The rest of the journey is bound to be simply perfect. The nerdy jerk luckily haven't returned to our compartment so far, probably because she was afraid I'd show her again how insensitive she is. That only fits me; no one wants to put up with insensitive jerks, even though I'm sure I would very easily defeat her in a verbal discussion, because I'm very smart. The pansy boy didn't return either, which I wouldn't mind that much, I mean, he's just a terrible pansy and otherwise he's good, but well, I'm not especially sad this way either. At least I could repair my make-up, and that returned me to a great mood. I must admit, though, that I'm starting to feel slightly bored now. It's better than with the nerd, but it's terrible to be here without anyone to gush over me. I feel so alone, and I hate feeling alone because it reminds me of my very sad life without parents. Come on, say that my life is terrible and I deserve all the love I can get! Not because I need it, of course; hah, that's laughable! As if I was some whining idiot begging for attention! No, it's of course because that would mean you're a smart person who deserves being treated with respect and I would wish that on everyone in the world! Yeah, that's it. There's no other reason, definitely. Can you see how saint I am? Honestly, it's a shame so many people don't understand how perfect I am and how I deserve their respect! They clearly have both parents! But yeah, that's alright. I don't complain and I never will, exactly because I'm so saint.

Well, anyway, I start to feel bored and because I'm so smart, I deal with it in the most logical way available – I go outside into the corridor, looking for anyone to talk with. And luck is finally on my side. I knew it will be so, because I am perfect and therefore I also always have luck. The two red-headed twins are coming the opposite way, talking happily.

"Hi!" I squeak happily, so that they notice me.

They look up and turn pale. Obviously they're just remembering my story and how sad it is, so I have to speak to distract them from it, because their red hair terribly clashes with their pale face.

"How are you guys? I just can't wait to be at school with you guys as my friends! What subjects do they teach there, anyway?"

My perfect solution apparently works, because suddenly they look better, and with one last solemn look and handshake they brace themselves to try to manage being in my presence. I like that, it's always good to see someone work on themselves. One of them looks up and says, "Yeah, the subjects? Oh, there are many of them, do you want to hear some?"

"Yeah!" I say politely. Of course I don't want to hear them because they're school subjects so that they will definitely be very boring, but I have some manners, unlike the jerk girl.

"Well, for example, you can take Perfect makeup classes," he starts.

"Perfect makeup? Really? I love it! When can I sign?" I squeal. Can you believe it? Those classes will be simply perfect!

"Oh, as soon as we arrive at Hogwarts, naturally. You'll just go to Professor McGonagall and tell her. She looks like an old woman, but she's actually a young lady who got sick of students falling in love with her, so she permanently applied the make-up."

Ha, ha, ha. As if he thought I'd believe him. It's obvious that this is all a lie, I'm not stupid. After all, no one would mind multiple people falling in love with them. But on the other hand, Snape probably would – is it possible that she's also such a fun-hating bastard? No, definitely not. No one can be worse than Snape, ever. Also, she teaches Perfect makeup, she can't be bad! It's probably one of their funny jokes and she actually has a good reason.

"What other subjects are there?" I ask him eagerly.

"Oh? Well, let me think for a moment... for example Charms. You should meet the teacher, he's as charming as he's high. Some people say he actually looks like an occamy!"

"What is that?"

"Uh... Something very, very beautiful."

"That's perfect!" I squeal again. I wouldn't squeal that often but I have to show them that I'm a girly, cute and lovable girl. But seriously, can you believe that?

"Also, there are Lotions. The teacher can brew whatever you want. Just don't ask him how often he uses shampoo, he loves talking about it and you'd be bored to death."

It looks better with every word. This is my dream school! Could you believe my luck? I never have luck, this seems almost too good to be true! Although, the boy probably doesn't know me that much yet, or he wouldn't think I'd be bored with talking about shampoo. I definitely have to ask the teacher when we get there, but for now, I have to stop thinking and listen to him because he continues.

"...and finally, there is Defence of Pink Arts. I don't know much about the teacher, we're getting a new one. But I bet he'll be great."

"Oh, that's good." I say. It seems I didn't catch a thing of his list, but let's show him I listened. "And what happened to the last one?"

"Oh, nothing that bad, he just died. He discovered that someone changed the color of the flowers painted on the walls of his room from pink to blue, and he died from shock. It won't happen to this one, though."

I'm not paying attention to these words, though, because with a start, I remember that Snape's supposed to be a teacher there. Oh no. What can he actually teach in such a perfect school?

"And what about Snape?" I say, very frightened.

"Oh, him! You know him already?" asks the boy.

"Yeah. He's evil! He tried to chuck out my lipstick! And your brother says he teaches at this school." I tell him.

"Oh yeah, he teaches Sweating and Avoiding Showers," explains the boy.

