I laid in bed alone for the rest of the day not caring about my mother and the neighbor lady who pitied us. It seemed that the realization of the situation didn't hit me in till a few hours after Saint left to reunite with Asha at that old house. I stood in the shower with the warm water dripping down my imperfect scarred body, and the new cuts from the night before burned from the suds. My feet stayed firmly in place, my body only swayed when I ran my fingers through my black hair, and my skin once pale burned into a tinted pink color. It occurred to me through a series of memories, but the pain hit me so suddenly that I stood still with soap on my hands. I once never found it possible for me to have a serious emotion towards another human because it seemed illogical. I never found it possible for me to want to hold someone because I knew that once before me there laid someone else that they had once loved unconditionally. It hurt to think that love could fade that quickly, but just like the wind, it could either be deadly or simply not present. "Saint... you're an idiot," I mumbled before biting my lip because I could feel my heart pounding in my chest again. "You're such a fucking idiot," I cursed to myself before pointing my face to the water to cover up the tears that once again threatened to sting my eyes. I needed to learn not to care about him, and I knew very well that my chance to save him slipped through my fingers just like his did when he said goodbye.

I laid in bed alone for the rest of the night not bothering to listen to my mother's insane rambling that my neighbor forced an laugh at. I laid alone in the covers that seemed to make my blood run colder than me just laying there naked and alone. I was always alone, I reminded myself, and the reason I was always alone was because everyone in some way or another was inferior to me. They were too high strung to get to know someone that everyone else seemed to despise, and they must be stupid to see that all I wanted was to be noticed. "Brooklyn Manic!" I heard my father's hard voice call my name and I paused to listen to the sound of the owl that always sung outside my window. I would simply pretend to sleep, I assured myself, but that didn't mean anything to a middle aged man who sounded like he had been drinking. My father was a representative of the LDS church, and he was respected by almost everyone who laid eyes on his broad shoulders and crooked smile. He was a man of business, a man of moral, and a man who believed that if he could get away with it then it was met for him to do. My father was an alcoholic, he used to be knees deep into the drug trade, and he would be considered to many people two faced. I never respected my father but I did have to admit that he was the only one who could make me feel true terror. 

"Brooks! You have a visitor!" I heard my mother yell and soon after a fake laugh out of Clare who must be more than uncomfortable with the situation. Clare was an elderly lady around the age of sixty. Her eyes shone wisdom from age and her teeth were false, but still she charmed all those that greeted her. Her hair was long and grey from age, but she always wore it up in a tight bun to hide with a hat or a new scarf. My mother and her used to be very close friends, but after my mother went insane she wasn't able to reconnect with the other woman. "Tell him I am not interested in his presence," I said loudly hoping that they would hear me, and my name was once again called after only a few moments of much welcomed silence. I sighed in annoyance, and I had to wonder who would want to see the most hated man in town so late at night. 'A lunatic or an idiot' I hissed to myself in thought, but I found myself sitting up to look at my slightly cracked door in curiosity. Indeed it was odd for anyone to come knocking at my door at all, and that being the case it was crazy that it would happen so late at night. "Brooklyn dear, It is an friend from church who would like to greet you," and that was Clare's voice so sweet and timid that it was actually moving. I sighed, "I really hate that woman" I reminded myself as I slowly threw my feet over the side of the bed to start heading towards the door.

"A friend from church?" I said to myself as I walked down the stairs. I couldn't recall any friends except for Saint who wouldn't go back on a decision to let me down as easy as he could. I had to assume that this would be a teacher or someone coming to talk me into going on a mission, and I was beginning to dread that conversation. "Who is it?" I said when I reached the bottom and my heart stopped as my eyes met dark green that seemed more arrogant than his smile. 'Not you' I sighed to myself at the thought, but simply shook my head and looked at the older male who stood in front of me. "What do you want Kyle?" I asked in a harsh tone making him slowly put up his hands in surrender with a smirk on his face. "Now now don't get your lace panties in a twist Manic," he said with a gleam in his eyes that made my eyes slowly narrow. Clare fixed the long white skirt that she wore with a look of contempt in her eyes, but we both knew that me and Kyle have never gotten along. Even when we were young boys in the nursery he always made it a point to try and make my life a living hell, and he did his job well. This, however, was as low as he has ever stooped to try and start things with me because of the fear most people had towards me. I knew that he talked to me solely for the fact he would gain popularity as being arrogant or brave, but the title didn't seem to bother him.

