Chapter 40

I wanted to keep on running but my legs wouldn't listen to me. Everything felt disconnected. All I could do was sob like a newborn while my tears fell unhindered, landing like rain drops into an ocean full of tears from all of the people I'd failed to save.

I scrunched my eyes shut tight. Not only to stop the tears from falling, but to try and ignore the truth. The truth that Thomas wasn't the faithful Guardian who watched over the Realm of Angels, I was. Thomas wasn't the one who abandoned his post after the Dark Ones fell from Heaven to save Earth, I was. And Thomas didn't sacrifice himself by choosing to become an Angel of Darkness, I did.

I did it. I did all of it.

I became the perfect weapon of mass destruction. The perfect storm. I did it on purpose to put a stop to the war the Dark Ones were raging for dominion over the Earth. It seemed kind of funny to me now that they never even suspected one of their own kind was working for the other side. Of course, the fact that I'd refused to go along with their evil plans gave me the perfect cover. Go figure. My iron will to resist the power of darkness, my natural born stubbornness to never do anything I'm told, heck...even my crappy attitude ended up working to my advantage.

Who would've thought.

But what I still didn't understand, and probably never would, was how God could put all that faith in me to save mankind, wipe my memory clean of the entire plan when I was reborn, and then trust me enough to send me out into the world to carry out His will?

I wouldn't even trust me.

"He believed in you at a time when you didn't even believe in yourself," a male voice responded as if reading my mind. "He gave you the strength to be a light in the world."

My eyes blinked open to find a guy around my age standing beside me on the rocky cliff. At first glance he looked like one of those male genetic lottery winners. You know, the kind free of brooding teenage angst and seemingly endless amounts of energy without a single sip of coffee.

Yeah, that kind.

He dressed simply, wearing khaki shorts and a plain, woolen tunic that was several shades lighter than his shorts. The shirt, if you could even call it that, was tucked in at the waist and open at the neck. In place of a belt, he wore a purple medicine pouch that hung from his right shoulder over to his left hip with carefully braided pieces of matching purple leather that formed a flat rope about an inch wide.

I couldn't help wondering what kind of medicine was needed in Heaven.

He was tall and slender with long, graceful hands that were naturally elegant and interesting to watch when he gestured. He had a narrow face and a strong, square jaw with a trace of softness in it. His light blue eyes that peered out from under heavy black eyebrows were the exact same color as the ocean and just as deep; filled with wisdom far beyond his youthful years. Even a head full of knotty, walnut-colored dreadlocks with wooden beads dispersed throughout couldn't hide the way he stared back at me as if looking directly into the window of my soul.

It was kind of hard to argue with a barefoot hippie preaching the word of God in Heaven, but I managed. "I was reborn as an Angel of Darkness. How is that lighting the world?"

He smiled at me like Jesus to a child. "Without darkness there would be no light. The faith God put in you, along with the powers He bestowed upon you were one of His many gifts. How you used those powers against all odds to overcome in a world filled with such darkness was your gift to Him."

My mouth fell open but no words came out. Well, not at first anyway. "How can you say that when I basically managed to wipe out the entire adult population? I failed in every possible way there is to fail."

The hippie tilted his head as if it were obvious. "God wouldn't give you the blessing if you couldn't handle the burden." He paused to wander over to the edge of the cliff and peered at the churning water below. His gentle hands sliced the air when he continued. "It never ceases to amaze me how people can ask if God cares about what's going on in the world. If He cares about all the bad things that happen. They often ask why He doesn't stop it. Why He doesn't do something...anything to put an end to the suffering. Nobody ever asks what they can do to change things. What if God asked us the same question? What if He asked each one of us what are we going to do to stop all the bad stuff from happening?" Lifting his head—dreadlocks drooping forward to cover both cheeks—his pale blue eyes reached for mine. "But you heard him, didn't you? You heard the silent calling and stepped forward to help."

