Chapter 14 - Finding Balance

“Thomas?” I yelled impatiently, taking long angry strides in the soft gloom that comes when you close the barn doors in daylight. “Where are you?” My voice sounded harsh, even to me.

“What's got you so riled up?” Thomas said, calmly appearing at my side. In contrast, his voice held a deep, honeyed smoothness. He wore an almost identical outfit to the one I'd first seen him in, except this time instead of jeans he wore a pair of skin tight black leather pants.

Only bikers wore more leather, but not by much.

Unable to stop pacing, my breath started coming in ragged pants. Terrified of losing control, it took me two tries to get the words out. Even then, I still had trouble.

Voice squeezed tight, I choked, “I just sent a dish flying and destroyed a wall.”

Thomas positioned himself so that, suddenly, he stood directly in my path. I hadn't even seen the movement, until I crashed right into him. It felt like hitting a brick wall, but the impact to my body worked like a charm. I no longer  felt the need to pace back and forth like a caged tiger.

The overwhelming anger still raging in my veins felt more like a volcano about to errupt. The pressure didn't just continue to build, it exploded in a skin-tingling rush of energy that not only took my breath away, but felt like it took a piece of my soul with it. I knew that couldn't happen too many more times and be very healthy.

“Chaos,” Thomas began, voice soothing. “You need to calm down.”

“Don't tell me to calm down!” I yelled. Overhead, boards that made up the roof above the loft started to snap in half, raining down dust and debris. I barely noticed, pointing an unsteady finger in his face. “Why does everyone think I need to calm down? If you even think about saying those words to me again, you're fired as my Guardian Angel.”

Searching my face, Thomas drew in a trembling breath. “I was afraid something like this would happen.”

I was vaguely aware of the sound of his voice, but I was painfully more aware of his closeness. My gaze traveled slowly down the entire length of his body, then back up, even more slowly. When I eventually reached his eyes, his gaze was too direct, too intense. My heart began to beat uncontrollably as a rush of heat filled both my cheeks. They burned with something close to shame.

“What's happening to me?” I whispered, mouth gone dry.

Thomas reached out, hands cupping either side of my face. I tensed so completely that my breath hitched in my throat. I had to swallow my pulse just to keep from choking. As he pressed his hands against my cheeks, it felt like my heart actually skipped a beat or two, before it slowed down to another rhythm that wasn't my own.

I felt my knees start to go weak and yearned to be even closer to him. I half expected him to pull me hard against his body, but he didn't have to. For some strange reason, I could no longer feel my feet, and it's more like I collapsed against him. In one swift motion his hands slid behind my back, pressing me tightly against his body. Then, instead of catching me in mid air, we both fell to the ground with a heavy thud.

“I'm so sorry,” I mumbled. My brief attempt to stand failed. I winced when I realized I was pinned to the ground.

“No, I'm the one who should be sorry for letting you fall,” Thomas admitted, repositioning himself until he leaned so far over me that our faces nearly touched. Staring deep into his hazel eyes, the weight of his gaze pressed against my soul like a pent up storm needing release.

I blushed, averting my face to hide my humiliation. Thomas reached out a hand, tracing a shivery line along my jaw with just the barest touch...no, scratch that. Not a touch exactly. His fingers felt more like a cool breeze brushing my skin.

I closed my eyes and shivered as he gradually tilted my chin up, until my gaze found his pleading stare underneath those impossibly long lashes.

“Just breathe,” he commanded in a tender voice.

I could taste the tension in the barn like a thick cloud of smoke in the air. I hadn't even realized I'd been holding my breath. Letting it spill out, the anger I'd felt only moments ago melted away.

One question remained and I was dying to ask.

“Am I only imagining that I can't feel it when you touch me?” I whispered to hide the tremble in my voice.

If possible, Thomas leaned in even closer. “This is only an ethereal appearance.” I looked at him confused. “Because I am unable to manifest a physical body like you have here on earth, my touch is not the touch of flesh. It is pure radiant energy.” His gaze fell to my mouth. A small sigh escaped my lips when they parted, and for a brief moment, I thought he was going to kiss me. Instead, he stood up suddenly as if he'd only just realized that our bodies were pressed so tightly together.

Pulled to my feet in the blink of an eye, I felt lightheaded and more than a little bit wobbly. Like I'd just been zapped with a bolt of lightening. How I managed to remain standing was a total mystery.

We exchanged nervous glances. I broke the silence first. “What happened?”

Thomas took a couple of steps back, distancing himself as if afraid I might bite. “I had to re-balance your energy.”

I felt a little punch-drunk, but good...in a hyper alert sort of way. The feeling reminded me of the buzz I got after drinking too many energy drinks, only now, I was completely sober wasted.

I smiled to myself. “Wow, what a rush! Can we do it again?”

