"A mother's love is something

That no one can explain,

It is made of deep devotion,

And of sacrifice and pain,

It is endless and unselfish

And enduring come what may

For nothing can destroy it

Or take that love away."

Alexia numbly listened to the poem. She knew this poem—it was written by Helen Steiner Rice and the poem had never affected her in any way. Yet she found herself affixed with the words, the hollow feeling in her stomach stretching out to a point where it started to hurt.

Everything hurt.

She obtained a splitting headache, the migraine clouding all of her thoughts, keeping her from saying anything. Even if she wanted to, she didn't know how to. Opening her mouth to speak had become an obstacle, and once her mouth had opened it was a struggle to actually use her voice and say something. It was like she had forgotten how to talk.

So she kept her mouth closed. Not a single sound left her lips, throat, mouth, whatever you want to call it. There was a never-ending solemn expression on her face, her eyes glazy and indistinct, looking like she was sleeping with her eyes open. On top of that she was dealing with oppressive stomach pains and soreness in every part of her body. Alexia simply felt obscured, drabbed and drained. Taking a beating from the strongest person in the universe would hurt less than enduring this.

Everyone around her was just as used up. Dominic barely visited the house since it happened, he stayed with Carina and Toby at his place all week. This was the first time Alexia saw his face again—and she really wished she hadn't. Dominic was pale, shoulders sagging and an unreadable expression dominating his face.

This applied to all three of her older brothers, for that matter. None of them showed any emotion, but Alexia knew the suffering they were going through. Stefano came home drunk every night, a smirk on his face and a woman by his side, but his eyes were dark. Nothing helped against the pain, not alcohol and not sex, and he knew it.

Teo spent his days with Maya, because apparently they'd patched things up. Maya had told Alexia that all they did was cuddle, that Teo hadn't shed a tear once and that she was worried about that fact, but Alexia was not surprised in any way. It was difficult for her brothers to show a sign of their mental state, especially after something like this happened.

Poor Freddie had no idea what was happening. Emilio tried explaining it, but Freddie didn't want to hear it. All he wanted was his mommy, and he couldn't comprehend that she wasn't coming back.

How could he? The kid is only five years old.

Catalina cried all day, she cried during dinner and she cried during breakfast, she cried on her way to the mall and she cried while watching television. She cried all day and nobody cared because Cat cried for all of them, she cried for all of the siblings that had no idea how to express their grief. She yelled and cursed, stomp footed and kicked objects. She had to let it out, it didn't matter in what way.

Emilio tried to keep everyone together. He made sure the business continued the way it did, fed all of his children even if it had to be done with force, made sure everyone carried on with their daily cycle and restricted Alexia and Teo to go to college like nothing had happened.

But Alexia had heard. She had heard the muffled cries that came out of—now only—his bedroom and the pleading begs to take his life and give them back hers. It was all in vain, of course, because Florencia Valdez was dead and she was not coming back.

Alexia croaked out a whimper, a lump forming in her throat. Every time she thought about it, the pain got worse.

"Catalina, stop reading that shit out loud." Stefano demanded, his eyes dark and dull, lifelessly sitting on the couch. He was staring at the wall.

"Leave me alone, Stefano." Cat snivelled, showcasing bloodshot and swollen eyes, a dozen of used tissues resting on the ground by her feet.

It must've been Damian. Florencia was helping Jason, and Damian found out about it. Alexia was quick to blame him, but although she wasn't 100% sure, there was no one else with a motive.

"It's just that, we don't all want to hear that depressing crap, you know?" Stefano countered, no emotion in his voice whatsoever. Cat sniffed, holding back a sob. "Well, what do you want to hear?" her voice came out shaky.

Jason.

Alexia needed him now.

"Nothing! Just shut up, you're depressing everyone. Even Lex looks like she's about to burst out in tears any second."

"Keep me out of this," Alexia snarled, irascibility spiking up. Annoyance was the first thing she sensed when Stefano decided to talk to her. She was still effectively maddened that he didn't tell her about sending Jason away, and him not even bothering to apologize wasn't helping either. Stefano was aware, but he didn't seem to be interested.

Perhaps it was the death of their mother that was on his mind.

