This chapter's longer than the previous one, so grab your popcorn...or whatever your favorite snack is, and hope you enjoy! x

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"I think Nate's here," my mom called as she went to my room where I was just grabbing my small, black messenger bag and about to go.

I managed a small laugh. "I couldn't tell by the loud honking," I muttered, making my mom laugh. "Well, I'm going to go now, Mom."

Checking my appearance on the mirror, I noticed my hair was starting to go to its original color. I did my hair to a simple pony tail. I pulled my black dress down and smoothened it before going out.

My mom smiled at me with her ocean blue eyes looked at mine sincerely as she kissed my forehead. "Say hi to him for me, will you?"

"I will," I said, nodding my head as I smiled a little, heading to the main door. "Bye, Mom."

"Be careful," she said as she followed me outside. She looked at Nate and waved. "Hi, Nate! Drive carefully, will you?"

He looked at my mom with a smile, waving back at her. "Hi Mama Parker," he greeted, calling her by the name he's called her since we were little. "I will," he promised.

"Hey," I said quietly as I got into his Volkswagen Golf. We waved at my mom until we were out of view.

Few minutes have passed and the car was silent. "Can I turn on the radio?" I questioned, just realizing that the radio wasn't turned on.

Nate looked at me for a moment and nodded. "Oh, yeah. You can," he said and I turned on the radio. "I'm sorry, I forgot."

"No, it's okay," I replied. The air in this car was unusually thick. I can't blame him for this. I slumped back in the seat and sighed. "We're going to Vera's first, right?"

"Of course," he hummed as he turned the wheels. Both of us were very silent throughout the whole trip. I kept my eyes on the window, admiring the green scenery with the orange sky that illuminated the trees.

It was eerily silent until Nate spoke, "Well, this is Vera's." I looked at the small vintage themed shop with many different types of flowers decorating the exterior of the shop. "It's been a while, huh?"

Both of us stepped out of his car and entered the small building. A small bell chimed, signaling that somebody has either entered or left the shop, and we were welcomed by Vera, the owner of the shop.

"Oh, Nate and Anna! It's been a while," she said sweetly as she hugged us.

Vera is a middle aged Indonesian woman who has run this shop for nearly a decade. She said that her parents moved to the States when she was six. We found her store one day, and she's been very kind to us since the first time we saw her. She insisted for us to call her by her first name.

"You look younger, Vera!" complimented Nate and I nodded along, agreeing with him. The last time we saw her, she had a long, gray hair that went to her waist. Now, she's chopped off her hair to her chin's length and colored it black.

She laughed as she thanked us. "How flattering, thank you, dear Nate," she said as she smiled widely, her dark eyes twinkling with sincerity. "You both look so grown up now! More good looking!"

"You're making me blush, Vera," I said, laughing.

She walked to the counter beside a young girl. "Oh, this is Lia, she's my granddaughter," Vera introduced the girl to us, she bowed her head slightly at us, brushing to the back of her ears as the fringe was covering her glasses. "She's just turned fifteen, so she's not too far from your age."

"Hey," Nate greeted and she greeted back quietly before going back to arrange the flowers.

Vera smiled slightly at their interaction. "Sorry, she's shy when meeting new people," she said sheepishly.

I smiled at Lia as she glanced at me. "No, I understand," I said at the same time as Nate said, "It's okay."

She pushed back her purple rimmed glasses in between the bridge of her nose and cleared her throat. "So, I'm guessing you're here today because," she started saying it hesitantly, gesturing to the direction where we were heading instead of saying it out loud. We nodded our heads as she looked at us sadly. "You'll take the usual?"

"Yes, Vera," I said, giving her a smile. "Thank you very much."

She went to pick some flowers and gave it to us. "Here you go," she said, handing the orchids to us, which Nate accepted. "You better get going now," she continued, surprising us. "He must be waiting for you."

Nate and I looked at each other for a while in confusion as she patted our backs. "B-but we haven't paid?" Nate said, or more like asked. Vera smiled genuinely as she shook her head.

"No, you don't have to," she said, and I hugged her. "It's his special day, isn't it?"

"Oh, thank you, Vera," Nate said genuinely and I also thanked her repeatedly.