"Ewww, gross! I'm not gonna do this one," I exclaim.

"You have no choice, that's the only one you have to take. If you're not good, they won't let you take Perfect Makeup or those other ones." he shrugs.

"THAT'S SO UNFAIR!" I shout, while the boy smirks. Would you believe that? You don't have to answer, that was a rhetorical question. Of course you wouldn't. Really, they make such a perfect school for me and that idiotic Snape has to ruin it for me and everyone else by his stupid subject which is the grossest of gross subjects ever. Life is so unfair to me! And, and I don't have parents!

"Aren't you a friend of our brother Ron? Because I saw him in the next wagon, and he said he wants to give you a present," says the second twin, which suddenly appears behind my back. His twin shots him a grateful look, probably for taking care of my friendship. And I'm not surprised he did that, I'm just that lovable. But why am I even saying it? You've all seen it by now.

"Oh, that's so cuuuuute!" I squeal with a girly giggle so that they don't forget I'm a girl and go into the next wagon to see this thoughtful surprise.

It turns out that the next wagon looks exactly like our wagon, with so many compartments, which means it may be pretty hard to find the compartment with Ron and with his surprise. Oh well, there is no easier and faster way than to look through every compartment, so that's what I'm going to do.

I open the door of the first compartment. There are two people – a nigger boy and a girl. I don't mind the girl though, because I'm wondering who let the boy in. That's about a second nigger I've met among wizards, and I thought Hogwarts was supposed to be a British school? Well, anyway, I ask the girl: "Hi! Have you seen Ron here? He's my friend."

The girl snorts and looks at me condescendingly: "Ron!? As in, Ron Weasley?"

"I don't know. He's red-haired and he has many brothers."

"Yes, that's the blood traitor Weasley. We don't mingle with filthy blood-traitors like him," confirms the nigger boy.

How dare he? Ron's sometimes really unbearable, but how can he hint that I, being perfect and all, would choose someone filthy as MY friend? He's such a jerk! Why do I meet only jerks on the train? This really is like a curse, and the fate is so damn unlucky to me! Like, can you believe it?

"I'll have you know that he's actually my friend, so you'd better stop badmouthing him. Hating on other classes of people and calling them names is disgusting anyway, you nigger bastard!" I exclaim wisely.

"Oh, as if we needed a blessing from someone like you! Who you are, anyway?" says the jerk girl. Wait! That nerd is jerk girl, I'll have to address this girl differently. Maybe stupid jerk girl?

"That was wrong question, Pansy. What you are, anyway?" says that damn nigger and looks on me as if I were inferior to him or something. How dare he? I bet he has both stupid nigger parents, stupid nigger boy!

"Oh!" My eyes light up, because even though these two are far from polite, they give me a chance to properly introduce myself. "My name is Angela Ori Gami Fuku Jima Mitsu Bishi Ja Pan Dae Woo Belladonna!"

"Oh, so you're a filthy mudblood anyway. And your stupid mudblood parents must really hate you if they gave you this ridiculous name," jeers the awful girl.

"It sounds exactly like what the little blood-traitor would do, befriending the first mudblood available," adds the nigger boy. But the girl finally said too much.

"My parents are dead, you insensitive little jerk! You're lucky that I'm such an angel and I still wish that your two stupid mothering idiots you call your parents would die so that you'd become a better person!" With these words, I angrily storm out of the compartment. I hope that the jerks are finally ashamed to see how a perfect person am I and what a filth are they. After all, everyone can become a better person, except me. I'm perfect already.

The twins are standing outside, a little ashamed. Obviously, they heard everything. Or at least saw us shouting at each other, that thing might have been a little hard to miss through the glass door.

Finally, the one standing on the left says: "You know, you could have just asked us where is he. He's in the last compartment, the one on the opposite side."

I'm quite thankful he mentioned that, because that could be a long journey otherwise. Still, he apparently has no common sense because he could also say it immediately. Seriously, it seems no one near me has a brain! Apart from me, of course, but I'm not even sure if I can count myself into people around me. Oh well.

I swiftly stroll through the wagon and enter the last compartment. Surprisingly, it's completely empty. Not that no compartment can be empty, but so far, I haven't seen a compartment where no one would be. Also, how come Ron is not here, when they told me he is? I almost turn around and get out of the compartment, telling the twins off for such a cruel joke which obviously hurt me, when I notice a small pink package with an enormous pink bow on it, and a small pink letter attached! That's clearly for me! Oh, Ron's such a sweetheart, he somehow figured out my favorite color already!

