*Chapter skips around a bit in past events. If you see the icon  *~~*  That means there is a time skip. Thank you and enjoy- Ashtenwillburn01* 

"I don't think that you should allow your sons on the mission field in all honesty," my father groaned as he ran his fingers through his slick black hair. Mr.Tanner sat in front of him with my Izaya'z folder in his hand like a delicate piece of art. His hair was longer than most guys in the ward but he kept it slicked back and cleaned, in the back it was pinned up with a barret. His suit was a navy blue that clashed with a new brightly colored tie each weak. On his wrist always was decorated with various watches because of his paranoia of being late for meetings. His face was slender for a males other than his masculine chin line that stood promient over his over facial features. His eyes were a sharp brown and his black framed glasses only enhanced them when they ever darkened with displeasure. He was a family man with three triplet daughters that all had already left for their own missions and two sons who had went to collage. His wife had died of breasts cancer only a few months after their last son went to collage, and he has been alone ever since. He had became the head of keeping files of young men and women who wished to go on missions, but the money went towards other falculaties in the church. He had been born into this way of living, and has been a respected member of the community since he had came back from his mission. My father and him had become good friends after he had returned, and my father had high hopes he would bend the rules once again. 

"I don't understand why. Izaya is completely capable of handling any situation on the field he could run into, and Isiah... he has a good personailty. I know that they haven't been the best at showing up for seminary, but they are well informed in whatever they need," my father urged Mr.Tanner as he shook his head once again and pulled up his glasses. He bit his lip as my father looked out the window of the office to see my isiah sitting in the clover patch braiding together the steams smiling. His black hair he kept in a small pony tail because he refused to cut it, and his white T shirt hung low enough to show his collar bones. His blue eyes shone as he laughed at Izaya who sat on the small white chair in front of his brother. His lips were thin and straight as he kept his arms folded on his lap with that look of slight displeasure in his eyes. It was amazing to see the differences in the simple way they acted, but no one ever did take time to notice that they were their own person. Izaya slowly looked at the window to meet eyes with my father who looked away at the hard oak wood of Mr.Tanner's desk. My father bit his lip, he knew very well that Izaya wanted nothing to do with the mission field. 

"Isiah showed up for two classes on time and let's be honest here that me and you both know Isiah isn't going to enjoy that. He wants to design clothes for a living and since a few of the boys caught him putting make up on the girls he has been an outcast. Isiah isn't going to be one to go on a mission even though his colorful personailty would be somewhat of an asset," he paused when my father looked at him like he had been sucking on a lemon. Out of the two twins he had always favored Izaya over his younger brother because he showed interest in masculine things. Isiah never pretended to be interested in sports, mud, or anything physical, and that made my father feel like he was birthed a daughter and not a son. "Alright fair enough but why not Izaya? He is a fine student and you know as well as I do he would complete every single duty without so much as a complaint. He is strong, well mannered, and only speaks when given permission or spoken to first," my father said with some pride. Mr.Tanner bit his lip as he looked away out the window at the two twins that now stared at each other with tight lips. Isiah's eyes were dark as he stared up at his older twin who towered over him with his leg crossed over his knee. In his white button down and black jeans he looked like a superior over the younger who stared up with big eyes. 

"You know as well as I do that there is no way we can seperate the two of them," Mr.Tanner said bluntly making my father look at the book shelf with somewhat disgust in his eyes. A part of him knew that he was going to say that, but then again that was what everyone kept telling him. 'They have been together  through boy scouts, church activities, home, and they have always been ones to play together alone. Some twins grow to despise one another but Izaya and Isiah have developed such a bond that... it can be almost considered a marriage between their souls' Clare explained to my father who grunted before slamming the door in her youthful face. "They need to get over each other eventually," Mr.Tanner gave a chuckel and handed my father the paper work with a gleam in his eyes as he did so. My father smiled in somewhat victory as he looked at the papers that had been placed so delicately in his hands as a sign of victory. "If you can get Izaya to sign this paper without taking his brother along then I don't have a problem with getting him in. I wish you good luck sir considering he didn't even go on the trip last year because Isiah was sick and he had been looking forward to that trip for such a long time," Mr.Tanner smiled as my father's face faded from a smile to a scowl and marched out without another word. 

*~~*

"If Isiah doesn't go then leaving for a mission has no further interest in my opinion," Izaya said as he sat on the leather coach in front of my father in the living room. The coffee table was littered with diet coke cans and wrappers, but for some reason that mission paper stood out amongst it the most. The TV had been turned off to lean against the wall ready for any future use that Izaya prayed would be soon. The living room felt like the biggest room in the house, but it was also the least decorated with nothing but a coach, TV, and ugly pink rug under the coffee table that desperately needed replaced. My father sighed as he leaned on the opposite end of the coach, but kept his mouth shut as he looked at my brother sideways. His blue eyes remained down at his hands that gripped his black pajama pants tightly, and each breath seemed hesitant. Izaya was known for his calm outer apperance, but only a few were ever able to get on his nerve or make him nervous... our father was one of them. He had known from what seemed like birth he had to over come his brother and conquer him in every single thing he did. So he did exactly what was expected of him... even if the very idea made him sick to his stomach.

