His body had moved automatically, reflex kicking in.

Up ahead was a horde of titans, behind them was an army of fear-stricken soldiers. He was well aware of the heavy responsibility resting on his shoulders to lead his men in this war of survival. Failure was not an option.

"Advance!"

His sonorous order rang loud and clear amidst the din of chaos. The stomping of titan feet, clopping of horse hooves, and the war cries of the soldiers pooled into one disjointed cacophony. Trees blurred in his peripheral as his horse galloped through the field, undaunted even as his reigns guided it to what seemed like a glimpse of hell.

"Advance!"

He yelled, again and again, as if the very act extracted an invisible source of strength. Even if his soldiers shrank back, he couldn't allow himself to show weakness, to look away from their objective: retrieve Eren Yeager.

Then, to his side, he noticed her faltering.

It all happened swiftly.

He teared his eyes from the path before him to risk a glance, seeing her loosening her grip on her mare's reigns and her free hand clutching the side of her head.

That half second of distraction was enough.

A titan barreled out of the bush, effectively concealing itself until it was too late. It headed straight towards her with its maw wide open.

Only one thought prevailed in him: if he didn't move, he would lose her.

Then, his body moved automatically. His hand reached out, extended over to his side, shoving her off her horse.

He didn't realize his own actions until the titan tore through his arm with its sharp teeth, sinking deep into his flesh. Perhaps it was the adrenaline, but the pain wouldn't register fully until they returned to the walls.

A myriad of thoughts passed through him in an instant. He'd been aware—fully aware of just how short his lifespan would be ever since he joined this regiment, and ever since being promoted to commander, he felt the clock of his life tick louder than ever.

He knew, that this treacherous road he'd taken, full of twists and turns and thorns, would end abruptly and in dissatisfaction, no matter what.

So he'd been prepared, always had been.

'So why?' he thought, frustratingly, with gritted teeth.

'Why was she going back for him?'

Through trembling hands and a pale face, she worked her way to save him, even pulled him back to his feet to mount his horse once more, as if telling him he shouldn't die on her. He mustn't. Not when he still had men to lead, not when they still had an objective to achieve.

His surroundings had long gone indistinct, like a hazy mist. All he knew was that somehow, they'd gotten Eren back. They could go home.

But the relentless barrage of titans remained an insurmountable hurdle to face. His critical injury felt like it was being doused by flames, and he was so sure he was finally on the last stretch of his deathbed. An abnormal calmness shadowed him; somehow, he wasn't as distraught as he thought he would be, after all—

"I can always be replaced."

It was the truth, and he believed it to be so, but then—

"You can never be replaced!"

For the second time that day, she comes swooping in, always right just as he's about to let go. As if she could read his thoughts, and it was her job to set him back; like a firm anchor that was tethering him to reality.

Before he could even get ahold of his bearings, she did the one thing that finally cleared his thoughts.

She kissed him. There, in the middle of a bloody battlefield, she grabbed him and just when he thought she was going to hit him again, she kissed him.

Suddenly, the truth that he'd been running away from all this time caught up to him in that instance.

Her saving him that day wasn't just because they still needed him as their commander. She saved him for a more personal reason—the same reason why he saved her.

The muted knocking against the hotel room windows was what roused Erwin from his sleep.

He threw an arm over his eyes, frowning with them closed. He could make out the chirping right outside his window and guessed it was the native morning birds pecking on the glass pane.

Another knock sounded. Erwin held back a groan.

Surprisingly, he wasn't as much of a morning person than he thought he was. At least, compared to before. But that wasn't why he was frustrated.

His dream got interrupted. And while normally, his dreams of the past usually consisted of nightmares, Erwin had grown to appreciate the ones where Isanna showed.

He lifted his arm and slowly cracked his eyes open. The sunlight filtering past his windows shone a beam through his hotel room, allowing him to see the scattered dust particles floating above him.

The last retrieval mission.

He remembered that emergency operation like it was yesterday. He could still feel the whipping wind against his face, the jostling ride as his horse cantered through the rough, uneven terrain of grass and trees. The screams and utter mayhem, the loss of his arm that signaled his last days—Isanna's kiss, above all.

Erwin could still remember the electrifying charge that ran down his body when she did, like a switch had turned. It had awoken something.. primal, in him, an urge he'd long abandoned, out of a sense of obligation as a Commander.

It was stupendous how she could break through that iron wall he'd carefully, meticulously, built through the years with just a kiss. Erwin never realized how weak he was to his desires until she pressed her lips to his.

He closed his eyes and inhaled deeply, if only to even his breathing. It was unlike him to dwell on it this early in the morning.

Sitting up, he turned towards the hotel windows, eyeing the birds hopping outside the sill. He sighed and stood from the bed, walking towards the window to slide it open. The action shooed the birds away with a chirp, and Erwin welcomed the early morn wind.

There was a forestry just in front of the hotel, not too dense that you couldn't have a leisure walk through it, but not too open either. Beyond that, in the near horizon, Erwin could see the sea shore.

In the daylight, he beheld the gleaming reflection of the skies against the blue waves and could just about make out people enjoying a swim. The ocean.

Erwin never got to see the ocean in his past life.

Often, after he regained his memories, he would fantasize about appreciating the view with his comrades, with Isanna. He was sure he would this time, until he met her again and found out she'd been engaged to another.

There you go again.

Erwin squinted annoyingly. If Mike could hear his thoughts, he'd start calling him Negative Brows or something along those lines.

He had an agenda today. As an adviser accompanying a group of high school students in their field trip. Erwin willed himself to focus on his task and headed to the bathroom to prepare for the day.

—

"37.8 degrees."

Isanna sighed. No wonder she was feeling off ever since arriving in town yesterday (aside from the obvious presence of one certain blond). Zeke had felt her heated temperature earlier and went out to get a thermometer.