She shook her head. "No, no," she insisted. "Go on! Happy birthday to him from me!"

We waved at her and her granddaughter as we exited the shop, the small bell on the door chiming as we exited. "She remembers," I said with a huge smile on my face.

He smiled at me too. "I know right," he agreed. "I'd never thought she would. It's been almost a year since we came, yet she still remembers our names and his birthday."

I smiled sadly, nodding at him. Nate unlocked the car and we both got in, going to our final destination.

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"We're here now," I muttered as Nate locked his car. I walked beside Nate as we entered the dark, metallic gate with the orchids on my hand. "A few years ago, I'd never thought we'd spend his seventeenth in here."

He nodded grimly. "Me too," he said in a whisper.

We walked silently only with sounds of nature and leaves crunching as we step on them. A few minutes later, we finally stopped to our destination.

I kneeled on the ground along with Nate as I brushed the leaves out. We put the orchids carefully as I spoke, "Hi. My mom said hi to you, too."

I stared at the gray headstone, standing strongly.

Asher Jay Martin
A loving son, friend, and family.
April 3, 1998 - July 19, 2011

Nate and I were silent for a moment as we just sat there, looking at the stone and each other repeatedly. I could see tears filling up in his eyes and I could feel mine filling up, too.

None of us bothered to speak up. I was already silently crying. Nate put his arm on my shoulder as he hugged me.

I closed my eyes for a moment before fluttering them back open. I've slightly calmed down and started to talk. "Hey, Asher," I said sadly. "You're seventeen now, huh?" a small chuckle escaped my lips.

"Nate's here with me, too, but I think you know that already. Oh, my parents, brothers, and even Vera wished you happy birthday. Isn't that nice of Vera even though you've never met her? She even gave us these orchids for free." Silence reply greeted me.

"Hey, Ash," Nate said, waving his hand to the headstone in front of us. "Happy birthday," he said sadly.

"I'd never thought we'd celebrate your birthday in here. I've always imagined you'd have a big party and all the kids from our school would be there. I thought that you'd be very popular when you got to high school."

I nodded my head. "I've also always imagined complaining about the noise one day since we're literally next door neighbors," I said, laughing shakily. I exhaled slowly. "The last time we visited you was on July last year, two months before starting our junior year.

"I thought we'd always be a group of three and we'd stick together through high school, but," I stopped abruptly, the familiar guilty feeling waving over me once again. "You didn't even make it to freshman year," I said, sobbing as I continued. Nate brought me closer to him and caressed my hair.

Nate cleared his throat. "Well, we're now a group of three, with Michelle," he said with a small smile. "Oh yeah, I have a good news for ya, Ash: I've finally got a girlfriend! Guess who's the lucky girl," he said excitedly, lifting my spirits up as I chuckled at him. He paused a few moments as if he's waiting for Ash to answer. "That's right! Michelle is the lucky girl," he exclaimed.

"I have finally had someone I could brag and call mine," he grinned at the headstone. I could imagine Asher standing in front of us, rolling his chocolate brown eyes as he congratulated Nate by ruffling his hair until it'd get very messy. "I remembered how'd you brag about having a girlfriend in middle school," he said, stopping abruptly as he remembered something and looked at me sheepishly.

I shrugged at him. "I was always annoyed when you announced you're taken," I told Asher honestly. "Heck, I was actually...jealous," I struggled the last word out of my mouth, actually confessing to him for the first time.

Nate smirked at me as his eyes widened. "I knew it!" he exclaimed as he jumped. "I knew it all along!"

Although that was years ago, I still felt embarrassed by it. "Whatever, it's in the past," I mumbled, pushing Nate slightly.

We fell silent once again as I stared at his name. "I wonder how'd you look like now," I muttered. "I've always imagined you being a popular but humble jock in high school."

"Me too. You'd probably be a football or basketball jock and still hang out with us, because if not, you knew that Anna and I would kick you out of the country," Nate chimed in, nodding his head. "Maybe you'd end up with Anna, but maybe not." I slapped his arm lightly. Nate suddenly exclaimed as if he remembered something.

