Chapter 20

I parked the Fury far enough away from my house so my mom wouldn't see it and start peppering me with questions, but close enough in case I needed to make a fast getaway for some unforeseen reason. As I approached the front door, I noticed a sign that read, Closed Until Further Notice.

That's strange. My mom never closed the farm.

I walked out back to the cider mill. All the lights were off and the door was locked tight. Circling around the greenhouses, my heart squeezed when I saw the barn with its proud silo punctuating the morning sky. In the soft golden glow of sunrise, memories of Thomas came flooding back. Every moment we'd shared, every touch, even our last first kiss was forever seared in my mind.

Desperately waiting for him to come back to me, not knowing if he ever would, I cursed the dawn. Yet another day began with us being apart. Another day with me being all alone. And worse, much, much worse, another day with me dying all over again inside when he failed to return.

As I looked around the property, I couldn't help seeing reminders of Thomas everywhere. Him running around the corn maze, scaring the in-crowd. Him trying to balance my power in the barn, and dropping me on my ass. Even his voice – so soft, so sensual – echoed in my mind.

To keep from going insane, I knew I had to find a way to exist despite him. Had to remember to forget him. Or face an eternity without him.

Hunger gnawing at my empty stomach, I tried, but I couldn't remember the last time I'd had any food. Do angels even need to eat? I sure as hell did.

I walked to the back of the house, climbed the steps of the deck, and entered through the sliding glass door. Judging by all the dead flowers, it became obvious to me only then that no one had been home for quite a while. Huge plants and flower arrangements like the kind you'd find at a funeral parlor, were scattered all over the entire kitchen, even extending into the living room and beyond.

Touching the once bright and lively petals, now brittle with the decay of time, I watched them crumble in my hands as I wondered who had died. A sudden sickening thought that something had happened to my mom made me rush over to the land line to call Carmen's cell. She answered on the first ring.

"Hey, it's me. Do you know where my mom's at?"

All I heard on the other end was silence, followed by a scream. After that the phone went dead in my hand. Fearing the worst, I called Carmen back. "Whatever you do, do not hang up on me again!" I ordered directly into the mouthpiece.

"Chaos, is that you?" Carmen breathed.

"Yeah. Why'd you hang up?"

Her voice came out all wrong. "Are you calling me from beyond the grave?"

I rolled my eyes. "Quit messing around. I know I haven't been in touch, but it hasn't been that long. I'm just calling to find out if something's happened to my mom."

"No, um...I mean...yes," she answered quickly, stumbling over her words. "You're mom's fine. She left right after the funeral."

Funeral? I clenched my hand around the phone until I felt it crack. Closing my eyes, I asked, "Who's funeral?" At first when she didn't respond, I knew I was going to have to drag it out of her. "Just tell me who died, Carmen."

"You did." She hesitated before adding, "Sebastian went to Kalamazoo to look for you. He came back and broke the news to everyone that you were dead."

"What would make Sebastian think that?" Even as I blurted out the words, I already knew the answer. He'd felt my heart when it stopped beating. That's why he was nowhere to be found when I looked for him. He didn't expect a living dead girl to escape the clutches of Doctor Drool. "Did my mom say where she went?"

"No. She just left. My parents said she was in shock. Have you tried to call her?"

I shook my head angrily. "She doesn't have a cell. I let her use mine once, but she didn't even know how to answer a call when it came in. I tried to show her, but she claimed my cell was too far advanced for her."

"Yeah," Carmen agreed. "Your mom is technologically challenged."

Opening my eyes once again, they landed on a shadow box hung on a wall in the dining room that hadn't been there before. I shuffled over to the box and peeked inside. My favorite spoon lay encased in glass next to a picture of me using it to eat cake when I'd turned six. I continued to stare at the box trying desperately to figure out a way to reach my mom, when the glass suddenly shattered right before my eyes. I watched as my spoon fell to the ground, along with the picture of me missing my two front teeth. Wrapping my mind around the spoon, I lifted it up and swiped it out of mid-air.

"What was that noise?" Carmen shouted. When I didn't answer right away, her voice cracked. "Chaos, you still there?"

