oh God" gasped Louis. "I'm so sorry, Zayn". 

"For what? You don't have to be sorry, Louis" stroked Zayn over Louis' back. 

"But you had to hear... You... I feel so ashamed right now" started Louis to cry again. 

"Don't. I could have left" said Zayn. "But I'm worried, Louis, and I know you don't wanna hear it". 

"There's no need to worry," said Louis way to fast. 

"Louis, stop saying this. I carried you out of the club, crying in my arms, after you hooked up with some random dude in the toilet" looked Zayn sternly at him, making Louis wince at the truth. "And I heard you afterwards. You wanna tell me something?". 

"Are you talking about anything in particular?" scooted Louis out of Zayn's embrace. 

"How are you feeling? Why are doing this? Are you eating enough? Anything like this?" asked Zayn him more than just one question. 

"I don't have a fucking eating disorder, Zayn. You know I had one before. I could never do this to my Mother" crossed Louis his arms offended.

"I know and that's why I'm worried. This is not normal. Was this a one-time thing or does it happen every time?" checked Zayn worriedly. 

"It happens every time" admitted Louis quietly. 

"This kinda sounds like a disorder to me" voiced Zayn concern. 

"It's not. I'm not doing this on purpose. It just happens. I don't want to throw up every time" told Louis him honestly. 

"But why?" looked Zayn at him with so much worry in his eyes that it made Louis give in. 

"I feel fucking dirty afterwards, okay? Every time I feel sick and it's so bad that I feel nausea and throw up until nothing comes out anymore" revealed Louis to him. 

"But why are you doing this if you feel like this?" tried Zayn to understand. He knew the reason and just really wanted Louis to say his name. 

"Why not?!" shrugged Louis. 

"You're talking to me here, Louis. You can tell me. Let me be here for you" begged Zayn him. 

"It's Harry" gave Louis in. 

"I figured. I understand why you're broken and hurt but do you really think fucking around will heal your broken heart?" gave Zayn him a certain look. 

"I'm not trying to heal anything" clarified Louis. 

"But you just said...". 

"I know what I said, Zayn. And I meant it but not in the way you may think. I'm not trying to heal my oh-so- broken heart. I gave that up. My heart is useless just like me. I'm just doing what I should have done a long time ago. Harry knew that and I didn't listen to him. Now I know he was right" interrupted Louis him coldly. 

"Right with what? What are you talking about?" had Zayn no clue what he meant. 

"I was too prude and innocent. That's not how the world works and he knew that. I lost him because of my naive way of thinking. I should've just fucked him when he wanted me to. Would've spared me a lot of Drama" enlightened Louis him. 

"You can't be serious. You wanted to wait for good reasons. Amongst other things because you are a virgin... or were. Oh God, don't tell me you lost your virginity in there" realised Zayn shocked. 

"Virginity is nothing special. Should've known that sooner" shrugged Louis tried unbothered. 

"That's not true. You don't think like this. I'm gonna kill him for making you think this" got Zayn furious now. 

"You can't kill him for showing me the truth, Zayn" rolled Louis his eyes. 

"This is not the truth" stated Zayn. 

"It is," said Louis stubbornly. 

"It's not. Harry's just being a jerk and you're hurting. Fucking around is not the key to...". 

"Max is the proof for it!" exclaimed Louis tiredly. 

"Proof for what? That Harry is an asshole?" hooked Zayn. 

"No, the proof for my mistake" sniffed Louis. 

"Louis, you didn't....". 

"If I had given Harry what he wanted from me I wouldn't have lost him, Zayn" cut Louis him off with tears on his face. "He wanted sex and I stupidly wasn't ready so he dropped me. Max and he started off by hooking up and now they're boyfriends. See? My fault". 

"Not your fault. Harry behaved totally wrong after your kiss. He just used you and played with your feelings. You did nothing wrong. Giving in wasn't the answer" tried Zayn to make him understand. 

"But apparently it is the answer. Seems like Harry develops feelings through sex" hiccuped Louis. "Apparently Max pleased him enough to make Harry want him as a boyfriend. He is good enough to be faithful from now on". 

"Come here" opened Zayn his arms for Louis, who immediately fell into them. 

"Why did he do this to me, Zayn? Why did he play me like this? Why did he only want Sex? Am I not worth anything else? Am I not worth being faithful? Why am I not good enough? What is so wrong with me that everybody leaves?" sobbed Louis heartbreakingly. 

"Nothing's wrong with you. Far from it, you hear me?" cupped Zayn Louis' tears strained face. "You are worth it. You are good enough. Not everybody leaves you, Louis. I'm always here for you". 

"Harry...". 

"Harry is an idiot that doesn't deserve your heart right now. If he treats you like this you're better off without him. Don't let him make you feel worthless again. You're not, okay?" looked Zayn deeply into his eyes. Louis noded brokenly. 

"When did this start?" asked Zayn carefully. 

"Remember the day he asked me if Max was worth it?" replied Louis, sniffling. 

"God, for that long? Was this the day you....?" trailed Zayn off, but Louis knew what he meant and just nodded ashamed. "Was it okay?". 

"It was horrible" admitted Louis sadly. 

"You really don't deserve any of this" hugged Zayn him closer. 

"Can we go home now?" mumbled Louis into Zayn's chest.

"Sure, Darling. Just one more question" smiled Zayn down at him. Louis tilted his head aside. "You wanna stop this?". 

.

.

.

.

"Yes" cried Louis. 

-------------------A/N----------------------------------

Well, I had planned to have the party in here but it got longer and longer and yeah. 

Question of the Chapter: Did Louis develope some kind of a disorder?

Please vote and comment on what you think. Love you guys :*