"Who is this?"

Tony frowned. It must have shown that he was calling from the mansion. "It's me, Stevie. Tony."

Silence. It stretched over seconds. "Stevie?"

"I'm waiting."

"Waiting?"

"For an explanation why you aren't in my apartment; why I wasn't able to call you for hours.", the voice on the other line hissed at him. "Give me one and do it now or I'll drive over to the mansion and strangle you, Anthony."

You are going to explain it. You are going to tell him exactly what has been bothering you for months. Do it.

"Sounds good. Drive safe but try to be quick about it. I don't have all day." With that, he ended the call. You. Fucking. Moron. "Jarvis, am I an idiot?", he asked while staring blankly at a wall.

"From an I.Q point of view, no, Sir. Quite the opposite actually. From a social point of view- well, I don't think that actually needs an answer."

Tony pinched the bridge of his nose. Why was he like this? "I guess you're right, buddy. Nevermind, unlock the front door for Stephen please. Knowing him, he will be here in no time."

It wasn't that Stephen was a reckless driver, not normally at least. But his excessive use of the phone was giving him grey hairs regularly. And he is probably going to break every speed limit to kill me as quickly as possible.

He could use the remaining time he had to work, there was no better way to distract him from all his problems. He carefully positioned the new reactor on the table before returning to the workbench.

"We have to do a little shopping soon, Jarvis.", he mentioned while mentally scanning through all the stuff he'd need.

His friend didn't miss a beat. "I guess it won't be done with one quick trip to Walmart, Sir?"

"Right, as always. For now, prepare the switch. I think that bench over there will do."

"Very well, Sir."

He was right in the end. Stephen arrived quicker than it would have been possible if he didn't break every rule there was to driving. Tony could hear his angry footsteps from all the way down in his lab. He was already lying, bare-chested, on the prepared operation bench.

His friend barely stopped at the door to slam in his code for the room. "I'm going to kill you, you absolute prick." No matter how angry he was, he never really screamed at him. Probably wouldn't have a voice left if he did so.

"Yeah, I understand. Can we do it later, tho? I kind off need your help right now."

Stephen froze on the spot when he noticed Tony's current state, having been so lost in his anger that he didn't see it before. "What is going on?" His eyes darted between the reactor in his chest and the one in his hand. "What happened?"

"Nothing.", Tony quickly soothed his worries. "It's nothing bad. Well, nothing I haven't dealt with for months already. I just need to replace it." He coughed once. It was way too loud to sound natural. "Um, show me your hands.", he demanded as if he hadn't spent hours and hours staring at them in wonder.

Having studied them like a map, he knew them better than his own. Every inch of them.

"Excuse me?", came the confused reply but Stephen raised his hands nonetheless. "Here."

Perfect, as always. Well, he couldn't really say that, so he went a bit more subtle. "Yeah, that will do I suppose." Or a bit much more. Idiot.

"Just in case you haven't noticed, I have no idea what I should do." Yeah, I mean you came here to kill me after all.

"You want to be a neurosurgeon, don't you?"

Stephen cocked his head to the side and came to a stop directly beside him. "You know I do. Still, that doesn't explain-"

"Picture this as a fun round of Operation. You always loved playing that." They had spent hours playing the game when they were children. Stephen always won even though Tony's hands were more than steady. "You just got to remove the reactor from my chest and place the new one in there."

Stephen's face was to die for. "I- what? Anthony, I'm not going to touch anything there, not to mention remove something. I don't even know why you have that damn thing in there."

Why did he always have to be so complicated?

"Listen, I'll tell you everything after we are finished here but right now I need your assistance. Besides, it's completely safe." He made eye contact with his best friend, trying not to get lost in the blue-grey pools. The connection was broken when Stephen closed his eyes and inhaled sharply.

"Fine but after that, I want to hear the whole story and you better don't leave anything out." He rolled up the sleeves of his shirt. "What do I have to do?"

Don't be awkward about this.

"Right. Let me start by-" He handed him the new reactor. "Hold this please." Then, he slowly reached for the current one in his chest and turned it with a quick move of his hand. It came out without a problem. "Good. I'll just put this over here somewhere."

The offending thing landed on a table with a loud crash.

