Terra and Orion return just before dawn, as was the original plan. Her expression sombers when she hears of Mei's death, and then her eyebrows knit when Vulcan laughs through an explanation of how I am the culprit. 

Orion doesn't seem to care, sauntering over to the beach and washing the blood off his blade. 

"We got two," informs Terra, and I involuntarily wince, earning a glare from Vulcan. "They were together, but I don't know their names--a boy and girl. Younger, I think."

Orion nods along, agreeing with her statement. He sharpens his sword on the cornucopia, generating a scraping noise that verbally assaults my ears and forces my expression into a pained wince. 

"That's fourteen left then, ain't it?" Vulcan says, his question rhetorical. 

Terra answers anyways. "Thirteen, with Mei dead."

She doesn't look at me.

I rub my neck, reminding myself that Mei was dead for a reason--that if not her, then it certainly would be me. 

Does Terra know that? I think she suspects--but I also think that even if she did know, the glare in her eyes would not disappear. 

Death is death. 

She's killed too, though, they all have. It's a fact that hangs in the air above the group, an unshakable mist of poison: we are all murderers, whether we like it or not.

Not me, though! Maybe they all think so, maybe they don't believe me when I say that I did not kill Mei, but I am not a murderer and I will not let myself ever be. Mei is dead, and some of the fault is mine, but my hand did not touch the knife in her head. 

We venture back to the island, relighting the fire and roasting an odd creature Orion found. The meat drips some sort of oil into the fire as it cooks, sparks rising up into the air, little orange specks of fairy dust returning to their rightful home. I watch them as they leave, wishing I could join.

Me and Apollo are appointed as the fisherpeople of the group, an obvious choice. I take a knife from our stockpile and whittle away at a tree branch until its edge is sharp, and get to work. 

We catch a few small fish, but the bait is scarce and so is the result. My head soon begins to ache from the sun, and I retire to a shady spot underneath one of the palm trees while Apollo, seemingly fine, digs a hole where we will hopefully be turning salt water into fresh. 

Terra comes and sits beside me, once again not meeting my gaze, staring instead out at the endless ocean. Apollo's incessant digging is background noise as we talk. 

"Do you hate me?" I ask first, getting right to the point because time is of the essence in the Hunger Games. It could be any moment now that the earth shakes or the ocean swells or the sky falls and suddenly there is no more time for conversation, because we are all dead. 

She snorts, a short puff of air from her nose. "I don't care enough to hate you, Daphne."

I take a deep breath, eyes focusing in on one swell of water, far off in the distance. "I didn't kill Mei. I swear to whatever God is up there watching, I didn't, Terra. I wouldn't, you know that, don't you?"

"Do I?" she asks, and her tone is cold as ice, or maybe even colder than that, colder than anything I could ever imagine. 

My wave makes its way to the shore, lapping slowly against the soft sand. "You know me better than anyone in here--yeah, you know that I did not kill Mei."

"No, I fucking don't," she says, standing, brushing the sand off her thighs and ankles. 

"You saw me that day, on the roof!" I try, not standing but sitting up taller, as if to make up for my apparent dishonesty. "Do you honestly think that girl would stoop to that level? Do you think she'd murder her ally in cold blood and then lie about it? Really, Terra, do you? Because I don't think you do!"

She doesn't respond for a moment, and I take my chance, continuing, finally pushing up against the tree and standing before her. She's just a bit taller, so I have to look up to meet her eyes. "You're just looking for a reason to hate me, aren't you? 'Oh, little girl from Four, she's gonna die soon, can't get too attached,' right? Is that it, Terra?"

Terra's shoulders pull back, her eyebrows knitting together and falling downwards towards her perfectly green eyes. "Maybe I don't know what to think, Four! Maybe I don't like betrayal, and this girl that you seem to be now doesn't look anything like the one I saw that day on the roof!"

She takes a deep breath, turns her head to the side for a short moment, and then once again meets my gaze. "This is over, Daphne. I don't give a fuck if you killed Mei, I really don't. This is the Hunger Games--isn't killing the whole point? What I care about is how easily you seem to switch up! Sad little crying girl one moment, screaming at Vulcan the next? What is wrong with you, Daphne?"

"Nothing is fucking wrong with me," I fire back quickly, but Terra has already shot an arrow into my heart that doesn't seem like it will ever stop hurting. Already the twinges of pain begin their journey into my blood and bones, circling behind my eyes, making them sting. 

Terra scoffs, and another twinge travels up from my heart, forming a lump in my throat that doesn't want to go away, either. "I'll believe that when I see it," she says, and then she is gone. 

I don't cry, but oh, am I close to it. The tears stay hidden because Terra can't see, because Vulcan can't watch as I break down, can't laugh at my pain as he did at my blood.

I lift my face to the sky and wait until the salty sadness has dripped back down into my headspace before crawling down to the beach and resting my feet in the cold water, body weight resting on my back hands and then eventually on the sand, eyes closed. 

And so it is that I dream. 

***

Mei visits me in my mind space. She spins and whirls, dark locks regrowing and then shearing themselves off, landing in piles of hair that grow and grow until they reach my neck. She stops just before I begin to suffocate, bringing her face close to mine, a sneer painted across almost-perfect features. 

"You're going to regret that, Four," she says, and then Mei is gone and so is her hair. I collapse to the ground, a puddle of what seems like it should be regret, but it is not long before someone else comes to visit. 

Though it is not really a visit, because he cannot see me. A window grows on what I did not realize was a wall in front of me, behind it a familiar scene: District Four's market, crowded on a Sunday. 

My father converses with another tribute I just barely recognize, laughing hard in a way that suggests he is drunk. As much as it hurts my heart, I am not surprised. 

They turn to me suddenly. Not just the two main characters but everyone else, too, eyes unblinking in an uncanny matter. 

A cannon goes off and they rush towards the glass, pounding on it, trying with all of their might, all of their lives, to get through. They scream and they growl and they shout, but they do not break the glass. 

I stumble backwards, falling to the floor, and pull my head between my knees, shutting my eyes tight and covering my ears with two cupped hands. 

Almost instantaneously the sounds disappear, and when I open my eyes, the window has disappeared too--wait, no, it hasn't. The window remains, although the scene is gone. Instead a woman stands regally, her backdrop a gray brick wall, similar to one I recognize from my reaping day, the first time I was allowed to enter the Justice Building. 

The mayor spreads her hands, brunette hair cut neatly short in the time since I have last seen her. She smiles, teeth bared, and not only does it not seem genuine, it does not feel safe nor welcoming. 

"Welcome to the future, Daphne Amphitrite," she says, and then my eyes flicker close and I fall, once again, into sleep. 

merry Christmas! well, if it's still Christmas where you live. but anyways, I just wanted to thank you (all two of you) for being so wonderful and amazing this year. more plot twists are to come with this book, and it's just about to get interesting!

love you <3