HANG tight, baby.

Hang tight, baby.

Hang tight, baby.

Maureen slaps herself. Hindi. Hindi niya 'yon sinabi.

Lasing lang siya, part lang 'yon ng dream niyang sobrang...ehem. Basta, sa dream, hindi umuwi si Kuya Inggo. Pumasok siya sa unit 'tsaka sa kanya.

MAUREEN! sigaw ng angel. NAPAKABASTOS MO!

Three holes for Kuya Inggo, sabi ng devil.

Maureen slaps herself again.

Hindi niya 'yon sinabi. If he did, walang meaning. Ang dami niyang babaeng tinatawag na 'baby', natural lang sa kanya.

'Tsaka hindi nangyari ang dream, at hindi na mangyayari ang dream. Worried lang si Kuya Inggo kasi naiwan siya sa Starbs last night, just like how Kuya Migo would've been worried.

The right thing to do would be to thank him properly. He went all the way to Taft and back to Katip for her, nagsayang siya ng gas, nag-drive through traffic. Paano kung may plans pala siya na she disrupted? Paano kung may kasama siya pala last night?

Kuya Inggo said he was glad she texted, but maybe he was just being nice. Like when she asked kung busy siya and he said no. Baka sinabi niya sa kasama niya na kailangan niya munang sunduin 'yong batang kapatid ni Migo pero babalik siya.

She must've looked like a child last night. Lasing, naghahanap ng sundo, nakatulog sa kotse...tangina.

"Agh!" she screams in frustration, rolling over in bed before grabbing her phone.

Kung ayaw niyang magbayad si Maureen ng gas, pagkain na lang. She owes him.

Kuya Inggo, thank you again for last night. I'm sorry for the bother and hassle talaga, and for not telling Kuya Migo hahaha. If you're free, let me treat you to a meal? I feel bad talaga about ruining your night. If you're not free today, let me know lang and I can make it work. Just please let me treat you. Thanks!

Isa pa, tinawagan siya for the first time kagabi. Nag-order lang siya ng tubig sa counter, tapos pagbalik niya, na-spill niya sa table kasi she saw his name on her screen. She had to slap herself para malaman kung totoo bang tumatawag si Kuya Inggo.

And then the car. From what she knows, hindi 'yon nagpapasakay sa kotse at motor niya nang kung sino man, pero Maureen has already ridden both.

Si Kuya Inggo na lang hindi, sabi ng demonyo.

Her face heats thinking about it.

No. No. She slaps herself again. Get it together, Mau. He made it clear nothing's ever going to happen between you again. He's just Kuya Migo's super nice and super hot and super smart best friend na fuckboy that you happen to be in love with. No big deal.

Okay, nag-o-overthink siya. My God, 'di naman siya pinag-iisipan ni Kuya Inggo! What the hell is she doing? Before last night, 'di naman na sila nag-uusap since his birthday. Nakakasalubong lang.

He was just being nice. Being her brother's best friend.

Her phone buzzes. Maureen dives for it.

Kuya Inggo: i already told you no worries,
rinn, but im free today. kakagaling ko lang
swimming kaya medyo gutom na rin ako.
sunduin kita? let's go to the mall :)

Not a date. Not a date. Not a date.

Just paying him back.

Maureen agrees, Kuya Inggo says he'll be here in forty-five, tapos inulit-ulit niya ang mantra na 'yon habang naliligo, nagbibihis, at naglalagay siya ng makeup.

Not a date pero nag-aayos, asar ng demonyo.

Shh, she's doing it for herself! depensa ng angel.

Lul, 'wag ka na mag-panty para mabilisan.

Jesus Christ.

She's hoping her face isn't flaming when she gets inside Kuya Inggo's car. She smiles at him. "Hi."

"Hi, Rinn." His smile is dazzling. HAHA. Naka-black shirt lang siya na plain 'tsaka jeans and a black cap na nakabaliktad on his head. Isang kamay ang nasa steering wheel, 'yong kamay na may watch niya.

HUHUHU. Bakit sobrang mukha siyang jowa right now? Sinundo pa siya sa Sedan niya. Tangina naman.

Sakay ka na sa kanya, sabi ng devil.

Maureen coughs loudly and fastens her seatbelt, looking at the window. "Why the mall?"

"Wala lang." Kuya Inggo's smile is wide. She loves it. Ngumingiti na siya ulit around her.

Pero nawala bigla when his eyebrows furrow and he murmurs, "Why, you don't want to? Gusto mo ba over and done with na sa kain, ayaw mo na 'kong kasama?"