"I, ah...I'm here." I didn't have time to ponder my unpracticed telekinetic abilities. A growl in my empty stomach reminded me I was still starving. "I just dropped a pickle jar, that's all. No biggie," I lied, heading into the kitchen to make my favorite sammie.

"OHMYFREAKINGOD!" she screamed into the phone. "Chaos, it really is you."

"Who else would be calling you at the butt crack of dawn?"

"Anyone except you." Yawning into the phone, she muttered, "We don't gotta get up for school for another whole hour. How are you even awake?" 

That's my Carmen. Not even my almost death could convince her to skip school. Serenity had a stronger hold on her than I thought.

"Trust me," I groaned. "You don't wanna know."

I used my trusty spoon to smear gobs of peanut butter and jelly on stale white bread. With one sandwich made and hanging precariously out of my mouth, I decided to make my next favorite sammie. A grilled peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Slapping everything together, I placed the bread in a frying pan to brown first one side and then the other, allowing the flavors to combine in an ooey-gooey, rich and creamy melty goodness.

"Where's Sebastian now?" I finally asked.

Carmen seemed to think about that for a moment. "After your funeral, he just left. No one's seen him since." Pausing, she added, "What happened to you anyway? You've been gone like for-evs."

"Oh, I've been around," I answered without bothering to swallow. A sudden knock on the front door made me drop the phone. I caught it with the back of my foot and kicked it in the air like a soccer ball. Catching it one handed, I placed the receiver next to my ear. "Hold on, someone's here."

"It's probably him," Carmen announced.

"Lemme call you back."

"Don't you dare hang up the phone," she insisted. "Take me with you just in case it's someone else. You expecting company?"

"No," I groaned, trying to manage my half-eaten sammie, the phone, and the lock. Training my eyes on the dead-bolt, I gave the door a mental pop, rotating the inside knob. Before I had a chance to swing it open, the smoke detector started going off. I glanced over my shoulder at smoke billowing from the kitchen. "Carmen, I gotta call you back." I hung up without giving her a chance to complain. Mentally yanking open the door, I made a mad dash back to the stove. "Come in Sebastian," I called over my shoulder, eyeballing the blackened mass in the frying pan. Turning off the stove, I removed the camo shirt and used it like a pot holder to carefully carry the sizzling pan to the sink. The acrid smell of burnt food filled my nostrils, along with the entire rest of the house. Just like that, my hunger disappeared. Irritated, I zapped the smoke detector to shut it off and then remembered that Sebastian was still waiting for me outside. "You growing roots out there?" I grumbled, returning to the living room wearing only an army green tank top and matching camo pants. "I told you to come in already."

When I reached the doorway, I froze – the color completely draining from my face.

"What's the matter?" an all too familiar voice said. "You look like you've just seen a ghost."

My heart lept to my throat. Blinking back overwhelming tears of joy, I knew if I let them fall now I would never stop crying.

I choked back a sob. "You're late." 

"You never specified a time," Thomas replied without missing a beat, automatically recalling the words from one of our very first conversations. "So don't push it," he added with a grin.

His lopsided smile caught me off guard. Frowning, I tried to remember the next part, and failed epically. I'd replayed this same conversation over and over in my mind a million times. How could I possibly forget it now?

"Uh, oh," Thomas teased. "Someone's got a case of the grumpies. What's the matter, did you skip your happy juice this morning?"

Blushing furiously, I drew my gaze from his in anger, trying desperately to hide my shame. I didn't want him to see the effect he had on me. Especially when he seemed so indifferent about taking freaking forever to show up. Unfortunately for me, tiny sparks all over my face and arms reminded me that my hair betrayed my emotions – the ends shooting up in the air like a fireworks display.

Thomas reached out to gently tilt up my chin, holding it there until I met his gaze. "Just breathe," he whispered softly.

I let out a breath I hadn't even realized I'd been holding. His magnetic hazel eyes drew me in, while  passion hiding in their limitless depths made me shiver against my will. Pulling me into a deep embrace, desire unfolded from within like a flower turning to sunlight. Tears I could no longer hold back fell like raindrops to wash away all the sorrows.

Or most of them, anyway.

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