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Unwavering Trauma (Ciel Phantomhive x reader)

Anime: Black Butler
Requested by: @lookincooljoker5

(Y/n)'s POV

Watching the wandering guests, I stood unnoticed and contempt in the corner beside a small indoor plant. Its long leaves kept me hidden from the rest of society, where I was happy to stay...for as long as I lived.

"May I have this dance, Lady (Y/n)?" Ciel asked with a bow, extending his hand towards me.
"I...I'd be honoured."

I hesitantly took his hand before letting him lead me to the balcony, where the cool night air brushed against our skin. The slow music filtered through the gap in the slightly open glass doors but neither of us paid attention to it.

I had a world inside my head. Everyone else was nonexistent in this fantasy, save for the young earl standing in front of me. He flashed the quickest yet gentlest of smiles my way, evoking a flutter of butterflies in my stomach.

Letting him guide me in the dance, I allowed my anxieties and fears to fade away for the time being. It was as if Ciel held the antidote to my poison, the happiness to my sorrow.

"Are you still afraid of them?" he asked quietly.
"...of course I am..."
"They're only humans, just like you and me. They can't hurt you, I won't let them. The incident regarding your parents...it won't happen again."
"I...hope so..."

He stopped dancing before pulling me into a hug, placing a gentle kiss against my forehead. My heart melted at the mere thought of him caring for someone such as myself. I could feel warm tears well up in my eyes.

"You're fine. Nothing's going to happen," he reassured me.
"Thank you...thank you so much..."

I was suddenly pulled away from his embrace as a group of assassins held me in their grasp. The rush of air hit my face as they jumped off the balcony, leaving me helpless and unable to even force out a scream.

I could hear Ciel screaming my name but it did nothing to stop my kidnappers. The trembling of my body refused to calm down, undoubtedly trying to dispel the fear that threatened to cloud my judgement and bring about the nightmares that never left my side.

~Some time later~

Backed into the corner of this dimly-lit room, I hugged my knees despite the wrinkles that formed in my (f/c) gown. The soft material crumbled beneath my tight grip but I was too preoccupied with the traumas from my parents' unexpected personas to care.

"If it isn't my cute niece..."
"A-aunty, what are you doing here? Did those men kidnap you as well? We have to-"
"No, you've got it all wrong, (Y/n). I hired them to do that. My sister (your mum) would've thanked me for this if she was still here."
"No, you cannot possibly-"
"Re-enact your parents' accident? Oh but I can."
"...why?..."
"Because I hate you. I want to see you broken! Why did you have to survive?! Why did my sister have to die?!"
"...I'm sorry for not...saving mother..."
"You should be. Now prepare for your punishment."

*gulp* She left the room while three armed men took her place. They each held pistols and knives in their hands, all aimed at me. I dared not to breathe for fear that they'd take even the slightest sound as a sign of offence.

Bang! One bullet aimed right above my head. I screamed. Bang! Another beside my body. Suddenly, two figures ran in...two figures resembling my parents down to the last detail.

"M-mother...f-father..."
"Hmph, here to save your precious daughter? You don't stand a chance. Give up and we'll spare you," said the tallest of the three men.
"...give up...saving our daughter?" father asked softly.
"N-no, father. Please..."
"I don't see why not," exclaimed mother, who had a crazed look in her eyes.
"*laughs* You hear that, (Y/n)? We don't love you, we don't need you. You're useless, useless I say!" father added, a hint of insanity in his expression.
"Please, I'd gladly let you kill my daughter," mother said.

Although this was all fake, I couldn't help but feel as if a bullet had been shot through my heart. They had always cared about me...always...

One of the men shot my mother in her stomach but instead of the usual scream one'd expect, she began laughing...laughing like a madwoman. I cowered in fear and watched as the same happened to my father.

Tears slid down my cheeks as they dragged my mother by her hair before placing a pistol in her mouth. I squeezed my eyes shut, waiting for the killing to end...for all this insanity to end.

Please...not again...I didn't want to drown in their blood. I didn't want to become their crazy daughter...I...wanted to disappear. Quiet sobs escaped my mouth as I waited for this nightmare to end.

"(Y/n)..."
"Ciel?..."

I could feel arms wrap around my body as I was lifted off the ground. Gathering the courage to open my eyes, I looked up to see Sebastian flash a smile towards me. Ciel stood beside him, a stoic expression on his face.

~Back at the Phantomhive manor~

Ciel immediately pulled me into a tight hug, his face buried in my hair. I could hear his heartbeat from where I was, feeling myself calm down just by knowing that he was always by my side.

Tears threatened to fall as he pulled me closer. I held back a sob. He already had several burdens placed upon his small shoulders...I couldn't add more to that weight...

"You can cry, nobody will judge. Don't hide your feelings any more..."
"Ciel..."
"Don't worry about me. I'll be fine so please...let me know what you're feeling. I want to help you."

This time, I couldn't hold back the tears. Clutching onto his shirt, I let them fall. All that could be heard were my quiet sobs as I cried, unable to contain my anxious feelings.

"I'm sorry..."
"(Y/n), I won't let that happen again. I don't want...you to disappear from my life...like everyone else..." he whispered, where it was so quiet till the point I had to strain my ears to hear his words.
"Ciel, I'm sorry if I ever hurt you. I wouldn't ever leave this place. It holds all my good memories."
"I'm...glad to hear that."

He pulled away to inspect my face before using his thumbs to wipe my tears away. I caught the sorrow in his eyes along with the quick smile he only allowed me to see.

"Young master, I have your afternoon tea. May I enter?" Sebastian asked.
"*sigh* Yes, come in," he replied curtly.
"Your face is unusually red today, young master. Do you have a fever?" the tall demon asked, although I could detect the humour behind his words.
"S-shut up!"

I giggled, making the two males look my way. How glad I was...to be able to call this place my home.

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