Her stomach gnawed again and she clutched it, gritting her teeth. Taking deep breaths, she felt how she slowly became light headed again and closed her eyes. They burned, but she didn't cry. She couldn't cry. She had cried often, but somehow the tears wouldn't fall this time around. Maybe because it was serious, maybe because she didn't believe it, but it appeared to be impossible for her to cry over her dead mother.

It was uncanny silent and Alexia stood up. She caught both Stefano's and Cat's attention, but neither asked where she was going. Instead, they peered at the door, eyeing the person that had walked in.

Of course, the person turned out to be Damian, and Alexia froze in her spot. For once he wasn't wearing a suit but sweatpants and a shirt. Despite the dark circles under his eyes, he looked appeased—smug even.

It disgusted her. He disgusted her. Every part of her body loathed him endlessly. Her hands burned with the salacity to smack him into his grave. He's killed two people so far, both to mess with Jason's aptitude, but little did he know that getting rid of Florencia would change everything. So far no one has suspected him but Alexia, but she vowed to change that. Quite frankly she didn't understand how he could harm her mother when previously they were bosom friends.

His delirious gaze fell on her and he pressed his lips into a tight smile, approaching her. Alarm bells went off in Alexia's head and she hesitantly took a step back, reluctantly veering herself closer to Stefano. Mad or not, he was still her bigger brother and if she needed protection or felt unsafe, he was the one.

Stefano stiffened and locked his jaw, a grunt emitting his lips.

"What? I can't even be near my fiancée now?" Damian gabbed, his eyebrows downing on his eyes. Stefano clacked his tongue disapprovingly, grabbing Alexia's arm roughly. "You can be near her as long as she wants you nearby."

"What the hell? I am suffering from Florencia's death more than half of you guys are, and you decide to treat me like this?"

Stefano tensed and rose to his feet, "Don't fucking speak of her, insensitive dick."

Cat let out a sob, which caused Stefano to even get more worked up. Alexia didn't care, all she wanted was to leave the room without having to talk to Damian. Every time she looked at him she was being reminded of Bumper, her mom and Jason.

Her mom. Dead.

Her abdomen clenched together and she eventually felt her eyes water and her gaze glazing, her heart sinking to her stomach while the food she'd consumed hours ago threatened to come up.

"Are you okay?" Stefano turned around, fretfully trying to comfort her as she doubled over, now suddenly seeing two Damian's standing in front of her instead of one. It didn't matter—as long as he didn't come closer, which he did. Her throat closed and she frowned, stepping back as much as Stefano let her. "Go away!" she yelled.

Damian stood still, perplexed.

"You heard her, go the fuck away." Stefano snapped, his arms still trying to hold up Alexia. She struggled out of his grip, panic rushing to her head. "I fucking hate you!"

"Alexia, baby,"

"No! You killed her! You killed them all! I will not let you hurt him!" Alexia pried herself away from Stefano and stumbled towards the door, bitterness darkening her face. There was no way she would act like all was fine, not to Damian, not to her brothers, not to anyone. Nothing was fine.

Everything was wrong.

"Wait, Alexia, where are you going?" Stefano caught up with her, finally showing some emotion as worry found itself in his words. She vigorously grabbed the door knob and pulled it open with much force, the fresh air slipping in her nostrils. Without acknowledging her brother she waltzed out, heading for her car. Stefano didn't give up as he continued following her, "I'm serious, where do you think you're going?"

"Out." She sharply replied.

"Where? You are in no state to go 'out' on your own."

Alexia let out a strangled noise, "I need to get out of this place. Everyone and everything reminds me of her."

"Fuck!" Stefano's entire face shifted, his eyebrows furrowing and his jaw locking. His shoulders slumped and he let himself lean against the side of her car. Alexia pegged, looking at her brother in confusion. His complete demeanor sunk as his shoulders started to tremble. She felt a tug pull at the core of her insides, incomprehensible anguish dashing through her body. Was he... was he crying?

Her oldest brother, the one who had no care in the world, the most combative and casual person she knew, crying?

Her breathing hitched in her throat and she hesitantly took a step closer to Stefano, feeling nothing but sadness.

"Stef..." she whispered, gently putting a hand on his shoulder. He instantly looked up, his eyes narrowed and a single tear wiggled down his cheek. "Fuck," he mumbled again, forcibly brushing the tear away. "She's dead, man."