"Maybe not, because maybe Anna has an eye for someone now," he said, smirking at me. "His name is Luke Cooper, he's just come here this year."

I scoffed. "No, I don't. Believe me, Ash!" I exclaimed at the headstone.

"I think Ash's up there, looking at you skeptically as he sarcastically says, 'Mhm,'" he said before sighing sadly. "If only you're not like this, we'd have so much fun teasing Anna," he muttered, looking at the headboard. "It feels incomplete without you."

It's funny how our emotions could change every second. One minute we're grieving and cry, the other we'd be laughing and reminiscing the memories we shared, and we'd be back to feeling regret and sadness.

Human's emotions are unutterable, it's very difficult to explain and understand.

I blinked rapidly as I looked back at the headstone. I was suddenly taken back in time to where I saw him in here for the first time.

I was in a huge denial. I cried so hard, not wanting to leave this place. I blamed everything that happened to him on me.

"I wish we could just turn back time and do something to prevent this," I heard Nate said, sighing as he touched Ash's headstone, breaking me from my thoughts.

Looking at Nate's brown eyes with pure sadness, I nodded. "Yeah, I wish we could."

He looked at me for a few moments before breaking the stare as he cracked a smile. "You know, Ash would tell us off for being too sad and sappy," he said, chuckling at the moments where Nate and I were too dramatic and he'd get annoyed by us.

Nate glanced at the grave in front of us. "I'm so sorry, Ash. I-I just wish you'd come back. I'd do anything; we'd do anything to make you come back," he said, kneeling as he touched the headstone. "We won't annoy you or anything. It just- This still feels like a dream. I don't believe this."

The guilty feeling was still inside me, and it was getting larger. I feel blamed. I'm the one to blame.

I blinked rapidly, trying to fight off the tears that were once again forming in my eyes. I couldn't describe what I'm feeling at the moment. If I didn't do what I did, I wouldn't be seeing Nate or myself or Asher's family like this.

Then I started to break down as I embraced the headstone. "I'm so sorry, Ash. I'm really, really, really sorry," I said repeatedly, crying as my tears fell to the stone. "I should've done something to prevent this. I'm so sorry. You do not deserve this."

Nate put his hand gingerly on my shoulder. "Anna," he started as he sighed. "It's not your fault. It's already been planned by the One up there," he continued, gesturing to the sky above us.

I shook my head. "I could've done something to prevent this, Nate," I said, gesturing to his grave. "If it wasn't for my stupid character and jealousy, it wouldn't end up like this."

His brown eyes looked at mine with sincerity. "It's not your fault, Anna. What you did was right," he said with a smile before it faltered. "He just didn't realize it."

His eyes flickered to Asher. "Nothing can be done now. We can't bring him back to life," he said as he sighed.

I embraced Nate into a long hug, which he returned back as we mourned at our friend. "He's an idiot, you know?" Nate said suddenly and I looked at him muzzily.

"Why?" I questioned.

He managed a small laugh as he sadly replied, "For leaving the both of us first."

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We've spent quite a long time here. We filled Asher with what's happening around school and other things that's been happening around although maybe he's known that first.

Nate and I both talked about lots of the memorable times the three of us did and before we know it, the sky was getting darker and it was a shade of purple.

He seemed to notice it too as he spoke, "I'm sorry that we spent your birthday not like how we or probably you imagined it to be, but Anna and I had a great time today despite the flood we created by our eyes."

I smiled at Nate. "Hope you had fun like we have, Ash. Maybe you're having a birthday bash up there with amazing people who've left Earth," I said, slightly chuckling at the thought of Asher singing along with Michael Jackson and rapping with Tupac. "I guess we've better get going now, we don't want to delay your bash."

We both stood up, brushing all the dirts and leaves that clung onto our clothes. "We'll see you soon, Ash," said Nate as he patted his headstone.

"Say hi to Christina Grimmie for me!" I exclaimed, smiling sadly at the thought of my two favorite people leaving this planet very early.

I quickly hugged his headstone before Nate and I walked back to the parking lot, once again passing many headstones.

"I wonder if these people are still being visited by their friends and families during their special days," I muttered and Nate hummed.

