Chapter 40

Despite the hours and years of training with Ares, Killian feared his heart was going to give out as he sat in front of Kiara, waiting for her to speak. Her big round eyes were glossy with tears as she stared at the flickering candles on the coffee table.

"Kiara?" Posey was the first to break the silence.

She reached out and touched the girl's shoulder as if she would shake her out of her head. Slightly surprised by the touch, Kiara looked up at her mother. Posey immediately pulled back as she spotted the hurt in her daughter's brown eyes.

"We were hoping to tell you slowly," Tobias said from where he sat across from Kiara and Posey. "It's a lot to hear all at once."

Killian watched as Kiara swallowed and lifted her head. The tears on her face shimmered from the candle light as she placed her hands on her knees and sat tall with her back as straight as a needle.

"My dove, we can't even begin to explain to you how sorry we are about everything that happened," Posey raced a hand and tried to push back one of Kiara's dark locks. But when Kiara flinched, Posey froze. "Kiara..."

"Where is the baby?" Kiara asked, her voice hoarse.

Posey slowly turned towards Killian.

"She's in the nursery," Killian said.

Everyone around the table held their breath as Kiara nodded and rose to her feet. Posey's eyes flickered to Tobias as he motioned for her to stay still. Together they watched their daughter turn towards the stairs and make her way over. As she approached Killian, he stopped out of her way. He too didn't know what to say or do as Kiara made her way upstairs and the room hung with silence.

"Killian," Posey said after a short pause. "You should go upstairs."

Killian looked up and sighed. He ran a hand through his hair, hoping the knot in his stomach would disappear with some kind of movement. But with each step that he took, his insides became more and more numb. He turned on his heels and headed upstairs, dreading the silence that he would have to face when he saw Kiara. A silence of his own making.

With heavy steps, Killian made his way to the nursery. He spotted the part-time nanny making her way downstairs through the back stairwell, leaving the door to the baby's room slightly ajar. Killian paused outside the door for a few seconds before pushing it open slowly and stepping inside.

As soon as the door opened, Kiara's eyes fell on Kiara. She sat with Lila in her arms and her cheeks stained with fresh tears. Sniffling quietly, she raised Lila to her lips and pressed a kiss to her cheeks. Killian thought he heard her coo something to the baby but he couldn't hear over how loud his heart was beating.

"I....I don't remember her," Kiara choked out the words after a few minutes of Killian standing by the door and watching her. She lifted her puffy eyes as her bottom lip shook. "I don't remember her."

With each word that Kiara spoke, Killian felt his chest tighten to the point he feared he might collapse on the floor. His own tears ran down his face like a waterfall, soaking his shirt. The tips of his cheeks were red and the white of his eyes were starting to match.

"I don't remember you," Kiara said, catching his eyes. "I don't remember any of this."

"I know," Killian turned his eyes towards the window, licking his lip and hoping to collect himself.

"I can't even be angry with you!" Kiara sobbed. "I have no idea how much you hurt me."

Killian flinched from her words. His stomach twisted as the weight and truth of Kiara's words dug into his skin like knives.

"Killian," Kiara called to him in between her sobs. "Please....nothing makes sense."

With a heavy heart, Killian turned towards Kiara. He took a few steps to close the distance between them and sank down to his knees. Lila stirred in her mother's arms as droplets of Kiara's tears fell on the baby girl's cheeks.

"What am I going to do?" Kiara searched Killian's eyes for some kind of answer. "Everything is telling me to be angry. To be furious. To take Lila and leave...."

"Be angry with me," Killian begged. "Scream at me. Tell me you hate me....whatever you want to do, do it."

"I can't be upset with people I do not know," Kiara shook her head. "It's pointless. All of this is pointless."

"No," Killian moved closer. "It's not. You're here, you're holding our daughter. That's not pointless."

Kiara's heart stumbled in her chest before contracting so hard that she visually shook. Pulling Lila closer, she tore her eyes away from Killian and looked down at the baby.

"Our daughter...." she whispered.

"Yes," Killian nodded. "Kia, we love you so much. Lila loves you so much. You love her so much."

"Our daughter..." Kiara said once more. "My daughter....."

Killian was about to reach out and catch the teardrop on Kiara's chin when she slowly began to look up. Her beautiful brown eyes narrowed slightly as her head began to tilt. The little movements were so familiar to Killian that his heart began to race like a jet.

"Kia?" He tried to catch her gaze.

"This is my daughter," Kiara held Lila out towards Killian. "You took my memories of my daughter."

Killian felt as if someone had just knocked the wind out of him. He felt his eyes water once more as Kiara began to sob harder.

"I have no memories of my daughter!" she cried. "I'm holding her in my arms but I have no bond with her! You took that from me."

Killian didn't argue. Kiara was angry. She had every right to be. He watched her cling to Lila as if she was her life source. His broken heart mingled with joy of seeing Lila and Kiara together while and the pain in Kiara's eyes.

"You wanted me to be upset with you, right?" Kiara gave a heartbreaking laugh as she wiped her nose with the back of her hand. "There. I'm upset."

Killian's jaw worked as he kneeled in front of Kiara, soaking in all her anger.

"I'm upset because you took something very beautiful from me," Kiara continued. "Every time I look at Lila and wonder what it was like to carry her inside of me, I will remember what you did to me, Killian."

___________________________

"Nora?" Hayden walked up to the closed door and knocked once again for the third time in the last hour.

"What part of go away are you not understanding?" Nora yelled from the other side.

"The go away part," Hayden rolled his eyes. "Open this door right now."

"Or what?" Nora snorted. "What are you going to do? Break your way inside?"

"Yes."

"I'll yell for help."

"I'll portal you away."

"That's kidnapping."