Alexia nodded, though she felt her insides clutch together again. Stefano covered his face with his hands, "She's dead!"

"Stef,"

"She's fucking dead Alexia, dead!" and with that, he fell to his knees and puffed out a breath before a sob left his lips, causing Alexia's heart to break into a million pieces. This was her brother, for God's sake, breaking down in her front of her.

Damian broke Jason. Damian broke Stefano. Damian broke the entire family. Damian broke all of them. Damian broke Alexia.

Overwhelmed with such pain and sorrow, Alexia knelt down and wrapped her arms around Stefano, crying with him.

Because really, that's all she could do. Cry.

-

Feeling empty and cleft, Alexia waited for the door to open. The Alarcon house was familiar to her, as she had visited enough times during many occasions. Her gaze was blurred, her insides twisted and her lungs felt jammed in her throat.

The door opened and Claudia came into view, taken by surprise as she stared at Alexia. She easily stepped back and opened the door further so Alexia could walk in.

As if on cue, Jason ran down the stairs.

A painful ripple went through her heart, her knees weakening at the sight of him; alive and well. She knew he was alive, she had seen him just days ago, yet there was a gleam of fear and without even realizing it, Alexia had driven all the way to Boston. He looked like he had just woken up—which he probably had. Jason walked over to her right away, his jaw hardening but his arms widening, and she gratefully skipped into his arms.

His body heat enveloped her, whispering soothing words into her ear as he tucked her as tight as possible. Their warring energies were locked like missiles on their target, both too consumed by the other to even react to the other person standing in the hallway. Alexia wiped her tears and sniffled, but the misery felt like a steel weight.

"I've always been a bitch to her," she cried, her voice shaking. Jason hummed, tightening his arms around her petite posture, "Mhm,"

Alexia continued bawling in his arms as he held her, listening to all the vents she had to let out. Without a warning, he swung her up in his arms and carried her up the stairs, still whispering consoling words. Alexia grabbed a fistful of his shirt, her tears never stopping with streaming. It was as if she could finally let out all the waterworks she was unable to release ever since she found out about her mother's passing. It had been days, and now it seemed like she was catching up with all of those cry-less days.

Jason carefully put her down on a bed, one she assumed was his. He joined her on the bed, leaning against the wall as he hoisted her onto his lap, his arms cloaking around her again.

"It's just," she whimpered sniffing, "I'm-m-m, s-s-s-she's my mom, you know?"

He gently stroked her arms and back, "Take a deep breath, baby."

She did. Jason softly backed her, whispering, "Good. Try to stay calm, love. Don't stop breathing,"

Alexia wailed, looking him straight in the eyes. "She's dead, Jase..." Tears blurred her gaze and rolled over her cheeks, her stomach constricting in utmost pain. She inhaled sharply, a lament of suffering coming out of her mouth, and Jason now knit his eyebrows together in confusion, looking at her stomach. "Are you okay?"

"N-no,"

"I mean your stomach, are you in physical pain?"

She nodded. He looked uncertain, tenderly looking at Alexia as he gently slid a hand in her shirt, caressing her abdomen. His big, warm hand meekly touched her skin as he rubbed her lengthwise, desperately wanting her to feel better. Alexia gasped at the touch, tranquillity taking over her body.

"Am I hurting you? Are you still in pain?" his voice sounded miserable.

"Don't stop," she murmured, calming down. For the past days she's been suffering greatly from these abdominal cramps, not knowing what was going on, but somehow Jason seemed to be the solution to everything.

He didn't stop. Her systems kicked into overdrive, her eyes closing as she tried to imagine a world without Damian, a world where she and Jason could be together with no complications.

"Remember when I was about to move to LA, and we were making up baby names?"

Jason grunted, "Yes."

Her fear had grown and festered, it was overwhelming. Her head spun faintly because Alexia didn't understand why it was so hard for her and Jason to be together. "I'm nauseous," she mumbled.

"Why did you ask?"

"Jason, I'm going to fucking throw up."

When the realization hit him, he immediately heaved her up and scorned to the bathroom, never uttering a word.