Stephen huffed disapprovingly. "Shouldn't you be more careful with that?" He was standing so close to Tony that he could smell the cologne he was using. Stay focused.

"No, it's of no use anymore. This one there." He pointed at the faintly glowing reactor in Stephens' hands. "is what's going to keep me alive for the near future." His friend's eyes grew big.

"Keep you alive?", he choked out. "Are you in danger of dying?"

"Not now. Like I said, later. We got to be careful. Reach inside here." He tapped on the metal ring surrounding the hole in his chest. "Don't be shy. I won't bite."

Stephen raised his eyebrow and made a face. "Must I remind you of that one time we were in summer camp together? I needed 4 stitches. 4, Anthony." Tony groaned angrily.

"That was one time! And it had been practically your fault." He had warned him not to tease him. "Just reach inside me already."

"That has to be the weirdest pick-up line I've ever heard.", Stephen quipped quietly, completely missing the way Tony shivered at his words. He obeyed, however. "So what do I- ew. Anthony, what is this gooey stuff inside here?"

Tony wove a hand at him. "It's alright. Nothing to concern you about. It's harmless. Now, can you feel the copper wire? It is very fine." He tried not to move too much but the whole situation was awkward. After all, Stephen was hand deep inside him.

Bad choice of words. Very. Bad. Choice. Of. Words.

"Hold on." Stephens' eyes closed in concentration while he was feeling around the plasma waste. "Okay, I think I got it."

"Yeah, you got it?", Tony asked again just to be sure. This was a complicated operation after all.

"Yes, I have it. What now?"

"Pull it out, gently, and just make sure you don't touch the sides." He bit his lip in anticipation. "Otherwise you will zap meeeeeeee-" His warning ended with a nice electric shock.

"Oh, no. I am so sorry. Restless fingers." Stephen looked everything but sorry.

"I've never met anyone with more steady hands. You did that on purpose.", Tony hissed angrily at him

"Can you prove it?"

"Jerk." Tony pouted at him but the smirk on Stephen's face made him relax in an instant. "Now, just gently pull it out and-"

Stephen ripped, in one swift and fluid movement the cable with the magnet at the end of it out. "Got it.", he declared in triumph.

"-whatever you do don't pull out the magnet at the end of it.", he finished even though it was already too late. The damage was done.

Stephen stared at him in disbelief. "What?"

"What I was trying to tell you - no, don't put it back in! Just put it over there, we have to hurry..."

"What's wrong?" His friend quickly disposed of the magnet.

Tony shrugged matter-of-factly. "Oh, nothing, I'm just going into cardiac arrest, because you..."

He distinctly heard Stephen starting to panic. "What? I thought you said this was safe, Anthony!"

"...just yanked it out like a trout.", he softly finished his accusation, a funny feeling starting to spread inside of him. It was so peaceful. He felt nothing- nothing at all. "Maybe, I'll just sleep for a little while... rest my eyes."

"Anthony? Don't you die on me now! Tell me what I have to do!" Tony didn't hear him. He felt so relieved, finally no worries that kept him stressed. He could just lie down and sleep, just sleep-

A big jolt in his chest made him jump and gasp for breath. "Yeaaaaaaaaaaah!" He turned his head to see Stephen with the new reactor in hand watching him. He was breathing just as heavily as him.

"Are you alright, Anthony?", he whispered.

Tony quickly cleared his throat. "Yes, of course. What did you do?"

Stephen released a long breath before answering "I connected the new reactor. Attached the wire to the base plate, obviously. You were starting to doze off."

"Oh." So that wouldn't have been a nap. Well, technically it would have been one. Just for forever. The thought didn't bother or scare him as much as it should. "See? I told you it was easy."

His friend threw his head back. "Don't you ever make me do this again." He fixated Tony with a stare that could break ice.

Tony tried to lift the mode. "But it was fun, wasn't it? Operation extreme, now it's getting real.", he joked while securing the new reactor. For some reason, he didn't think that Stephen found it funny.

"I'm serious. I almost killed you, Anthony!" He helped him to sit up and started looking around. "Where did you put your shirt? You are starting to shiver." Exactly, he was cold. It was totally not the fact that Stephen's hand was on his bare back, not at all.