“Chaos, I need you to focus,” Thomas urged, voice becoming a warning.

My eyes widened in surprise at his sudden mood swing.

The look on his utterly masculine face was now full of angry desperation. Underneath, there was sadness – a loss I didn't completely understand.

“You're becoming unpredictable, and worse, even more uncontrollable. You should'nt be able to use any of your powers while I'm around,” he said, moving closer to study my face. “And yet you have.”

I raised an eyebrow at him. “I didn't do it on purpose. Is there something wrong with me?”

I could tell by the expression on his face that he was holding something back. “There has simply never been another angel like you,” Thomas admitted, voice cautious. “It's almost as if your powers know no boundaries.”

I grinned. “You say that like it's a bad thing.”

He turned away, raking fingers through a mass of his thick hair. “You don't understand how bad this is. I've only seen this once before...”

“Okay, now you're starting to scare me.”

Thomas spun around and, for the first time, I saw real fear in his eyes. “Do you remember when I told you that the Dark Ones will stop at nothing to get you back?”

I nodded. “But you said they couldn't get to me because of you.”

“That was before I knew how powerful you are.”

I rolled my eyes. “There you go with all that powerful crap again. I don't feel powerful."

Without speaking, Thomas pointed up. I followed his eyes to a huge, gaping hole in the roof that hadn't been there before. I vaguely remembered the sound of splintering wood, but I'd been too absorbed in my meltdown to care.

My eyes went wide. "Did I do that?" Thomas nodded. "Look, I'm not saying you're right. All I really feel is frustrated most of the time. Like I want to blow something up."

“Chaos, don't say that.”

“Why not? It's true.”

He sighed. “I'm afraid I haven't been completely honest with you.”

I gave him a sideways glance. “What do you mean?”

“There's a reason you feel so out of control. Your not balanced.”

“Isn't that what you just did to me?”

He shook his head. “That was temporary. The longer you remain unbalanced, the more volatile your powers become. Eventually, even I will no longer be able to control you.”

My brows knitted together in frustration. “What can we do?”

He frowned. “You're not going to like it.”

“Try me.”

Thomas took a deep breath. “The foundation of the entire universe is based on balance. Opposite forces interacting to form a whole greater than either separate part. In effect, a dynamic system where one force cannot exist without the other.” I wasn't following him and it must have shown on my face. “There are many natural dualities," he explained, bringing it down to my level. "For example – light and dark, high and low, hot and cold, water and fire, and so on.”

I was starting to get the picture. “You mean, like Yin and Yang.”

“Exactly.” When Thomas continued, there was a sadness in his voice I hadn't heard before. “From the moment you were born, your soul has been on a collision course to form a perfect union, strengthened by balance. In its purest form, this union becomes part of your very essence. A bond that can never be broken.”

I narrowed my eyes. “What are you trying to say? That the other half of my soul is trying to find me?”

He nodded. “That is the only way to stop you from destroying yourself and taking the planet with you.”

Talk about suicide by super-power.

I had a creepy sense of impending doom. "You mean, like Armageddon?”

This time he didn't respond. He didn't have to.

I was first to break the silence again. “How do I find this Mr. Right?”

Thomas looked away. “Don't worry. I'll make sure he finds you.”

My voice squeaked up. “Wait, I don't get you. One minute you're all fire and brimstone, and the next it's like your playing match maker.”

His eyes locked on mine. “It's the only way to save you.”

I found myself gripped by an unexpected urge to be close to him. I leaned forward, longing to touch and be touched by him. Now I knew that was never going to happen.

A thought occurred to me. "How will I recognize my other half when I find him?"

Thomas pointed to my arm. "He will have a mark like you. But instead of fire, it will be the mark of an opposing force," he explained, without meeting my eyes. "Together, you will become one."

I was almost afraid to ask. “So, what happens until then?”

His gaze returned with a vengeance. This time when he spoke, his voice held a special kind of ruthlessness. “What happens is – I don't let you out of my sight. Period. Not even for a second. And no visitors from friends either,” he added, almost as an afterthought. “I can't afford to get distracted by your human drama.”

I swallowed hard. “But I've already made plans with Carmen. She's counting on me.”

He narrowed his eyes in frustration. “Cancel them.”

“I can't,” I insisted. Even if I could, I wouldn't.

Thomas scowled and stepped toward me. “No. What you cannot do is afford to lose control.”

I raised my chin defiantly. “I'm not going to do anything to lose control,” I replied, folding my arms tightly over my chest. “I may be stubborn, but I'm not stupid.”

His eyes hardened. “Sometimes I think you're stubborn just to be a pain in the neck.”

Actually, he was closer to the truth than he knew. When I'm told I can't do something, it just makes me want to do it that much more.

A slow, mischievous smile curled my lips. “You haven't seen nothing yet.”