"Isiah isn't your problem. Don't ever let anyone weaker than you take control of your life Izaya," he paused. "And here I thought you had more common sense than that ignorant brother of yours. I always speak highly of you Izaya and now I want you to prove to me that you deserve that praise I always award to you. I want you to go on a mission and I want you to be the only one of my kids that actually brought me joy," he said with a small smile. Izaya's shoulders tensed with each word that fell out of the older males mouth, but for a moment he didn't say a word. He craved our father's praise, he lived off of two things in this world and that was his brother's loves and his father's rewards. These rewards weren't money, fame, or anything materilistic, but the reward was getting the weet relief of knowing our father knew he existed. Emily had already been sent away to a mental hospital a long time ago which left him without a mother and the thought of also losing a father was almost too much to bear. "B-but father...," Izaya said in a whisper as he felt the low pounding in his chest as he took a deep breath. 

"I don't want to go," he said and my father's head shot up in shock as he looked at his star child that held his head low in somewhat shame. "I don't want to go not only for not having Isiah but also because something like that isn't of my interest. Brooks will most likely be the one to go on a mission so why don't-," he was cut off as he felt a quick pain on his cheek and he felt his back hit the ground. Izaya groaned as he slowly placed a hand on the table so he could pull himself up to stand but refused to meet the eyes of our father. "Isn't your interest! You have grown up in the church and you expect me to believe that you have no interest in doing what you were raised to do. Then again you also have never had a girlfriend or even danced with anyone during the yearly dances, and I have to assume why... Are you gay?" our father looked at Izaya with a small look of amusement as he watched the younger male pull himself weakly up by the edge of the coffee table. His black hair had fallen over his blue eyes to show nothing more than the red swollen mark that had invaded this delicate facial features. "You don't deny the claim but you also don't seem to have any notion to confirm me and your mother's worst suspicion," he sighed before running his fingers through his black hair.

"I'm not homosexual, but I refuse to stand next to you on the notion that should be used as a weapon. I have no ill will to anyone who is so you calling me homosexual really has no gain from it on your part father," Izaya said in his usual monotone voice before looking up at my father so that he could see the darkness in the others eyes. My father opened his mouth for a moment, but no words seem to fall from his lips as he watched the defiant look in the youngers eyes. A chuckle escaped the elder's throat before covering his eyes with his hand to release a deep laugh. "Spoken like a politician. Too bad God doesn't listen to us and rewrites his rules like we do to our fundamental rights. You are a true man of the people falling for the world's ways Izaya. I tried to be civil but now I am taking my position as your father to sign this paper. Your relationship with your brother means nothing to me, but then again you know very well that your brother means nothing to me or your mother," he smirked. "fucking Faggot," he hissed as Izaya straightened his shoulders with a murderous gleam in his eyes. The older male smirked with satisfaction as he noticed he had gotten the youngers attention with his most sensitive area. 

"Isiah is not a F-" he stopped himself and look down because he couldn't bear to say the word himself because he feared it would make him ill. "Leave him out of this father. He isn't interested in going into the mission field but that doesn't make either of us-," my father rose a hand with a threatening gaze in his eyes as my brother took a step back. "You know very well your brother compared to you is worthless. So why protect an Faggot with no right to even walk this earth? You were planned and he was a sick accident from that whore mother of yours," he said with a small smirk that made his skin crawl. Izaya shook his head but stopped as he turned his head softly to see what his father's growing smirk was glaring at. "No," he whispered to himself as he looked into his brother's eyes to see small tears lightly sliding down his cheeks. His hands shaking as he placed them on his mouth with his quivering lips still very visible through the flesh. He wore a pair of black pajama shorts that showed his shaved smooth legs and a small white T shirt that hung loosely off his thin frame. His body shook as he looked into his brother's eyes for the first time with a sense of sadness that even God couldn't repent. Isiah... was the accidental twin born to our mother and was not discovered in till the day he was born because they refused to see a doctor.

'A miracle he is alive' the doctor said to my parents when he was born because he was so small and frail that the smallest mistake you might have thought he might break. He was slower at everything than Izaya in till they finally hit fifth grade and he managed to join the track team with his brother. My mother was never around for either of the boys due to her mental condition, and my father despised Isiah the moment he first looked at the younger twin. How could a father have such a passionate hate against something that he had no control over? Only the Lord will ever have that answer, and no one was interested in it in the first place. "I am sorry to interrupt papa," Isiah choked through a few tears before turning so he could walk up the stairs but my father said his name loudly making him halt. Izaya opened his mouth to object but slowly closed it when he saw the look of disappointment in the eyes of his father. "Now Isiah you just joined us and it would be a shame to see my youngest son to leave so suddenly. I am sure you were raised with more manners than those of an wild animal," Isiah swallowed the spit in his mouth to cover the heart beat in his throat. He gave a small nod before slowly walking over to take a sit on the coach with his brother's eyes firmly on the side of his head. Our father chuckled as he sat back and put the tip of his middle finger in his mouth as he watched Isiah shift uncomfortably in his chair. 