Alexia vomited and barfed so much there was no other terminology to name what she was doing. It felt like they had been in the bathroom for hours as she threw up—what felt like—all of her organs. Jason looked at her with clear, observant eyes. The first thirty minutes he had held up her hair and rubbed her back, but after that he gave up and just tied her hair together with a rubber band, seating himself next to her as he watched her.

She didn't understand the look that was on his face, but she didn't have much time for that anyway.

"Is it over?" His voice suddenly rasps. Alexia nodded, though she was not sure. The guttural whisper prickled across her skin and her body naturally perked up.

Her eyes hold his, and the possessive glimmer in his gaze bullets through her.

"I think it is." She added, because he didn't respond to her nod and she didn't know whether he had seen it or not.

Jason just continued looking at her.

Alexia broke their eye contact, looking down. She shouldn't have, because her shirt was plastered to her chest, little chunks of whatever it was that she had regurgitated in the toilet all over the fabric. Nausea flailed her again, but she didn't throw up.

Jason seemed to notice. "Let's get you cleaned up," he gruffly murmured, rising to his feet. Alexia was about to, but Jason beat her to it as he swathed his arms under her armpits and pulled her up, hauling her to the shower.

He propped her against the wall and quickly retreated back to the toilet, flushing it before he walked over to her again. Alexia let it happen, she felt weak and numb.

Her mind reeled as Jason slowly started undressing her, discarding her shirt and her shoes. He then knelt down, prying her socks off. Alexia stared at his muscular back until he got up again to unbuckle her belt and pull down her jeans. He avoided her eyes at all costs and wrapped an arm around her hips tightly, lifting her up like a baby so he could bring off her jeans. Putting her on the ground again, his hands roamed over her skin so he could unclasp her bra.

Once he had, he easily slid her bra off and threw that on the pile of clothes in the corner of the bathroom. Without hesitating, he hooked his fingers into her panties and glided them down. Alexia felt self conscious as she was now fully naked and he was fully clothed.

"Get in the shower." He ordered, and she obeyed by staggering into the shower, patiently waiting for him to join her. Jason put off all of his clothes as well and stepped in, closing the curtain.

They were both naked, staring at each other. There was a certain vibe surrounding the two and they both felt it. Jason put on the water, gathering Alexia by his side and away from the showerhead. Cold water began streaming out of it and Alexia leaned into Jason's side.

When the water got warm, Jason let her go again and she jaunted under it, her hair smoothing and her body dampening. Jason got wet too, driblets of water sliding down his jaw. Her sex clenched.

He's so beautiful.

He grabbed the soap and started soaping up her naked flesh. Alexia swallowed as he watched his own hands work between her legs, his fingers curling and lathering up her breasts, his thumbs rubbing soap over her nipples.

He goes around then, and gently soaps her back.

Alexia frowned, "Jase," she muttered, not pleased by how it sounded more like a moan. Jason looked up, briefly meeting her eyes but then persisting cleaning her up. He had an erection, but he paid it no attention. Alexia, however, couldn't keep her eyes off of him.

"Hm?"

"I'm..." she stammered, at a loss for words. She didn't know what she wanted to say, she didn't know how to express her feelings. Jason looked up again, but his hands never stopped soaping her sensitive skin. "You're what?"

She puffed out a breath. "I just..."

He slid his fingers over her ass, still rinsing her. She expected a pat, a squeeze even, but Jason did no such thing as he professionally lowered and scrubbed her thighs. "You just...?"

Alexia put a hand on his chest, disorientated. Why wasn't he touching her? Why wasn't he showing her any affection? She was aware he was touching her, but his touch was simple—no feelings showing.

She just wanted him to react, so she put another hand on his lower back. He looked up, "What?"

"What do you mean, what?"

"You were saying something. Say it." Jason restlessly hissed, his hands now stopping with grasping her body. Alexia looked at him speechlessly, not knowing what to say or do.

"Well?"

Tears sprung to her eyes and his face softened.

"I just want you to love me!" she cried, puzzled to where this suddenly came from. Jason put the soap away and cloaked his arms around her, pulling her closer. His eyes were wide as he gruffly whispered, "But I do love you."

"Why won't you touch me?" she snivelled, his words flaming her heart. Jason tucked a strand of wet hair behind her ear, "I was touching you."