"I wouldn't call it a fever yet but it's definitely high enough," Zeke mused as he read her temperature, before he lowered it back to its container and turned to her. "I guess you're staying here for a while."

Leaning against the headboard of the double bed size, Isanna pursed her lips at Zeke, who was sitting on the side of the bed.

"But work—"

"—will have to wait," Zeke cut her off swiftly as he stood up, hand on his hips as he regarded her.

"It's high enough to feel dizzy, and we both know that's what you're feeling right now." He reached for the bedside to place the thermometer. "Rest up and maybe it'll subside, then you can make the drive back."

Zeke further added for her to stay in bed at least until he comes back with medications. Isanna couldn't add in a word to plead her cause, not when he walked out of the room leaving her with complete silence.

She sighed in defeat and slumped against the headrest, scanning the room. She didn't have the opportunity to rest her eyes on the interior last night since she was knocked out cold soon after washing up.

The space felt more like a studio apartment than the usual bedroom and other amenities typically found in most hotels, and Isanna noticed it was longer than wider. The room had a space right in front of the door, with a lounge chair on one side and a dining table good for two on the other. A marbled counter marked half of the room, then the bed on the far end. A door leading to the bathroom opened right after the counter.

Isanna could definitely see herself surviving a few months in a place like this. She stood from the bed, pausing for a second for the mild haze in her vision to abate, before she stalked over towards the window. It opened to a wide view of the front of the hotel, overseeing the thicket of greenery. She eyed the horizon where the sky and the ocean met in a meshed line.

She didn't have a view like this back in the city, and as long as Isanna could recall, she had always been fond of the ocean more than anything. So blue, so vast, so.. free. The mere view of it as it stretched and stretched as far as the eyes can see and the mere harmony of lapping waves against the shore evoked a sense of relief she could not find elsewhere.

Isanna found herself gripping the window sill in restrained vigor. If Zeke wanted her to stay in town for a while, she'd rather do it while appreciating the tranquil air.

Some minutes after, Zeke had arrived with a packet of pills for her, to which she faithfully drank. After receiving permission from him for a walk outside (she had to pull out her practiced doe-eyed face), he eventually relented, bidding her to be careful and to call him should she need anything. His class had a schedule to follow, so he couldn't accompany her outside.

"Don't stay out too long," he reminded her as Isanna waved him a goodbye and left their unit, wearing her shorts from the day before and a borrowed t-shirt from Zeke.

As soon as she stepped inside the elevator, Isanna pressed the button for the ground floor and felt the motion of the lift floating downwards. She watched the floor buttons light with each corresponding floor it reached, until it stopped at floor three.

The elevator dinged and the doors slid open, revealing a man with ash-blond hair.

The moment he lifted his eyes to catch hers, Isanna swore he looked a bit taken-aback. For a few silent seconds, the both of them exchanged bewildered, awkward looks.

"Uh," she started, slightly tilting her head, "are you getting on or..?"

The man blinked and lightly shook his head as if lost in momentary thought. He quickly stepped inside. "Right—uh, sorry. I thought.. you were someone I knew."

Isanna slowly nodded in understanding, a dull feeling of suspicion nagging her head. As soon as he said that, she realized she felt the same way; this person looked vaguely familiar, but then again it could have been a random stranger she'd seen anywhere.

She did a once-over and realized he was wearing an ID, with a familiar lanyard. She recalled Zeke owned one with the same design.

"Oh—you're a teacher? At Saint Joseph's?"

The man blinked at her in surprise, before he followed her eyes and glanced down at his ID.

"Ah, yeah, that's right. Adrian Schulz," the man introduced himself, extending an amiable handshake with a charming smile to match.

The name was followed by a distant chiming bell in Isanna's mind. Nevertheless, she ignored the nagging and accepted the gesture.

"Isanna Herrmann." Something unreadable flashed in his eyes, but it was quick to disappear. If anything, Isanna thought his smile turned.. warmer.

"Ah. I've heard that name. Zeke's fiancée?" he guessed, and Isanna couldn't help but wonder just how much Zeke blabbed to his colleagues about her.

"That I am," she confirmed with a nod. "Hope he didn't say anything weird about me."

Adrian chuckled. "You're fine. One thing about Zeke is that he loves to brag about you; if anything, he's only ever said good things."

Isanna didn't know what to make of that. She's always known about Zeke's adoration, but to hear it come from someone else was always a novel feeling.

The elevator dinged, signaling their arrival on the ground floor. Both Isanna and Adrian walked out, passing and weaving around the other people who were about to walk in the elevator.

Adrian decided for a conversation starter. "So, you accompanying Zeke in his work?"

Isanna briefly explained the reason why she had followed Zeke to his field trip, earning a meaningful nod from him. In their short conversation, she'd come to realize of Adrian Schulz as a conversationalist, what with how he was able to smoothly converse with her right from the get-go.

"There's a horse-riding hall not too far from here. I'm actually on my way to check it out, wanna come?"

Isanna perked up, a gesture Adrian couldn't help but smile in amusement.

"Sure, I'd like that."

And so they exited the hotel together and went on a short trek through the bustling tourist town. It had a 'small-town' feel to it, with common commercial establishments lining up the main street where the hotel was located, and the occasional cars rolling down the asphalt. Isanna noted how the townsfolk tended to use bicycles for transportation, which added a more pleasant scent in the air typically absent from the smog back in the city. The smell of earth lighted her senses, and the constant greenery around her felt more recreational than anything.

"Are you fond of animals, Isanna?" Adrian asked as they hiked through the sidewalk, rounding a corner and entering a slight uphill.

"You could say that. I'm a vet."

He turned to her with a twinkle of acknowledgment in his eyes. "Vet? That's pretty cool. I used to want to be a vet myself."

"Yeah? What changed?"