"Should be lying around here, somewhere." He had actually forgotten where he threw it. Thank the lord that his friend was always better at finding stuff than he was.

"There we go." He left his side to pick the garment off the floor. And then Tony remembered-

"Your shirt, hm? Really looks like one of mine. One of my favourites nonetheless." He threw an accusing look at him. "I thought you only forgot your sleeping clothes?"

Think.

"You see-"

"I guess that happens when you leave when it's still dark. Can't see what you're putting on exactly." He flung the shirt at him in anger. "Just don't leave it lying around on the floor. God knows what kind of stuff you usually have on this ground. You should really clean up from time to time."

He just nodded. "Yeah. Sure."

"So, let's go upstairs. You promised me a talk." Stephen went for the door but was stopped by Tony calling after him.

"No! How about we stay here and talk?" He quickly put his shirt back on, only struggling a bit when it came to his damaged arm; alright, more than a bit.

His friend turned around; one hand already on the doorknob and a disapproving look on his face. "Really? This place is a mess, Anthony. No one wants to stay here longer than necessary."

He has point. To other people, his workshop might look like it had been the victim of a bomb explosion but everything was precisely in his place. It wasn't his fault that other people didn't the see the structure.

"It's just..." He sighed and scratched his head. "I'd rather not stay anywhere else in this house for the moment." The whole place was filled with memories and although not all of them were bad ones per se- thinking about them wasn't exactly lifting his mood.

His parents- especially his mother had never really been down here. She had known that once Tony was working on something it wouldn't do much good interrupting him. He was always lost in his own mind then.

He worked better alone and other than some people she had always respected that. He missed her. Although he was still unbelievably mad at her she had always been a source of support.

Stephen seemed to catch on his line of thought. "Alright. Then let's make some corner here somewhat presentable. You remember how I once sat down on a screwdriver?", he complained while starting to clean up the mess on one of his couches. It was a mystery to him how some of those parts had ended up on it.

"Come on. Sit down.", Stephen suggested, well, demanded by the tone of his voice and Tony was in no state to contradict him. He simply did as he was told, squirming in anticipation for the following conversation.

"Alright. What do you want to know, Stevie?", he asked as soon as he got somewhat comfortable. "Be-"

"Everything."

"Precise.", he sighed out and rubbed his face. "Do I really have to tell you everything?" He remembered what had happened when he had tried telling Yinsen about the accident. He didn't want to have to relive that.

Stephen pursued his lips, deep in thought. "Fine. What about the arc reactor in your chest? Why is it there? And how does it save you from dying?" That was clearly bothering him the most. Tony couldn't blame him.

"When I was... over there, you know, I met someone. He was also a prisoner. He saved my life." He nervously twisted his fingers. "You see, when they captured me.."

His heart started to pound, his breath was quickening by the second. Tony closed his eyes, trying to calm down somehow. "When they attacked my escort..." No, I can't do this. "I'm sorry- I just- I need a minute-" He tried to get up but Stephen softly reached for his arm, holding him in place.

"Anthony, remember: deep breaths. In. And out." Tonys panicked eyes searched his for help but Stephen stayed completely calm. "Come on. Breath in." He didn't let go of the terrified genius.

Tony took a deep breath, air filling his lungs slowly. "That's it.", he heard Stephens soothing, deep voice beside him. "Let it in. You have to calm yourself, okay?" He nodded, eyes still closed, completely focused on the man speaking. "And out."

Stephen was a doctor or at least he would probably be one day. Trust him. He knows what to do. He was surprised how much trust was actually left in him. That's gonna bite you in the ass real soon. Just wait for it.

"Feeling better?" His friend reassuringly squeezed his arm, very softly to not trigger anything again. "Listen, when this is too much... we don't have to continue." Tony could hear how much it bothered him not to know what happened there; but still, he was willing to let go of it. Just for him.

Just for me.

"I have to tell you something.", he blurted out clumsily, making Stephen slightly lean back.

"What is it?", he asked with a little tilt of his head. He was so beautiful.

I'm in love with you.

"Anthony? You are staring."

Oh.

"I-", he started hesitantly, not sure how to continue. "I-" Damn it.

"You... what?" Stephen's eyes pierced him. Now.