I squeal happily and start reading the letter. It says: Dearest Angela! I like being your friend so much and I'm very sorry I had to go into another compartment. I have a gift for you in this box and I just know that it'll make you even more beautiful than you are now. I hope you'll like it!
Ronald

Woooooow! He's so cuuuute! That was very thoughtful of him! Finally, it seems everything's in order; I have some polite boys around me who think I'm perfect, who admire me and give me gifts, and that's how it's supposed to be. I happily open the box to see what's inside.

NOOO WHAT THE HELL IT IS I CAN'T SEE AT ALL! In the moment I opened the box, something hit my face and even though I closed my eyes at once, it got there as well! I still like the fact that Ron thought of me and gave me such a thoughtful gift, but seriously, couldn't he warn me first? He's such an idiot, not thinking things through and missing such an obvious thing! It really seems I was correct that I'm the only person around with some brain. But yeah, when weren't I correct? Yeah.

Well anyway, I try to go to the train restroom so that I can clean my eyes, but it's hard to get there because I can't see. What's worse, there's much laughter around me and I can't see the funny thing which makes them laugh! That would be a great way to bond with them! Finally, I get there, but I have to clean my eyes for such a long time before I can open them. The only thing keeping me from anger is the thought of how much more beautiful I probably already am. Because I at least deserve it, I deserve that far more than some ugly bitch who's not just perfect and who isn't liked by everyone. Well anyway, I finish cleaning my eyes and I can finally look into the mirror on my new beauty, and all I can do is gape in shock.

OH MY GOD THIS IS TERRIBLE! In the package, there was actually black paint and when I opened it, it shot against my face and completely covered it! NOW I LOOK LIKE A DAMN NIGGER! What was Ron thinking? That was a terrible gift! I'm so going to tell him off when I meet him, because I totally didn't like his terrible gift! Oh my god, that's exactly what happens to me all the time! When it seems life stopped being a bitch to me and I've found someone who likes me, it turns out he's a complete idiot! Oh my god, am I not the most unlucky lady ever? I know I am, and let's face it, you know it as well.

Oh well, I storm out from the restroom wanting to tell Ron Weasley off, but there I finally see the laughing people and they start nudging each other, pointing at me and laugh even more. OH MY GOD THEY WERE LAUGHING AT ME CAN YOU BELIEVE THOSE SUCKERS? Like, they're laughing at me and they don't even think of the possibility that the thing they're doing may hurt the other person. I hate those jerks.

"What are you all laughing at, tell me!" I shout at them. "It's not my fault that I look so, it's because of Ron Weasley and his idiotic gift, you should be laughing at him! You're all self-righteous jerks and you're all lucky I'm not like you and I wish only the best upon you! I hope that you're parents will die!" I end triumphantly and storm off. Hopefully, they'll see the error in their ways. But then, I see a thing so surprising that I stop dead in my tracks.

In on compartment, well hidden on the edge of the crowd, are those damn twins and they listen eagerly on what was said! Like in the flash of lightning, I finally see the truth and I can't believe I was overlooking it for such a long time, not punishing the bastards the moment I saw them! They obviously knew of Ron's gift to me, and they didn't warn me because they thought it would be fun! Oh my god, they're such royal jerks, I can't understand why anyone likes them at all!

The moment they notice me staring angrily at them, emitting wizarding power from every part of my body and heavenly beautiful in spite of the color on my face, they gulp and start escaping from me, but they simply can't escape my powerful magic and my superior reflexes!

Well, I mean normally they wouldn't of course, but there's this stupid girl who just stands in my way and she just can't waste time to look back and move away when I run for them so I hit her and by the time I can start running again they've already run past me. But of course, I am very fast, so I'm going to eventually catch them and curse them to oblivion, all because they could theoretically tell me about Ron's gift. Hey, I just have this great determination, you gotta praise me for it. When I set my mind on something, nothing will get me to stop. I'm also very cunning, as you could already see.

Well anyway, they ran from me into the next wagon, but I keep the distance small and I am sure I'm almost catching them. They are also afraid of it, I can see them looking back often with smiles on their faces. They probably think they're going to get me to like them with their smiles, which again proves they're idiots.
THUNK! Oh great! Another idiot who won't ever care to look where I'm running and hits me! Just when I almost had them! Well, by the time I get up, the twins disappeared, and to my great anger, that idiot turns out to be the nerd jerk girl!

"Oh, so you can't even watch your step!" I shout at her. "Just when I was almost on their level!"

"Oh really? And who's been running like a mad... as a madwoman? I haven't! That's exactly what's wrong with you, you just do something without thinking and when it naturally backfires, you blame other people. Is it so inconceivable for your small brain that you could actually be wrong?" says the jerk girl unfairly.

"Of course I can be wrong! That's why I behave so perfectly, because I don't want to ever be wrong! And face it, you jerk – who does?" I retort wisely. Buuuurn!