"No, you weren't. Not really."

He sighed and pressed his lips against hers. She longingly wrapped her arms around his neck, the feeling of his damp, plump lips arousing every piece of her. Jason let out a low, pleased growl as she deepened the kiss.

Alexia heard their breaths and her own rapid heartbeat and moaned into the kiss. His mouth was primal and raw, deliciously rough.

Something was up with him, she was sure now. Jason was never rough unless something was going on or he was intensely turned on—which she doubted.

Her concerned thoughts flew away the second he left her mouth to kiss her neck.

-

"I'm going to call one of your brothers so they can pick you up." Jason stated, his thumb mindlessly drawing circles on Alexia's cheeks. She knit her eyebrows together, "Why?"

"Because you can't drive yourself home. Not like this. It's a four hours drive, Alex." He replied.

After the intense shower, Jason had lend her his clothes and they had backtracked to his guest room. They'd simply cuddled, too engulfed with the other to do anything else. Felix and Claudia hadn't bothered to come up and see what was going on, but Alexia sensed that that may have been because they didn't know how to act around her. She was, of course, Emilio Valdez' daughter and with her mom's passing most of the people didn't know how to act around her. They were afraid that she'd react just like her brothers did once her mom was brought up—aggressive.

But she wouldn't. She was too exhausted, too drained.

Her gut clenched together at the reminder and she unintentionally made herself small, so small that Jason noticed and started rubbing her stomach again.

"I don't want to leave."

"Well, you can't stay here forever. I'm pretty sure you have college tomorrow."

"Screw that!"

"No," he kissed her temple, "at least one of us should graduate. You're smart, don't let this fuck up your life. I know it sounds stupid right now, especially because it's so recent, but I'm sure you can do this."

Alexia sighed, pleasured by his hand on her stomach. Every time he did that, the pain went away, and every time he left, it came back. "I can't go, I can't be without you. You're the only thing that works when I get those cramps."

Jason clenched his jaw line. "About that, you should go and get it checked out."

"I don't have to, you're here."

"But I'm not always." He looked away. Alexia ignored his comment, her finger trailing the tattoos on his arm until she reached the little wave and stopped, tracing it. It was dazzling, especially considering the memory behind it.

"Alexia, I'm serious. Who do you want me to call?"

"No one."

"If you won't choose I will."

There was a silence, and Alexia continued stroking his arms, not giving him the answer he wants to hear. Jason grunted, "Fine." And grabbed his phone.

He tapped his finger against the screen until satisfied and then put the phone to his ear, remotely brushing her abdomen. Alexia just let it happen, knowing that even if she was going to be picked up, it would still take hours for that person to show up.

"Teo? It's me. Alexia is—yeah she's here alright. No she's... yeah she's fine. I think she's a little sick, if I were you I'd take her to see a doctor. Yeah. I don't think she's able to drive, yeah it'd be smart if you could pick her up. Okay, yeah sure. Alright. See you in a bit Teo. Bye." He hung up.

"Teo will be here in a few hours."

"I heard." Alexia rolled her eyes. Jason gritted his teeth, yanking her closer, "Don't roll your eyes at me."

She rolled her eyes again but pecked his cheek, looking at him in admiration. "Jason?"

"Yes?"

"Do you miss your parents?" Now that she'd lost her mother, Alexia was very well aware of how Jason must feel. He has a good relationship with his folks and has two siblings too, but he wasn't able to see them because of her.

Guilt rushed through her veins. Fuck.

"So much." He whispered, surprised by her question. Alexia swallowed uncomfortably, interlacing her fingers with his. "I'm sorry." She murmured.

Jason shrugged. "What for? You're not the reason I can't see them."

"But I am."

"No," he sharply spat, "you're not. I am the reason that I can't see them. Get that through your little head."

Alexia sighed again and cupped his face, "Why won't you go visit them?"

"Because Stefano ordered me not to."

"So what?"

He kept silent and his eyes widened in realization as it hit him—Alexia knew that it was hitting him. He had secretly been visiting her for weeks now, and nothing happened. She was sure that if he'd make his parents promise that they wouldn't tell a soul, nothing would happen.

"I guess..." he doubted.

It seemed like Jason would be back in New York City very soon.

Was that smart though?

----

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