Maureen's eyes widen, shaking her head. "Kuya Inggo, no, of course not, I was just—"

His laugh makes her shut up.

He looks at her with his boyish grin, face shining in amusement.

"I hate you," Maureen mutters, turning to the window again.

"No, you don't. How are you feeling pala? You want to get coffee muna?"

He's smiling again. Maureen turns to him and clears her throat. "No, I'm good, thanks. I'm sorry ulit—"

"Don't even think about taking a Grab by yourself again," sabi ni Kuya Inggo gently, finally pressing on the gas. "You call me or you call Migo. You did the right thing kagabi, so don't apologize. I already told you I wasn't busy. Okay?"

Maureen sighs. She's grateful, but... "Thanks, Kuya Inggo."

"Napilitan?"

It makes her laugh a little.

"Migs knows you're an adult," sabi ni Kuya Inggo. Then, with a deep breath, he mutters, "I do."

Maureen ignores the implication and the sudden heat in her neck. "Do you know how many times he texts me in a day, wondering where I am and what I'm doing? He has my schedule. 'Pag break ko, tinatanong niya kung nasa'n ako, sino kasama ko, anong oras ako uuwi, sinong kasama kong maglakad pauwi. Naiiinis siya kapag hindi ko siya in-u-update."

"Tanginang 'yan." He looks over at her with a frown. "So...you went to Taft for a bit of freedom? And you told him...what?"

She bites her lip and looks down at her fingers. "Yeah. I love Kuya Migo. I love him so much and I'm so thankful inalagaan niya kami at hindi niya kami pinabayaan. I went to Taft kasi I wanted to do things on my own without him breathing down my neck. I told him I was asleep na."

Kuya Inggo winces. "Rinn..."

"I know, I know. Something could've happened to me. Dapat sinabihan ko na lang siya." She sighs again. "I won't do it anymore, 'tsaka kakausapin ko siya for a compromise sa pagiging overprotective niya. I understand he only wants me safe and protected, kasi 'di 'yon ginawa ng tatay namin." She can't keep the bitterness out of her voice. Then, she continues, "I just wish he doesn't drag his friends into...into taking care of me, rin. So I'm really thankful for you, and Kuya Anton, and Kuya Cas, and Ate Jiya. Even Ate Addie checks up on me sometimes kapag nagkikita kami sa Blue. Medyo weird lang for me, I guess. I'm lucky that he has such great friends, na hindi n'yo 'ko in-e-exclude kasi I'm younger, pero feeling ko bata pa rin ako na kailangang i-babysit. Which is why I'm paying you back."

Kuya Inggo is silent for a while.

Maureen puts her face in her hands. "Shit, sorry. Ang dami kong sinabi—"

"I didn't come to get you because of Migs," sabi ni Kuya Inggo slowly, eyebrows furrowing. "I mean, I did, pero it came to mind na lang after I saw you. Before that, I was worried not kasi kapatid ka ni Migo, pero kasi you're you."

Maureen doesn't know what to think of this.

"I can't say the same for sila Cas, Van, Isco...but it's because they don't know you as well as Jiya and I do. Sa 'min, it's not just because you're Migo's younger sister. We would've come to get you kahit na hindi."

Gets niya ang kay Ate Jiya.

Pero kailan lang sinabi ni Kuya Inggo na hindi niya i-ri-risk ang friendship niya with Kuya Migo for her? May nagbago ba?

'Wag kang mangarap, Maureen, sabi ng anghel sadly. He just means he sees you as a friend. Not just as Kuya Migo's younger sister. Hindi tungkol sa relasyon ang sinasabi niya.

"You're paying me back only because you insisted and I know you won't let it go, pero hindi ka bata, Rinn." Kuya Inggo smiles, glancing at her. "Gusto ka lang talagang alagaan ni gago kasi he doesn't trust any other guy to be good enough to care the way he does for you. Kahit ang dad n'yo."

Tangina naman.

She suddenly feels so guilty for getting annoyed at the million texts Kuya Migo sends her in a day.

She suddenly feels so guilty for even thinking na unfair siya for leaving with Ate Jiya no'ng Christmas, no'ng umuwi ang tatay nila. She thought na ang daya na may pinupuntahan siya for solace and comfort and love, pero si Maureen wala. Wala siyang mapuntahan no'n.

Pero Kuya Migo deserves that and more. Maureen wants it for him. She's happy he has it now. Ilang years ba namang ang kuya niya ang nag-aalaga sa tatlong babae sa bahay, and ngayon, may nag-aalaga na sa kanya. Maureen has been and will forever be thankful to Ate Jiya.