Shrugging, Adrian turned his eyes back on the path with a distant smile. "Life happened. Realized my true calling was teaching; the decision surprised my family, but they were supportive."

Isanna couldn't help but smile herself. Something about talking with Adrian Schulz felt relaxing, which was a feat considering they'd met not even a full hour ago.

"Funny. I used to want to be a teacher."

"For real?"

"Real. Primary school, to be exact."

"Fond of kids?"

Isanna shrugged, chuckling. "Sort of? But like you said, life happened, and here I am."

Adrian made a non-committal hum. "Sounds about right. Things change, and so do dreams. It's completely normal."

Isanna couldn't help but agree. Even Zeke once wanted to go pro baseball, but he eventually changed his mind after graduating high school.

They heard the whinnying of horses before she saw them.

Isanna couldn't help but faintly lower her jaw in awe at the expansive fenced pasture. The smell of earth was stronger here, evidently carried by the wind that danced around her nostrils. The afternoon sun was shadowed by clouds, to their luck; it provided the right amount of shine that gave perfect conditions for a nice afternoon horse ride. A mixture of tourists and teenagers that Isanna guessed were students from Saint Joseph's were meandering around the paddock, some inside the designated field for the horses, some content to just observe.

"Rode a horse before?"

Isanna tore her eyes from the field and turned to Adrian, who was already beaming at her, hand on his hip.

She shook her head. "No, I—"

Trees blurred around her. Up ahead, the distant horizon remained an unattainable goal. What lay beyond it?

She would never know, not until they win.

A hesitant wave before her eyes brought Isanna out of her stupor. She followed the hand and looked at Adrian, who had a slight face of concern. "You good?"

It took her about three seconds max to gather her bearings. "Yeah. Good. Just.. recalled something," she said, only pausing for a split-second. She wasn't sure if recall was the right term for it. It felt more like a sudden flash of an unfamiliar vision popped to mind.

At that thought, Isanna casted a more wary look around her, eyeing her surroundings more critically.

Everywhere she looked, it was all green. Evergreen trees, the weeds by the soles of her shoes, the uniform of some students from Saint Joseph's even consisted of their signature colors green and white. Horses grazed inside the fenced pasture, some with tourists mounted on their backs.

Isanna watched with a careful eye at one of the horses that trotted around the field, their rider having the time of their life.

A muted throbbing in her head pounded.

She's never ridden a horse before, but..

"Ow!"

The sudden voice interrupted her contemplation. Isanna looked away from the field and turned just in time to see a redhead recover her footing after bumping accidentally into Adrian.

"Adalaide, ya dimwit!" The brunette beside reprimanded her friend, sending a look of apology to Adrian's direction with a sheepish scratch on the back of her head. "Sorry, she had too much of a drink."

"I did not!" the redhead defended, before she looked at Adrian and nodded. "Sorry, my bad."

Isanna slowly blinked at the two girls, taking everything she could inside to ignore the throbbing in her head, but it was beginning to hurt a bit too much.

Has my temperature worsened?

And it wasn't just her headache, but there was the squeezing action in her chest that made it hard to breathe. Isanna realized just how difficult it was to even her breathing when she placed a subtle hand on her shirt and bunched up the fabric in her grip, feeling a deep frown on her features.

Too preoccupied with her condition, she failed to notice the look of utter shock that had plastered itself across Adrian's face as he himself regarded the two girls with a confounded look of his own.

He eventually snapped out of it and quickly nodded, letting out a mild stutter. "It's fine. Uh.."

The two girls looked at him questioningly. Adrian realized they didn't remember him at all, and the epiphany immediately overrode the joy that was about to burst out of him and was replaced with disappointment instead.

"'Uh'...?" the redhead repeated, a head tilted in confusion.

Adrian could feel a flame of embarrassment. "No, it's nothing. Sorry, we'll take our leave then." And without another word, he turned and grabbed Isanna by the arm, who still looked a bit out of it, and walked away. He could feel the inquisitive stares coming from the two girls behind him but willed himself to stay rational; one look at the face Isanna was making was enough conviction for him to stand his ground and not get swayed by the past.

He wondered if this was what Erwin felt, seeing Isanna again and finding out she couldn't remember him. Adrian Schulz wouldn't go as far as to say he harbored the same, intimate feelings Erwin had for Isanna, but the two whom he'd been close enough to call a family in the past had been special to him.

"Did you see his face? Do you think he found me cute or something?"

"Yeah right. He probably found you weird. And I'm cuter."

"That's not nice, Chiara!"

Still, some things don't change..

He could hear their voices ringing from behind him as he walked away, and a sense of bittersweet filled him inside; Adrian felt his eyes stung.

"Sorry for that. You good?" He turned to Isanna, whom he noticed had a palm flattened on the side of her head, brows furrowed deeply like she was contemplating deeply.

Adrian cursed under his breath as he grabbed her shoulders. "Isanna? You look pale."

She tried to wave his concern away, but Adrian knew better. "I'm fine, I think.. it's just the heat."

Isanna knew it was a weak excuse; the day was anything but hot. In fact, she thought it was windy.

"Stay here, I'll buy us some water," Adrian told her and quickly walked away, leaving her close to the fence. Isanna tried to focus on the trotting horses and tourists who were having fun, but soon realized her attempt was futile.

On one hand, the faces of those two girls were imprinted in her mind, on another, the constant buzzes of horse neighing mixed with the scent of field grass and afternoon zephyr were making her feel queasy.

Isanna gripped the wooden fence with one hand, the other clutching the front of her shirt. If she were getting weirded looks by onlookers, she couldn't be bothered, not when she could hear her pounding heart rising by the second, the ever-so-slightly ragged breathing, the sweat that was trickling down her forehead.

Shit, I don't feel so good—

She squeezed her eyes shut, willing herself to at least stay on her feet.