"You know what? I don't know how I can even still talk to you! It's lucky that we're almost there, because if I'd have one hour more to be in the same compartment as you, I'd probably jumped out of a window!" she rages.

"Well, too bad we're almost there, then, the world could have been nicer," I respond icily.

"I'm sick of you," she hisses and turns around just when one of the compartments opens and three boys run out of it towards us, which attracts her attention. With last look full of hatred undeserved on my part thrown on me, she surrenders cowardly into that compartment. What a terrible person.

Well anyway, she mentioned we're already almost there and for once I think she wasn't lying, which means I should go back to retrieve my possessions. I return to the restroom to clean the rest of the paint and then to my compartment to take my luggage, but it seems I don't have a good timing, because Neville is there and he's just finishing changing his clothes for his own hideous black cloak. When I enter, he quickly turns around and grows pale.

"Hi, Neville! Why are you putting on that hideous cloak? You didn't look that ugly in your normal clothes!" I smile at him and try to boost his ego, because if only he wasn't such an idiotic pansy, he'd be actually a pretty good guy. Not as good as me, but then, who is?

Unfortunately, it doesn't seem to work, because he only whimpers and run away without even collecting his suitcase. "Hey, Neville, where are you running? Come back, you've forgotten your baggage!" I shout after him, but he doesn't return.

"He hasn't," says a cold voice behind me, "they collect our suitcases, we don't have to bother with that."

I turn around only to see the jerk girl, who looks on me angrily and heads for the restroom. After a few steps, she turns around and adds: "Oh, and you should change into your cloak. It's compulsory."

That's terrible! So they really can order me to wear that ugly cloak? Well, I have news for you idiots – there's no way that's going to happen!

Just as I think of that, a metallic voice echoes through the wagon: "We will be reaching Hogwarts in five minutes' time. Please leave your luggage on the train, it will be taken to the school separately." As if they were trying to make an impression that they can order me around! Oh well, too bad for you! I'm never ever ever going to take this ugly cloak again!

Well anyway, it seems that outside, people are moving towards the door, so I naturally join them. Those near me throw a weird look at me and my pink dress, but I don't mind. At least they'll remember me. Besides, I'd rather be myself than a sheep like them (they're all in those cloaks).

We arrived to a small train station which I definitely don't like, because it's so small and it looks like a normal train station and seriously, can't wizards have a wonderful one like the one where we started? Honestly, no one would say this was a wizard's train station and that is so stupid! Well, I don't have much time to check the station anyway, because a hoarse voice says: "Firs' years! Firs' years over here! All right there, Harry?"

I look in the direction of the voice and I'm just afraid. Oh my god, is that a giant? And it's so hairy, ewww! I'm suddenly happy I'm in the back of the crowd, who knows what this giant will do in the next moment? That's exactly like the idiotic Headmaster whom Snape was that fond of, first he basically order us to be naked and then he sends a giant to kill us so that he doesn't have to teach us. I'm really wondering why this school hasn't been closed yet, with a Headmaster like this.

By that time, I notice I actually stopped paying attention to it, but luckily it's only speaking again: "...any more firs' years? Mind yer step, now! Firs' years follow me!"So, upon seeing that others are really that foolish and follow it, I reluctantly start to follow it as well, but very much in the rear end of the crowd and still prepared to start running in the opposite direction in case anything happened.

But wait! That giant was speaking to some Harry! Could it be that it was Harry Potter? Wow! I start jumping up and down so that I see the front, but all I can see is the back of their heads. Besides, after a while it starts to irritate people around me. I don't get them, I didn't want to land on their feet! They should have moved their feet from under mine, so why exactly are they mad at me? Sadly, they are too idiotic to grasp such an obvious idea and still argue with me, so I stop because they obviously don't pay attention to facts. Besides, it's so dark here that I wouldn't see him, anyway. Honestly, did no one think of installing streetlamps in this forest? It's really a disturbing thought that this "smart" Headmaster person obviously didn't think of such an obvious thing, I mean, you can't really be smart if you don't know everything just like me! Right?

Well anyway, I can't afford thinking much about it, because I'm still eyeing the giant and I don't want to lose my attention again. I can see the giant is speaking, but from the distance I don't know what exactly it says. Especially with its thick accent, it can't even speak properly, that's scandalizing! I really, really hope it's not contagious, because I wouldn't ever want to be such a beast which can't even speak. I can see, though, that people are looking to the right and they have a mesmerized... OOOOOOOOOH! Wooooooow! There's such a great, beautiful castle there! That's where we'll study and live? This is like a perfect dream! I don't want to wake up from it, never! For the first time in my life, my sad eyes twinkle because it seems everything will be better now. I mean, this is such a beautiful place that hopefully it can even change the character of its inhabitants to the better. Those who behave like jerks will hopefully see the error in their ways, ask me for forgiveness, which I may even grant (because I'm very kind), and they'll live happily ever after worshipping me like good people.