"Call it whatever you want," Hayden knocked once more. "Please....just open the door."

"No."

"Why are you so god damn stubborn?"

"Have you looked at yourself in the mirror?"

"Nora," Hayden's jaw flexed. "Enough. Open the door or I'm coming in."

Silence.

"I'm going to count to three," Hayden reached for the door knob. "1....2....."

Suddenly, the door swung open and Nora stepped out with a deep scowl on her face.

"Finally," Hayden snapped.

"Happy?" Nora asked. "You saw me? I'm in one piece? Now, please show yourself out."

"What's wrong?" Hayden reached for her hair that was escaping from her ponytail.

"Nothing," Nora flicked his hand away.

"Liar," the corner of Hayden's mouth curved up. Nora tried not to notice as her heartbeat picked up.

"Your pulse is rising," Hayden observed.

"This shit is getting real old real fast," Nora glared. "The autura needs to fade. Now."

"And until it does, you are not allowed out of my sight."

"Fuck off."

"No can't do," Hayden shrugged. "I have to ensure you are safe."

"I'm going to kill myself."

"Have fun with that," Hayden leaned against the door. "What method will you be choosing?"

"Hayden!" Nora shut her eyes and took in a heated breath. "Please....I'm begging you. Leave me alone."

"That's not begging," Hayden teased.

"What do you want then?" Nora threw her hands up in the air. "You want me to get down on my knees and beg you to leave me alone?"

The idea of Nora getting down on her knees in front of him suddenly pleased Hayden very much. His body reacted instantly as his throat dried and his skin began to crawl with energy.

Shaking his head, Hayden pushed off the wall he had been leaning against and cleared his throat.

"Why were you crying?" He asked. "Be honest."

"Why am I crying?" Nora arched her brow. "Gee, I don't know, Hayden. Maybe because my aunt just died!"

"You're lying again," Hayden frowned.

"Why do you care?" Nora sighed and shook her head.

"Why wouldn't I care?"

"Because you're nobody to me!" Nora snapped. "You don't know me. I don't know you. Why are you in my apartment?"

"Ouch," Hayden rubbed his chest. "I thought we were friends."

"You said you didn't want to be my friend," Nora reminded him.

"I didn't mean it," Hayden rolled his eyes.

"I don't need friends right now, Hayden," Nora tried to step back into her room and close her door.

"Wait, wait," Hayden stopped her. He placed his hand on the door and held it open. "You shouldn't be alone right now. Not just because of the autura. I would feel much better if you stayed at my parents' place for a few days."

"No."

"Hear me out," Hayden clicked his tongue. "We need to do research anyway on what's happening between us. If you're there, you can help too."

"I don't read Roopcian or know spells," Nora said. "I'll be useless. I'm staying home."

"We might need you if we try out some spells or something."

"You can come find me when you need me."

"Being alone isn't good right now, Nora."

"I don't care."

"What is your problem?"

"You're my problem!" Nora stomped her feet. "Why can't you get that I do not want to be around you or your family? Leave me alone! I always end up on a hospital bed for months whenever I'm around you. It sucks! And I want no part of it any more."

"Nora," Hayden frowned, not understanding the fear and restlessness that was pumping through her veins. "What's wrong?"

"I heard what you said," Nora gripped the edge of the door. "That day that I was dying....I heard what you said in your mind."

Hayden felt his heart stumble and flutter, "Oh?"

"Yeah.....oh," Nora looked away from Hayden.

"Is that why you want me to leave?"

"No...yes. I don't know!"

"I meant what I said."

"God!" Nora jumped into her room and dug her hands into her hair. "Stop it!"

"I'm......sorry?" Hayden stood by the door in confusion. "I thought girl's wanted the guy to say it first."

"I don't want you to say it," Nora shook her head. "Every."

"Why not?"

"Because..."

"Don't say it's not real."

"It's...." Nora struggled to put together words.

"It's what?"

"It's not what I want," she let her shoulder fall in defeat.

"What?" Hayden frowned.

"I don't want this, Hayden," Nora waved her hand back and forth between her and Hayden. "I can't...."

"You can't what?" Haydn asked.

"I can't do this to myself," Nora started to weep. "Not again."

"Nora," Hayden reached out and took her hand despite the girl protesting. "Come here."

"No," Nora shook her head. "You don't get it. I can't go through losing another person."

"You're not going to lose me," Hayden laughed.

"Birdie told me everything," Nora couldn't meet Hayden's eyes. "I know.....about you...and what could happen the next time you have an episode."

"You don't have to worry about that," Hayden shook his head. "It's all fine."

"Is it?" Nora looked up. "Is it really?"

Standing by the door and holding Nora's warm tiny hand, Hayden began to feel his heart beat in fear for the first time in a while. Nora's chocolate brown eyes held him in place as she demanded to know if she could truly trust him. The loss she had experienced was ever present in her eyes. Along with it was fear....terrifying fear of being left alone once more.

"I can't," Nora shook her head, her voice a soft whisper that could have broken mountains in Hayden's heart. "I can't do that again."

Hayden swallowed the lump in his throat, "I can't promise you I'll be here forever."

Nora began to shiver. She tried to hold back her sobs but Hayden's words pulled them all to the surface.

"I'm sorry..." she cried.

"I'm sorry too," Hayden slowly let go of her hand, feeling his heart grow numb.

"Maybe in a different life," Nora didn't know what possessed her to say such a thing. But once she spoke the words, it felt right.

"Maybe," Hayden nodded.

"I wouldn't be so petrified of losing you," Nora shivered.

"And I would be able to promise you forever."

"Hayden...," Nora's breath caught in her chest.

"Nora."  

What do you think of Nora and Kiara's reactions? 

I am going to finish this book, I am determined.