In the background, she could vaguely make out the jaunty voices of students as they conversed, children laughing gleefully as their parents supervised them on their respective horses, and the sound of rustling grass as they danced around her.

And then, as always, the ringing.

Isanna knew this all too well. The ringing in her ears. She knew what was coming next—

The voices of children laughing rang loud in her ears, on and on, until Isanna realized it was getting distorted the longer it went, eventually morphing into something like—

Screams. The sound of hooves galloping. The crumpling of weeds beneath them as they scampered across the fields.

Up ahead, her eyes zeroed in on the fluttering cape of emerald green, an insignia of wings stitched like a proud declaration. The back that wore it looked heavy, weary, as if carrying an invisible weight behind him.

Isanna quickly snapped out of it, forcing her thoughts away. She opened her eyes in a quiet gasp, snapped her head upward instinctively, then she saw him.

Erwin.

There he stood, on the other side of the wide paddock, looking at her with apparent concern in his eyes. Isanna wondered just how obvious she was, shivering and clutching the wooden fence like a lunatic.

It was weird, she briefly thought. Everyone else—even the horses, looked blurry. Yet, the sight of Erwin Smith standing on the opposite side of the pasture that was a good distance away was as clear as the sky, as if time had stopped save for the both of them.

Then, the thought of him seeing her in such a pathetic state allowed her a moment to recover. He seemed to be about to move, to circle around the pasture to get to her, but Isanna quickly looked away when Adrian arrived.

"Isanna," he panted with sweat on his face as a testament of his running, "here, I bought—"

"Adrian, sorry—" she quickly apologized, the only thought prevailing was that she had to leave— "I think I have to return to the hotel."

She had lowered her hand from her shirt, but the dull throbbing was tempting her to grip it tight.

Adrian looked surprised but was fast to recover. "Now? You look really pale, at least sit for a while before you go."

"I can walk just fine," Isanna lied, turning to head away. "I'll call Zeke, so you don't have to worry—"

Her chest suddenly thudded, and Isanna had to remind herself to breathe.

"Isanna? Are you o—" Adrian reached for her, but was stopped with a raised palm.

"I'm fine," Isanna insisted through gritted teeth, trying to even her breath. She no longer cared that she'd raised her voice. "Sorry, I have to go."

Isanna didn't wait any longer to debate. She quickly walked away, ignoring Adrian's calls. The buzzing in her ears seemed to tail her as she followed the sidewalk out of the field and back into the main street, her legs heavy like lead. Maybe she bumped into some tourists along the way—she couldn't tell.

She vaguely realized she was trembling, instantly cursing her own body for betraying her in broad daylight.

It never got this bad before—

She didn't have the luxury to wonder what had caused it. Cursing again, she gripped the front of her shirt, blindly reaching her free hand to the side of a wall for support.

The hotel's close—just need to..

Isanna felt her own face scrunching. Shit. Her eyesight had gone hazy for a split-second.

Lowering her gaze, she tried to even her breathing, eyes glued on the sidewalk. Her legs left like jelly, and Isanna was sure she'd fall any moment now. She couldn't allow that to happen—not in the middle of a town smack in the afternoon, but her thoughts were getting rambled what with the influx of strange information in her brain, like a bag of puzzle pieces had suddenly been dumped inside her with no warning whatsoever, and her poor brain was trying its best to decipher it all and put a meaning—

Another thud.

And this time, it came from inside her head, the sound akin to a reverberated heartbeat.

She lost her footing.

But before Isanna could fall, a pair of arms caught hers, as if it had been waiting to do so.

Vision gone blurry, her hands fumbled with the shirt of the person who had caught her; Isanna tried to lift her face to get a glimpse of her savior.

"Isanna," the voice called, although it sounded a lot more distant in her ears.

Relieved, she planted her face in his chest, feeling her weight transferring over to him. She mumbled something incoherent—maybe she called his name.

Zeke frantically felt her forehead, a string of curses leaving him when he realized her temperature had spiked up. He acted quickly and snaked a hand around her waist, assisting her as they headed back to the hotel, which was luckily just around the corner.

—

Adrian Schulz couldn't believe he actually let her walk out on him like that, even when he knew she wasn't in a good condition.

He'd been in the process of contemplating if it was really okay to let her do what she wanted until Erwin arrived seemingly out of nowhere, asking where she was planning on heading.

Now, he was hot on Erwin's trail as they headed back to the hotel, the thought of a passed out Isanna on the road much of a concern to the both of them. Adrian didn't even get a chance to ask exactly how Erwin knew Isanna's condition, and with Erwin having longer legs than him it was tough work trying to keep up, so imagine Adrian's surprise when he abruptly halted and the latter had to stop before he slammed into Erwin's back.

"Erwin, what the he—" he stopped when he followed Erwin's line of sight and caught sight of Zeke Yeager assisting Isanna as they rounded the corner where the hotel was located and disappeared.

Adrian nervously swallowed a pit of saliva, the silence from the other blond beside him suddenly unnerving. He risked a glance at Erwin's face and couldn't read the expression on him, but he should've known; Erwin Smith had always been a master of neutralizing whatever emotion he felt.

"Uh.. at least she didn't collapse," Adrian tried for a lighthearted tone, trying to gauge his friend's mood.

It took Erwin a while before he turned around and headed back, probably to the horse ranch. "Yes, you're right."

Adrian sucked in his cheek and held back a sigh, watching Erwin's back as he walked away. He decided to go with him anyway.

Adrian never got to meet Zeke Yeager in the past. All the stories he got were from Erwin, and according to Erwin, the stories he got were from his fellow veterans in the Survey Corps. He didn't know enough to make a judgement on his character, but if there was one thing Adrian was certain, it was that at least, Zeke knew how to take care of Isanna. The thought relieved him enough to leave her in his hands as he walked and caught up with Erwin, the both of them heading back to the horse ranch.