Suddenly, I step into a water and squeal. It seems I was so entangled in my thoughts that I didn't even notice we came to the water. Would you believe it? You don't have to answer that, it was a rhetorical question. I know very well you wouldn't.

Well anyway, it seems we're supposed to travel through the lake on crude boats, and my perfect mood worsens again. Why, they have enough sense to make such a wonderful and stylish castle which will make student long for studying there and they somehow miss the obvious continuation of sending luxurious yachts for us? It's good that I finally come here, maybe now I'll make it better.

Yeah, and people are going into the boats in the groups of four. Seems pretty smart to me, mind you, these boats look so frail that they would probably sink if more people tried to board them. But with whom should I ride? Definitely not Ron, I'm still angry with him and besides, he's with the unbearable jerk girl in one of the first boats. Oh well, it's making friends time! I randomly choose a boat with three other people. They look at me and widen their eyes. This seems to be a universal reaction to me and I'd really like to know why. Of course, I can think of the obvious idea that they are going to worship me, but sadly it is too often followed by cruel remarks and jerkass behavior, and that is very sad.

Well, anyway, I get aboard and no one says anything against me, and that giant (which has its own boat. Yes, it's that huge. Yes, I also think it should be kept away from people.) asks if everyone is in. Or if we've seen a banana shake dancing on a table made from mahagony which was carved on the top of a carousel by a one-eyed sailor with his monkey, I can only guess with its accent. Then it shouts: "FORWARD!" with such a deafening voice that it's actually impossible for me not to know what he says, and my boat starts moving. Well, at least that's something; I'd hate having to paddle if I were in the skin of the three guys. (Can you see how sympathetic I am?) Still, it's not as good as those luxurious yachts, right? Right. Well, it also shouts: "Heads down!" And I see the cliff so actually, for once, listening to it might be a good idea. The trouble is, I'm so surprised by this shocking turn of events that I almost forget to do so. Luckily, with the help of my superior reflexes I lower my head in time to not hit it, while we're entering a dark tunnel. That cunning beast! I bet that was its plan from the start to shock us with such a plot-twist so much that we forget to lower our heads which would knock us out so that it can eat us in the dark without any suspicion. Not a bad plan for such an animal, but I'm too smart for that! Just you wait, if I see anyone missing when we get out of the tunnel, I'm making noise!

Sadly, this perfectly thought-out plan is thwarted, since we stop our boats still in the tunnel and we have to climb some steps, probably into the castle. Wait, if I can see those steps, it's probably not enough dark for it to devour us without raising a suspicion, right? Well anyway, the giant is checking the boats (probably for spare people who fell asleep), but it doesn't seem to find anyone. Except for... "Oy, yeh there! Is this yer toad?" asks the giant and raises a toad in its hand. "Trevor!" shouts Neville the pansy boy happily. Hmm, this was a surprising incident; I didn't expect such a reaction from the giant. You know, I hate to admit that, but it seems I misjudged it. Clearly, it isn't an all-eating terrific monster without any humanly feeling. It has to be an all-except-toads-eating monster without any humanly feeling. I wish I were a toad.

Well anyway, we're already at the main gate and with its last confirming of the fact that Neville still has his toad, it knocks on the door thrice. The word "knocks" is there only because I can't think of a better word – the gate is clearly magical because even the stupid giant didn't break it when it hit it. I mean, it hit that gate, not that it hit itself, and also the gate didn't hit the giant, I suppose it would be too much to ask from it, as it's not that magical. Why I am explaining this anyway? If you're as smart as me, you understood it the first time I said the sentence. Oh wait, no one is as smart as me! My fault! Can you see how considerate I am? Honestly, it's a shame that hardly anyone notices it.

Anyway, by the time I end this complicated thought, the door is already opened, but that's not what is important. Important is that I suddenly spot among the people someone who has a black hair and glasses, it's clearly Potter! After all, I'm from a pureblood family, I've learned to recognize the most famous pureblood families, even those from abroad. I gape at him with my mouth agape, but he doesn't seem to be thrilled with my attention (even though I don't know why) and he just shows me to come inside. Of course, I do so. Not only it's definitely warmer inside, but also the room is sooo big and beautiful! I like it when something is beautiful, in case you couldn't tell.