"If not, I actually feel bad," he answered. "Ash's a lucky guy, we'll always come here at least twice a year, won't we?"

I nodded my head. "Yes. It's a promise."

The sound of the dry leaves cracking and the wind making the fences rustle filled in our silence.

Looking around the grave, some of them actually still looked new, with green grass and lots of bouqets on top of them. It just made me sad, knowing these are all people who has left Earth.

I heard Nate sighing and I turned to him. "Is it weird for me to say that I'm actually feeling better than when we first came here?" I shook my head.

"I actually sort of felt the same way," I told him and he smiled at me. "Visiting Asher whether in flesh or in here, it'll always be comforting."

Nate hummed in agreement.

Exiting the graveyard, I noticed a white car was parked mear Nate's car, meaning that we're now not the only ones in here.

As we approached Nate's Volkswagen, a young girl hopped out of the white car along with a familiar looking couple.

I noticed the brown haired woman carrying a small basket looked at me and as she come closer, my eyes widened as she motioned to me and hugged me.

"Oh my God, is that you, Anna, Nate?" Mom Martin cried as she also hugged Nate. "You both look so grown up!"

She hasn't really changed that much since I last saw her. The only thing that's changed was probably the brightness in her when she still had her son.

Same with her husband, although his hair which used to be light brown was now greying.

I shifted awkwardly as I looked at my best friend's mother. His dad approached us and he embraced me to a hug, too.

"How've you been?" he asked.

"Fine, John," I said with a smile as I recalled when he told me to call him by his first name, which I had a nickname for Ash's mom, Mom Martin. "How about you? I haven't seen you in quite a long time."

The Martins moved not too long after Asher was gone. I've always thought they were angry and blamed me for what happened to their son.

I was genuinely surprised to be seeing them embracing me just like when Ash was still here.

I saw the younger girl standing beside her dad. "Is that Jenna?" I asked, shocked to see her. Jenna is Ash's younger sister. They look so much alike and I can't believe she's all grown up. She's the same age as James.

Jenna looked at me and nodded, but she looked a little confused. Maybe she barely remembered me. I aprroached her, "Hi, Jenna. Maybe you've forgot about me. I'm Anna, I used to be your neighbor."

She blinked a few times as her big, doe hazel eyes looked at me and Nate. "This is Nate," I told her, gesturing to him and he waved.

She looked like she realized something as she let an 'oh'. "You're Belle?"

I froze slightly when she called me Belle. I never thought she'd remember that. I smiled widely at her and nodded. "Yes, I'm Belle!" I said, embracing her to a hug.

Mom Martin appeared beside her and she smiled at our little interaction. "You came today for his birthday?" she asked as she smiled softly.

Nate and I nodded. "Thank you so much," she said, her hazel eyes showed sincerity.

We shook our heads. "We visit him every year on his birthday, Mama," Nate said as he smiled. "We just never met."

John smiled as he nodded his head in appreciation. "Thank you so much," he said.

I shook my head, trying to get rid of the guilt that has come back in me. "You don't need to thank us, John."

Nate looked at his watch and cleared his throat. "We should get going and it's getting dark. We don't want to delay your visit," he said politely as I nodded my head.

Mom Martin nodded her head in understand along with her husband. "Alright," she said softly. "Have a safe ride home, you both. Please send our regards to your parents."

Nate and I nodded our heads and promised to send the regards to them.

They actually stayed to say goodbye to us as we got out of the parking lot.

I sighed as Nate stirred the wheel. I looked out the windows, not wanting Nate to see me having tears on my face again. I just couldn't help to feel guilty for all of these.

If only...

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Hello, hope you guys enjoyed this emotional but long chapter! It was kind of hard for me to write.. I hope it's not too dramatic or anything. Like as I always say, critics are welcomed here!

Votes are very very appreciated here! <3

Wow, 3300+ words written on this chapter! Oh, and thank you for nearly reaching 20k reads! I'm so excited! Currently we're at 19.8k :))

I'll see you soon ;)

question: how do you guys think i look like? i want to know!
e.i: i have natural purple eyes, i'm half unicorn and half martian? my hair is a natural color of blue.
comment on how you think i look like! (though i probably won't be answering your comments to confirm ;))