—

When Isanna woke up, the first thing she noticed was the warm cloth pressed firmly on her forehead.

She squinted at the light bulb on the ceiling, wondering why her nose and throat didn't feel as stuffy as she thought it would be given her temperature earlier. Her head didn't hurt as much anymore, either.

This is the weirdest I've ever felt..

The sound of rustling plastic roused her from her stupor. Isanna turned her head to the side and realized Zeke was in the room, taking out some Styrofoam out of a plastic bag and placing them on the table.

He noticed her movement and immediately straightened himself, striding over towards her.

"How are you feeling?"

".. Better," she admitted, sitting up and catching the wet rag as it slid from her forehead. She looked at him closely and couldn't help but ask.

"How did you know where I was?" She'd wanted to call his phone earlier but in the process of fighting for her life just trying to get one foot in front of the other, the idea slipped her mind. So for Zeke to be right there just when she was about to give up on her legs had come as a surprise.

Zeke sighed as he sat on the side of the bed and took the wet rag from her. He felt her forehead.

"I didn't. I had somewhere to go and saw you as soon as I left the hotel." He slightly frowned. "Your temperature went down already.."

So it wasn't just my imagination..

"Do you think I should get checked?" Isanna suggested as she felt her own forehead. Body temperatures weren't supposed to be that fluctuating, she thought.

Zeke didn't answer straight away, observing her silently for a few more seconds. His silence had Isanna raising a brow, trying to read the look on his face. She realized he wore those kinds of expressions more often nowadays; a face of deep contemplation whenever he looked at her.

"What?"

".. Nothing," Zeke murmured, which was unlike him. He stood up and held a hand for her to take. "I bought dinner. Let's eat at the table."

Isanna stared at him for a bit more, wondering what he was thinking, which was strange. They were engaged, you'd think communication was more present between them, but she found out that asking Zeke what he'd been thinking these past few weeks was a lot harder than it looked.

She took his hand and slowly eased out of the bed.

Dinner went by smoothly. Zeke had turned on a radio that Isanna just noticed had been sitting on the console table on the other side of the room this whole time. It was currently spouting some ad, but the white noise helped fill in the quietude of the room.

"Where were you, anyway?" Zeke asked in between mouthfuls.

"Horse ranch," Isanna answered. "One of your coworkers—Adrian, walked with me there."

He hummed noncommittally. "So you rode on the horses?"

Isanna shook her head, chewing on a piece of meat.

"Why?"

Shrugging, she finally swallowed the food in her mouth. "Don't know how. And it already.. felt nice looking at people having fun, so I guess I already had my fill."

Felt nice. She was sure that wasn't the phrase she'd use to describe what she felt at the ranch today, but figured she didn't need Zeke to worry more than he already did.

"Did something else happen?"

The question had Isanna pausing for a bit just as she was about to reach for another piece of meat. Her fork hovered just above it.

Flashes of the scenes she'd seen earlier came to mind. The horses, the field, the breeze, the smell of the earth, the two women—seeing Erwin in that environment had been the cherry on top.

When she snapped out of it and glanced at Zeke, he was already staring at her.

"No, nothing much, really," she said, finally poking her fork and bringing it to her lips.

"What?"

".. Nothing."

"Did something else happen?"

"No, nothing much, really."

Isanna frowned. Were they hearing themselves? That wasn't a normal conversation held between lovers.

What happened to us?

She looked at her food, suddenly losing her appetite, not that she had much to begin with.

When did it start?

When did being with Zeke start to feel so.. off?

Just yesterday she thought things were back to normal. Had that been an illusion? The memory of a dinner filled with jokes and laughter felt so distant now.

Isanna forced herself to finish her food as dinner continued. When they finished and put away the Styrofoam and plastic, Zeke did something out of the blue that threw her off.

He walked to the radio as a crackled voice announced the weather forecast.

[ "For today's weather, the state experienced a rather cloudy day of 32° Celsius. Our local weather forecast reports the steady decline of temperature and strong winds signal an oncoming mild stor—" ]

Zeke switched the channel a few times, then turned around just as a slow, classical tune played.

He turned to her, a small smile gracing his features. Isanna was about to ask what this was all about when Zeke made a dramatic sweeping gesture, hand upturned for her.

"May I have this dance?"

Isanna stared at him, blinking a few times as his offer sank in mind. The classical melody flowed from the radio, filling their unit with a gentle symphony.

Her mouth turned upward, holding back a laugh. "What's this about?"

Zeke rolled his eyes at her. "Obviously, a dance. Would you humor your fiancé once in a while?"

A look of amusement passed by her. Isanna eyed his hand, waiting for her. A thousand thoughts ran through her before she eventually walked forward to meet him.

As soon as Isanna placed her hand in his, she didn't miss the wistful shine in Zeke's eyes—something that looked more bittersweet than anything.

She couldn't ask what it was about when he closed her hand around hers, a hold both tight and delicate, and drew her closer, a careful hand behind her back.

"Since when did you learn how to dance?" she asked in a slight laugh.

Zeke made a playful wink, his boyish grin he rarely ever made these days finally showing. "We had a ballroom dance at our high school PE, remember?"

"That was ages ago."

"How could I forget the glorious memory of you stomping my feet like it was part of the choreo?"

Isanna made a faux face of defeat. "You got me."

"Come on, now."

Isanna laughed, which genuinely surprised her. She didn't know he could still make her laugh, not after.. everything.

Zeke swayed her on the unit floor in a slow dance, the melody accompanying them in the background. Isanna found herself leaning the side of her face on his chest, eyes closed in what she thought was bliss in the soft mood hanging in the air between them. She felt him rest his head on top of hers, the lull of repeated slow steps almost like a lullaby that was beckoning her to sleep.