Well anyway, I liked that, but then we were all pushed into a smaller and definitely less beautiful room. I look around in hopes that the part behind me is better, but no such luck. Yeah, this room is far worse, and it's really terrible from them to make us all go here. We're really crammed here, if you'd thrown an apple, it couldn't fall on the floor! Oh, maybe not an apple, an apple is small after all. I mean, everyone would be able to see that apple and we would probably squeeze even more so we would be really hard pressed but the apple would land. It would have to be something bigger, like a bird. But of course, that would create another problem because a bird would probably quit falling and start flying, so this wouldn't solve anything. I have to think of something else, like a football, a dolphin or a piano. A piano! That's it! Oh, wait, the piano WOULD fall, it would just kill some of us in the process. I really hope this wouldn't happen, by the way, because it could hit me by chance. I just have to select something not that small and not that heavy.

So – we're really crammed here, if you'd thrown a very large piece of paper, it wouldn't even fall on the ground! Plus the room is terribly dark and it is only lit by some torches. That is extremely dangerous, what if someone lost something flammable and the torch would fall on it by chance and someone else would try to put it out and ignite themselves and run and ignite other people? But I guess that no one thinks of basic safety rules here. I can't really blame them, because I'm wise and I know you can't expect idiots to think of everything. Luckily, I'm here and I can help them!

Anyway, by the time I finish thinking of the various deficiencies of this so-called "room", we're alone here and I'm bored again. What are they making us wait for? Just bring me to that Headmaster person, let him put me to the coolest and most beautiful house (even an idiot like him can't possibly be THAT cruel), and let us go sleep because all important is done! But nooo, they just have to make us wait! Please, let it be the time for us to go there, we're here for what feels like an hour!
But yeah, I'm well-known for my unbelievable patience, so I brace myself and continue waiting. When I almost start thinking the waiting may even become acceptable in the future, something happens that makes me scream. Suddenly, I feel as if something cold passed me, and a transparent figure shows in front of me. I don't hesitate at all and run for my life.

I open the door and look frantically around to see where to run next, when I notice Potter going towards me. Finally, I'm saved! He says sharply: "What are you looking around for? If I find out there has been an upset in the room and you are only covering it, you will face the consequences, Miss."

"But you don't understand, Potter! There are monsters there, almost transparent!" I plead to him so that he may see the truth.

He turns around with a strange expression on his face. "What have you called me?"

Oh c- Oh no! Now he's suspicious of me because I'm not supposed to know his name yet. I have to explain so he can start believing me and help me fight off those monsters, so I do so: "I'm the last member of the honorable house of Belladonna, and so I was taught about the most influential pureblood families of European countries. I deduced you are actually the Potter heir because the family members always have black hair, like you, and wear glasses, like you, and..."

He suddenly interjects me, with a pained expression, and his surprising words change literally everything: "But surely, such a thorough lesson must have also revealed the fact that the Potter heir is now an eleven-year-old male?"

OH MY GOD! This is such a surprising plot twist, I mean, don't say to me that you weren't surprised, like I was! I can't believe I didn't piece the information earlier! In my excitement over finding a Potter heir, I have missed the fact that this person is actually an elderly woman!

Meanwhile, the woman looks at my shocked face and continues: "My real name is Professor McGonagall. Right now, I would advise you to return to the room, where you were supposed to wait for me. It should be absolutely safe, the ghosts are not known for killing living people. The lack of material body tends to be quite a drawback when trying to manipulate a murder weapon, after all."

Slightly less fearful because of McGonagall's words, I turn around to return to the room, but I am stopped by her one last time. "And put on the uniform. It's compulsory."

I defiantly face her. "You can't make me wear this black hideousness!"

Her mouth forms a thin line. "I think you'll find out we can, if you want to study here. So stop speaking nonsense, girl, and put it over that ridiculous pink thing."

I'm seething. Can they really throw me out just because they have a different sense of beauty? Wait, they don't have different sense of beauty, because they don't have it at all. No one who prefers that ugliness over my nice and girly dress can understand the word "beauty". But magic is all my life, and I don't want to risk that. I'll just pretend to study until they'll notice I'm mightier than they all combined, then they'll make me a teacher and I'll fire them. Yes, that will be the best revenge.

I quickly put that ugliness over my dress and slip inside unnoticed because the other students are still interacting with the ghosts. But then, McGonagall enters after me and the ghosts leave, so she's able to make a line from us and lead us away. I'm at the very end of the line, behind the blonde girl from the bank.

We're led into a huge hall which is apparently called the Great Hall (does anyone from the wizarding world have a ounce of imagination? Wait, I do...), which looks very beautiful! Finally a place where we can see that we'll be living in a beautiful castle! It's so beautiful that I'm almost able to forgive the castle builders for some minor drawbacks like another stupid violation of safety rules (seriously, if only one candle falls, we may all burn!), but there's an oversight I just can't overlook.

"Too bad they've forgotten to build a ceiling; otherwise it'd be really beautiful!" I whisper out loud.