But Kuya Migo knows Maureen has never forgiven their father for leaving them. Her. She doesn't think she ever can. That's why he keeps reminding her that he loves her, he cares about her, he's worried about her. Gusto niyang malaman ni Maureen na hindi niya siya iiwan, kahit na may Ate Jiya na siya.

May pupuntahan pa rin si Maureen. Kahit hindi si Kuya Inggo 'yon, Kuya Migo will always be the number one guy in her life. He will never break her heart.

The first man she loved, their father, broke hers already.

Kuya Inggo probably will. If he hasn't already.

But Kuya Migo won't. Ever.

"Rinn!" Kuya Inggo's panicked voice breaks her out of her thoughts. When his thumb brushes her cheek across the console and she sees his frantic face and his wide eyes, doon lang niya na-realize na naiyak na pala siya. Umiiyak na siya. "Shit, putangina, sorry, gago, 'wag mo 'kong isumbong kay Migs—"

It makes her laugh. Maureen sniffs and wipes off the rest of her tears, laughing breathlessly. "The resident heartbreaker, panicking from a crying girl?"

He still looks winded, flustered from her tears, but at her words, he manages a laugh that...sounds wrong. "Not a heartbreaker, Rinn. Dapat merong hearts to break kung gano'n."

He winks at her.

The hell is he talking about? Doesn't he know how many girls trip over themselves to—

"This is the first time a girl has texted me to hang out," sabi ni Kuya Inggo lowly, shaking his head like it's ridiculous and surreal. "And not to fuck. Walang umiiyak over me, Rinn, kaya yes, I panicked. Are you okay? I'm sorry kung may sinabi akong mali."

Shit.

Walang umiiyak over him?

I did! gustong isigaw ni Maureen. I do! I want you, hindi lang sa kama!

"I guess you have to pay for the movie if I'm paying for the food," sabi na lang ni Maureen, checking her face in the camera of her phone so she doesn't have to look at his reaction. "You made me cry, after all. There's a Marvel one na showing, have you watched it na?"

His answer comes after three, long seconds of silence. "Marvel?"

Ch-in-eck niya lang kanina kung ano mga palabas na showing para manood mag-isa pag-alis ni Kuya Inggo. When she saw na may Marvel, she thought it would be so nice to watch it with him.

Pero akala niya sa pangarap lang mangyayari. Ito na. Time to grab the opportunity.

"You're a fan, 'di ba? You have comic books and..." She blinks at him. "You don't want to?"

"No, I want to." He gives her a wide smile. Para bang nabuhayan. "Sure. Game."

Maureen can't remember the last time she's had so much fun.

They fall into easy conversation, bantering and smiling while they pay for tickets. Habang hinihintay nila ang movie, they drop by the bookstore para sa mga gustong bilhin ni Maureen for school. She finds him in the comic book aisle, seated on the floor. She sits down next to him and reads with him, fighting the urge to lean her head on his shoulder even when he scoots closer to her so she can see the pages better.

They leave that comic book back in the aisle, pero Maureen sneaks it in sa cashier habang pinapakailaman ni Kuya Inggo ang mga tester pens.

Nagsulat siya sa notepad.

gwapo si i.d.p.

Maureen takes the pen from him and writes, underneath it:

feeler si i.d.p.

Kuya Inggo puts a hand on her head, messing up her hair, and steers her out the door with a roll of his eyes and a smile.

Parang bata si Kuya Inggo sa sine, excited na excited. Paubos na popcorn niya, hindi pa nagsisimula ang movie, kaya kumukuha siya sa bag ni Maureen. She slaps his hand, pero ngingiti siya sa kanya na para bang okay lang kasi gwapo siya. Maureen looks away and lets him have more of her popcorn.

He's watching wide-eyed at the screen, and she can't look away. The hard line of his jaw, the curve of his neck and shoulder, the single, silver chain around his neck and the watch on his wrist...shit, ang bango niya talaga.

His other hand is right there. In between their seats.

Maureen stares at it longingly.

Then suddenly, Kuya Inggo leans in and whispers, "You cold?"

She shakes her head profusely and returns her attention to the screen.

Okay na 'to, Mau, sabi niya sa sarili niya. You won't get another chance like this. Stop wishing for more.

Hindi na nga siya mangangarap pa. His phone has been lighting up with text notifications in his pocket kanina pa.

Kahit 'yon 'yong mga babae na sinasabi niyang gusto lang pumunta sa kama niya, alam ni Maureen na 'yon din ang gusto ni Kuya Inggo.

To his credit, though, he doesn't check or open those messages the whole time he's with her.