The hippie motioned toward the Tree of Sorrows perched high atop yet another rocky cliff. Even from this far away I could see the magnificent lilac tree, forever blooming with deep purple flowers.

And then it hit me.

The signs! I'd been seeing them all along. I was just too wrapped up in my own problems to notice. I couldn't see how every single sign pointed straight to God. The color purple was His way of reminding me of the tree. As the significance slowly dawned on me, a single tear trailed a lonely path down my cheek. I glanced up just in time and would've sworn a tiny purple petal in the shape of a tear landed on the ground at the very same time my tear hit the ocean.

The hippie smiled knowingly. "Heaven is promised as an everlasting reward to those who believe in Him. The tree is a reminder of that promise. It's His greatest gift of all because it represents the love of God. That's why in times when you needed Him the most, He showed you signs so you would know you were never alone."

As if to prove a point, the painted sky above began with a slow dance of colors at first, swirling together in soft pinks followed by deep magenta, and then a final crescendo in the most incredible shade of purple imaginable.

The effect took my breath away.

I may have doubted Him in the past, but there was no denying the amount of patience it took to not give up on me. I'd made so many mistakes that I didn't even know where to start to ask for forgiveness. Although, when it came right down to it, in order to be forgiven I knew I needed to forgive myself first.

Not that I was there yet. Not even close.

My inner turmoil echoed the relentless breaking waves of the great blue ocean crashing into the rocky shore below. I'm sure I was supposed to be enjoying a permanent state of bliss, free of   burdens caused by the day to day existence in human form. Instead, what did I do? Beat myself up inside for everything I'd done wrong. Had I done the best I could? If not, I had forever to ponder my mistakes. Time stood still here. It was a constant reminder that everything on the other side was gold. That day did not fold into night and was put on hold. That's why I barely noticed when the setting sun touched the horizon. As the glowing ball of yellow-orange began to slide into dark violet-blue, I thought I saw people...ah, teenagers to be exact, standing on top of the glassy water. Half-hidden and shrouded in mist so I couldn't make out their faces, teens simply began filling the vast space of the ocean as twilight swept over the heavens.

An icy-cold wave of panic wrapped itself around me. I pointed at the evidence of my failure and stared the hippie down, daring him to look away. "Look at everyone who died because of me. I told you I suck at saving the planet."

He glanced over my shoulder momentarily before meeting my eyes again. "They're not capable of crossing over."

I blinked in frustration. "Come again?"

"You only think they've crossed over because you can see them. The veil between life and death is growing very thin for you." I gave a look that said I clearly wasn't following him. He swept an arm open wide before answering. "Those are all of people who are alive because of you. They're everyone you saved."

"Then why is the veil thinning?" I thought about Thomas and that time in the castle when he faded away.

"You have to go back," the hippie said in a firm voice.

"Back?" I cried, as my mind grasped for an explanation.

He nodded. "There's a new threat and we need your help. Only you have enough power to stop it from happening. Unless you want us to try and find someone else..."

I barely let him finish before I cut him off. "Duh! Of course I want to go back."

A smile played at the corners of his full lips that he tried to hide. "Very well. But I have to warn you, Chaos. Things are going to be much different when you return."

"Different...how exactly?" I thought about it and then blurted, "I'm not returning as a Prep, am I? Because that would seriously be the worst." Just the thought of being friends with Mindee gave me the squeamies.

When he didn't expand on his answer I knew he was trying his best to ignore my outburst. But it didn't matter. I was being given one more chance for redemption. One more chance to save mankind. But, even more importantly,  I was being given one more chance at payback.

Yeah, I had my priorities in order.

You can take the angel out of darkness, but you can't take the darkness out of the angel.

A mysterious flickering light resembling a flame suddenly appeared at my feet and slowly began to make its way up my body as if eating me alive.

"Wait!" I cried out, having second thoughts. "If God needed my help so bad, why didn't He just ask me Himself?"

This time the hippie didn't bother to hide his smile. "How do you know He didn't?"