"It's bewitched to look like the sky outside. I read about it in Hogwarts, A History." whispers the nerdy jerk from the front with a cocky expression. Well, no one was even asking her stupid opinion, so why does she butt in? She really has to be the worst person here, and it's clear she's never going to find a friend. Those stupid wizarding parents of her are probably pampering her and teaching her that anyone besides her noble house is inferior. I hate those stupid, parents-having elitists!

But anyway, by this time, McGonagall have already brought us here and now puts an old, disgusting hat on a stool. I really can't understand why she does so, this hideous thing lowers the beauty of the whole hall! I'm just thinking of how I'm going to magic it on fire when I learn to do so when it completely catches me by surprise when it starts singing. And I must admit it was not a particularly bad song, especially for such a dirty hat. The problem is, according to what it said, I don't like these houses at all. Gryffindors sound just like jerks; I've met too many people in this world who had the nerve to insult me so people with nerve have to be jerks. Hufflepuffs sound like sheep; they're just loyal? I'm much, much more than that. Ravenclaws sound like bland non-important guys; I'm supposed to find my kind? I can't, I'm unique! And I don't like the name Slytherin so it has to be one of the other three stupid houses.

Oh well, but I'd better concentrate because McGonagall tells us to put on the hat when we're called. She must be joking! It's so dirty! But I suppose I'll have to do so, wizards probably have many stupid rites like that so the sooner I'm done with that, the better. And I can be called at any moment, luckily the first person called was Hannah Abbott, who turned out to be the blonde from the bank. She was surprisingly sorted to Hufflepuff, I'd have thought that those unimportant bland guys were supposed to end in Ravenclaw. Oh well.

OH MY GOD, I'M ALREADY CALLED! Can you believe it? I go to the stool and put the hat determinedly on my head. I suppose I must be looking pretty idiotic, so I hope it's determined soon.

"Hmm, interesting!"something says inside me. I know it's not me, because I don't find this stupid hat interesting at all!

"I don't think I have ever seen something like that," continues the voice, "but I think this should be pretty easy."

"Whatever, just sent me to where Potter is," I tell that voice.

"That would be quite hard, given that he wasn't sorted yet," it replies and brings immense sadness upon me, "but your words confirm my decision anyway. HUFFLEPUFF!"

Immensely relieved that it's finally done, I quickly take away the hat and hurry to the same table where Hannah went earlier. There are still some empty chairs, so I sit on one of them and watch the Sorting. It's not particularly fun, watching so many people I don't know get sorted, but after all they're my next fans, so I should at least appear to pay some attention to them.

But then, the jerk girl (called Hermione Granger, by the way) is called and I start to really pay attention. I hope so much that she doesn't go into my house, that would be terrible! After all, the house can't be that bad, if it was deemed worthy to be my house, right? Right. Luckily, she's sorted into Gryffindor. Just like I thought, it's the house of jerks. Just like the two idiotic twins who are also there and they seem to think that deafening everyone including me with their catcalling anytime someone gets selected to their house is funny. Idiots, they never think of others!

The next person which has some interest for me is Neville. Sadly, when he's called, he appears to be totally nervous, and even though I generously try to help him by winking at him, it doesn't seem to be better and he even forgets to take off the hat. What a pansy. Wait, he was sorted into Gryffindor? But he's not a jerk! Seriously, this sorting looks so random to me. Like, the hat says the qualities you have to possess in order to get selected to these houses and then chooses those who don't have them? I don't understand it. After that, I quickly lose interest in it and start getting bored again, but then, a surprising name catches my attention again.

"Harry Potter!" says McGonagall, and I can see that I'm not the only one who's intrigued by this name. Finally, I will see him!

But it doesn't look like I will see him, because he doesn't come. Instead, the stupid black-haired idiot I saw at Kings Cross comes to the stool and takes the hat. Typical, that idiot clearly doesn't understand that it was Harry Potter who was called, and he comes instead because he can't wait a little. I hate those insensitive idiots. The stupid way he's looking through his glasses... WAIT! Can it be that this idiot is actually Harry Potter? THAT'S EVEN BIGGER PLOT TWIST! There wasn't a single clue, this is unfair! Life can't do this to me! THIS ISN'T FAIR! I WAS LOOKING FORWARD TO MEET A GUY WHO TURNS OUT TO BE AN IDIOT! Why is life doing this to me, I don't deserve it! This isn't fair! Seriously, from the beginning of my life I meet only hardships, even though everyone including you agrees I don't deserve any, and then you can see such an idiot who clearly had a beautiful, royal childhood and everyone fawns around him because he's just the famous Potter! And he isn't even grateful for how lucky he is! I can see it in his eyes! He's a jerk and he kills puppies for fun! Why do these people even exist? This is unfair!