Zeke held her as tight as he could.

He wanted to stay in this moment forever, wanted to have her in his grasp always, to stay in the blissful ignorance of what was to come.

He was a jerk, he knew that. He liked provoking people. He loved ticking them off, watching them blow their heads off after he deliberately pushed their buttons. It made him feel powerful, like he was in control. And whether that was because it gave him a sort of escape from the iron grips of his parents' expectations or the Marley government, he wasn't sure anymore.

He was a jerk, and he was selfish. He knew that.

But he asked himself, whether he was selfish enough to keep this woman in his arms, knowing full well she would never be the happiest she could be with him.

A quiet pang hit him.

How could Zeke Yeager say he truly loved her, if he couldn't even accomplish that?

He squeezed her hand in his, just enough to not evoke a questioning look from her, as he shut his eyes close in a tight frown as if the idea was physically revolting.

Then, he pressed his lips on the top of her head in a quiet kiss.

I love you, he wanted to say. He couldn't recall the last time he ever said it. Zeke wasn't even sure if he was allowed to say it anymore.

The song from the radio eventually came to an end, signaling Zeke that it was his turn to finish this twenty-year-long fantasy.

They had stopped moving, standing in the middle of the room in each other's hold, allowing the lulling melody to linger in the air as long as possible. Zeke tried to imprint this scene in his mind, with all the details his memory could possibly hold.

I love you, he begged to say.

Then, once he was sure he could vividly picture it out in his mind, he finally shattered it, uttering the three words burning in his throat.

"You like him."

In the silence, those three words rang loud and clear.

Isanna thought she imagined it.

One second, they had been lost in the notes of a song, intimately dancing mindlessly in the middle of the room.

As soon as Zeke said those words, Isanna swore she could hear something shattering. Like a carefully built tower of glass, crashed right on the bottom, as the pieces all fell down in heaps. An irreversible decision.

She opened her eyes and slowly pulled back from Zeke's hold, lifting her face to meet his.

As always, he was already looking at her.

".. What?"

If anything, Zeke looked more pained, his face contorted in a slight grimace.

"You like him. You like Smith."

The name dropped like a bomb.

Isanna felt her entire body shake, mind gone blank. She took a step back from him, letting go of his hand.

Zeke didn't try to hold her back.

"What are you saying?" The question felt robotic. Isanna barely heard her own voice. Something inside her head had broken down, rendering her unable to think clearly.

Zeke looked at her and sighed, looking away. He felt his own shoulders slack, suddenly feeling exhausted even when he barely did anything.

"Exactly as it means. No riddles, no hidden meanings, connotations—just the plain truth: You like him," he emphasized the last three words, as if speaking to a child.

Isanna couldn't believe what she was hearing from Zeke of all people. Something in the back of her mind had been whispering to her that he'd known something was going on, given who he was, but to hear it come from him was an entirely different thing.

Just how painfully obvious had she been for him to say it so bluntly to her face? Just how long had he noticed and kept quiet?

Just how long exactly had she been hurting him?

She wanted to tell him he was wrong. You're wrong, I don't like him. The words lay at the tip of her tongue, just one push and it would be said. You're wrong.

Instead, what came out was a weak, "But we're engaged."

She could hear the breathlessness of her own voice. Hoarse. Hesitant.

"That didn't stop him," he said as a matter of fact. "And neither did it to you."

His accusation felt like a punch to the gut. Nothing stopped them, Isanna knew she was in the wrong, yet it didn't stop her. She'd been well aware of this fact for a while now, but to hear it said to her face was gut wrenching. She had no right to feel this way.

She could hear her breath getting uneven as she took another step back from him. She clenched her fists tight at her side.

"I... can't like him."

"Why not?"

Zeke sounded unnaturally calm, too calm for someone who was confronting their fiancée's feelings for another man. She wasn't sure how to make of that.

Why not?

She looked down. The excuse was already on her tongue. Because looking at Erwin Smith hurts me, for reasons I can't explain.

Each time she laid eyes on him, a dull ache thudded deep in her chest, which only added more to her confusion. Being around him was safe, comforting—but his presence was aching, and she didn't know why.

"I just can't like hi—"

"So you're going to marry me?"

Isanna snapped her head to return her eyes on him. Still, Zeke Yeager looked unnerved. In fact, he was stoic, unreadable.

".. Yes," she said. Immediately, the hard expression on him fell. A look of disbelief replaced it. She thought he looked even offended by it.

Zeke scoffed. "Really?"

When Isanna didn't answer, he took a step forward towards her.

"You say you're going to marry me?"

Isanna felt it. The rising tension in the room was almost about to hit the ceiling. She couldn't answer him.

"Can you say the same after this?"

Before she could even think, Zeke was already in front of her. Isanna barely got a word in when cold hands grabbed the side of her face and he smashed his lips against hers. Something alerted in her brain, but the force caught her off guard and her legs staggered, until she felt her back hit the edge of the dinner table, pushing it with a squeak against the tiles.

Still, Zeke didn't pull back, pressing his lips firmly against hers. A wave of sudden discomfort took over. Isanna found her hands instinctively grabbing him by the shoulder and shoving him away.

A tense silence filled the room. Isanna tried to catch her breath and pressed the back of her hand to her lips, eyes widened at Zeke. She didn't know if she wanted to scream or cry. Maybe both. Her head was throbbing.

Zeke frowned at her, wiping his own mouth.

"You can't even kiss me without thinking of him. Stop kidding yourself, Isa."

Something tightened in her chest. Isanna couldn't take it anymore. She turned and headed straight for the door.

Zeke didn't stop her.

—

The clock read 8 o'clock in the evening.

Erwin reclined himself on the couch, legs crossed leisurely with a book in hand and a cup of coffee in the other. His class schedule for the day had gone by without a hitch, and he thought he'd resign himself to an evening of silent reading to relax.

