i had always known it will happen— when and how exactly, i did not—but i knew. and somehow, that was more dangerous than not knowing anything at all.

i am breathing and i think to myself, "i will be ready,"

but suddenly, i am unbraced grasping onto thin straws of desperation, and it's too late because suddenly, i cannot breathe and it's too bright.

too bright.

• • •

fifth seal. the slain souls are crying for justice.

sixth seal. chaos is brought on earth and the kings of the earth are crying for escape, but death too, is trying to save itself.

the fallen angel of ancient has been given the key to hell.

the judgement begins

the children are seated above and i am watching the wretched goats speak with blasphemy, as if God cannot see through their hearts.

i long to scream "fools!" but what right did i have?

i am, perhaps, worse by a mile than them, for i had known real majesty, and turned my back anyway. contrition would do me no good now, but repentance would have meant salvation for them.

• • •

i was nothing special but the way you looked at me made me see stars, i remember.

i would fling myself over the highest cliff just to hear the western wind carry your sweet voice to me.

to hear you say my name again. no, not the one i had upon creation— you never knew that until now— but the one you uttered

the day the flowers you planted started to bloom.

aphel. how you made a mundane name sound so sweet and celestial was unknown to me.

aphel. how you breathe life in every word you said provoked my curiosity.

aphel. aphel. aphel.

in this moment, however, i am wondering how the very person who made every vein in me sing, could make it sound so bland and biting.

how is it possible that your eyes could look into mine like you had a thousand times before, and look so... blank?

" i, eleia, umpire of God, do hereby sentence you, aphel, fallen angel, to eternal damnation in the depths of hell. "

because you lost all recollection of us and i have not.

~ the end ~