Oh wait, he's gone by now. Good riddance, if you ask me. I hope he didn't come to our table. No, he didn't, I can't see him, and my eyesight is the best ever. As I look around, I notice that the sorting is still on and it's the Ron's turn. The hat doesn't even hesitate much and it sends him to Gryffindor; clearly even the stupid hat can see how big jerk he is. I bet it saw his stupid attempt to disfigure me in his head and even the hat was disgusted by it. After all, I'm loved by everyone, except Ron. And Snape, yeah, but I don't think he's fully human. And that jerk girl Hermione. And these jerk twins. And those jerks who said I'm a mudblood, whatever it is. And that stupid giant, but that's not personal, it doesn't even hate people, it just wants to eat them. And that stupid jerk Potter boy. Yeah, but those are jerks and they like no one, and I'm loved by everyone except them, which is the greatest achievement there can be.

Oh yeah, and I've forgotten the stupid nigger. He's just sitting on the stool and gets sorted into... Slytherin? BUT HE'S ALSO A JERK! Seriously, this stupid sorting is so stupid, I can't even understand it! Where's a system in that?

Well anyway, an old man stands up (he's obviously the Headmaster), and it looks like he's going to bore us to death with his talking, but I'm too smart and I'm definitely not going to listen to the blubbering of this nitwit. Instead, I look into the plate and happily notice that they're now full, so I can start eating. Even not counting the fact that I'm starving, it would be a better idea than to listen to the Headmaster's droning lecture. But maybe it wasn't so long, because I notice that other people are starting to eat as well. True, they're also starting a conversation as well, but that is a stupid idea because it's a really long time since we've eaten the last time and they can always speak with others later, just like I will. But hey, what can you expect from idiots?

After the main course, there were desserts, and finally when even I ate as much as I could, the plates become clear again and the Headmaster starts speaking again. Well, now I'm full so I think it wouldn't be that bad to listen to him, he can drone me to sleep. Except he doesn't, because the things he says are really worrisome. Firstly, we're apparently not allowed to enjoy a clear air and walk into the forest, and we have to stay in the castle. Secondly, we're apparently not allowed to use magic in the school where we learn magic. And as if this wasn't enough, we're apparently not allowed to go to the classrooms! In a school! This isn't a school, this is a prison! I hate this stupid headmaster person, I hate him so much! You bet I'm going to break all these laughable rules as soon as I can!

And as if this wasn't enough, he makes us sing! Shortly after we ate! Such an action should be made a war crime!

Luckily, the song isn't that long, and then we're FINALLY allowed to go to our rooms. The prefect, who introduced himself as Gabriel Truman, assured us that the way isn't very long when we started walking, and he entertains us with various pieces of knowledge like which corridor leads where, but the journey feels very long for me. I feel very tired already, and it doesn't look like we're there already. I can see that otherwise I'd probably enjoy this marvelous castle far more, with all those beautiful portraits and secret passages, but I'm just so tired! It was a long day and those stupid people don't seem to notice it and teleport us to our rooms, which is scandalous! They definitely have both parents!

Finally, Gabriel stops in front of a pile of barrels, and knocks on one of them twice and then thrice. The barrel opens into a path made of dirt which is just so disgusting and I don't think I'll even want to go through it again, but right now I'm so tired that I'll do even that so that I can go sleep. Seriously, can't you see how great my sacrifice is? Yeah, I do know I'm a saint, too bad that some of the others don't.

And there, at last, is the common room – a beautiful and cozy room with yellow and black. I don't like black, but I don't mind yellow, and I have to objectively admit that wizards can do much worse. I'd just like it to be more pink and fluffy, that's all.

Gabriel shows us around the room, specifically mentioning the cacti waving to us and the small windows near the floor (I don't get this nonsense at all, but I guess I'd have to put up with idiotic people around me), then he says something about the symbols and famous students of our house and then personally wishes good night to each one of us as we go up. Originally, I go up to my room as well, but then I remember something. There TOTALLY is a thing I have to do right now, before I go to sleep! I run down the stairs again and catch Gabriel before he can enter his rooms.

"Ah, it's you, what do you want?" asks Gabriel sleepily.

"Quickly, I have to know it now, could you show me where is the nearest classroom?" I ask him urgently.

"Well, I don't know why, but yes," he answers with raised eyebrows, shrugs and leads me to a classroom. He opens a door, but I quickly push him inside, walk inside as well and close the door.

"W-what are you trying to do?" he stutters.

"Oh, I don't wish anyone to see or hear what will happen here," I answer in a girly way, look at him and then, when I see he didn't like my answer, I suddenly smile at him to put him at ease. I take my cloak and put it away. "Great, never liked that stupid cloak." I look at him again, studying his body. Then I suddenly smile with a predatory grin. "Yes, I think you're exactly who I was looking for."

And then, I use the element of surprise, corner him in the corner of the classroom and approach my mouth to his head...