"I got half-blown up by a Stark Industries bomb over there and now there are shrapnel in my chest that will damage my heart fatally if I don't have the arc reactor to keep them away from it."

Smooth.

He looked at his friend who was blinking rapidly, trying to process what he had just heard. "You... got hit by a bomb?", he whispered, at last, breaking the tense silence.

"Basically." He rubbed his hands together. "Happy now?"

"Happy?", Stephen asked angrily. "I swear if these people weren't dead already-" He hopped off the couch and started pacing in front of the still sitting Tony. "How dare they?", he hissed to himself. Tony wasn't sure if he realised that he was still here.

"I did meet someone though.", he interrupted Stephens self-conversation. "He helped me a lot. I wouldn't be alive without him." He needed to tell someone about him. He couldn't let him get forgotten. He deserved so much better.

His friend stopped and turned towards him. "You mentioned so earlier." He ruffled his hair and sighed. "Another prisoner, right? How did he save your life?" He looked so lost, Tony hated it.

The next hour was filled with praises falling from his mouth while he told Stephen everything he had learned from and about Ho Yinsen while he was stuck with him in Afghanistan. Everything he had told him about himself, about people. Of course everything except for that bit.

"He saved my life.", he ended his monologue; Stephen still standing in front of him and listening. "And I let him down." You killed me. His nightmare had been right. He didn't do everything in his power. He was still breathing.

"Bullshit."

Tony's eyes shot up. "What?" Stephen was just a few inches away from him now, hands on hips and glaring at him. He really nailed that angry mom look.

"He told you his plan was to see his family once it was all over, didn't he?"

Tony made a face. "Well, yeah but-"

"Did he or did he not?"

He straightened his shoulders. "He did."

"See?", Stephen told him. "It was obviously his priority to keep you alive. Understandable." He didn't understand. He didn't understand what that meant for his life.

"Can't you see? It's not alright, Stephen! He gave his life up to save mine. Do you know what that means?" He shook his head, brown locks falling in his face and irritating him even more. "How can I ever live up to that? How can I ever make it up to him?"

Don't waste it. Don't waste your life.

Yinsen's last words made it even harder. How could he do that?

"You live." Stephen's words were so blunt and straightforward. "Do you think he'd want you to sit here and waste your time by saying you don't deserve to live? Do you think that is what he died for?

Tony shook his head slowly.

"Me neither. Listen, I understand that must be hard for you but putting yourself down like that won't make this better. It sure as hell won't bring him back. That's just not possible. So,-" He knelt in front of him and gave him a soft smile. "How about you make him proud?"

Why did this idiot have to remind Tony every second of his life why he was so in love with him? It wasn't fair. It wasn't okay.

"I'm supposed to be the smart one here.", he mumbled quietly which earned him a loud huff.

"Please, don't insult me like that. We both know I have always been the smart one." He smirked and gave him a quick wink. "And besides, I've heard from a very reliable source that we both are rather stupid when it comes to social interactions."

Tony chuckled. "Pepper really put you in your place, eh?" Stephen shrugged. "Rightly so."

"Very funny, Anthony." He reached for his hand. "Speaking of Potts, she and Christine want to meet us at Randy's Donuts at around 5. Come on, I bet we will be late." He pulled Tony up with little force. "Jarvis, how late is it?"

"It's currently 4.13 p.m, Mister Strange.", the A.I voice answered immediately.

"Have you eaten something today, Anthony?"

"Of course I have."

"Jarvis?"

"Mister Stark hasn't left the workshop once since he arrived here early in the morning."

Stephen didn't look surprised.

"Fine. I got a bit carried away.", Tony admitted but now that he thought about it his stomach started to growl. "I had to work on something."

"I can imagine." No, you can't. "But really, not once? Didn't you need to use the toilet? You have been down here for hours." That made Tony grin widely.

"You see-"

"No. Nevermind, I don't even want to hear it. Quickly now."

"Why are you stressing this so much? We have plenty of time, Stevie.", Tony grumbled while getting ready to follow his friend upstairs. Especially when you drive just as fast as when you got here.

"Yes but I need to buy some razors before that. So, move your ass."

Tony resisted the urge to groan. Damn it.