Dirty.

That's how I felt, lying under the pearl white blanket, wearing lacy night dress and hearing his regural snorting. Trapped in his tanned arms I lay awake thinking, the gold watch hands striking midnight. 

Back in the Safe Centre, ironically named place where humans, children in their fourteens, were held captive before upcoming trades, I met an orphan girl, Timea: thin blonde with lively esmerald eyes and repertoire full of captivating fairytales. Deep in night, when the guards, elderly looking wolfs, fell asleep, every child, including me, gathered around her, longing for whispers of magical stories about foreign countries, legendary creatures and love: true, absolute love.

One day, the Sun still hanging high in the cloudless sky, Timea was summoned by the command of gatekeepers, next second Timea's scream was heard from afar, echoing through the loneliness of irony cells. And then, after minutes soaked by misery, loud gunshot established funeral silence. We were confused and scared, sitting on the freezing concrete, carefully listening to the sounds outside the massive metallic door and waiting. Waiting for another story to be told.

But it never came.

Timea never came back.

Later, after a few months, I learned what happened to her, overhearing a conversation between the guards, while leaning against the wall. Mateless wolf bought her in delusion of his own pleasure, forcing her to tame the beast inside his mad mind, but Timea refused to submit, to become a possession for lonely wolf and in the act of fighting for herself, lost own life. Her corpse lying in the mass of others, equally protesting humans.

She was a fighter.

Not me.

Myths that Beta's family loved so dearly weren't mine, they were hers. 

I wondered what would Timea say, if she saw me like this: pathetic woman overpowered by delirious wolf, blinded by strong feeling of hatred, but weak enough to not stand up for herself, for all of the humans. Maybe, after knowing what my father did to me, she would understand the reason behind the sacrifice I agreed to, the choice I have made. And maybe not. But the truth was, even after what that monster did to me, I haven't regretted my decision, not only for a once.

„Why are you up so early?" It was five o'clock.

The Alpha asked again. „Have you slept at all?"

„No," I turned my head aside, facing him.

Feather like touch tingled my cheek. I didn't flinch or shiver. My trying was over. The damage was already done.

He took a deep breath in the want of speaking, but I outpaced him. „I kept my promise," sighing slightly I continued „Now keep yours."

Beast chuckled. „Your part in this contract haven't been fulfilled yet."

I looked up. Confusion radiating from me. „W-what do you mean?"

„Not only your body is mine to claim," long fingers trailed to my left breast, tapping skin above the beatings of my pulse. „Your heart is supposed to be mine as well."

I shook my head sharply. „I haven't promised you that."

Alpha's smirk widened even more. ,,Did you really think, that it all ended with yesterday?"

 „No, Alpha."

„Good," wolf's nasty breath stroked feminine features, „bacause," feeling of nausea building up deep in the walls of my empty stomach, „yesterday was only a beginning." and with these words leisurely disappearing into early morning orangeness, the Alpha kissed me: slimy, repulsively, possessively...like the predator licking sweet fresh blood of the newly killed prey.

I squeaked a little, when he started to get on top of me, not willing to release my reddish lips. „Kiss me, moon," desperate growling tore through the bedroom. „Kiss me back."

Not wanting to, I lay there, under him, unmoved: prepared to endure upcoming primal act, not participate in it. Sex – vaginal, oral and anal – or self-pleasuring were always sexual desires I have never thought of as pleasant rather disgusting - idea of body fluids mixing and dangerous diseases spreading was replaying in my head every time I heard word capulating. Yesterday's night's agony hand in hand with the feeling of soreness in my insides convinced me, that sex was only a painful ordeal woman like me could survive by loosing herself in the far away lands existing in her imagination. Maybe, just maybe, loving someone, loving the Alpha, would make it less intolerable, but knowing nothing more, I couldn't tell.

Love – feeling of hopeful warmness – I have never experienced, brought a question – overly rough to be asked aloud, but remarkably simple to be answered.

Could a woman, more so human, love a mad wolf, creature within delirious fettle?

No. Never.

„Why. You. Do. Not. Want. Me," thoughts of mine absorbed by the beast's thundering howl, his rough palms squeezing my throat's veins.

„Because," silencing for a while, I steadied my breath, „love can't be forced."

In that moment, everything stopped: Alpha's dominating grasp on my skin covered in the goosebumps loosened, weight of his body left mine, monster's presence missing. Heaviness of the truth probably too suffocating for him to swallow.

Relief possessed me in a dangerous way, blocking all of my senses with the false happiness of the recently interrupted sexual assault – reason explaining distraction of mine from the beast's return, till steel coldness brushed against my ankle.

„W-what are you doing?!"

Glimpse of the metal chain changing me into wild, screaming and kicking chaos. The mad wolf painfully bore his claws deep into my flesh while holding me still, chaining already bruised ankle to the bed.

„Showing you," Alpha rumbled through the clenched jaw, „that loving me is the only option you have."

Realisation slowly falling onto me.

„Either you respond to my affections,"  tying porcelain wrists with handcuffs to the head of bed, „or this room will become your prison," I gulped, „for the rest of your life."

Standing up, his pupils flooded by lunacy, the Alpha looked down at me. „Maybe," licking his dry lips, „I will take advantage of the position you are in – curvy body of yours trembling with fear so beautifully – later."

And then, along with the clicking sound of the door's lock, he disappeared into first golden sunrays like a shadowy nightmare – harmless bad dream – forgotten by your brain the second you wake up. Not a living one, which he truly was – my lifelasting hallucination.

Tears appeared on redness of my cheeks, salt kissing tired eyes, warmly welcoming exhaustion that closed them, finally, after hours without peaceful sleep.

„Luna," familiar whisper was trying to burst through the dreaming state I was in, „Luna," and with adressing me the second time, it sueeded.

Slowly opening puffy eyes, I saw lines of feminine figure standing near the bed, carroty waves dropped into a slight bow, lightening up the space hidden in the gloom of the sunset. Still blinking, I recognised those fiery curls, that petite, yet masculine form.

„B-beta female," shock clear in the base of my words.

Alexandra straightened up, looking down at me pityingly. „Alpha sends me," gesturing to the tray she brought, „as a help with your supper."

„Are you here to feed me?"

Sitting down on the silky bed's surface, she nodded, placing the tray on her knees. „I just don't know how." Alluding to my limitary movements.

„You are not going to even ask me what that monster did to me, are you?" I asked astonished – not in a good way.

Beta female looked deeply in the caramels of mine, handing me a piece of snowy paper, some note or letter. Not understanding, I opened my mouth to ask, but Alexandra hushed me by her petrified stare.

Icy fingers of mine shaking, when I was trying to read handwriting through the dirty glasses.

The Alpha is outside the door. Listening.

Then, I understood her disinterest, her coldness.

Jacob is fine. Don't worry. I smiled.

I'm sorry, Selene, I truly am. But It will get better, I promise. It will not.

Please, just eat a little - few spoons of vegetable soup at least, or the Alpha will not let me visit you again.

Please, Luna.

I signed – heavily, recognasivily, nodding in agreement, letting Beta female's weight support me.

Sitting there, with tears trailing down my face, I ate, paper words scrunched tightly in my fist.