Nag-Timezone pa sila bago kumain at Kuya Inggo's insistence. Gustong-gusto niya raw maglaro, at sino naman si Maureen para tumanggi?

Kuya Inggo has always been the charming one, the life of the party, the easygoing and the cool and the dreamy...pero today lang siya nakita ni Maureen maging excited, talkative, serious, cheerful...real.

Parang hindi siya si Inggo de Paz na out of her league. 'Yong nilalagay ng mga tao sa pedestal dahil sa popular reputation niya sa school. 'Yong hindi lang mala-party, 'yong hindi lang magaling sa kama. He loves movies and air hockey and basketball, and comic books and barbecue popcorn, and video games na may guns and kids.

Nanalo kasi siya sa basketball game nila—to no one's surprise. Smug, Kuya Inggo shrugs at her, para bang sinasabi na sorry, mas magaling talaga ako, e.

Yabang. "Matangkad ka lang," sabi ni Maureen, turning away from him with a roll of her eyes.

Akala niya susunod na siya sa kanya at aalis na para makakain kasi last game na nila 'yon, pero nang tumalikod siya, nasa loob pa pala si Kuya Inggo, nasa hoops pa rin.

Nagulat na lang siya when he bends down to his knees in front of a kid, tapos sumakay ang bata sa shoulders niya with a wide smile. Pagkatayo ni Kuya Inggo, holding on to his ankles while the kid grips his hair, humarap siya sa basketball net. "Rinn, abutin mo nga ng bola!"

Maureen comes closer, laughing. "What is this?"

"Gusto niya raw i-beat score ko," sabi ni Kuya Inggo with a wide grin, looking at her. "Kulang lang siya sa height, kaya ito. Abutan mo lang ng bola tapos siya magsh-shoot. Game?"

"Game!" sigaw ng bata, giggling.

Maureen can't stop smiling. Nang-iinis si Kuya Inggo, sinasabi, "Ano ba 'yan, ayusin mo naman!" while grinning, and the kid laughs and shouts, trying to get the ball into the net.

Tumutulong na rin si Maureen sa pagsh-shoot ng bola para mataasan ang score ni Kuya Inggo. At the last ten seconds, sumisigaw na silang tatlo, tapos binaba ni Kuya Inggo ang bata para kumuha ng bola.

He shoots eight balls. Dire-diretso.

Maureen watches him with her jaw dropped. Sumisigaw-sigaw pa 'yong kid.

Si Kuya Inggo mismo nag-beat sa sarili niyang score.

Oh, that was so hot.

He dusts off his hands afterwards and grins victoriously, swinging the child around. Pagkababa sa kanya, tinanong siya ni Kuya Inggo, "Ano gusto mo? Nanalo ka, e. Baka picture ko?"

Tiningnan ng bata si Maureen, giggling, and then he leans over to whisper in Kuya Inggo's ear.

Kuya Inggo's smile drops. "Hindi pwede," sabi niya, tapos tinulak niya 'yong bata. "Do'n ka na sa nanay mo. Bye!"

Pinasalamatan sila ng mom niya na naghihintay at nanonood lang sa likod, tapos umalis na sila.

'Yong mga ibang nanood kay Kuya Inggo, parang gustong lumapit, pero he turns around and walks toward Maureen without a glance at them.

Maureen laughs, raising her eyebrows at him. "Ano sabi niya sa 'yo? Anong hindi pwede?"

"Wala," sabi ni Kuya Inggo, and then he shocks Maureen.

He puts his arm around her shoulders, pulls her to him, and then leaves the arcade.

Hindi 'to date, Maureen. Don't get the wrong idea.

Hindi 'to date. Hindi 'to date.

"You'd make a good pediatrician," Maureen says quietly, walking stiffly beside him.

But he smiles gently at her, tilting his head down dahil sa height difference nila, and whispers in her ear, "I'm good with kids."

Let me have yours, sabi ng demonyo niya. Anakan mo na 'ko!

Maureen clears her throat.

At kahit imposibleng hindi naririnig ni Kuya Inggo ang lakas ng tibok ng puso niya at nakikita ang pula sa pisngi at leeg niya, wala siyang sinabi, at gusto na lang magkunwari ni Maureen na date nga 'to.

Kahit ngayon lang.

Ito na ang first and last. Parang 'yong night nila.

Wala nang ulit.

*

thank u for all the comments and the love, mahal ko kayo!

paalala ko lang na mature 'to, ah. so may explicit (medj...?) sexual content later on. bawal minors dito HAHA.

ask me questions / tweet me @/arrowheadswp.