"I came to talk to you... in private," he added the last part in a huff making the hair on the back of my neck stand up as I looked at him for a moment. I would admit that I was curious on his behavior, but I wasn't curious enough to lead him to the privacy of my living quarters. "I assure you anything you can say you can say in front of everyone who is in the room," I stated in a harsh tone making him smirk. For a moment he looked as if he was considering it, but soon shook his head. "I am sure if I announced it out loud the old bat here would have a heart attack," he said looking at Clare who put a hand to her chest but didn't say a word. I whispered to myself in annoyance as I saw his confidence once again growing from that huge ego he has always had. He was no better then Saint, running away from his problems while giving the burden to someone else. "Fine. I do expect for this to be quick because you and me both know we are not on our best behavior in each other's presence," I stated and for once he quickly agreed. "Alright then," I added on quickly before I grabbed his arm quickly to drag him through the kitchen door so that we were outside. I shivered a bit at how cold the wind turned out to be, but it was far to late for me to turn around to grab my jacket. "I know about you," he said suddenly as he closed the door, and I quickly looked at him for a moment as if he was stupid.

"We have been in the same ward since we were babies, I would hope you know who I am," I snapped at him making him roll his eyes at me. I never liked Kyle... A part of me hated him because he was obviously a two faced jock with nothing else better to do with his time than to make our lives awful, but another part naturally pitied him. "No, no you misunderstand that you are the one that is at the disadvantage this time Manic," he said in a rude tone that made me straighten my back to shoot him a dirty look. He gave a side smile when he notice he had my full attention, and now he would begin to preform his drama act on the front stage. "I saw what happened today between you and your "friend"," he said with a demented tone that made my eyes widen as I felt all the color slowly drain out of my face. 'No' I thought to myself as I leaned against the cold tile of the house so I would be able to keep balance because my knees went numb. "I knew you two were too close for comfort, but I never thought that someone like you would be open enough to love. Let alone betray the only thing you ever really known, but I guess you would get bored of the same rerun," he said as he crossed his arms because he knew very well that his words were hitting the mark and then some. I knew the whole reason Saint left me was because he knew that I wouldn't choose the him over the church, and now a part of me feels guilty for saying goodbye. I should have fought harder, I should have said something to make him stay! 

"So what do you want from me?" I asked in a sullen tone that made him step back in surprise by how timid my voice was. He stopped for a moment to look at the man that was in front of him, leaning against a house, and a newly found emotion was found in those once cold eyes. For the first time another person was seeing me weak and unable to fight for myself, and for once I wanted to be stroke down. I wanted to be punished for what I had done because I couldn't handle the weakness that I felt in my knees, and I had to wonder why anyone even cared? "Look Manic," he said suddenly to break me out of my trance, but my eyes only met his eyes with half of the focus he had previous. "I have no issue with you dating guys-" I shot him a look before slamming my fist into the side of the house making him yelp. "I don't like guys you idiot!" I yelled a little too loudly making the neighbor man turn on his bedroom light making me turn a grey color of pale. Kyle gulped loudly- loud enough to catch my attention before holding his hands up in slight surrender. "Saint had a thing for me and I couldn't stop him before his lips met mine. Me and him can't even talk anymore because I rejected him!" I continued while ignoring the pounding in my hand. His eyes then drooped to avoid contact with mine that shone with a fire against the lights of the night down the street. I bit my lip because I knew that what I had said been a lie, but I had to somehow get him off of me before I strangled him to death. 