He looked out the window of the hotel room. The stars were nowhere in sight. In its place was a windy storm overtaking the night. The weather forecast had warned them beforehand, and although it was a shame for the storm to be raging the town during their field trip, it happening in the night could be better than in broad daylight. Besides, they did say it was only a mild one. Come tomorrow, it will leave. Hopefully.

Erwin had left the radio on in case of any emergency reports on the weather. He had an entire batch of students to supervise, after all. His quick thinking could be needed.

He tipped his cup in his lips, eyes strained on the contents of the book on his lap. Coffee in this kind of weather was always his favorite combination.

Erwin returned the cup to its saucer on the table beside him and flipped the page, trying to get his mind off what happened early afternoon.

A distant rumble of thunder boomed outside. For a second, Erwin saw a glimpse of Shiganshina.

The sound of lightning had always reminded him of titans transforming and make him stiff, which could sound silly coming from a big man like him. It was why he often stayed indoors whenever it stormed, putting in a pair of earphones that he'd rarely ever use, which was saying something.

Erwin closed his eyes and tried to calm himself, breathing in and out. In and out. Slowly.

There was a knock on his door.

Erwin almost flinched. A small rap amidst the outpouring rain outside could have gone by his hearing unheeded, so it surprised him how he managed to catch it. He threw a look at the door, almost doubting, until the sound came again.

Erwin inserted a bookmark and shut his book with a snap, placing it on the couch as he stood and walked towards the door.

When he opened it, Zeke Yeager was the last person he'd expect to see on the other side.

Erwin reflexively straightened, his guard up. His grip on the doorknob subconsciously tightened.

"Zeke. What are you doing here?"

The man looked out of it like he'd been pacing out his door while waiting, which was uncharacteristic of him, Erwin thought. Actually, the fact that he was here in front of his hotel room was in itself out of character, but as soon as Zeke opened his mouth, he finally understood why he seemed panicked.

"Smith—I can't find her."

It took Erwin a few seconds to realize what he was talking about. Zeke was rambling and his words were getting mixed.

"Zeke, calm down," Erwin said, trying to placate him, which felt off coming from him. "What happened?"

Zeke didn't look at him at first, as if he was contemplating actually telling him. He sucked in a deep breath and finally relented in whatever inner battle he was fighting inside him.

"I had a.. talk, with Isa. I.. pushed her too much. She walked out and I thought I should give her some space." The more he explained the more he sounded worried. Erwin never thought he would ever see Zeke Yeager this rattled.

He continued, "I didn't think she'd leave the hotel, but when the storm struck I got worried. She left her phone. I've been looking for her and I—"

A loud crackle of thunder rumbled outside the hotel. Through the windows, a zap of flash like a camera's erupted.

Erwin felt an odious, gnawing nip low in his stomach.

If Isanna was outside, then—

"Erwin, I need your help," Zeke suddenly said, looking more helpless than Erwin's ever seen him before.

"I feel—" he corrected himself— "I know she'll listen to you."

His admittance was out of the blue. Erwin stared at Zeke, momentarily speechless at how he could lower himself before him like this.

The raging pellets of raindrops hitting the hotel roof was what roused Erwin from his stupor.

"Wait here."

Zeke waited almost impatiently as the door shut. In less than ten seconds, it opened again and Erwin stepped out of the room with a coat donned and his phone in hand.

The two went down to the lobby without wasting a beat. Erwin asked for two umbrellas from the reception desk and gave one to Zeke.

"We'll split up," Erwin suggested, although it sounded more like an order, but Zeke didn't try to one up like he would have. "You check the town, I'll head left. Let's call the other when we find her."

Zeke nodded wordlessly. They were on the front porch of the hotel, facing the harsh rain. Puddles of water had long begun to pool on the asphalt.

Before Zeke could turn away, Erwin called him. Zeke stopped and looked back.

"Don't worry too much. We'll find her."

Whatever they talked about that prompted Isanna to walk out, Erwin could see how guilty Zeke felt. The last thing he needed was Zeke Yeager losing himself when they were trying to look for Isanna.

Luckily for him, Zeke seemed to get his bearings. He didn't say another word and walked off. Erwin followed him with his eyes until he rounded the corner to head to the main street of the town, before he turned the other way and opened his umbrella.

The storm was unforgiving, and the scent of rain was strong. Erwin rushed ahead, the flashlight on his phone providing him with limited eyesight. He would never have advised looking for one person with this low visibility, but the thought of Isanna somewhere out there in the middle of this raging deluge brought a discomforting twist in his stomach.

Anything could happen. The town had steep mountain hills. Worst case scenario would be an avalanche, and Erwin wasn't about eager to find Isanna trapped underneath a pile of earth.

Above him, lightning rumbled.

Erwin almost dropped his phone.

That wasn't a titan transformation. There are no titans here.

Erwin cursed at how lame he felt, getting scared of something as distant as the past. He thought he'd gotten over it already, but maybe it was never that easy to let go of the things that used to haunt you.

He realized his hand was shaking. Erwin glared at his own hand and slammed it on a nearby tree bark. He felt something warm trickling down his fist and lighted it with his flashlight. Blood. He scratched it and the skin tore off his knuckles.

But it stopped his shaking. Erwin could live with that.

Isanna. Focus on Isanna.

Erwin tore his attention away from his mild wound and willed his legs to keep on going. The ground had gone mush with all the rain it had absorbed. Erwin found his shoes getting pulled with every slush of mud he stepped on, and there was even one time he almost fell.

Flashing his light here and there, Erwin scoured through the perimeter, mind listing off all the possible routes Isanna could have taken. He was hoping to see a footprint of some sorts, but the rain had washed it all.

He cursed once more. Time was critical. Zeke hadn't called him yet.