*~~* 

Isiah sat on the red sheets of his queen sized bed with small tears in the corner of his eyes as he held his head. The walls were plain other than the bae window that had been painted over to make a rainbow of colors when light shown through it. The bed was made with red sheets and a thick white blanket that was handmade from Emily long before she snapped. The floor was made of light oak wood that had been put in by Mr.Tanner and our father long before the twins were born. "You seem down Isiah," Izaya whispered as he closed the door behind him so he could take a spot next to his younger brother. Isiah's lip twitched and quivered into a small smile as a tear slide down his cheek with a silence that stabbed the older. "Please don't cry anymore Isiah. You shouldn't cry our father might hear you, and then we will both be...," his shoulder tensed as he grabbed the back of the younger's thick black hair to lightly shove him into the crease of his neck. He felt the small body shake with sobs as he wrapped his arms around his body in order to hold him close. Isiah had always been the more fragile one, Izaya reminded himself, but for some reason he never saw Isiah as weaker than him. Isiah in his eyes was much more than just an equal, and he knew that Isiah's smile was what made him believe that he was superior. Isiah was always so happy, and that happiness is something Izaya was never able to possess.

"You're not going to actually leave are you?"  his voice cracked on the word leave and the older tensed before looking down at the younger. "I don't want you to leave Izaya. I need you to be with me or I wouldn't know what to do. Please brother don't let them separate us again!" his voice cracked with remorse as he pulled back so Izaya could see the pain in the younger's face. Izaya bit his lip as he looked at the window so he could see the moon that had rose before slowly looking back at his brother. "Mr. Tanner told father that if I signed the paper then he would send me off, and I refused. I don't think we can stay here much longer Isiah, and I hate to say it but we may have to run away from this place. With you being homosexual and me...," he looked away before running his fingers through his hair in somewhat frustration. He had known Isiah didn't have any attraction to women far longer than even his brother did, but he knew that could be for other reasons that he refused to admit to himself. Isiah looked at him in somewhat contempt as he brought his lips lightly onto the other's with his hands intertwining with his brothers. Izaya's heart skipped a beat as he slowly closed his eyes and tilted his head slightly before pulling back to place his forehead on Isiah's. Izaya Manic was a prized pupil for all those who met him but he had a horrible secret that he would never admit to anyone including himself. He was insanely in love with his own reflection, but then reflection was a person he was literally made for.

"Izaya we mustn't be too hasty in a situation such as the one we have found ourselves in," Isiah said as he looked at the closed lids of the older male. "This world is all we have ever known. That and you know very well we won't be able to stay in the church when they find out about us," Isiah's heart sank as he said that sentence in a foreign harshness towards what he had always believed would hold him forever. Izaya had always had his doubts about the church but that was because of his father who held his spot like a trophy. The Bishop was someone that Izaya wasn't proud to call family, and he couldn't stand that they had thrown out their mother because of her mental disorder. Isiah remained loyal for so many years, but after he came out as homosexual to Izaya he began to drift in order to try and find love. That love ended up in the most sinful of people, but being locked together for so many years they looked at each other with different eyes. "We will never be accepted here Isiah and I want to be able to protect you from this world full of evil. Allow me to hold you at night without the fear of being discovered and ridiculed, and be able to make a life with you without people assuming we have separation issues. I want a life with you and I will do whatever I have to, to make sure I stay by your side in till the day this body can't take another breath. Allow me this sweet blessing to love you," he said in a jagged breath that made the younger shiver before laying his head down on the elder's shoulder. 

"Izaya... I love you more than I can describe but I am unable to lay with you. I would never be able to bring myself to sleep with my family- let alone my twin brother. I mean no disrespect but me and you love each other in different ways, even if in your arm I feel secure and safe. By my brother I love you in my eyes but as a lover I shun you and push you away out of my security," Izaya bowed his head while he removed his hands from his younger brother. His head bowed as he kept his eyes firmly closed, and moved his hands to his lap to close his eyes. He was expecting to have rejection, but even though prepared, his heart still felt a slight ache in his chest. "We still can't stay here much longer or father will send you away from me," Izaya said after a moment of silence and gripped his younger brother's arm before glaring at him. Isiah cringed as he heard his wrist pop and his older brother pulled him up harshly as their eyes met in a heated gaze. Isiah's heart skipped a beat as the older smashed his lips against with such a force that his knees buckled violently. "You're mine," Izaya pulled back in a whisper. "I can't live without you. I will sell my body to you. I will slay myself without you to hold the knife away. I need you, I need you, I need you!" His lips trembled as he pushed his brother away with a heart that laid heavy. 'Thank you Mr. Tanner' was a seemly small gesture that laid heavy now in both of the young boys hearts that now rejected God.