 "I am saying is be careful," Kyle said after an moment of silence making the tension between us break from the concern in his words. "I don't want any of the higher ups seeing you flaunt around with any guys. I know that you don't believe me but they will surely try to get you to give up everything you cared about. I have no problems with gays...," he stopped for a moment before pushing up his glasses with his thumb. I had to cock my head for a moment to understand what he was trying to tell me, but then again this idiot never made any sense. "Truth is I dated this girl when I was fourteen behind my families back and they made sure that I would never see her again by making us move," he said while biting his lip for a moment. "I don't plan on staying with this church for the rest of my life Manic. I am only here because that is what my family wants out of me, but soon I will be able to call my own shots. Truth is I have grown to hate our belief...," he stopped because he could see my body relax a little. I was shocked that Kyle would tell me he was going to leave, but I was not shocked that he was going to abandoned his beliefs. Kyle has been murmuring about leaving the church since both of us turned sixteen and that didn't change now either. His mother I heard was a serious catholic that divorced his father because of the tension that their religious differences caused.

Kyle went with his father because his mother would have made him convert into a church of her choosing, and Kyle... he had to much pride to be treated that way. "If Jesus loves us and we are all made in his image than why do we have killers, rapist, and people who die so young?" he said in a low tone while looking away to hide the small tears that gathered in his eyes that shone lightly. "If we are expected to believe that this is the Devil's work then why is the Devil here on earth with us, but our God is unable to come down and touch us just as much!" he shouted at me and I looked at him with a blank expression, but gave a small nod to show that I was listening. A small tear slid down his cheek as he stared into my blue eyes, and it took me a minute to realize that I was actually a little taller than him. Kyle Day was my childhood bully and one of the most hated people I would ever meet in my lifetime, and that was because of his arrogant pride. Now what lies in front of me is a man who has broken under the pressure of the love that he has been told to believe his whole life. He is now conflicted by who he is and who he wants to be, and that is the easiest way to break a prideful man. "I hate God for what he has done Manic," he said in a harsh voice that made me bite my lip as I watched him lean against the side of my house before sliding down so he could hug his knees. 

"You really are a weak man aren't you Day?" I said in a low tone that he must have taken as kindness because he simply look at me and feigned a smile. I gave a small smile back and his cheeks faded into a deep red before slowly standing up to wipe his eyes. "Just don't be stupid about where you do shit like that again, okay?" he said before turning his back to me and a smile slowly curled at my lips with a small nod. He looked over his shoulder for a moment before allowing himself to smile slightly, and it was only then did I notice the small gap between to of his side teeth. "And I believe that if either of us is weak it would be you Manic. You have forgotten how to show mercy on people who have crossed you, and you are unable to shed true tears for the ones you love. The reason for that is you have never loved anyone in your life, and that makes me pity you just as much as you do me," he said in a cruel tone before heading down the sidewalk into the light of the streetlamps. I stood there for a moment in the cold air to watch him walk away into the busy city of the night with resentment in my eyes. His words didn't hurt me as much as his tone did, and how he accused me of not knowing how to love when he was no better. I turned to the door and opened the door to see my mother next to it with tears in her eyes looking at me with betrayal. My heart beat raced as she turned away with a huff before making her way upstairs towards my room. 

My heart raced as I wondered about what she had heard and what she hadn't heard, but what bothered me was I have never seen her so focused before. Clare stood at the end of the kitchen counter with a look of disapproval on her face as she looked at me with questioning gleam. "Why would you choose something like that?" she said after a moment making my skin crawl and I lowered my head to avoid meeting her gaze. She hissed through her teeth in a way that reminded me of a serpent, but I refused to let my eyes meet hers. "Answer me young man!" she yelled at me and I tensed up before walking towards the staircase without raising my head up. Clare didn't grab at me as I walked by her with a sullen look on my face that was hidden by a small mask of bangs, but it just occurred to me that maybe I should have allowed her to see the sadness in my eyes. Emotions to me were a rare thing, but today just seemed to be getting worse and worse by the second. "Emi?" I called in a light voice as I opened the door and my heart stopped as I saw her thin solute in the binds of my window. "Emi I-" my heart stopped and I opened my eyes to yell as she threw her head back, and slowly took a step out of the window.