Erwin had reached the outskirts, following the national road that led outside of the town. There was no one here, which was a given considering the weather and time. This road was naturally empty at this hour, save for tourists leaving and entering the town. A dense shrubbery flanked the road with little space to walk on the side, but he had to in case of any passing cars.

His sweat had mixed with the rain. Erwin tried to keep his umbrella over him, but the rough winds had him soaked nonetheless. He wanted to chuck it away to at least move more efficiently, but if he were to find Isanna and have no umbrella, he wouldn't be able to shield her from the rain.

She's probably cold by now.

There were only a number of times in his life where Erwin felt helpless. And if there was one specific thing he hated being helpless at, it was when he couldn't keep her safe.

He tried calling for her name, swishing his light here, there, every direction he could point it at. Each step crunched the wet grass underneath his shoes. He didn't even care how expensive they were.

Erwin stopped and shut his eyes close, squeezing them tight.

Thunder boomed once more, but this time, he didn't flinch.

Erwin opened his eyes just in time for the light to flash across the skies, and in the split second where he was provided with enough vision, there he saw her, on the other side of the road.

Erwin felt his own heart lurch in anticipation. As soon as the light disappeared, he directed his flashlight towards the direction.

"Isanna!" he called amidst the storm, hoping to be heard. There was no doubt about it. Erwin was certain his eyes could get plucked and he'd still recognize that silhouette.

She was at the other side of the narrow road, right near the curve. There was an unlit lamp post beside her, and Erwin vaguely noticed a road sign nearby, but his attention was all on her.

He found her. She was just there, shivering under the rain, holding her arms like a lost cat.

The flashlight barely reached her, but it was enough to catch her attention. Isanna turned to him and Erwin could see the fear that lighted her eyes when she did.

"Wait there!" he told her, about to cross the road. He cursed himself when he realized he forgot to bring a coat for her, then remembered he was wearing one. He was just thinking of calling Zeke when—

He was interrupted by a frantic yell.

"No! Don't come!"

Erwin froze, and for a moment, only the sound of loud rain filled his ears. He stood, confused and shell shocked at Isanna's demand. She was staring at him from the other side, hugging herself anxiously. She was wearing thin clothes, no umbrella—Erwin knew he had to get to her quickly.

"Isanna, I—"

"Don't come!" she repeated anxiously, her voice shaky and hoarse as if she'd spent the entire day yelling. Erwin wondered what she was thinking. The rain was only getting harsher and louder.

His confusion was only half answered when lightning crackled, and he caught the way she almost jumped. He felt his own heart drop. He wasn't the only one who associated lightning with something traumatizing.

And for Isanna who was still feeling lost in her own memories, he could only imagine the sheer terror she was in.

"I'll get you back, safely," Erwin promised, competing with the volume of the rain. "You don't have to be afr—"

"No," Isanna gasped, tightening her hold on her arms. "No, no—don't come, I can't—"

She choked back a sob. The urge to cross the road and take her in his arms was as strong as ever. Erwin wanted to protect her.

But she said something that made him hesitant.

"I don't want to see you," she told him without looking, "I can't take this anymore, please.."

Erwin felt a sinking pang. She doesn't mean it, he told himself. Isanna was just caught up in the onslaught of her returning memories, rambling whatever came to mind. He bet she herself didn't even realize her own words.

Still, the fact that she said that with her own voice stung him. Erwin swallowed back the heaviness and tried to look for a way to get near her without scaring her off. The last thing he wanted was for her to run away from him just when he found her.

He contemplated ringing Zeke, then his words echoed to mind.

"I know she'll listen to you."

Erwin gripped the handle on his umbrella tightly, a tense frown etched deeply on his face. The trees behind him were swaying with the harsh winds. Leaves rustled and got plucked out of their branches. The dampness had his hair pushed down over his forehead, his wet shirt was clinging close to him, and the rain was trickling down his face.

He was a mess. In fact, the both of them were. Soaked with the rain and a bundle of emotions. Confusion, guilt, longing, passion, yearning—it felt like everything had come pouring down on them in the form of this raging storm.

Erwin bit his lip, then decided to go along with her wishes—for now.

"Alright," he called out to her. Isanna looked at him as if she was shocked herself.

"I won't.. bother you anymore," Erwin said, each word dripping heavy like lead in his tongue. "I'll stay out of your sight. But please, just this once.. come back with me."

The desperation seeped out of his plea.

"Return to the hotel with me, Isanna. Please.. you'll catch a cold."

Maybe this was what he was always meant to do. Worry for her even when she was pushing him away. Erwin figured he was content with that.

So he waited, praying that she'd calm down eventually. Isanna was looking at him with unreadable eyes and trembling lips. He didn't know what she was thinking, nor what happened, but she suddenly staggered and held the lamp post for stability.

Alarmed, Erwin found himself crossing the road.

"Isanna—!"

And then, it came.

The first thing that registered to Erwin was the sudden light. At first he thought it was thunder. But it didn't come from above.

Erwin realized a split second later that it had come from the side, piercing through the misty fog of rain. He turned his head in a manner as if time had slowed down. There, passing through the curved, blind spot of the road was something tall and huge silhouetted against the mist.

He didn't know how, but at that moment, Erwin finally caught a glimpse of the road sign that he vaguely noticed earlier.

'WARNING: Accident prone area'

After the light, came the honk. Then, the screeching of tires amidst the pelting rain.

Erwin felt his own feet had been glued on the road. He stood staring at the oncoming truck, the honking blaring in his ears.

Then, his body moved automatically. His hand reached out, extended over to his side, shoving her off her horse.

A rough shove slammed into him.

Amidst the headlights, the screeching tires, the pouring rain and rumbling thunder, the last thing he saw before he got rammed was the sight of Isanna pushing him out of the way, her arm still outstretched.

Erwin felt his own heart stop.

"ISANNA!"