Once upon a time, there was an angel

And she was here again.

The void.

She looked around. The only thing that seemed to really, well, exist, was a small pile of dust on the floor.

Lettuce sat down, placing the quill and the ink, now back to a bright purple, into her pocket. She waited for something - or someone - she wasn't even sure would come.

Not even a single idea came to flicker. It was simply just a purple void.

What had happened here?

"WHO THE F*** ARE YOU AND WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?!"

Lettuce jumped at the sound of the familiar voice. She knew it well -- the same voice that had exiled Tommy and Wilbur when he won the election, his famous echoing voice that drove Wilbur insane, the same voice that had hacked and coughed in the Camarvan on November 16th.

Schlatt.

Lettuce gave him a small smile. "Uh, hi! I'm Lettuce!"

"Stop f***ing with me. You're not Lettuce. What are you doing here?"

Lettuce perked up. "Y'know, I think the real question is, what are you doing here?"

Schlatt stared at her.

"I live here?"

"Oh. Right." Lettuce rubbed her forehead. "Where's the other Lettuce?"

"Died, I say."

She stopped. "Wait- no, she can't die. That's impossible-"

"Yeah, pulled Tommy with her and all that. I wouldn't worry so much if I were you. She goddamn deserved it for what she did to us."

"I know you don't mean that," Lettuce said softly. She stepped closer to him. "How are you still here, then?"

"I dunno. Why do you care so much, anyway?" Schlatt pulled out a bottle of liquor from the void, cracking open the top before tipping it towards his mouth.

She grimaced. "P-please don't drink that-"

"Who are you to tell me what to do?" He took a swig.

Lettuce took one look at his troubled expression and approached him. "I just want to know what happened."

"I already told you. She erased the world and died."

"How?"

"I dunno. I wasn't there."

"How are you still here, then?"

"Do I look like God to you?" Schlatt pouted. "How would I, of all people, know?"

"Well, I just assumed that since you're here-"

"Get out, already! No sense in wasting time fixing what's already broken."

Lettuce frowned. "Isn't the whole point of 'fixing' something that's already brok-"

"Oh, don't go all grammar nazi with me. Get. Out."

Lettuce took a step back, gulping. "W-where do I go?"

"I don't care."

She took another step, and another, before turning her whole body and running as fast as she could, when she slammed into an invisible wall and fell back, sliding right next to Schlatt.

"Guess you're trapped here," Schlatt mumbled, summoning another bottle from who-knows-where.

"There has to be a way out!" Lettuce stumbled up, glaring at Schlatt, who just shrugged.

"I'm not helping you."

She smirked. "So you're just going to let me stay here and bother you? I can sing random songs until you help."

"Hit me."

"Bow is in hand, and I aim, at that arrogant smirking face-"

"Okay, okay, fine." Schlatt groaned, taking another swig and then nodding his head. "You're gonna have to repair that pen. I don't think you can piece together some dust, though. You'll need some s*** magical person or something to get it back."

She waited for him to continue, but he fell silent, raising the bottle up to his lips and drinking again.

"That's it?" she prompted.

"I told ya, I'm not God. You can't expect me to know everything."

"You ARE friends with god," Lettuce pointed out.

"Friends?" Schlatt scoffed. "Yeah, right. I can't even speak to her anymore without having to throw up in her face."

He burped. The smell of alcohol flooded the void and Lettuce clenched her nose, trying to keep out the foul scent.

"What magical person?" She pulled out the quill and the ink. "Does this work?"

Schlatt didn't answer, since he was preoccupied with drinking the last of his bottle.

Lettuce sighed, and promptly drew a door, just as she had done three times before. It shimmered in response.

"I guess this is goodbye," Lettuce said.

"Whatever."

She turned to the door and stepped in-

Only for it to ricochet her out.

Lettuce landed on the floor with an oof. She rubbed her head.

"What? Why can't I-"

"It seems to me..." Schlatt walked over to the door and examined it. "You need a key."

"A KEY? Where-"

"Luckily, you have me." Purple energy glowed from Schlatt's hands. Lettuce gasped, and Schlatt scoffed, "after Lettuce ran off with her little buddy, the universe decided to give me whatever powers she had."

"Then why don't you restore the world?!" Lettuce said accusingly.

Schlatt rolled his eyes. "I could care less. It was h*** down there. They're better off like this. Besides, I don't think I could have if I tried. Lettuce's the one who can do all the hocus pocus."

"But-"

"Look, you need me to help. If you don't feel like behaving, I'll just never let you through."

Lettuce fell silent, looking at her feet. Schlatt walked over to the door and put one hand on it.

It glowed a brilliant purple light, although not as bright as the previous door.

"You can go through now," said Schlatt.

Lettuce wasted no time. She ran to the door as fast as she could and jumped in without a second thought.

She did shine, and she did shine, and she didn't shine